I will be the first one to admit that being in your 20s is pretty challenging.
Ok....who am I kidding? IT SUCKS! Well...most of the time. There are a few advantages for sure. We are young, beautiful, wild, free, and quite frankly can be as selfish as we want. The coolest thing about being in your 20s is the space and time to think about yourself, your growth, and your development. I know I'm getting a little psychologist on all of your asses right now, but it's true. This is the one chance we have at finding out who we are, what we want, but most importantly what we NEED.
I've been taking a lot of time to think about ME. Just me myself and I. Not the me who who is tied to any relationships and the issues that came out of them, but just plain old me. I basically pyschoanalyzed the shit out of myself and this is what I found........
I have played it safe in relationships. Every single one of them. If I look back on my ex boyfriends and guys that I have pursued in the past, they all have one common theme. They didn't challenge me. Challenge might be a bad word. They didn't INSPIRE me, MOTIVATE me, PUSH me. They all were challengING, pushed me AWAY but they just didn't bring out the best in me.
My parents, family members, and friends have always told me the same sh-peel over and over again. They have kept telling me that I need someone motivated with big dreams. I've heard this so many times that I just go to the point where I would nod my head and agree because deep down I knew this was what I needed to but I wasn't quite sure what that meant.
All the men I've dated in the past have been "safe" or at least I thought they were when I entered into the relationship. There are differences in all of them but they all have this one common "safe" theme. For example, my most recent ex. (ps. it's been over a month since we stopped talking!!) was content with his place in life. I vividly remember him calling me out one night about my motivation for beginning our relationship. He told me that I started dating him because I thought he was a safe bet. He was absolutely right. When we first started dating, he was infatuated with me, hung on my every word, revolved his life around me, blah blah blah. Turns out though, he wasn't a safe choice. He had a little of issues that he took out on me and ended up emotionally and mentally wearing me down. My safety net backfired in my face.
I'm passionate about helping people. Looking back, I've chosen to date guys that I needed to help but who weren't going to challenge me in any way. My self esteem level has never been high enough to go after those extremely motivated men who are leaders, have passions, goals, care about life. Those guys have always intimadated me so I've played it safe.....and ended up sorry.
This realization has inspired me to dig deep and figure out what's been missing in my past. I've come up with two main things:
INSPIRATION-- It's just like the Fabulous song "We're a force when we're together. Baby I'm good all by myself but baby you make me better" I really can't sum it up any better than that. I want to be inspired by someone so I can strive to be a better person everyday and I want to do the same for them.
PASSION--I'm not talking about hot sex, even though that's pretty essential too. I need someone who passionate about LIFE. Passionate about what they do, their family, their friends. I want someone who is genuinely happy to be alive and that can share my enthusiasm and positivity about the world.
Maybe these things seem like common sense. Maybe they should be common sense, and for a long time I thought they were, but up until now those things were just words and not a reality. I know that there are people in the world that are like this....like me. Now it's my job to set the bar high.
No more playing on the safe side,
C
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
"I'm too busy"
I just read an article about the "hook up culture" in today's society, especially on college campuses and among us "twenty-somethings." This article struck a chord in me that I can't explain--everything in this article I saw reflected in myself. The main thing that stuck out to me was the fact that women in their 20s always say they are "too busy." Too busy doing their independent thing to go out on a date with a dude.....to commit to more than a one night stand.
I use this excuse all the time.
I'm too busy with school, my job, hanging out with my friends, the gym, meetings, my volunteer roles, work out classes, cleaning, going to the grocery store. You name it and I have probably used it as an excuse to not get involved with someone
Why as 20-something women do we feel so threatened by a relationship? Here is what I mean by this: as women in our 20's we are PETRIFIED that some man is going to get in the way of our independence, our freedom, our friendships, our career goals. I think we are all scared that being in a relationship will make us weak. This is only my first guess though. I think the other thing is that we are scared of being hurt...which also goes along with scared of being dependent.
I totally contradict myself about this all the time. I know how bad I want a relationship and someone to share my life with but when the opportunity comes, I RUN....no SPRINT the other way. I've gotten so used to being on my own that being attached to someone is even more terrifying than being lonely.
It all comes down to BALANCE. Why does it always have to be one or the other? You can have a career, friends, goals, family, and a significant other. I think it really is possible to have the best of ALL worlds.
Next time.....I'll make time,
C
I use this excuse all the time.
I'm too busy with school, my job, hanging out with my friends, the gym, meetings, my volunteer roles, work out classes, cleaning, going to the grocery store. You name it and I have probably used it as an excuse to not get involved with someone
Why as 20-something women do we feel so threatened by a relationship? Here is what I mean by this: as women in our 20's we are PETRIFIED that some man is going to get in the way of our independence, our freedom, our friendships, our career goals. I think we are all scared that being in a relationship will make us weak. This is only my first guess though. I think the other thing is that we are scared of being hurt...which also goes along with scared of being dependent.
I totally contradict myself about this all the time. I know how bad I want a relationship and someone to share my life with but when the opportunity comes, I RUN....no SPRINT the other way. I've gotten so used to being on my own that being attached to someone is even more terrifying than being lonely.
It all comes down to BALANCE. Why does it always have to be one or the other? You can have a career, friends, goals, family, and a significant other. I think it really is possible to have the best of ALL worlds.
Next time.....I'll make time,
C
Monday, September 3, 2012
"Love when you are ready, not when you're lonely"
When I saw the quote that I used for the title of this blog, "love when you are ready, not when you're lonely," a light bulb went off in my head. I was scrolling through pinterest (solid Saturday night of a single girl) & the quote just hit me like a ton of bricks. The two phrases separately could have had enough of an impact, but together. Whoa.
Let's start with the second part of this quote....."not when you're lonely." I realized that a lot of people, me included, jump into relationships that don't feel right because of loneliness. It's not a hard thing to do. Being in a relationship provides security; it's a comforting feeling to have someone to share your life with: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
However, being lonely is not the right reason to jump into something. We are all in love with being in love. I can fully admit to that. I want it SO BAD--so bad that sometimes I end up forcing myself to make a relationship work with someone who is not right for me at all. When I say sometimes, I am referring to this one time......aka my most recent ex boyfriend. The last post that I wrote was about him, and I swore that I was done. That was in June. It's now September 3, and we just cut things off completely a week ago.
I realized why I kept going back to him....comfort & loneliness were at the top of the list.
...............BUT it turns out, I was more lonely when we were communicating than I was when I was by myself. Deep down, I knew it wasn't going to work, so I felt even more empty trying to force something instead of just being happy with my life minus a significant other.
This really ties into my favorite part of the quote "love when you're ready...."
My friend "E" and I had a heart to heart today while taking a walk about how our 20s are a time of transition. We have friends settling down, getting married, moving to different cities, and our friendships and things we have become comfortable with our entire lives have shifted. Yes, relationships are a very important part of life, but the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. I can look at facebook all day long and get depressed about high school aquaintances that are getting engaged (the new "look who just got engaged side bar doesn't help that.....cool Mark Zuckenberg) BUT in the end I need to be happy with my life, myself, and the choices that I have made and continue to make in order for me to be happy.
At the end of the day, that's how you know you are ready for love. .....when you are okay, actually more than okay being by yourself. When you are happy with your choices, your friendships, your education, your career, when you can look in the mirror, and be confident about who you are as a human being, when you are confident that you want to share your life with someone--someone you genuinely want there because they make you a better person, not because they make it easier to sleep at night, that's when you know you are ready for love.....
Working on being ready,
C
Let's start with the second part of this quote....."not when you're lonely." I realized that a lot of people, me included, jump into relationships that don't feel right because of loneliness. It's not a hard thing to do. Being in a relationship provides security; it's a comforting feeling to have someone to share your life with: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
However, being lonely is not the right reason to jump into something. We are all in love with being in love. I can fully admit to that. I want it SO BAD--so bad that sometimes I end up forcing myself to make a relationship work with someone who is not right for me at all. When I say sometimes, I am referring to this one time......aka my most recent ex boyfriend. The last post that I wrote was about him, and I swore that I was done. That was in June. It's now September 3, and we just cut things off completely a week ago.
I realized why I kept going back to him....comfort & loneliness were at the top of the list.
...............BUT it turns out, I was more lonely when we were communicating than I was when I was by myself. Deep down, I knew it wasn't going to work, so I felt even more empty trying to force something instead of just being happy with my life minus a significant other.
This really ties into my favorite part of the quote "love when you're ready...."
My friend "E" and I had a heart to heart today while taking a walk about how our 20s are a time of transition. We have friends settling down, getting married, moving to different cities, and our friendships and things we have become comfortable with our entire lives have shifted. Yes, relationships are a very important part of life, but the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. I can look at facebook all day long and get depressed about high school aquaintances that are getting engaged (the new "look who just got engaged side bar doesn't help that.....cool Mark Zuckenberg) BUT in the end I need to be happy with my life, myself, and the choices that I have made and continue to make in order for me to be happy.
At the end of the day, that's how you know you are ready for love. .....when you are okay, actually more than okay being by yourself. When you are happy with your choices, your friendships, your education, your career, when you can look in the mirror, and be confident about who you are as a human being, when you are confident that you want to share your life with someone--someone you genuinely want there because they make you a better person, not because they make it easier to sleep at night, that's when you know you are ready for love.....
Working on being ready,
C
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Selfish Guys Finish Last
Unfortunately over the past few months, I have been communicating with my ex.
If you need a refresher about our F-ed up relationship, read this previous blog: Click Here
I know it's a horrible idea to talk to him, yet I continue to do it anyway. I don't know if it's boredom or if I'm still holding out that I can be the one to "change" him. That after all we've been through he will wake up one day and become a different person, the person I need him to be in order to be happy.
Well, that's not going to happen. I know this deep down in my heart, but I just havene't been strong enough to cut off ties. Every time I do, a few months after the fact he reaches out and professes his love and I am sucked back in.
He also lives in the mid west, about 23 hours away from me. I have not seen him in a year, so it's not like I can get sex out of this relationship. It honestly has no benefits.
Besides all of the horrific things he has done to me in the past, today I realized the ultimate reason that we will never work out I drove past his old house today and got sentimental thinking about the summer we had together 3 years ago and how amazing it was. I texted him how I felt in a very sweet way and told him that I hope we can spend a summer together again somehow. (I know, I know. I'm a stupid girl).
His response to this sweet text: "How will that happen?"
Me: I don't know...I just thought that was what you wanted.
Him: Only if you move here.
I didn't respond. Quite honestly, I don't even know how to begin to respond to that. He is the most selfish person I have ever met and there is no way that I will ever come first in his life. There will always be something or someone that he will put before me. If there was a legitimate reason that he needed to stay in the area he is living in now, like a great job for instance, I would consider making the move. He is making 10 dollars an hour doing part time work for his dad's company. I'm sorry, but this does not consitutute as a good enough reason for me to move halfway across the country to a state that does not have that many jobs in my field of interest. I am a year away from getting my masters and getting a good job, but that doesn't matter to him.
At this point, I know that this is my fault because I know how he is and I am still subjecting myself to talking to him. I also know that I need to stop and I feel fully confident that I am going to. There just comes a point where there's only so much you can take. When I think about the way he treats me, I am hurt, but I can't even bring myself to cry about it. That's when you know you have put up with too much.
In the end though, I can honestly say I know what I do need and want out of a relationship. I know the signs of a selfish person and know that I need someone who is wiling to compromise with me.
Honestly, I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Over it,
C
If you need a refresher about our F-ed up relationship, read this previous blog: Click Here
I know it's a horrible idea to talk to him, yet I continue to do it anyway. I don't know if it's boredom or if I'm still holding out that I can be the one to "change" him. That after all we've been through he will wake up one day and become a different person, the person I need him to be in order to be happy.
Well, that's not going to happen. I know this deep down in my heart, but I just havene't been strong enough to cut off ties. Every time I do, a few months after the fact he reaches out and professes his love and I am sucked back in.
He also lives in the mid west, about 23 hours away from me. I have not seen him in a year, so it's not like I can get sex out of this relationship. It honestly has no benefits.
Besides all of the horrific things he has done to me in the past, today I realized the ultimate reason that we will never work out I drove past his old house today and got sentimental thinking about the summer we had together 3 years ago and how amazing it was. I texted him how I felt in a very sweet way and told him that I hope we can spend a summer together again somehow. (I know, I know. I'm a stupid girl).
His response to this sweet text: "How will that happen?"
Me: I don't know...I just thought that was what you wanted.
Him: Only if you move here.
I didn't respond. Quite honestly, I don't even know how to begin to respond to that. He is the most selfish person I have ever met and there is no way that I will ever come first in his life. There will always be something or someone that he will put before me. If there was a legitimate reason that he needed to stay in the area he is living in now, like a great job for instance, I would consider making the move. He is making 10 dollars an hour doing part time work for his dad's company. I'm sorry, but this does not consitutute as a good enough reason for me to move halfway across the country to a state that does not have that many jobs in my field of interest. I am a year away from getting my masters and getting a good job, but that doesn't matter to him.
At this point, I know that this is my fault because I know how he is and I am still subjecting myself to talking to him. I also know that I need to stop and I feel fully confident that I am going to. There just comes a point where there's only so much you can take. When I think about the way he treats me, I am hurt, but I can't even bring myself to cry about it. That's when you know you have put up with too much.
In the end though, I can honestly say I know what I do need and want out of a relationship. I know the signs of a selfish person and know that I need someone who is wiling to compromise with me.
Honestly, I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Over it,
C
Sunday, June 10, 2012
On the Rebound
I met a really hot guy, made out with him at the bar, and he asked me on a date.
Sounds perfect right?
Well I'm leaving some things out.....
I met a really hot guy on OK CUPID, made out with him at the bar where he tried to take me home with him, and then he asked me on a date, ended up cancelling on me and then late night texted me the same night.
Nope, not the ideal situation. We are going to call this man Pierce (yes like Paul Pierce....great rebounder...you get it). We had a great night out. He met me at a bar downtown, we talked for awhile, got on the dance floor, and made out on a bench waiting for a taxi. It was a pretty beautiful night. There was so much chemistry when we made out, he was funny and polite when helping me find my way home in a new city. He came on a little strong by asking me to come home with him but I guess a guy has to try right? I said no and he continued to text me throughout the night, telling me how great it was to meet me and that he hoped to see me again. He then asked me out on a date for the next weekend. I was pretty excited. Someone to frolic around the city with for the summer.
Then we became facebook friends and I got a little cray cray, but like always my stalking turned out to be pretty dead on and gave me some good info. He had JUST gotten out of a relationship two weeks ago. That's pretty fast to be on the online dating scene, but I couldn't judge him for it. I did the same thing when me and bi-polar ex broke up in September. I needed a distraction, some dates, and some people to get my mind off the breakup. However, over the next couple of days, I noticed he became friends with his ex on FB again and she was writing on his wall, liking his pics, the whole nine yards. Are they back together?? Not officially on Facebook but we all know talking to an ex fresh after a breakout is a one way road to being back together or at least hooking up. Needless to say, I was a little skeptical about Pierce. He's definitley on the rebound and even though I am just looking for a summer fling, I don't want to get caught up in someone's relationship drama.
With that being said, he cancelled our date last minute on Saturday and then proceeded to text me later that night asking me if I ended up going out. Can you say booty call? That wasn't happening, so I told him I was in a different part of the city and I wasn't going to beo ut his way. He then told me how great I am and that he wants to see me this week. Did he just text me because things went awry with his ex again? Not sure if I'm jumping to conclusions but this guy seems flaky, back and forth, and just confused about what he wants.
When I was telling my friend about this situation she told me to steer clear because if he just got out of a relationship, it could get messy.
Now, where I'm going with this blog is NOT defending Pierce. He's a douche for a whole bunch of other reasons (the booty call, the date cancellation, trying to get in my pants, being flakey).
BUT this whole situation brought me to thinking about what it means to be "on the rebound."
In a way, are we all on the rebound? Am I hardcore judging this guy just because his breakup is more recent than my most current breakup? We are all getting over someone. Whether it's our last long term relationship or our last hookup. Sometimes I still think about N, and we only "dated" for 3 months. Am I too quick to jump to conclusions and write someone off because of the time proximity of their last relationship?\We are all getting over our last relationship and in my head, I think if I found the right person I wouldn't be "on the rebound" anymore, I'd be over any other relationship I ever had because I actually liked the new guy I was seeing and saw a future with them.
In some way, are we all on the rebound until we find that person we want to settle down with?
C
Sounds perfect right?
Well I'm leaving some things out.....
I met a really hot guy on OK CUPID, made out with him at the bar where he tried to take me home with him, and then he asked me on a date, ended up cancelling on me and then late night texted me the same night.
Nope, not the ideal situation. We are going to call this man Pierce (yes like Paul Pierce....great rebounder...you get it). We had a great night out. He met me at a bar downtown, we talked for awhile, got on the dance floor, and made out on a bench waiting for a taxi. It was a pretty beautiful night. There was so much chemistry when we made out, he was funny and polite when helping me find my way home in a new city. He came on a little strong by asking me to come home with him but I guess a guy has to try right? I said no and he continued to text me throughout the night, telling me how great it was to meet me and that he hoped to see me again. He then asked me out on a date for the next weekend. I was pretty excited. Someone to frolic around the city with for the summer.
Then we became facebook friends and I got a little cray cray, but like always my stalking turned out to be pretty dead on and gave me some good info. He had JUST gotten out of a relationship two weeks ago. That's pretty fast to be on the online dating scene, but I couldn't judge him for it. I did the same thing when me and bi-polar ex broke up in September. I needed a distraction, some dates, and some people to get my mind off the breakup. However, over the next couple of days, I noticed he became friends with his ex on FB again and she was writing on his wall, liking his pics, the whole nine yards. Are they back together?? Not officially on Facebook but we all know talking to an ex fresh after a breakout is a one way road to being back together or at least hooking up. Needless to say, I was a little skeptical about Pierce. He's definitley on the rebound and even though I am just looking for a summer fling, I don't want to get caught up in someone's relationship drama.
With that being said, he cancelled our date last minute on Saturday and then proceeded to text me later that night asking me if I ended up going out. Can you say booty call? That wasn't happening, so I told him I was in a different part of the city and I wasn't going to beo ut his way. He then told me how great I am and that he wants to see me this week. Did he just text me because things went awry with his ex again? Not sure if I'm jumping to conclusions but this guy seems flaky, back and forth, and just confused about what he wants.
When I was telling my friend about this situation she told me to steer clear because if he just got out of a relationship, it could get messy.
Now, where I'm going with this blog is NOT defending Pierce. He's a douche for a whole bunch of other reasons (the booty call, the date cancellation, trying to get in my pants, being flakey).
BUT this whole situation brought me to thinking about what it means to be "on the rebound."
In a way, are we all on the rebound? Am I hardcore judging this guy just because his breakup is more recent than my most current breakup? We are all getting over someone. Whether it's our last long term relationship or our last hookup. Sometimes I still think about N, and we only "dated" for 3 months. Am I too quick to jump to conclusions and write someone off because of the time proximity of their last relationship?\We are all getting over our last relationship and in my head, I think if I found the right person I wouldn't be "on the rebound" anymore, I'd be over any other relationship I ever had because I actually liked the new guy I was seeing and saw a future with them.
In some way, are we all on the rebound until we find that person we want to settle down with?
C
Thursday, May 31, 2012
On The Prowl
I'm guilty of overusing the saying "on the prowl," but to be completely honest I think that it describes my lifestyle right now pretty perfectly. I'm 100% absolutely on the prowl. Everywhere I go....the grocery store, work, the gas station, the beach, a hotel, a tourist site, the gym, you name it...I'm on the prowl. I'm constantly looking around, scoping out the scene and checking out the potential prospects that may be my future husband.
It's getting to the point where I'm slightly out of hand (some people would probably argue the slightly part).
My family and I were at a marathon volunteer event and I had scoped out every runner who was in my age range and stalked them out when they came to register. That's when it hit me. Actually, it really hit me when my uncle said......damn you are really on the prowl aren't you.
All time low.
Why yes, yes I am on the prowl.....and here I am....single as ever with zero prospects besides my flakey ex boyfriend.
Examples of how I am also on the prowl:
1. I constantly do laps at the bar and position myself next to the most attractive men to order a drink hoping they will spark up conversation or offer to buy my drink.
2. Every single guy that I meet at work, I immediately look at his ring finger and try to decide if he's gay or has a girlfiend
3. I've scoped out waiters in restaurants like it's my job and left my numbers on napkins.
There are so many other ways....more than I can count and some that are too embarrassing to have in writing.
Being on the prowl is super fun, exciting, and hilarious to write about but it hasn't gotten me anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I am looking too hard for something that has to find me.
That brings me back to an earlier post about finding love or love finding you. I had an interesting debate about this with a friend of mine and he gave me the usual advice of when you stop looking it will find you. My response was...."do you really think that my dream man zac efron look alike is going to fall out of the sky and knock on my door?" Probably not. But at this point I feel like my on the prowl has slightly turned into desperation. I want to find that special person so bad, and I probably am looking in all the wrong places.
A happy medium seems to always be the answer. I don't want to just sit on my ass and be completely oblivious about who's out there, but I also don't want to come across as looking too hard.
I want love to find me, and even though I'm on the prowl, I want to be pursued. It's hard to find that balance.
WHERE IS HE,
C
It's getting to the point where I'm slightly out of hand (some people would probably argue the slightly part).
My family and I were at a marathon volunteer event and I had scoped out every runner who was in my age range and stalked them out when they came to register. That's when it hit me. Actually, it really hit me when my uncle said......damn you are really on the prowl aren't you.
All time low.
Why yes, yes I am on the prowl.....and here I am....single as ever with zero prospects besides my flakey ex boyfriend.
Examples of how I am also on the prowl:
1. I constantly do laps at the bar and position myself next to the most attractive men to order a drink hoping they will spark up conversation or offer to buy my drink.
2. Every single guy that I meet at work, I immediately look at his ring finger and try to decide if he's gay or has a girlfiend
3. I've scoped out waiters in restaurants like it's my job and left my numbers on napkins.
There are so many other ways....more than I can count and some that are too embarrassing to have in writing.
Being on the prowl is super fun, exciting, and hilarious to write about but it hasn't gotten me anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I am looking too hard for something that has to find me.
That brings me back to an earlier post about finding love or love finding you. I had an interesting debate about this with a friend of mine and he gave me the usual advice of when you stop looking it will find you. My response was...."do you really think that my dream man zac efron look alike is going to fall out of the sky and knock on my door?" Probably not. But at this point I feel like my on the prowl has slightly turned into desperation. I want to find that special person so bad, and I probably am looking in all the wrong places.
A happy medium seems to always be the answer. I don't want to just sit on my ass and be completely oblivious about who's out there, but I also don't want to come across as looking too hard.
I want love to find me, and even though I'm on the prowl, I want to be pursued. It's hard to find that balance.
WHERE IS HE,
C
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Hummus does not equal romance
This weekend when I was visiting my friends, we were sitting on the porch talking when I spotted the newest addition of Cosmo. Of course I grabbed and started reading some of the corny articles out loud, especially about sex positions and "how to get your guy HOT." So freaking corny.
I came to an interesting segment listing dates to go on with your guy. I was reading them out loud to everyone and we were cracking up. I decided to post these unrealistic dates to twitter and I got some awesome responses. We were all in consensus.....no dude would ever go on half of these dates.
To give you some insight, a two of the suggestions were "find a bar with board games and play whatever looks fun" (What bar even has board games?!?), "search for the best hummus in town (WHAT GUY LIKES HUMMUS LET ALONE WANTS TO SEARCH FOR IT???).
Apparently dudes actually submitted these to a dating site where you post date ideas. My question is, how many dudes submitted the one about hummus? 2? 3? out of 37529837502957320 men in the world.
I'm not saying that all of the suggestions sucked. One was "go to karaoke bar." I love that suggestion. I've had some of the best nights with a group of friends at a karaoke bar.
I really just don't think it's possible to give everyone a list of dates to spice things up with their significant other. Every relationship is different ad every couple has their own thing.
I DO, however, think that there could be some suggestions for "get to know you" dates. Those first few dates with someone tend to be really awkward because you don't really know what they're into yet, so you have to play it safe.
Here are some of my "get to know you" date ideas that have worked out for so far:
1. Happy hour
There is nothing better than a casual 5 or 6pm cocktail/beer with someone you are just getting to know. It's not too formal, you don't have to worry about eating in front of the dude, and if you decide your not into them, you don't have to drag it out forever. Two drinks and you can peace. Another bonus of this is that you can come straight from work which means you are probably dressed to kill ;)
2. Go on a walk somewhere
Disclosure: do not go into the secluded woods with some dude you do not know. Some cities/towns have really cool parks/places to walk. For example, where I currently live has a really nice, open riverwalk that is always crowded with people. It's great to go on a casual stroll and walk and talk. If you live near a beach or another cool trail this is a good way to go. But seriously, make sure it's during the day and that a lot of people are around.
3. A fun event
This is a little broad I know, but it really does depend on your interest. In cities there are always festivals going on.....maybe it's a restaurant festival, a music festival, an outdoor concert, wine tasting, beer festival.
Whatever it is, it's good to see how the guy reacts in social situations and if he's actually a fun time or not.
No offense Cosmo, but I don't really think that hummus or board games is the way to a dude's heart.....
C
I came to an interesting segment listing dates to go on with your guy. I was reading them out loud to everyone and we were cracking up. I decided to post these unrealistic dates to twitter and I got some awesome responses. We were all in consensus.....no dude would ever go on half of these dates.
To give you some insight, a two of the suggestions were "find a bar with board games and play whatever looks fun" (What bar even has board games?!?), "search for the best hummus in town (WHAT GUY LIKES HUMMUS LET ALONE WANTS TO SEARCH FOR IT???).
Apparently dudes actually submitted these to a dating site where you post date ideas. My question is, how many dudes submitted the one about hummus? 2? 3? out of 37529837502957320 men in the world.
I'm not saying that all of the suggestions sucked. One was "go to karaoke bar." I love that suggestion. I've had some of the best nights with a group of friends at a karaoke bar.
I really just don't think it's possible to give everyone a list of dates to spice things up with their significant other. Every relationship is different ad every couple has their own thing.
I DO, however, think that there could be some suggestions for "get to know you" dates. Those first few dates with someone tend to be really awkward because you don't really know what they're into yet, so you have to play it safe.
Here are some of my "get to know you" date ideas that have worked out for so far:
1. Happy hour
There is nothing better than a casual 5 or 6pm cocktail/beer with someone you are just getting to know. It's not too formal, you don't have to worry about eating in front of the dude, and if you decide your not into them, you don't have to drag it out forever. Two drinks and you can peace. Another bonus of this is that you can come straight from work which means you are probably dressed to kill ;)
2. Go on a walk somewhere
Disclosure: do not go into the secluded woods with some dude you do not know. Some cities/towns have really cool parks/places to walk. For example, where I currently live has a really nice, open riverwalk that is always crowded with people. It's great to go on a casual stroll and walk and talk. If you live near a beach or another cool trail this is a good way to go. But seriously, make sure it's during the day and that a lot of people are around.
3. A fun event
This is a little broad I know, but it really does depend on your interest. In cities there are always festivals going on.....maybe it's a restaurant festival, a music festival, an outdoor concert, wine tasting, beer festival.
Whatever it is, it's good to see how the guy reacts in social situations and if he's actually a fun time or not.
No offense Cosmo, but I don't really think that hummus or board games is the way to a dude's heart.....
C
Monday, May 14, 2012
I'm not crazy....you're just an asshole
Has an ex boyfriend, hook up, best friend, any guy in general ever called you crazy?
My guess is yes because it is the most OVERUSED and OVERRATED word that guys say on a daily basis.
The first definition that pops up for crazy is the word mad. When I looked up mad at webster.com, this is the definition I've found:
mad (adj.) - arising from, indicative of, or marked by mental disorder
I've done a lot of shit that I probably shouldn't have in my life, but I do NOT have a mental disorder. (some of my ex boyfriends probably beg to differ). I may be sensitive, emotional, care more than I should, but that does not necessarily make me crazy. Having emotions and actually giving a shit about someone is different than just being a crazy bitch.....but guys put those two things in the same category instead of two competely different ones. I've done some crazy shit and people have made me CRAZY mad, but it is just soooo overused and exaggerated by guys that it drives. me. crazy. (ha).
I bring this up because of something that happened to my best friend and old college roommate this weekend. Her pen name is going to be Patron (self explanatory). :)
Patron and this guy (we are going to call him Pacific....inside joke..sorry) had an on and off weird ass love connection for three years in college. First of all, Patron is beautiful, smart, fun as hell, and this guy is not cute, and a pretty huge asshole but he is the life of the party and a fun person to be around so obviously there was an attraction. Pacific and Patron went to numerous sorority functions together, had a few sleep overs, and talked constantly. They were good friends.....but it was more than that and it was obvious to EVERYONE around them.
I've mentioned my college roommates before and I think I've made the point clear that we are a very obnoxious group. We are loud, fun, and wild. Yes, Patron may have been crazy in the party sense when she stood on tables, swung from a lamp, and stole couches off people's porch, but she really wasn't pyscho about Pacific.
I could drag out the entire history of Patron and Pacific to get the whole story in there, but that deserves a whole blog or book dedicated to it, so I figure that small synopsis will do. Long story short, he out of the blue cut off all communication with her all together for no apparent reason. There was no blow out fight, no parting words, just stopped communication. We found out later on that he was back with his ex girlfriend who cheated on him numerous times.....now THAT's crazy.
So anyways, this weekend we all reunited at our college town and were actually hanging out with some of Pacific's friends. One of his friends decided to get WASTED and kissed Patron on the lips out of nowhere at the bar. This was weird because he knows everything that happened with her and his friend, patron and this guy kind of hate each other, and it was out of NOWHERE. After he kissed her, he looked at her said
"Don't read too much into that....I know how you can get."
Naturally, she was pretty pissed. He knows how she can get? That only means one thing....Pacific ran his mouth about how crazy she was.
This wasn't the first time she heard this....she got a lot of shit from all of his friends about her being "crazy."
The only thing that made her crazy was how long she put up with his shit and that she liked him at all. He never took her on a date, brought his ex gf to a function that she was attending, and was so immature. She obviously got upset when he treated her completely different around all of his fraternity brothers than he did when it was just the two of them.
I can relate to this feeling, as I'm sure many of you can. Guys EXAGGERATE EVERYTHING. Have you ever gone out with a guy and asked about his past relationship and they responded with...oh yeah my ex...she was crazy. Really? Why was she crazy? Because she got upset when you blew her off for your friends every night of the week or because you never called when you said you would...or how about the fact that you CHEATED on her. RED FLAG.
She wasn't crazy. You were a freaking scum bag.
Caring does not equal crazy. So no matter how many times your ex calls you crazy, don't use that as an excuse for him treating you like shit. Asking to be treated with respect does not mean you are crazy, it means you have standards and that you deserve better.
Boom.
C
My guess is yes because it is the most OVERUSED and OVERRATED word that guys say on a daily basis.
The first definition that pops up for crazy is the word mad. When I looked up mad at webster.com, this is the definition I've found:
mad (adj.) - arising from, indicative of, or marked by mental disorder
I've done a lot of shit that I probably shouldn't have in my life, but I do NOT have a mental disorder. (some of my ex boyfriends probably beg to differ). I may be sensitive, emotional, care more than I should, but that does not necessarily make me crazy. Having emotions and actually giving a shit about someone is different than just being a crazy bitch.....but guys put those two things in the same category instead of two competely different ones. I've done some crazy shit and people have made me CRAZY mad, but it is just soooo overused and exaggerated by guys that it drives. me. crazy. (ha).
I bring this up because of something that happened to my best friend and old college roommate this weekend. Her pen name is going to be Patron (self explanatory). :)
Patron and this guy (we are going to call him Pacific....inside joke..sorry) had an on and off weird ass love connection for three years in college. First of all, Patron is beautiful, smart, fun as hell, and this guy is not cute, and a pretty huge asshole but he is the life of the party and a fun person to be around so obviously there was an attraction. Pacific and Patron went to numerous sorority functions together, had a few sleep overs, and talked constantly. They were good friends.....but it was more than that and it was obvious to EVERYONE around them.
I've mentioned my college roommates before and I think I've made the point clear that we are a very obnoxious group. We are loud, fun, and wild. Yes, Patron may have been crazy in the party sense when she stood on tables, swung from a lamp, and stole couches off people's porch, but she really wasn't pyscho about Pacific.
I could drag out the entire history of Patron and Pacific to get the whole story in there, but that deserves a whole blog or book dedicated to it, so I figure that small synopsis will do. Long story short, he out of the blue cut off all communication with her all together for no apparent reason. There was no blow out fight, no parting words, just stopped communication. We found out later on that he was back with his ex girlfriend who cheated on him numerous times.....now THAT's crazy.
So anyways, this weekend we all reunited at our college town and were actually hanging out with some of Pacific's friends. One of his friends decided to get WASTED and kissed Patron on the lips out of nowhere at the bar. This was weird because he knows everything that happened with her and his friend, patron and this guy kind of hate each other, and it was out of NOWHERE. After he kissed her, he looked at her said
"Don't read too much into that....I know how you can get."
Naturally, she was pretty pissed. He knows how she can get? That only means one thing....Pacific ran his mouth about how crazy she was.
This wasn't the first time she heard this....she got a lot of shit from all of his friends about her being "crazy."
The only thing that made her crazy was how long she put up with his shit and that she liked him at all. He never took her on a date, brought his ex gf to a function that she was attending, and was so immature. She obviously got upset when he treated her completely different around all of his fraternity brothers than he did when it was just the two of them.
I can relate to this feeling, as I'm sure many of you can. Guys EXAGGERATE EVERYTHING. Have you ever gone out with a guy and asked about his past relationship and they responded with...oh yeah my ex...she was crazy. Really? Why was she crazy? Because she got upset when you blew her off for your friends every night of the week or because you never called when you said you would...or how about the fact that you CHEATED on her. RED FLAG.
She wasn't crazy. You were a freaking scum bag.
Caring does not equal crazy. So no matter how many times your ex calls you crazy, don't use that as an excuse for him treating you like shit. Asking to be treated with respect does not mean you are crazy, it means you have standards and that you deserve better.
Boom.
C
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Goals of Summer
Summer is the season for love, so in honor of May 1st, finals winding down, and the 90 degree weather, I have compiled a goal list for my summer of love:
1. Find a man with a boat
It's summertime, I need to get a tan, and what's hotter than a shirtless man steering a boat?
2. Go on at least 3 first dates
You can't find love if you aren't willing to take a few chances. I want to go on at least 3 first dates to get myself in the habit of putting myself out there and exploring my options.
3. Give people a chance
After these first dates that I go on, I'm not going to write people off for the superficial reasons that I usually do. I'm going to try my hardest to not be sickened by little things.
4. Make out in a bar
Do I even have to explain this one? It's a summer must.
5. Hold out on sex until I'm seriously committed with someone.
I'm sticking to my promise in a previous blog about not hooking up with someone until I'm dating them. This could be hard in the summer because flings are aplenty and guys look SUPER sexy with a tan, but I have to resist!
And in honor of the season....
If I could also find a man that looks like Justin Timberlake, that'd be pretty clutch.
Summertime and the livin' is easy,
C
1. Find a man with a boat
It's summertime, I need to get a tan, and what's hotter than a shirtless man steering a boat?
2. Go on at least 3 first dates
You can't find love if you aren't willing to take a few chances. I want to go on at least 3 first dates to get myself in the habit of putting myself out there and exploring my options.
3. Give people a chance
After these first dates that I go on, I'm not going to write people off for the superficial reasons that I usually do. I'm going to try my hardest to not be sickened by little things.
4. Make out in a bar
Do I even have to explain this one? It's a summer must.
5. Hold out on sex until I'm seriously committed with someone.
I'm sticking to my promise in a previous blog about not hooking up with someone until I'm dating them. This could be hard in the summer because flings are aplenty and guys look SUPER sexy with a tan, but I have to resist!
And in honor of the season....
If I could also find a man that looks like Justin Timberlake, that'd be pretty clutch.
Summertime and the livin' is easy,
C
Monday, April 23, 2012
I'm a Great Time
Last week I did something very out of my element.
I went on a date.
With myself.
Before you point and laugh and give me the big loser sign, hear me out. It doesn't sound like the most fun or glamorous thing, but for me, it was a big moment in my life. I'm a people person, an extrovert, outgoing, a relationship based person. I don't like to be alone. I have the most energy when I'm around other people. Quite frankly, when I'm alone for too long I start to get depressed. Not jump off a building depressed but I just start to get BLAH.
That's why this date for one was a huge step in my life. I felt so independent and empowered.
This is how the date went down:
First, I went shopping by myself. Which I've done frequently before, so no big deal. After that, I went to Panera and a light bulb went off. I usually get my food to go and take it home, but I was STARVING. I thought, maybe I should sit and eat here? Not gonna lie, the thought kinda scared me at first. Eat by myself? Sit alone at a booth? Should I call someone while doing this? I was really really really tempted to call my best friend, but I didn't. I got my food, sat down, and just ate. In silence.
Obviously I people watched, but Panera wasn't too bumpin for some reason that night so it was pretty lonely. I honestly didn't mind though. It was nice to have some peace and quiet outside of my four walls. I felt super empowered. So empowered that I continued the date with myself and went to Rita's after. I sat outside by myself AGAIN and ate my mango gelati.
Long story short, I'm a great time. Being alone might not be the most exciting, thrilling thing ever, but now I know I can do it. Not only can I do it, I can do it and be happy at the same time.
I do want to find someone someday and my date with myself reaffirmed that. It's always nice to have company and someone to share life with. If you are still looking for that special someone, treat yourself in the meantime.
You are a great time ;),
C
I went on a date.
With myself.
Before you point and laugh and give me the big loser sign, hear me out. It doesn't sound like the most fun or glamorous thing, but for me, it was a big moment in my life. I'm a people person, an extrovert, outgoing, a relationship based person. I don't like to be alone. I have the most energy when I'm around other people. Quite frankly, when I'm alone for too long I start to get depressed. Not jump off a building depressed but I just start to get BLAH.
That's why this date for one was a huge step in my life. I felt so independent and empowered.
This is how the date went down:
First, I went shopping by myself. Which I've done frequently before, so no big deal. After that, I went to Panera and a light bulb went off. I usually get my food to go and take it home, but I was STARVING. I thought, maybe I should sit and eat here? Not gonna lie, the thought kinda scared me at first. Eat by myself? Sit alone at a booth? Should I call someone while doing this? I was really really really tempted to call my best friend, but I didn't. I got my food, sat down, and just ate. In silence.
Obviously I people watched, but Panera wasn't too bumpin for some reason that night so it was pretty lonely. I honestly didn't mind though. It was nice to have some peace and quiet outside of my four walls. I felt super empowered. So empowered that I continued the date with myself and went to Rita's after. I sat outside by myself AGAIN and ate my mango gelati.
Long story short, I'm a great time. Being alone might not be the most exciting, thrilling thing ever, but now I know I can do it. Not only can I do it, I can do it and be happy at the same time.
I do want to find someone someday and my date with myself reaffirmed that. It's always nice to have company and someone to share life with. If you are still looking for that special someone, treat yourself in the meantime.
You are a great time ;),
C
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sex vs. Relationships
And thats the most wonderful feeling in the world, how many people are ever given that chance? To have someone you love fall in love with you over and over? -Nicholas Sparks
This quote has inspired me. It's so true. If you tuly care about someone, you need to make the effort to see them in a different light. People are going to change, and there is a lot of times where this is the end of a relationship. The real test is how well people can adapt.
A relationship does not work unless both parties are willing to accept this constant change & roll with it. To be in a long term relationship requires serious maturity & understanding. It also requires two people to be able to fall in love with each other multiple times.
I've been jaded in the sense that many people in their 20s can't yet accept this concept or maturity levels. Therefore, people are constantly giving up and taking the easy way out, and I've accepted this as normal. I guess people need to go through this part before they master the "experience," but it doesn't mean that I need to change my morals and standards because of this.
A guy told me this weekend that he wants to hold off on sex because it's not the healthy way to start a relationship. At first this freaked me out, but after having conversations with some of my guy friends, this is actually a morality issue. Sex actually complicates things and blinds you from seeing the real person- not saying that this is ALWAYS a bad thing, but I just forgot that some guys actually want more than that. And better yet, some guys that I might actually see myself with (which is hard to do).
I'm re-evaluating myself and my morals- if there really are still good people out there who want to get to know me before they want the sexual aspect, then why would I settle for anything else? It might actually be these types of people who have the maturity to be able to handle a long-term relationship instead of just giving up on it.
Lesson learned.....
T
This quote has inspired me. It's so true. If you tuly care about someone, you need to make the effort to see them in a different light. People are going to change, and there is a lot of times where this is the end of a relationship. The real test is how well people can adapt.
A relationship does not work unless both parties are willing to accept this constant change & roll with it. To be in a long term relationship requires serious maturity & understanding. It also requires two people to be able to fall in love with each other multiple times.
I've been jaded in the sense that many people in their 20s can't yet accept this concept or maturity levels. Therefore, people are constantly giving up and taking the easy way out, and I've accepted this as normal. I guess people need to go through this part before they master the "experience," but it doesn't mean that I need to change my morals and standards because of this.
A guy told me this weekend that he wants to hold off on sex because it's not the healthy way to start a relationship. At first this freaked me out, but after having conversations with some of my guy friends, this is actually a morality issue. Sex actually complicates things and blinds you from seeing the real person- not saying that this is ALWAYS a bad thing, but I just forgot that some guys actually want more than that. And better yet, some guys that I might actually see myself with (which is hard to do).
I'm re-evaluating myself and my morals- if there really are still good people out there who want to get to know me before they want the sexual aspect, then why would I settle for anything else? It might actually be these types of people who have the maturity to be able to handle a long-term relationship instead of just giving up on it.
Lesson learned.....
T
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Age is more than just a number
As I got older, I thought age would stop mattering a some point, especially when it comes to dating. In high school and college it's all very relevant because a five year age gap is a world of a difference because of the level of maturity attached with that development as a person. A 15 year old dating a 20 year old...eh kinda sketchy. However, is there really that much of a difference between 25 and 30? Not really in my opinion.
From my experience in online dating, age still is a factor in a relationship because that is one of the preferences we have to give. That was really hard for me to distinguish. How old is too old??
When I set my online profile I picked the ages 22-30. Seems pretty reasonable right? 22 is my age so I don't really want to go any younger (because then you start getting into college boys/and people under 21...uh if we can't go to the bar together that's awkward), and 30 just seemed like the cut off.
Needless to say I got a few emails from guys that were 31 or 32 who were all offended that I cut my age range off at 30. Apparently they were sensitive sallies because if they really thought that one or two years would sway my opinion on them, they were mistaken. The one email I received said: "Hey, I don't know why you are so opposed to dating older men. I'm only 32. Give me a shot." Ok....seriously??? I had to cut it off somewhere. If I picked 32 then it would turn into 35 and 35 would turn into 40. I'm not trying to be shallow but I think age really does matter. Difference between 30 and 32? None. These people need to get over themselves.
My friend just recently had another interesting experience having to do with age. A co-worker sent her an email telling her about a friend she had who was looking for a date to a pretty fancy shmancy gala in a few weeks. The co-worker was very honest and aired out this dude's dirty laundry right away which was pretty considerate of her. She explained that the guy was 41, divorced, no kids, CEO of his company, and a pilot. My friend is 25 but still felt like 41 was a bit old. So she did what any of us would do and stalked the shit out of his life on facebook & googled his name. She ended up finding his old wedding pictures (yes, this girl should be a professional creeper haha love ya). Mind you, his wedding was 7 years ago, and this guy looked OLD then. My friend had a realization that 41 was too old for her. Her exact words were, "What is he going to do when I'm running around drunk and he's just chillin there." Haha. Hilarious. But good point. A 41 year olds priorites probably look different than a 25 year olds.
So should the saying "age ain't nothing but a number" be tossed out the window? I don't think so. It obviously depends on a lot of outside factors. Personally sometimes I can't get past a person's age but other times people can totally throw you for a loop when you find out how old they actually are.
Does age matter to you? How old is too old? How young is too young? Is there a magic formula for an age combination?
I'd love your feedback!
Dating drama doesn't stop at any age,
C
From my experience in online dating, age still is a factor in a relationship because that is one of the preferences we have to give. That was really hard for me to distinguish. How old is too old??
When I set my online profile I picked the ages 22-30. Seems pretty reasonable right? 22 is my age so I don't really want to go any younger (because then you start getting into college boys/and people under 21...uh if we can't go to the bar together that's awkward), and 30 just seemed like the cut off.
Needless to say I got a few emails from guys that were 31 or 32 who were all offended that I cut my age range off at 30. Apparently they were sensitive sallies because if they really thought that one or two years would sway my opinion on them, they were mistaken. The one email I received said: "Hey, I don't know why you are so opposed to dating older men. I'm only 32. Give me a shot." Ok....seriously??? I had to cut it off somewhere. If I picked 32 then it would turn into 35 and 35 would turn into 40. I'm not trying to be shallow but I think age really does matter. Difference between 30 and 32? None. These people need to get over themselves.
My friend just recently had another interesting experience having to do with age. A co-worker sent her an email telling her about a friend she had who was looking for a date to a pretty fancy shmancy gala in a few weeks. The co-worker was very honest and aired out this dude's dirty laundry right away which was pretty considerate of her. She explained that the guy was 41, divorced, no kids, CEO of his company, and a pilot. My friend is 25 but still felt like 41 was a bit old. So she did what any of us would do and stalked the shit out of his life on facebook & googled his name. She ended up finding his old wedding pictures (yes, this girl should be a professional creeper haha love ya). Mind you, his wedding was 7 years ago, and this guy looked OLD then. My friend had a realization that 41 was too old for her. Her exact words were, "What is he going to do when I'm running around drunk and he's just chillin there." Haha. Hilarious. But good point. A 41 year olds priorites probably look different than a 25 year olds.
So should the saying "age ain't nothing but a number" be tossed out the window? I don't think so. It obviously depends on a lot of outside factors. Personally sometimes I can't get past a person's age but other times people can totally throw you for a loop when you find out how old they actually are.
Does age matter to you? How old is too old? How young is too young? Is there a magic formula for an age combination?
I'd love your feedback!
Dating drama doesn't stop at any age,
C
Monday, April 16, 2012
Blast From The Past
How do ex boyfriends have a radar that goes off when we are finally getting over them and moving on? They come out of nowhere or you give them an inch because you are a nice person and they take a freaking mile.
How do they KNOW when to do that? And better yet, how do they know how to get you hooked again without even having to put in that much effort.
I just want to scream:
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU IN AGAIN!!!!!!!! This is where it's helpful to be logical. I'm a huge feelings person and so I don't want to make anyone upset or cut off all ties with someone. I don't like to see people go out of my life so I keep them in even if they are self destructive.
Not this time. I'm taking my own advice to heart and being logical. Sometimes you need to be selfish and think about how someone or something is going to affect you.
Letting go of the past,
C
How do they KNOW when to do that? And better yet, how do they know how to get you hooked again without even having to put in that much effort.
I just want to scream:
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU IN AGAIN!!!!!!!! This is where it's helpful to be logical. I'm a huge feelings person and so I don't want to make anyone upset or cut off all ties with someone. I don't like to see people go out of my life so I keep them in even if they are self destructive.
Not this time. I'm taking my own advice to heart and being logical. Sometimes you need to be selfish and think about how someone or something is going to affect you.
Letting go of the past,
C
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Negative outlooks won't lead to positive outcomes
When I picked up this month's Glamour Magazine because my girl Lauren Conrad was on the cover (looking freaking awesome might I add), I wasn't expecting to find inspiration for a new blog entry. However, there was an article in this issue titled "Do You Still Have Faith in Marriage After All This" (talking about the rapid rate of celebrity divorces). I wasn't too interested about the celebrity divorces but more so the thoughts and opinions of the readers surveyed.
Here is a little excerpt from the article:
"According to Glamour's national survey of 3,250 women and men ages 18-40:
"51% of women under 30 believe marriage is becoming outdated,. But 58% of men say the institution is timeless"
Weird that there is a larger percentage of men that have a positive outlook on marriage. You would think it would be the opposite way around right?
Even though women think that it is becoming outdated, "92% of both men and women would PREFER to get married."
Check out the May 2012 issue of Glamour if you want to read this article more in depth!
So is this negative outlook on marriage really getting us any closer to a happily ever after? No. In my opinion I think we are completely contradicting ourselves in a way. We have this negative outlook on the concept of marriage but we want it anyway? It seems a little jaded to me.
The article in Glamour suggests though that women are giving themselves other options, which is great! I agree that there are other ways to happiness than being married, but at the same time, if marriage is your goal at the end of the day I think that you need to fully believe in it.
I think it's all about balance. Marriage may not be your ONLY focus in life, but if you really want it, you need to start thinking positively about it!
I know it's hard to be positive about marriage when the divorce rates are so high. It's even more discouraging when celebrities we thought would REALLY make it (Seal and Heidi Klum) end up calling it quits. I get it. It's easy to be cynical and jaded about love. (I have a blog about dating drama in our 20's.....I get it). It can even be quite funny sometime to embrace how much dating and being single sucks (I think I'm pretty hilarious). BUT I think the power of positive thinking can go a long way.
Negative outlooks do not lead to positive outcomes!
Trying to keep it posi......for now.
C
Here is a little excerpt from the article:
"According to Glamour's national survey of 3,250 women and men ages 18-40:
"51% of women under 30 believe marriage is becoming outdated,. But 58% of men say the institution is timeless"
Weird that there is a larger percentage of men that have a positive outlook on marriage. You would think it would be the opposite way around right?
Even though women think that it is becoming outdated, "92% of both men and women would PREFER to get married."
Check out the May 2012 issue of Glamour if you want to read this article more in depth!
So is this negative outlook on marriage really getting us any closer to a happily ever after? No. In my opinion I think we are completely contradicting ourselves in a way. We have this negative outlook on the concept of marriage but we want it anyway? It seems a little jaded to me.
The article in Glamour suggests though that women are giving themselves other options, which is great! I agree that there are other ways to happiness than being married, but at the same time, if marriage is your goal at the end of the day I think that you need to fully believe in it.
I think it's all about balance. Marriage may not be your ONLY focus in life, but if you really want it, you need to start thinking positively about it!
I know it's hard to be positive about marriage when the divorce rates are so high. It's even more discouraging when celebrities we thought would REALLY make it (Seal and Heidi Klum) end up calling it quits. I get it. It's easy to be cynical and jaded about love. (I have a blog about dating drama in our 20's.....I get it). It can even be quite funny sometime to embrace how much dating and being single sucks (I think I'm pretty hilarious). BUT I think the power of positive thinking can go a long way.
Negative outlooks do not lead to positive outcomes!
Trying to keep it posi......for now.
C
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
The First Date
Tonight I participated in a twitter chat called #datingchat. The topic tonight was the concept of a date and what dating even means anymore.
While talking to some pretty fun dating bloggers, I started thinking not only about dating in general but specifically the first date.
The first date used to be this huge deal where you awkwardly break the ice and ask all of the get to know you questions. You would dress up, spend hours on your hair and makeup and really try to make a good first impression. This is probably still somewhat true, but the main reason we would put so much effort into the first date was because this could potentially be the first time you meet the person or interact with them on that level.
With technology, is it fair to see that the first day has evolved into something completely different?
Think about it. Say you meet someone at a party and you get their number. Most likely (hopefully) they will text you the next day. You better believe that the first words out of their mouth won't be "so wanna go on a date?" In my experience, the conversation will be a little more drawn out than that. Both people want to get a feel for if they REALLY want to pursue this or not. That's where the texting get to know you conversation starts happening. The awkward questions all seem to get out of the way. So what do you do? Where do you live? You mentioned your sister last night, is she your only sibling? What are you in school for again? Oh, what do you do for fun? All first date topics of conversations being done over the phone via text.
Same goes for online dating. It's like skipping an entire step. Most people don't want to meet up with someone physically until they email them for awhile, but doesn't that take the whole point of dating away??? If you email them for a month ad know all about them, then what the heck are you going to talk about during your first date??? Do you skip right down to religious beliefs, politics, and marriage?
Technology is awesome, but sometimes it sure can take the fun and personal effect out of things.
What are your thoughts on the evolution of the first date? Do you think technology has changed it at all?
Need to work on finding a date to test this theory out.
C
While talking to some pretty fun dating bloggers, I started thinking not only about dating in general but specifically the first date.
The first date used to be this huge deal where you awkwardly break the ice and ask all of the get to know you questions. You would dress up, spend hours on your hair and makeup and really try to make a good first impression. This is probably still somewhat true, but the main reason we would put so much effort into the first date was because this could potentially be the first time you meet the person or interact with them on that level.
With technology, is it fair to see that the first day has evolved into something completely different?
Think about it. Say you meet someone at a party and you get their number. Most likely (hopefully) they will text you the next day. You better believe that the first words out of their mouth won't be "so wanna go on a date?" In my experience, the conversation will be a little more drawn out than that. Both people want to get a feel for if they REALLY want to pursue this or not. That's where the texting get to know you conversation starts happening. The awkward questions all seem to get out of the way. So what do you do? Where do you live? You mentioned your sister last night, is she your only sibling? What are you in school for again? Oh, what do you do for fun? All first date topics of conversations being done over the phone via text.
Same goes for online dating. It's like skipping an entire step. Most people don't want to meet up with someone physically until they email them for awhile, but doesn't that take the whole point of dating away??? If you email them for a month ad know all about them, then what the heck are you going to talk about during your first date??? Do you skip right down to religious beliefs, politics, and marriage?
Technology is awesome, but sometimes it sure can take the fun and personal effect out of things.
What are your thoughts on the evolution of the first date? Do you think technology has changed it at all?
Need to work on finding a date to test this theory out.
C
Monday, April 9, 2012
No Follow Through
Guys have a lot of experience in follow through outside of dating.
Tennis.
Basketball.
Golf.
But what about relationships? Or a night of flirting at the bar? Where is the follow through in that situation?
I know T briefly touched on our bar excursions this weekend when she came to visit me, but I have my own little personal story to add into it.
So a couple of weekends ago I met this really cute (in my opinion..T later informed me that he looked like Jimmy Neutron) guy. He was 27, an engineer, had his life together, was really funny, and was really just a fun guy to talk to.
At one point we got to talking, and he let it slip that he had just broken off his engagement a few weeks ago. Ouch. I knew that he was probably damaged goods and it was probably better to walk away, but being the smart girl that I am, I continued to talk and flirt with him.
Long story short, he gave me his number and that was that.
I texted him the next day at like 5pm to say hey, and I got no response. I was pretty pissed at first, but figured it was probably because of the whole break up that he had just gone through and that he wasn't ready. I thought it had probably worked out for the best because I don't want to get tangled up in a mess of a situation anyway.
So when T was here last weekend, I saw this guy out. Lets call him Jimmy Neutron for shits and giggles (and to amuse T).
Jimmy Neutron spotted me from across the bar, looked at me, got wide-eyed, and looked away. He obviously recognized me. I then saw him whisper to his friend and kind of nudge my way. While trying to act nonchalant I was trying to look at his facial expressions while he was talking to his friend. He looked terrified.
Every single time I would go near him that entire night, he would sprint away. At one point, I just kept inching closer to his side of the bar to see what he would do. He literally looked the other direction.
Did he feel like a dickhead because he never answered my text?
Was he really with his fiance and there was never a broken engagement?
Did he see through my cool girl vibe and straight to my psycho ex girlfriend ways?
I really don't know.
The night we met, he was so into me. He was making plans with me for the next weekend and asked me if I had every been to a certain restaurant in town. When I said I hadn't he said that he was going to take me there because it was amazing??
NO. FOLLOW. THROUGH.
Why do guys say these things when they really have no intention of doing them? Why did he act like he was into me if he obviously wasn't? Why didn't he just "go to the bathroom" 10 minutes into talking to me and never come back? Why did he spend the whole night trying to swoon me when he wanted nothing to do with me?
I hate that. I'd much rather have a guy be honest than say a bunch of shit and never follow through with it. Don't fake like me if you don't
Does anyone have feedback as to why this guy did that? Or why any guys act this way for that matter?
Theme song for the night:
I'll see you everyday, but you have to follow through,
C
Tennis.
Basketball.
Golf.
But what about relationships? Or a night of flirting at the bar? Where is the follow through in that situation?
I know T briefly touched on our bar excursions this weekend when she came to visit me, but I have my own little personal story to add into it.
So a couple of weekends ago I met this really cute (in my opinion..T later informed me that he looked like Jimmy Neutron) guy. He was 27, an engineer, had his life together, was really funny, and was really just a fun guy to talk to.
At one point we got to talking, and he let it slip that he had just broken off his engagement a few weeks ago. Ouch. I knew that he was probably damaged goods and it was probably better to walk away, but being the smart girl that I am, I continued to talk and flirt with him.
Long story short, he gave me his number and that was that.
I texted him the next day at like 5pm to say hey, and I got no response. I was pretty pissed at first, but figured it was probably because of the whole break up that he had just gone through and that he wasn't ready. I thought it had probably worked out for the best because I don't want to get tangled up in a mess of a situation anyway.
So when T was here last weekend, I saw this guy out. Lets call him Jimmy Neutron for shits and giggles (and to amuse T).
Jimmy Neutron spotted me from across the bar, looked at me, got wide-eyed, and looked away. He obviously recognized me. I then saw him whisper to his friend and kind of nudge my way. While trying to act nonchalant I was trying to look at his facial expressions while he was talking to his friend. He looked terrified.
Every single time I would go near him that entire night, he would sprint away. At one point, I just kept inching closer to his side of the bar to see what he would do. He literally looked the other direction.
Did he feel like a dickhead because he never answered my text?
Was he really with his fiance and there was never a broken engagement?
Did he see through my cool girl vibe and straight to my psycho ex girlfriend ways?
I really don't know.
The night we met, he was so into me. He was making plans with me for the next weekend and asked me if I had every been to a certain restaurant in town. When I said I hadn't he said that he was going to take me there because it was amazing??
NO. FOLLOW. THROUGH.
Why do guys say these things when they really have no intention of doing them? Why did he act like he was into me if he obviously wasn't? Why didn't he just "go to the bathroom" 10 minutes into talking to me and never come back? Why did he spend the whole night trying to swoon me when he wanted nothing to do with me?
I hate that. I'd much rather have a guy be honest than say a bunch of shit and never follow through with it. Don't fake like me if you don't
Does anyone have feedback as to why this guy did that? Or why any guys act this way for that matter?
Theme song for the night:
I'll see you everyday, but you have to follow through,
C
Sex Probz
So yeah, I miss sleeping next to someone. I miss the love connection with someone---I miss the best friend aspect....but most of all, I miss SEX.
I've been pondering some single sex questions. I'm the type of girl that has the best sex in committed relationships. Not only is there a connection, but you know each other---you know what to do, and it becomes better with time. My ex and I had great sex. It wasn't always that way, but towards the middle and end, we knew each other and it worked great. Sex with new people is just damn awkward. Awk situation one:
When he wants you on top, and you're just not ready for him to be staring at your full body yet. Not that anyone should be ashamed, but it's just like a giant spotlight on what you look like naked, jumping up and down in a weird position.
Another awkward sex moment is the initiation of sex-- how do you decide if it's just a hook up. Where does the sex part come in? Do we REALLY need to ask the awkward question..."do you want to have sex?" When someone asks me that question, I automatically question myself. Then I over analyze the situation in my head. By the time that's over, no, probs not.
Also, at what point do I become my sexual self? I don't wanna whip the kinky out on sex encounter one. This takes some time.
Bottom line is....I'm just not good at this. Clearly, I need to stick to the no sex until next boyfriend thing. Unless I'm really drunk (I think I'm kidding). Which really sucks. I wonder if sex with an ex that I'm totally over counts in this (I also think I'm kidding about this). But for the future, I'd appreciate feedback on this!
T
I've been pondering some single sex questions. I'm the type of girl that has the best sex in committed relationships. Not only is there a connection, but you know each other---you know what to do, and it becomes better with time. My ex and I had great sex. It wasn't always that way, but towards the middle and end, we knew each other and it worked great. Sex with new people is just damn awkward. Awk situation one:
When he wants you on top, and you're just not ready for him to be staring at your full body yet. Not that anyone should be ashamed, but it's just like a giant spotlight on what you look like naked, jumping up and down in a weird position.
Another awkward sex moment is the initiation of sex-- how do you decide if it's just a hook up. Where does the sex part come in? Do we REALLY need to ask the awkward question..."do you want to have sex?" When someone asks me that question, I automatically question myself. Then I over analyze the situation in my head. By the time that's over, no, probs not.
Also, at what point do I become my sexual self? I don't wanna whip the kinky out on sex encounter one. This takes some time.
Bottom line is....I'm just not good at this. Clearly, I need to stick to the no sex until next boyfriend thing. Unless I'm really drunk (I think I'm kidding). Which really sucks. I wonder if sex with an ex that I'm totally over counts in this (I also think I'm kidding about this). But for the future, I'd appreciate feedback on this!
T
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Dudes at the Bar
Groups of dudes at the bar:
The Scumbags
The Recently Divorced
The Committed Ones
The Nice Normal Ones
...On my VACAY to visit my bff, C, we have met one of each of these....
I'll start with the scumbag. A former bball player from USC from about 6 years ago. 1....who cares....you were a horrible team. 2....you're washed up.....3.....you're seriously going to use that as a pick up line?
But whatever, I'll talk to you because I'm drunk and it's funny. Mind you, this man was a whopping 6'10....and I'm pushing 5'2. I spent most of the night running away from him, but when it came down to it, I took his number. He told me there was a party the next night & we were trying to make some connections. BIG MISTAKE. This man has been texting me all day & all night. He knows that I'm from up North, and my ETA back home is...TOMORROW. He wanted one thing. He managed to call me sexy 4 times in 24 hours, ask me if I wanted to see his penis, and begged me to go on a "date." But, I like to lead an interesting life, so I led him on until he realized around 9 PM that I would not be coming over. Our last text:
Me: I thought Southern boys were gentleman....
Scumbag: I'm from Chicago
HAHA.
Example 2: The recently divorced. We have met two that stuck out in my mind. Divorce one was a recently graduated starting football player for USC. He was extremely attractive, funny, and a total douche. I hated him, but once again, it was too good to pass up. Turns out his wife "cheated on him." To me, that sounds like "I cheated on my wife and got caught." Got his # for the sake of the number game C and I were playing. We started this after we realized that the douches flocked to us at this bar. Deleted that # as soon as I left.
Divorce 2: Not quite a divorced man, but close enough. Teacher in Cali. His live in girlfriend was married to someone else. Wow, sucks. Totally believed this guy because he reminded me of Marshall from How I Met Your Mother. His friend was a friend of Cs, so we were together most of the night. Started friendly, and by the end of the night he was a hot mess giving me the details & I was giving him advice. He didn't seem like a creep, and he knew I was leaving as well, so I gave him by number because I thought we could be great friends. I'm a drunken dumbass. So far today, he has blown up my phone to ask me to a. lunch. b. dinner c. drinks. Can't take a hint. Turns out even nice guys hit a low and need a rebound. It won't be me, Buddy.
The Committed Ones.
We met dudes at the bar. They were married. They hit on us, and I hate them. I call them the uncommitted committed. Then, there are the sweethearts who are really out with their friends just to hang out. Obviously, I did not speak to them because they were busy being good people.
The Nice Normal Ones...
that are single. Unfortunately, I did not meet any of these either. Nonexistent?
The moral of the story: I was on vacation to hang out with my bff. ALL of the dudes that we talked to came up to us...we hadn't went out of our way at all. At one point, dudes were grabbing us by the arms to pull us in. They were actually doing this to multiple girls, and it gave me a horrible perspective on most men. Why does this shock me?
I guess it upsets me more than it shocks me. I still care in some way about all of my exs. They've all done one negative thing to me at some point, but I've given it back. Although they weren't perfect, I never expect them to act this way. Now that I've seen even the "nice ones" being douche bags, it makes me a little nervous about those who we think that we know. IF I have this mind set though, I will drive myself crazy. I'm going to stay positive, and find a guy that DOESN'T live at the bar.
BACK TO THE NORTH TOMORROW :(
T
ps...I won the # game
The Scumbags
The Recently Divorced
The Committed Ones
The Nice Normal Ones
...On my VACAY to visit my bff, C, we have met one of each of these....
I'll start with the scumbag. A former bball player from USC from about 6 years ago. 1....who cares....you were a horrible team. 2....you're washed up.....3.....you're seriously going to use that as a pick up line?
But whatever, I'll talk to you because I'm drunk and it's funny. Mind you, this man was a whopping 6'10....and I'm pushing 5'2. I spent most of the night running away from him, but when it came down to it, I took his number. He told me there was a party the next night & we were trying to make some connections. BIG MISTAKE. This man has been texting me all day & all night. He knows that I'm from up North, and my ETA back home is...TOMORROW. He wanted one thing. He managed to call me sexy 4 times in 24 hours, ask me if I wanted to see his penis, and begged me to go on a "date." But, I like to lead an interesting life, so I led him on until he realized around 9 PM that I would not be coming over. Our last text:
Me: I thought Southern boys were gentleman....
Scumbag: I'm from Chicago
HAHA.
Example 2: The recently divorced. We have met two that stuck out in my mind. Divorce one was a recently graduated starting football player for USC. He was extremely attractive, funny, and a total douche. I hated him, but once again, it was too good to pass up. Turns out his wife "cheated on him." To me, that sounds like "I cheated on my wife and got caught." Got his # for the sake of the number game C and I were playing. We started this after we realized that the douches flocked to us at this bar. Deleted that # as soon as I left.
Divorce 2: Not quite a divorced man, but close enough. Teacher in Cali. His live in girlfriend was married to someone else. Wow, sucks. Totally believed this guy because he reminded me of Marshall from How I Met Your Mother. His friend was a friend of Cs, so we were together most of the night. Started friendly, and by the end of the night he was a hot mess giving me the details & I was giving him advice. He didn't seem like a creep, and he knew I was leaving as well, so I gave him by number because I thought we could be great friends. I'm a drunken dumbass. So far today, he has blown up my phone to ask me to a. lunch. b. dinner c. drinks. Can't take a hint. Turns out even nice guys hit a low and need a rebound. It won't be me, Buddy.
The Committed Ones.
We met dudes at the bar. They were married. They hit on us, and I hate them. I call them the uncommitted committed. Then, there are the sweethearts who are really out with their friends just to hang out. Obviously, I did not speak to them because they were busy being good people.
The Nice Normal Ones...
that are single. Unfortunately, I did not meet any of these either. Nonexistent?
The moral of the story: I was on vacation to hang out with my bff. ALL of the dudes that we talked to came up to us...we hadn't went out of our way at all. At one point, dudes were grabbing us by the arms to pull us in. They were actually doing this to multiple girls, and it gave me a horrible perspective on most men. Why does this shock me?
I guess it upsets me more than it shocks me. I still care in some way about all of my exs. They've all done one negative thing to me at some point, but I've given it back. Although they weren't perfect, I never expect them to act this way. Now that I've seen even the "nice ones" being douche bags, it makes me a little nervous about those who we think that we know. IF I have this mind set though, I will drive myself crazy. I'm going to stay positive, and find a guy that DOESN'T live at the bar.
BACK TO THE NORTH TOMORROW :(
T
ps...I won the # game
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Taking the blame
This weekend I finally got full circle closure on my relation-shit with N.
For those of you who have followed the blog you know N as my flakey fling from a few months back. The thing is, even though there were some red flags about him, I really liked him. We got along great, he made me laugh, was fun to be around, and gave me butterflies.
A quick recap for those of you catching up: Me and N were basically "dating" but then he just stopped talking to me. Cold turkey. No explanation.
Recently, I found out my instincts were right about him meeting another girl. Through some serious facebook stalking, I saw that he was talking to this new girl who worked with his roommate. She looks like a 12 year old gremlin.
ANYWAYS, it turns out they became facebook official this weekend. To be more specific, they became FBO on April Fools Day. I freaking wish that it was a big, fat, joke, but according to her happy lovey dovey profile pic of the two of them, it's very much a reality.
What did I do when I saw this? I immediately teared up. It was the official closure that I needed but damn did it hurt to see. I think it hurt so much because I really really really LIKED him. Genuinely liked him. Which doesn't happen a lot for me. Most guys end up "making me sick" for really no good reason at all. Me & N really clicked in a way that I don't usually find.
I started to think back on the 3 months that we hung out/dated/talked and it all became a little more clear. I think that it was partially my fault that we didn't work out. Yes, he was a flake. Yes, he was horrible at communication. But honestly I think that I tried way too hard to give off the carefree vibe. When I started talking to him I was so stuck on college mode ad the assumption that no guy wants a relationship. I assumed that he was one of those guys and any sign of me wanting commitment would scare him off.
I was wrong.
I think that he really wanted a relationship, something serious and tangible and there I was going on and on about how I didn't want to settle down. Now that I'm looking back on the signs, he was thinking we were at two different places in our lives. I rarely called or texted him first. I acted really nonchalant about hanging out. I mentioned that I wanted to travel this summer and when he told me I should stay in South Carolina, I immediately shut down the idea.
I blatantly lied to him and myself about not wanting a relationship. I wanted to seem chill and cool but I think I gave off the "I don't want a relationship" vibe more than I was trying to.
Point of this story?
Don't lie about what you want or make assumptions about what another person wants. There are a lot of guys that DO want relationships and acting like you could give a shit less isn't going to convince someone that they want a relationship with you. I think I may have screwed up something that could have been good.
BUT he's still an asshole with a gremlin girlfriend.
Taking SOME of the blame,
C
For those of you who have followed the blog you know N as my flakey fling from a few months back. The thing is, even though there were some red flags about him, I really liked him. We got along great, he made me laugh, was fun to be around, and gave me butterflies.
A quick recap for those of you catching up: Me and N were basically "dating" but then he just stopped talking to me. Cold turkey. No explanation.
Recently, I found out my instincts were right about him meeting another girl. Through some serious facebook stalking, I saw that he was talking to this new girl who worked with his roommate. She looks like a 12 year old gremlin.
ANYWAYS, it turns out they became facebook official this weekend. To be more specific, they became FBO on April Fools Day. I freaking wish that it was a big, fat, joke, but according to her happy lovey dovey profile pic of the two of them, it's very much a reality.
What did I do when I saw this? I immediately teared up. It was the official closure that I needed but damn did it hurt to see. I think it hurt so much because I really really really LIKED him. Genuinely liked him. Which doesn't happen a lot for me. Most guys end up "making me sick" for really no good reason at all. Me & N really clicked in a way that I don't usually find.
I started to think back on the 3 months that we hung out/dated/talked and it all became a little more clear. I think that it was partially my fault that we didn't work out. Yes, he was a flake. Yes, he was horrible at communication. But honestly I think that I tried way too hard to give off the carefree vibe. When I started talking to him I was so stuck on college mode ad the assumption that no guy wants a relationship. I assumed that he was one of those guys and any sign of me wanting commitment would scare him off.
I was wrong.
I think that he really wanted a relationship, something serious and tangible and there I was going on and on about how I didn't want to settle down. Now that I'm looking back on the signs, he was thinking we were at two different places in our lives. I rarely called or texted him first. I acted really nonchalant about hanging out. I mentioned that I wanted to travel this summer and when he told me I should stay in South Carolina, I immediately shut down the idea.
I blatantly lied to him and myself about not wanting a relationship. I wanted to seem chill and cool but I think I gave off the "I don't want a relationship" vibe more than I was trying to.
Point of this story?
Don't lie about what you want or make assumptions about what another person wants. There are a lot of guys that DO want relationships and acting like you could give a shit less isn't going to convince someone that they want a relationship with you. I think I may have screwed up something that could have been good.
BUT he's still an asshole with a gremlin girlfriend.
Taking SOME of the blame,
C
Monday, April 2, 2012
Pick Your Poison
In my last post I talked a lot about the guy that I met at the horse race that made me sick. I briefly mentioned that he was the male version of myself (personally I think I'm way cooler than him but you get what I mean). The guy walked into the place like he owned it, was confident, and the life of the party....but in a kind of obnoxious way. Don't get me wrong, I like to be the center of attention but don't think that I am on the outlandish, obnoxious spectrum of things.
I am a pretty fun person to be around though if I do say so myself. I like to win people over, be loud, get crazy on the dance floor and will talk to basically anyone who will listen. When I met this guy and started to overanalyze if I like him or not,(I seriously overanalyze everything), I had a realization. All my ex boyfriends, hook ups, have all been pretty opposite of me. They've all been so laid back, very chill, let me have the spotlight kind of boyfriend. My most recent ex was my polar opposite...he was not into the social scene and would pick staying in over going out 7 days of the week if he could.
With that being said, is it better to date your polar opposite or someone who is the opposite sex version of yourself???
Dating your polar opposite:
Pros:
You balance each other out.
My ex was very logical and always thinking about what made the most sense instead of thinking on impulse. He helped me back up and think about big decisions before I went with my gut.
It keeps it interesting.
It's never a dull moment when dating someone completely different than you. You are always learning new things and thinking of things in new ways.
Opposites attract
There's something so mysterious about someone you can't quite figure out. When someone keeps you guessing it makes you want them even more.
Cons:
It's frustrating as hell
Sometimes you just don't GET each other at all. My ex and I were totally different personality types. He's an introvert..I'm a huge extrovert and love to be around people. We would get so frustrated with each other when something completely normal for one of us would be really uncomfortable for the other one.
In it for the long haul?
When you are TOO polar opposite of the person you are dating, things can get messy when things start to get serious. If you don't have the same viewpoints on the important things, a future may not be in sight. That's why there's a beautiful thing called compromise but it's harder than it sounds.
Dating the other version of you
Pros:
Twinsies
It's fun when you like the same things as the other person. The guy I dated, N loved to go out on the weekends and was very social. This was awesome for me because I also liked to do those things. It gave us common ground and because we were both interested in spending our time the same way, it was easier for us to spend more time together.
Easier to understand each other
When you have the same personality type as the person you are dating, it makes it easier to see where they are coming from. The same types of things probably annoy them or hurt their feelings if they are very similar to you.
Cons:
Get out of my spotlight!
For me, if a guy is a male version of myself, it means that he likes attention as well. I want a guy to get up and dance with me but also let me have the spotlight every now and again. I think the same would go for an introverted person. If your significant other doesn't want to go out of their comfort zone it's likely that you won't get out there either. Sometimes we need that extra push.
Butting heads
I kind of hate that phrase..."butting heads" but it's the only phrase I can think of that makes sense. Too much of something can be too much. If you are exactly the same, there is going to be a power struggle.
It looks like these two different relationship dynamics both have their ups and downs.
I'm still searching for that happy medium.
Noah Calhoun....where are you??
C
I am a pretty fun person to be around though if I do say so myself. I like to win people over, be loud, get crazy on the dance floor and will talk to basically anyone who will listen. When I met this guy and started to overanalyze if I like him or not,(I seriously overanalyze everything), I had a realization. All my ex boyfriends, hook ups, have all been pretty opposite of me. They've all been so laid back, very chill, let me have the spotlight kind of boyfriend. My most recent ex was my polar opposite...he was not into the social scene and would pick staying in over going out 7 days of the week if he could.
With that being said, is it better to date your polar opposite or someone who is the opposite sex version of yourself???
Dating your polar opposite:
Pros:
You balance each other out.
My ex was very logical and always thinking about what made the most sense instead of thinking on impulse. He helped me back up and think about big decisions before I went with my gut.
It keeps it interesting.
It's never a dull moment when dating someone completely different than you. You are always learning new things and thinking of things in new ways.
Opposites attract
There's something so mysterious about someone you can't quite figure out. When someone keeps you guessing it makes you want them even more.
Cons:
It's frustrating as hell
Sometimes you just don't GET each other at all. My ex and I were totally different personality types. He's an introvert..I'm a huge extrovert and love to be around people. We would get so frustrated with each other when something completely normal for one of us would be really uncomfortable for the other one.
In it for the long haul?
When you are TOO polar opposite of the person you are dating, things can get messy when things start to get serious. If you don't have the same viewpoints on the important things, a future may not be in sight. That's why there's a beautiful thing called compromise but it's harder than it sounds.
Dating the other version of you
Pros:
Twinsies
It's fun when you like the same things as the other person. The guy I dated, N loved to go out on the weekends and was very social. This was awesome for me because I also liked to do those things. It gave us common ground and because we were both interested in spending our time the same way, it was easier for us to spend more time together.
Easier to understand each other
When you have the same personality type as the person you are dating, it makes it easier to see where they are coming from. The same types of things probably annoy them or hurt their feelings if they are very similar to you.
Cons:
Get out of my spotlight!
For me, if a guy is a male version of myself, it means that he likes attention as well. I want a guy to get up and dance with me but also let me have the spotlight every now and again. I think the same would go for an introverted person. If your significant other doesn't want to go out of their comfort zone it's likely that you won't get out there either. Sometimes we need that extra push.
Butting heads
I kind of hate that phrase..."butting heads" but it's the only phrase I can think of that makes sense. Too much of something can be too much. If you are exactly the same, there is going to be a power struggle.
It looks like these two different relationship dynamics both have their ups and downs.
I'm still searching for that happy medium.
Noah Calhoun....where are you??
C
Sunday, April 1, 2012
So Typical
Everything about this weekend was very typical.
I thought I would spice things up a bit and go to a horse race aka a shit show of day drinking with some friends in my grad program. In the back of my mind, I thought that this was a great way to creep on some men....day drinking and creeping, how could things get any better?
Things started out slow but then heated up once some fine young gentlemen stopped by our tent and started chatting us up. I started talking to this guy who was actually not my type at all. I like shorter soccer player bod types. He was more of the center in basketball type, and he kinda reminded me of Vince Vaughn or Jason Segal...he was kinda goofy. He was charming though and told me my eyes were gorgeous and asked me to take a walk down by the actual horse race with him. So I agreed and off we went. He was pretty funny and seemed to be confident enough. We started watching the race and he asked if we could make a bet. If my horses won, he had to kiss me. If his horses won, I'd have to kiss him. Totally corny but pretty cute right?
So of course we ended up making out in the middle of a field, me in a white dress and floppy hat, him in baby blue pants and a bow tie. Epitome of a southern dream come true. That was that & when we started to pack up to go home he asked for my number. Pretty legit way to meet someone....or so I thought.
On the way home my friend told me that she recognized him and a few of his friends from match.com. Obviously, I am not a rookie to online dating, so I was definitely not weirded out by the fact that he was on match. Thats when the texts started rolling in. Telling me how great it was to meet me and that he hopes he can see me later. Ok, that's cute I can handle that. But then he called me. And told me he missed me.....?
You just met me & you already miss me??? Doubtful.
I gave him a chance though and met up with him later at the bar.
I guess my drunken state was completely worn off because he made me sick. He was trying WAY too hard AND he was the male version of myself. Life of the party, center of attention. I always thought that I wanted a guy more like me...more of a social person and the first one on the dance floor. I learned last night that I don't want that. I don't like competing for attention with my man.
Bottom line is he just tried WAY too hard. Trying to make out with me int he bar. Tried to pull me in a corner booth with him and make out....too much dude.
Is this the match.com curse? I feel like he was kind of insecure and just really overly into me. We knew each other for 12 hours and he was already making plans to go to an event in town over the summer.......too much. At first I thought that it was a good thing that he was on match....that means that he is serious about wanting a relationship. Am I being stereotypical or was he the epitome of the online dating guy?
It doesn't end here. I peaced out of the bar after an hour of hanging out with him. He was physically making me nauseous. After I left, he called me....twice. Left me a drunken voicemail about how he can't believe I left and can't believe I didn't answer my phone. Crazy much?
Where is the happy medium? This guy probably would be totally obsessed with me but because of that, he made my stomach turn.
Ugh.
Back to square one,
C
I thought I would spice things up a bit and go to a horse race aka a shit show of day drinking with some friends in my grad program. In the back of my mind, I thought that this was a great way to creep on some men....day drinking and creeping, how could things get any better?
Things started out slow but then heated up once some fine young gentlemen stopped by our tent and started chatting us up. I started talking to this guy who was actually not my type at all. I like shorter soccer player bod types. He was more of the center in basketball type, and he kinda reminded me of Vince Vaughn or Jason Segal...he was kinda goofy. He was charming though and told me my eyes were gorgeous and asked me to take a walk down by the actual horse race with him. So I agreed and off we went. He was pretty funny and seemed to be confident enough. We started watching the race and he asked if we could make a bet. If my horses won, he had to kiss me. If his horses won, I'd have to kiss him. Totally corny but pretty cute right?
So of course we ended up making out in the middle of a field, me in a white dress and floppy hat, him in baby blue pants and a bow tie. Epitome of a southern dream come true. That was that & when we started to pack up to go home he asked for my number. Pretty legit way to meet someone....or so I thought.
On the way home my friend told me that she recognized him and a few of his friends from match.com. Obviously, I am not a rookie to online dating, so I was definitely not weirded out by the fact that he was on match. Thats when the texts started rolling in. Telling me how great it was to meet me and that he hopes he can see me later. Ok, that's cute I can handle that. But then he called me. And told me he missed me.....?
You just met me & you already miss me??? Doubtful.
I gave him a chance though and met up with him later at the bar.
I guess my drunken state was completely worn off because he made me sick. He was trying WAY too hard AND he was the male version of myself. Life of the party, center of attention. I always thought that I wanted a guy more like me...more of a social person and the first one on the dance floor. I learned last night that I don't want that. I don't like competing for attention with my man.
Bottom line is he just tried WAY too hard. Trying to make out with me int he bar. Tried to pull me in a corner booth with him and make out....too much dude.
Is this the match.com curse? I feel like he was kind of insecure and just really overly into me. We knew each other for 12 hours and he was already making plans to go to an event in town over the summer.......too much. At first I thought that it was a good thing that he was on match....that means that he is serious about wanting a relationship. Am I being stereotypical or was he the epitome of the online dating guy?
It doesn't end here. I peaced out of the bar after an hour of hanging out with him. He was physically making me nauseous. After I left, he called me....twice. Left me a drunken voicemail about how he can't believe I left and can't believe I didn't answer my phone. Crazy much?
Where is the happy medium? This guy probably would be totally obsessed with me but because of that, he made my stomach turn.
Ugh.
Back to square one,
C
Friday, March 30, 2012
How do I get there????
A few days ago in class our professor had us do a Q&A. We could write anything down on a notecard we wanted for him to answer, personally or professionally. One of the questions was, "What is the most important piece of advice you would give us?" He answered with, "fall in love, and if you haven't found it yet, seek love actively."
Beautiful right?
Naturally because I am an emotional basket case, I teared up.
Knowing a brief history about my professor, he is divorced and always mentions his new girlfriend. He also tells his horror stories about his ex girlfriends in the past. He has obviously been through a lot, but still beleives in love.
So I started to ponder this thought. I want to fall in love more than anything in the world. I really really want it. So bad that it hurts. I try to force it with people who aren't right for me and even started this blog dedicated to the drama that comes along with trying to find your other half.
The question I have is.......how do I actively seek love? What does that really mean, especially in today's society? Does actively seeking love mean going to the bars? Getting on match.com?? Putting an add on craigs list?? Wearing a sign around my neck that says SINGLE AND DESPERATELY LOOKING??
I'm not sure what "actively seeking" love means these days. I feel like I've tried all of those things, and for some unknown reason I just haven't found it yet.
That brings me to the other side of the spectrum. Don't people always say that when you aren't looking, you'll find it. Well how does that work??? Do I just give up and stop "actively" searching. How do I just nonchalantly find love without really looking??
I feel like that advice is pretty bogus. I truly believe that you can't force love and that it will happen in the most unexpected places. BUT I also believe that you have to be prepared and ready for it when it comes. If I'm just sitting on twitter by myself every night (which is sometimes accurate), then how am I going to find someone? Prince charming isn't going to fall out of the sky.
So while I don't think you can force love and make it happen in a split second, I think I agree with my professor. You do have to actively seek it if you really want it.
What does "actively" seeking love mean to you?? What are you doing to find your other half? I'd love to hear your insight.
Not giving up yet,
C
Beautiful right?
Naturally because I am an emotional basket case, I teared up.
Knowing a brief history about my professor, he is divorced and always mentions his new girlfriend. He also tells his horror stories about his ex girlfriends in the past. He has obviously been through a lot, but still beleives in love.
So I started to ponder this thought. I want to fall in love more than anything in the world. I really really want it. So bad that it hurts. I try to force it with people who aren't right for me and even started this blog dedicated to the drama that comes along with trying to find your other half.
The question I have is.......how do I actively seek love? What does that really mean, especially in today's society? Does actively seeking love mean going to the bars? Getting on match.com?? Putting an add on craigs list?? Wearing a sign around my neck that says SINGLE AND DESPERATELY LOOKING??
I'm not sure what "actively seeking" love means these days. I feel like I've tried all of those things, and for some unknown reason I just haven't found it yet.
That brings me to the other side of the spectrum. Don't people always say that when you aren't looking, you'll find it. Well how does that work??? Do I just give up and stop "actively" searching. How do I just nonchalantly find love without really looking??
I feel like that advice is pretty bogus. I truly believe that you can't force love and that it will happen in the most unexpected places. BUT I also believe that you have to be prepared and ready for it when it comes. If I'm just sitting on twitter by myself every night (which is sometimes accurate), then how am I going to find someone? Prince charming isn't going to fall out of the sky.
So while I don't think you can force love and make it happen in a split second, I think I agree with my professor. You do have to actively seek it if you really want it.
What does "actively" seeking love mean to you?? What are you doing to find your other half? I'd love to hear your insight.
Not giving up yet,
C
Thursday, March 29, 2012
First Love
I've realized that even though I have not been technically "single" for long, I've felt single for a long time.
When I'm in a relationship that gives something back, I'm awesome at it. I can't help thinking lately about my first love.
He was honestly amazing. Seriously, guys, the feelings that I felt with him were unreal. He had found me, and we were perfect from the start. We had 3 perfect years together. We were best friends. Best friends with each other's friends. I was sick, and he was there. He came to every one of my dance and cheer competitions with a smile...and flowers. He was sad, lost a football game, a wrestling match, I was there. Our friends loved us together, and it was honestly the most romantic in love relationship. How it ended was sad, and I have never since been that heart broken. He dated someone else, and eventually, he came back. I knew he would.
Unfortunately, it was different. I couldn't get past it. If you want to lose me forever, be with someone else. I can take a lot, but just one kiss, I'm done. He tried getting me back, and I wanted it, but I couldn't get over that.
I know we are different people today, and I don't want him anymore. He isn't what he was then. But I do want that again. That CONSTANT emotion. Someone giving me equally if not more what I gave them. The confidence of love. Never second guessing. Knowing you would do anything for each other.
After being in love, I can never give up. No matter how many times I am hurt, the feeling of love outweighs the negatives.
I need to remember that, and move on without the anger, without the past. Is this able to happen again? Or is it once in a lifetime?
T
When I'm in a relationship that gives something back, I'm awesome at it. I can't help thinking lately about my first love.
He was honestly amazing. Seriously, guys, the feelings that I felt with him were unreal. He had found me, and we were perfect from the start. We had 3 perfect years together. We were best friends. Best friends with each other's friends. I was sick, and he was there. He came to every one of my dance and cheer competitions with a smile...and flowers. He was sad, lost a football game, a wrestling match, I was there. Our friends loved us together, and it was honestly the most romantic in love relationship. How it ended was sad, and I have never since been that heart broken. He dated someone else, and eventually, he came back. I knew he would.
Unfortunately, it was different. I couldn't get past it. If you want to lose me forever, be with someone else. I can take a lot, but just one kiss, I'm done. He tried getting me back, and I wanted it, but I couldn't get over that.
I know we are different people today, and I don't want him anymore. He isn't what he was then. But I do want that again. That CONSTANT emotion. Someone giving me equally if not more what I gave them. The confidence of love. Never second guessing. Knowing you would do anything for each other.
After being in love, I can never give up. No matter how many times I am hurt, the feeling of love outweighs the negatives.
I need to remember that, and move on without the anger, without the past. Is this able to happen again? Or is it once in a lifetime?
T
On the Hook
I watched an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" the other day. It was talking about something that I find to be so true: we all find those people that don't make us sick, but we don't like them either. We stick with them as a distraction, but we are constantly waiting for someone else. It's scary because how do you know exactly when you're on the hook, or when someone is really into you?
Perfect example:
My ex and I broke up on New Years. The next weekend there was a hot guy at the bar, he bought me a drink, he asked for my number, and he took me on real dates (i nicknamed him the foot...because his head was shaped like one). Yeah, he was cute & nice, but something about it wasn't right. I totally had him on the hook. A week before V-day, he took me to dinner and brought me roses. I still had him on the hook. MY ex called, I dropped him asap, and it was over.
A week later...he's back with his ex (for like 5 days...then he was texting me again...bye). I can't help but wonder...even though he initated everything, was this his way of getting over his ex and having me on the hook too?
Then, I was a dumbass, and I fell for the ex again. This is the LAST time I will talk about him. He doesn't want to deal with a relationship, and after lying to me and saying that he did, he realized life is easier to not deeply care about anyone or anything. So, we are done...again. After thinking for about 2 weeks about this, I can't help but wonder: has he had me on the hook the entire time?
He rarely expressed his love for me. When things were "good," he would tell me how perfect I was. When I would do what he wanted to do, he loved me. When something in my life went wrong, he was no where to be found. Ever. Whenver I think about him now, it angers me at how much he wasn't there. I would reach for more affection, and he would pull further away...this literally drove me crazy.
I've finally come to the conclusion that he has never fully loved me. You can't love someone fully when their pain does not pain you. When you run away and forget, you're not loving, you're being a selfish waste. I think that people need to learn how to lose many selfish qualities before they can love someone. Maybe I wasn't on the hook, but I was not loved to what I deserve.
Once you accept that you're either in a relationship with a selfish person or when you realize you're on the hook, it's so much easier to get over.
Tonight, I let all of my hooks go...why would I want to do this to someone when I know how wrong it is? And a few days ago, I let go of my ex, again. I've done this before and realized once again, there was never any love. It's so much easier to let something go when you realize what a loser someone is. If you're in one of these situations, look at the whole of it. Who is in the better life situation? It's probably you. Things are accepted much easier when you see them for what they are.
My ex "deals" with problems by pushing them away until they're staring him in the face. MY fault is pushing and trying to deal with them right away. From now on...new tactic:
BLOCK THAT SHIT OUT. When you think about them, block them out. If they don't want you, why should you want them? In my situation, I hate to give up on love because I want to save every last good feeling. Unfortunately, love is a lot of people's lower priorities, and they are their first. These fuck heads will never have a good relationship until they fully learn how to deal with a thing called life.
This was my last thinking opportunity before my new block out. I've been doing great so far, and then I started to get angry. Back to block out.
Crazy weekend planned...stories to come :)
T
Perfect example:
My ex and I broke up on New Years. The next weekend there was a hot guy at the bar, he bought me a drink, he asked for my number, and he took me on real dates (i nicknamed him the foot...because his head was shaped like one). Yeah, he was cute & nice, but something about it wasn't right. I totally had him on the hook. A week before V-day, he took me to dinner and brought me roses. I still had him on the hook. MY ex called, I dropped him asap, and it was over.
A week later...he's back with his ex (for like 5 days...then he was texting me again...bye). I can't help but wonder...even though he initated everything, was this his way of getting over his ex and having me on the hook too?
Then, I was a dumbass, and I fell for the ex again. This is the LAST time I will talk about him. He doesn't want to deal with a relationship, and after lying to me and saying that he did, he realized life is easier to not deeply care about anyone or anything. So, we are done...again. After thinking for about 2 weeks about this, I can't help but wonder: has he had me on the hook the entire time?
He rarely expressed his love for me. When things were "good," he would tell me how perfect I was. When I would do what he wanted to do, he loved me. When something in my life went wrong, he was no where to be found. Ever. Whenver I think about him now, it angers me at how much he wasn't there. I would reach for more affection, and he would pull further away...this literally drove me crazy.
I've finally come to the conclusion that he has never fully loved me. You can't love someone fully when their pain does not pain you. When you run away and forget, you're not loving, you're being a selfish waste. I think that people need to learn how to lose many selfish qualities before they can love someone. Maybe I wasn't on the hook, but I was not loved to what I deserve.
Once you accept that you're either in a relationship with a selfish person or when you realize you're on the hook, it's so much easier to get over.
Tonight, I let all of my hooks go...why would I want to do this to someone when I know how wrong it is? And a few days ago, I let go of my ex, again. I've done this before and realized once again, there was never any love. It's so much easier to let something go when you realize what a loser someone is. If you're in one of these situations, look at the whole of it. Who is in the better life situation? It's probably you. Things are accepted much easier when you see them for what they are.
My ex "deals" with problems by pushing them away until they're staring him in the face. MY fault is pushing and trying to deal with them right away. From now on...new tactic:
BLOCK THAT SHIT OUT. When you think about them, block them out. If they don't want you, why should you want them? In my situation, I hate to give up on love because I want to save every last good feeling. Unfortunately, love is a lot of people's lower priorities, and they are their first. These fuck heads will never have a good relationship until they fully learn how to deal with a thing called life.
This was my last thinking opportunity before my new block out. I've been doing great so far, and then I started to get angry. Back to block out.
Crazy weekend planned...stories to come :)
T
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
What do you think is going to happen???
One thing that I really do not understand is when guys try to pick up girls in the following ways:
1. On a highway. If I'm stopped beside you at a red light and you "holla at me." What do you really think is going to happen? Do you think I'm going to jump out of my car and into yours??? Do you think I'm going to sign you my number?? Do you think you can follow me wherever I go and try to get to know me better?
Nothing will come out of yelling things at me in car. It's not at all flattering or attractive. Stop it.
2. When I am running by you (either you are in your car or outside). Again, do you think I'm going to stop my workout to say hi?? Nope...you are creepy.
3. Cheesy pick up lines. The fact that #RejectedPickupLines is trending on twitter made me laugh and think back to the ridiculous things guys have said to me...usually at bars.
Here's what pick up lines have been thrown at me before:
"If you were a screen door, I'd slam you so hard." HAHAHAHA. Ok, I admit it. I give this guy credit...HILARIOUS!! If he was trying to be funny, we would have totally worked out. The problem is he was completely serious about it.
"Damn girl you are the hottest girl in this bar" Ok, you can say that to me after you've bought me a few drinks, but saying something about my appearance in a sexual way isn't going to make me attracted to you. You do not seem genuine. You seem like a creep.
"You're crazy in bed aren't you?" This isn't a joke...some guy legit said this to me at the bar. He told me he could tell I was a freak because of the tights I was wearing.....umm. He was stumbling around so wasted that I don't even think he knew his name. Ew.
Why can't guys just stick with normal lines like, hi my name is _____ how are you? Or hows your night going? Or just a HEY whats up! This corny bullshit has to go.
#20sdatingdrama is always entertaining,
C
1. On a highway. If I'm stopped beside you at a red light and you "holla at me." What do you really think is going to happen? Do you think I'm going to jump out of my car and into yours??? Do you think I'm going to sign you my number?? Do you think you can follow me wherever I go and try to get to know me better?
Nothing will come out of yelling things at me in car. It's not at all flattering or attractive. Stop it.
2. When I am running by you (either you are in your car or outside). Again, do you think I'm going to stop my workout to say hi?? Nope...you are creepy.
3. Cheesy pick up lines. The fact that #RejectedPickupLines is trending on twitter made me laugh and think back to the ridiculous things guys have said to me...usually at bars.
Here's what pick up lines have been thrown at me before:
"If you were a screen door, I'd slam you so hard." HAHAHAHA. Ok, I admit it. I give this guy credit...HILARIOUS!! If he was trying to be funny, we would have totally worked out. The problem is he was completely serious about it.
"Damn girl you are the hottest girl in this bar" Ok, you can say that to me after you've bought me a few drinks, but saying something about my appearance in a sexual way isn't going to make me attracted to you. You do not seem genuine. You seem like a creep.
"You're crazy in bed aren't you?" This isn't a joke...some guy legit said this to me at the bar. He told me he could tell I was a freak because of the tights I was wearing.....umm. He was stumbling around so wasted that I don't even think he knew his name. Ew.
Why can't guys just stick with normal lines like, hi my name is _____ how are you? Or hows your night going? Or just a HEY whats up! This corny bullshit has to go.
#20sdatingdrama is always entertaining,
C
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Facebook is the new online dating site for men?
Y'all know that my favorite topic to talk about is relationships. So when I get the opportunity to ask some guy friends a bunch of questions, I take it as a "research experiment." I've found I've got a lot of interesting information from this. This experience is not so different.
So I got some really good insight this weekend on the way that guys think/creep/strategize when it comes to women.
I talked to my friend...let's just call him muscles for now. He is very attractive and obviously has a good body. However, he is kind of out there where in it comes to social skills and has never had a girlfriend. Lets throw it out there though that I was also talking to my two other friends who have both had successful relationships.
So muscles started talking about how he wants a girlfriend, so I asked him what his strategy is. He immediately told me that he's not into online dating. He doesn't want to pay for a girlfriend and finds the whole concept awkward and weird.
He started talking about his version of online dating, Facebook.
I love Facebook. I've used it to stalk ex boyfriends, co-workers, random guys that I met at the bar, old high school flames, etc. Never have I ever used facebook to try and scope out single guys that I have no connection to.
Well, muscles has a unique strategy of using Facebook to try and meet his future wife. Muscles started describing that he first starts out with a girl he knows, looks through her pictures, sees an attractive girl, goes to her profile, looks at her pictures, finds a girl who really catches his eye and then stalks her a little bit. Even though they have no mutual friends, no connections, he friend requests her.
Have you ever gotten a friend request from a random dude? I have gotten maybe 1 or 2 and usually ignore them especially if we have no mutual friends.
Think this is creepy? I'm not done yet.
If a girl has their profile on private where he can only see her profile picture. He will type in her last name on the search hoping a relative such as a mom or sibling will pop up who is not so cautious with their privacy settings so he can stalk them and find out more information about said girl.
He has his eye on this one girl who he has been carefully stalking on facebook for 6 months. He has not friend requested her and knows nothing about her. He has been working up the nerve to friend request or message her for months. What would you do if some random guy messaged you and said "hey I saw your picture and think your attractive...wanna go on a date" I think most of us would think that's creepy.
My advice to muscles was very honorable. I told him to lie. Make up a story about how he thinks they met at the bar or something. If she answers and says sorry wrong person you say "oh i'm so sorry I feel so dumb...you are very beautiful though' even that is freaking corny and makes me so sick to even type out.
So as muscles was giving me this information, my wheels started turning. Are all guys like this? I got feedback from the other guys that were around and they said they do the same thing sometimes but never have had enough nerve to actually facebook friend request or message a girl they didn't know. They don't want to be perceived as creepy.
Ding ding ding....that's because it is kind of creepy.
I really don't know if this method would ever work. I'm trying to think of how I would react to an attractive random guy messaging me on facebook. At first, I'd probably be flattered, but then after a few days of intense analyzing (which you know I would do), I'd probably decide that the fact that he messaged me on facebook made me sick....
What are your thoughts on this??? Has anyone ever randomly messaged you on facebook? Would you respond? Do you think this is creepy or totally normal for guys to do?
Feedback would be appreciated!
C
So I got some really good insight this weekend on the way that guys think/creep/strategize when it comes to women.
I talked to my friend...let's just call him muscles for now. He is very attractive and obviously has a good body. However, he is kind of out there where in it comes to social skills and has never had a girlfriend. Lets throw it out there though that I was also talking to my two other friends who have both had successful relationships.
So muscles started talking about how he wants a girlfriend, so I asked him what his strategy is. He immediately told me that he's not into online dating. He doesn't want to pay for a girlfriend and finds the whole concept awkward and weird.
He started talking about his version of online dating, Facebook.
I love Facebook. I've used it to stalk ex boyfriends, co-workers, random guys that I met at the bar, old high school flames, etc. Never have I ever used facebook to try and scope out single guys that I have no connection to.
Well, muscles has a unique strategy of using Facebook to try and meet his future wife. Muscles started describing that he first starts out with a girl he knows, looks through her pictures, sees an attractive girl, goes to her profile, looks at her pictures, finds a girl who really catches his eye and then stalks her a little bit. Even though they have no mutual friends, no connections, he friend requests her.
Have you ever gotten a friend request from a random dude? I have gotten maybe 1 or 2 and usually ignore them especially if we have no mutual friends.
Think this is creepy? I'm not done yet.
If a girl has their profile on private where he can only see her profile picture. He will type in her last name on the search hoping a relative such as a mom or sibling will pop up who is not so cautious with their privacy settings so he can stalk them and find out more information about said girl.
He has his eye on this one girl who he has been carefully stalking on facebook for 6 months. He has not friend requested her and knows nothing about her. He has been working up the nerve to friend request or message her for months. What would you do if some random guy messaged you and said "hey I saw your picture and think your attractive...wanna go on a date" I think most of us would think that's creepy.
My advice to muscles was very honorable. I told him to lie. Make up a story about how he thinks they met at the bar or something. If she answers and says sorry wrong person you say "oh i'm so sorry I feel so dumb...you are very beautiful though' even that is freaking corny and makes me so sick to even type out.
So as muscles was giving me this information, my wheels started turning. Are all guys like this? I got feedback from the other guys that were around and they said they do the same thing sometimes but never have had enough nerve to actually facebook friend request or message a girl they didn't know. They don't want to be perceived as creepy.
Ding ding ding....that's because it is kind of creepy.
I really don't know if this method would ever work. I'm trying to think of how I would react to an attractive random guy messaging me on facebook. At first, I'd probably be flattered, but then after a few days of intense analyzing (which you know I would do), I'd probably decide that the fact that he messaged me on facebook made me sick....
What are your thoughts on this??? Has anyone ever randomly messaged you on facebook? Would you respond? Do you think this is creepy or totally normal for guys to do?
Feedback would be appreciated!
C
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Words to Live By
I used to think that finding someone you clicked with, someone who made your stomach feel sick, your hands to start to shake and your whole body feel off balance... was always going to mean it was something special. But these are things that just happen-- they're not a result of something he's doing for you. He isn't making these things happen, they just are. What I've come to realize is.. once the butterflies fly away.. and the sickness subsides, what matters is how he makes you feel on purpose --the feelings he can cause in you that are every bit of his control. His calling to say 'hi', quoting a movie line to make you laugh or learning to accept that you like the one team in baseball he can't stand. These are the feelings that do not just fade away in time, because he won't let them-- if its really something, he'll be able to make you feel those things no matter the circumstance.
-Hollie Seals
-Hollie Seals
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Here We Are Again
I had asked B to blog about her thoughts during my relationship, but I never knew she felt that way about it! I guess that's a sign...haha
Over the past few weeks, I've fell back in love all over again with someone who didn't want to put me first. I made him dinners, thought about him all the time, and wanted to be in his arms every second of every day. After being called psychotic many times by the person I love, I realized that around him, I really am.
I wanted him to put me first and love me so much that I would actually ask for it and beg for it. I was my worst around him. Love is a complicated thing, and if you don't get what you need, I've realized that's where "psycho" comes from. The basics of a relationship need to be there, and he was not ready. By forcing it, we were both miserable.
I'm currently in a situation (not a good one) that involves the both of us. Instead of being supportive, I got the complete opposite. I'm going through it alone. When you realize that you're basically alone when someone should be standing beside you, it hits pretty hard.
Throughout all of this, I am not angry. I'm hurt, and of course this sucks, but I can't force someone to be there. I went through something like this with my ex-ex...just not as bad. He wanted to control me, and he was kind of the opposite as the current situation-
We spoke a few weeks ago, and he had a lot to say. We talked for a long time, and he knew that he was wrong. He was on the money with things that he said, and he admitted it was a maturity issue. I'm happy to have this person say to me..."it wasn't you. Now I know what I missed out on, and I hate myself every day for it." We're working on being friends.
I'm just lucky to have such great people in my life. In other news, one of my best guy friends "M" is trying to hook me up with his model friend.
1. I hate hook ups.
2. I don't date models. Dude models freak me out. When we were talking, he sent me this text:
When in doubt about yourself, talk to someone who makes you smile. Your friends and family will remind you how great you are, and there is always room for improvement :)
T
Over the past few weeks, I've fell back in love all over again with someone who didn't want to put me first. I made him dinners, thought about him all the time, and wanted to be in his arms every second of every day. After being called psychotic many times by the person I love, I realized that around him, I really am.
I wanted him to put me first and love me so much that I would actually ask for it and beg for it. I was my worst around him. Love is a complicated thing, and if you don't get what you need, I've realized that's where "psycho" comes from. The basics of a relationship need to be there, and he was not ready. By forcing it, we were both miserable.
I'm currently in a situation (not a good one) that involves the both of us. Instead of being supportive, I got the complete opposite. I'm going through it alone. When you realize that you're basically alone when someone should be standing beside you, it hits pretty hard.
Throughout all of this, I am not angry. I'm hurt, and of course this sucks, but I can't force someone to be there. I went through something like this with my ex-ex...just not as bad. He wanted to control me, and he was kind of the opposite as the current situation-
We spoke a few weeks ago, and he had a lot to say. We talked for a long time, and he knew that he was wrong. He was on the money with things that he said, and he admitted it was a maturity issue. I'm happy to have this person say to me..."it wasn't you. Now I know what I missed out on, and I hate myself every day for it." We're working on being friends.
I'm just lucky to have such great people in my life. In other news, one of my best guy friends "M" is trying to hook me up with his model friend.
1. I hate hook ups.
2. I don't date models. Dude models freak me out. When we were talking, he sent me this text:
When in doubt about yourself, talk to someone who makes you smile. Your friends and family will remind you how great you are, and there is always room for improvement :)
T
From the Outside Looking In...
Hi! I decided to accept T's offer to guest blog from an outside perspective on her situation. My name is B, and I was T's roommate for two years in college.
Yes, it was a crazy time, but I wish we were back there every day. Anyway, T and I keep in touch, often playing phone tag. This weekend I received the call I was half dreading, half expecting to receive: She was really done this time with who I now call, "Asshole." I had seen their relationship begin and end. Every time there was trouble I would try and give my input on the situation, at the same time knowing when you are in the situation it doesn't matter what anyone else says you are going to do what you want and feel is right for you. You see I was in a similar situation to what she is in with my ex. Our roles were swapped, I was trying to defend my bf at the time, while in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't right how he was treating me, and she was being a supportive friend, but also telling me to move on, I deserved better. Now it was my turn.
Asshole was supposedly going to "change," but I think we both knew it was not going to last. You see no matter how much you try your true self will always come out. T realized this over the past few days as Asshole did what he does best....was an asshole. When someone is sick and wants someone to take care of them, if you are a normal and nice person, you do it because you know that they would do the same for you, and have done the same for youin the past...not him. If you are a normal and nice person you treat the person you supposedly love with respect all the time and do not scream and verbally attack them...not him. I could go on and on about the crap he has done, but it is not worth my time, and I hope she has learned he is not worth her time. She deserves better. Someone who is excited to be with the real her and sees how great she is and someone who is always going to be there for her when she needs him. Someone who can actually do grown-up things like manage their own money, go to class so they can graduate college, and know what they are going to do with their life in the real world.
It is going to take some time, and it is going to suck for a while and there may be some tears, but one day she'll realize he hasn't even crossed her mind because she has someone way better in her life. Until then she has many friends who will remind her how better her life is without him.
Love you T!!!!
Yes, it was a crazy time, but I wish we were back there every day. Anyway, T and I keep in touch, often playing phone tag. This weekend I received the call I was half dreading, half expecting to receive: She was really done this time with who I now call, "Asshole." I had seen their relationship begin and end. Every time there was trouble I would try and give my input on the situation, at the same time knowing when you are in the situation it doesn't matter what anyone else says you are going to do what you want and feel is right for you. You see I was in a similar situation to what she is in with my ex. Our roles were swapped, I was trying to defend my bf at the time, while in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't right how he was treating me, and she was being a supportive friend, but also telling me to move on, I deserved better. Now it was my turn.
Asshole was supposedly going to "change," but I think we both knew it was not going to last. You see no matter how much you try your true self will always come out. T realized this over the past few days as Asshole did what he does best....was an asshole. When someone is sick and wants someone to take care of them, if you are a normal and nice person, you do it because you know that they would do the same for you, and have done the same for youin the past...not him. If you are a normal and nice person you treat the person you supposedly love with respect all the time and do not scream and verbally attack them...not him. I could go on and on about the crap he has done, but it is not worth my time, and I hope she has learned he is not worth her time. She deserves better. Someone who is excited to be with the real her and sees how great she is and someone who is always going to be there for her when she needs him. Someone who can actually do grown-up things like manage their own money, go to class so they can graduate college, and know what they are going to do with their life in the real world.
It is going to take some time, and it is going to suck for a while and there may be some tears, but one day she'll realize he hasn't even crossed her mind because she has someone way better in her life. Until then she has many friends who will remind her how better her life is without him.
Love you T!!!!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Post College Depression...minus the #collegedatingdrama
I miss college so much right now.
I want to sit on my porch, drink natty light, and throw shit at freshman when they walk by. I want to grind on the pole in a basement during a house party. I want to frolic through campus at 2am without a care in the world.
The one thing I do NOT miss about college though is the college dating scene. I did have a serious boyfriend for a year and half of college, but during the other time, dating was horrendous. Except for sophomore year. Sophomore year was the shit. I was so careless and LOVED being single. That is probably the only time in my life I actually enjoyed being single.
Besides that pleasant experience, the dating experiences I have in college were pretty shit.
Exhibit A.: Pauly D
I am naming him Pauly D because he is the epitome of everything jersey and Guido. Not my type at all. Describing him actually makes me sick. For some reason though, when I was drunk I thought Pauly D was the hottest man to walk the earth and to most people he actually is really attractive. We started casually hooking up and of course me like a psycho starts to get a little crazy. We would get drunk and he would tell me he liked me but then be a drunk sloppy mess and hit on freshman girls in front of my face. Needless to say, this didn't last long. I stopped hooking up with him when he peed the bed and all over me at my formal. Yea......
Exhibit B: Boy Band Lover
This one caught my eye at a basement party when he was doing dance moves to Nsync's bye bye bye. Naturally, he was a winner. We hooked up for a while and at that point I was still holding onto my virginity. I SWEAR to this day that he had a bet with his fraternity brothers that he could take my v card. WRONG. He didn't. I think he was looking for more of physical relationship more than anything else and at that point of my life, I was not ready for that. He also gave some lame excuse that he was graduating and didn't know if he should start dating a sophomore in college because he's moving. All excuses. I have to say I'm glad how things turned out. I love corny people, but I don't know if I could handle my future husband busting out nsync moves at my wedding #crazygirl
Besides those two and my long term boyfriend my junior and senior year, I really didn't have any DATING experience in college. The culture was definitley a hook up environment. Getting a date was like studying abroad or something---it was very foreign and different to most people. Only the lucky ones got to experience it.
Thinking about college got me thinking about guys now. Did this culture of hooking up suddenly sneak into dating post college too? From my experience, most of the guys I have talked to that attended college and experienced that hook up culture, don't transition to the dating world well. I don't even know if I have transitioned completely from college mode. I noticed that I am completely terrified to admit to a guy that I am looking for a relationship. Those were the words of death in college and I am just now coming to a realization that it is okay to want that and okay to admit it.
Hopefully we all got that hook up aspect out of our system in the glory days?? I sure as hell don't want to go down that road anymore.
But hey, it was really fucking fun while it lasted!
Nostalgically,
C
I want to sit on my porch, drink natty light, and throw shit at freshman when they walk by. I want to grind on the pole in a basement during a house party. I want to frolic through campus at 2am without a care in the world.
The one thing I do NOT miss about college though is the college dating scene. I did have a serious boyfriend for a year and half of college, but during the other time, dating was horrendous. Except for sophomore year. Sophomore year was the shit. I was so careless and LOVED being single. That is probably the only time in my life I actually enjoyed being single.
Besides that pleasant experience, the dating experiences I have in college were pretty shit.
Exhibit A.: Pauly D
I am naming him Pauly D because he is the epitome of everything jersey and Guido. Not my type at all. Describing him actually makes me sick. For some reason though, when I was drunk I thought Pauly D was the hottest man to walk the earth and to most people he actually is really attractive. We started casually hooking up and of course me like a psycho starts to get a little crazy. We would get drunk and he would tell me he liked me but then be a drunk sloppy mess and hit on freshman girls in front of my face. Needless to say, this didn't last long. I stopped hooking up with him when he peed the bed and all over me at my formal. Yea......
Exhibit B: Boy Band Lover
This one caught my eye at a basement party when he was doing dance moves to Nsync's bye bye bye. Naturally, he was a winner. We hooked up for a while and at that point I was still holding onto my virginity. I SWEAR to this day that he had a bet with his fraternity brothers that he could take my v card. WRONG. He didn't. I think he was looking for more of physical relationship more than anything else and at that point of my life, I was not ready for that. He also gave some lame excuse that he was graduating and didn't know if he should start dating a sophomore in college because he's moving. All excuses. I have to say I'm glad how things turned out. I love corny people, but I don't know if I could handle my future husband busting out nsync moves at my wedding #crazygirl
Besides those two and my long term boyfriend my junior and senior year, I really didn't have any DATING experience in college. The culture was definitley a hook up environment. Getting a date was like studying abroad or something---it was very foreign and different to most people. Only the lucky ones got to experience it.
Thinking about college got me thinking about guys now. Did this culture of hooking up suddenly sneak into dating post college too? From my experience, most of the guys I have talked to that attended college and experienced that hook up culture, don't transition to the dating world well. I don't even know if I have transitioned completely from college mode. I noticed that I am completely terrified to admit to a guy that I am looking for a relationship. Those were the words of death in college and I am just now coming to a realization that it is okay to want that and okay to admit it.
Hopefully we all got that hook up aspect out of our system in the glory days?? I sure as hell don't want to go down that road anymore.
But hey, it was really fucking fun while it lasted!
Nostalgically,
C
Monday, March 12, 2012
Logical or RIGHT
So, I'm not the most logical person ever.
For example...if I'm trying to save my money & there is something designer that I really want, I'll buy it simple because it will "last longer" and "save me money in the long run." Yes, I make it sound logical, but really, it's just an impulse buy and I'll lose it way before it breaks.
It's the same with me and relationships. My first boyfriend...Mr. Romance in hs: he got married after hs, but he still talked to me and told me that he loved me (after 4 years of us not being together...he took a while to get over). Instead of thinking..."oh, he's a douche bag who is screwing over his wife....," I thought:
He really loves me. This is true love.
Serious boyfriend two:
I know that he calls me names, but he loves me and that's why he does it. Even though we go to different schools and he won't talk to me when he's out (but girls sometimes picked up), there's no way he's cheating on me.
I'm an asshole, but I can't help it. Am I a hopeless romantic or a hopeless idiot? Either way, I won't change.
If I love someone, I'm in it for the long run. It hurts me the most, but it's good for whoever I'm with. There has to be a point, but it usually takes me a while.
Why is it that guys are so logical about things, but my girlfriends & I seem to be the same emotionally attached people (only with a select few guys of course...most make me sick)?
I wish I was a dude.
T!
For example...if I'm trying to save my money & there is something designer that I really want, I'll buy it simple because it will "last longer" and "save me money in the long run." Yes, I make it sound logical, but really, it's just an impulse buy and I'll lose it way before it breaks.
It's the same with me and relationships. My first boyfriend...Mr. Romance in hs: he got married after hs, but he still talked to me and told me that he loved me (after 4 years of us not being together...he took a while to get over). Instead of thinking..."oh, he's a douche bag who is screwing over his wife....," I thought:
He really loves me. This is true love.
Serious boyfriend two:
I know that he calls me names, but he loves me and that's why he does it. Even though we go to different schools and he won't talk to me when he's out (but girls sometimes picked up), there's no way he's cheating on me.
I'm an asshole, but I can't help it. Am I a hopeless romantic or a hopeless idiot? Either way, I won't change.
If I love someone, I'm in it for the long run. It hurts me the most, but it's good for whoever I'm with. There has to be a point, but it usually takes me a while.
Why is it that guys are so logical about things, but my girlfriends & I seem to be the same emotionally attached people (only with a select few guys of course...most make me sick)?
I wish I was a dude.
T!
Where to meet guys: Part 2: Online
Spring break is over, so I haven't had much time to frolic around looking for guys, so I took the easy way out. The second approach to meeting guys that I am taking is dating websites.
A little history:
I went on match.com in October right after me and my ex broke up. I needed a distraction or in other words, a rebound. Match.com probably wasn't the right dating website for a rebound (I found out later there are plenty of better sites for that). Match.com was definitely the most positive experience I have had online dating. The guys were not creepy (most of them) and they all had their shit together. I even hung out with one guy I met on match a few times, until I discovered that I wasn't ready for anything serious. Like I said, I was looking for a rebound.
What I learned in that situation that when you join match.com or e-harmony (a paid dating service) you need to be serious about finding someone. You also need to have the time to dedicate to going on dates, messaging, and meeting people. The timing just wasn't right for, but I think if you put in the effort online dating truly deserves, you could definitley meet your future husband.
Recently, I spent way too much money on spring clothes, so I have resorted to the free online dating sites.
Free Online dating.....woof.
In a previous blog, I told some horror stories about how I got sent a dick pic and things that really made me sick about some of the messages I got. However, I decided to give it another go and try Okcupid this time instead of Plenty of Fish.
Here are some of the messages I got:
You laugh at everything? So if you could pick which hyena to be in the lion king, which one would it be?
Ummmm....wtf???
hey there! let's hang sometime;) would love to hear your story...in person;)
Booty call?????? Cool..
Damn. Why are you on this site? You are too beautiful.
I already talked about this one in a previous blog. This is not a compliment. You suck.
I can't say that I have had the most positive experience with online dating, but I do think that the more credible sites such as match.com and e-harmony would really work if you are willing to put blood, sweat, and tears into finding the one. Maybe once I rack up some money, I will re-invest.
This week, I am thinking of trying to creep on men at the gym, the grocery store, and at a parade. Any suggestions, let me know!
Creeper McCreeperson on the prowl,
C
A little history:
I went on match.com in October right after me and my ex broke up. I needed a distraction or in other words, a rebound. Match.com probably wasn't the right dating website for a rebound (I found out later there are plenty of better sites for that). Match.com was definitely the most positive experience I have had online dating. The guys were not creepy (most of them) and they all had their shit together. I even hung out with one guy I met on match a few times, until I discovered that I wasn't ready for anything serious. Like I said, I was looking for a rebound.
What I learned in that situation that when you join match.com or e-harmony (a paid dating service) you need to be serious about finding someone. You also need to have the time to dedicate to going on dates, messaging, and meeting people. The timing just wasn't right for, but I think if you put in the effort online dating truly deserves, you could definitley meet your future husband.
Recently, I spent way too much money on spring clothes, so I have resorted to the free online dating sites.
Free Online dating.....woof.
In a previous blog, I told some horror stories about how I got sent a dick pic and things that really made me sick about some of the messages I got. However, I decided to give it another go and try Okcupid this time instead of Plenty of Fish.
Here are some of the messages I got:
You laugh at everything? So if you could pick which hyena to be in the lion king, which one would it be?
Ummmm....wtf???
hey there! let's hang sometime;) would love to hear your story...in person;)
Booty call?????? Cool..
Damn. Why are you on this site? You are too beautiful.
I already talked about this one in a previous blog. This is not a compliment. You suck.
I can't say that I have had the most positive experience with online dating, but I do think that the more credible sites such as match.com and e-harmony would really work if you are willing to put blood, sweat, and tears into finding the one. Maybe once I rack up some money, I will re-invest.
This week, I am thinking of trying to creep on men at the gym, the grocery store, and at a parade. Any suggestions, let me know!
Creeper McCreeperson on the prowl,
C
Friday, March 9, 2012
Where to meet guys: Part 1: The Bar
I'm starting a new "blog project" if you will. I've been trying to think of ways to meet guys since I have absolutely no prospects in my life right now. Even if nothing comes of it, I think I will end up with good stories and maybe some insight to share with the single girls who are wondering (quote shit girls say), "are there gonna be hot guys there?..where do I go to meet guys?" But seriously....where do we go to meet guys?????
Part one of this adventure starts at a classy little place we call a liquor establishment..aka the bar.
I met my last love interest, N, at the bar and we all remember how that turned out for me. Horrific. However, it did turn into something more than a hook up and had potential before he turned out to be an asshole. So last night, I went out with some friends and was "on the prowl."
I met 3 kind of guys last night:
1. The married man
Why do I always start talking to guys with rings on their finger?? Maybe because I know they are off limits so it's the easy way out? The two most beautiful men at the bar last night were married and they fully admitted to being so. I spent part of the night talking to them about relationships, which is always very interesting. I always get the same answer from the married men I chat it up with. Don't give it up right away. Play hard to get. I'm going to seriously take this advice to heart. (as you remember I took the pledge to not hook up before I start dating someone). It has been totally successful so far. These married guys were a little shady though. The one told me he had an open marriage because his wife lived in California. Can you believe I bought that for one minute? I found out from his friend that his wife lives right here with him in South Carolina. Real original. Obviously nothing healthy or good is going to come out of meeting a married man at the bar. Next prospect:
2. The party guy
Last night I also talked to a few guys that were pretty drunk. They were fun, on the dance floor, and having a grand old time. There are good and bad aspects to this kind of guy at the bar. He is definitely entertaining and great to have some fun with. But is this type of guy a huge red flag? I'm gonna go with yes.....and no. You have to feel it out. For example, the one guy I was talking to last night mentioned that he goes to the certain bar we were at every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. Um....ok. You are almost 30 and I get that you are single so you can do what you want, but do I really want to pursue someone who needs to spend every night of the weekend at the bar? Probably not.
On the other side of that spectrum though, there was a guy that I talked to last night that just seemed to really need a night out. We've all been there. His friends kept telling me that they couldn't believe he was acting like this because usually he is the most shy guy ever. Good for him. He obviously needed to let loose. The only deal breaker for me with him last night that he was really sloppy drunk. The sparks weren't going to fly for us last night while he was stumbling around wasted.
Finally we move on to prospect number 3...
3. The guy sitting by himself at the bar. This was our last stop of the night and it was around 1am. I figured I had nothing to lose so I went right up to the bar, sat down beside him, and said, hey I'm C, how's your night?? A little forward, I know, but he seemed to be into it.
We talked for about 20 minutes and then my friends rounded me up to go home. When I said I had to go, he didn't ask for my number. Just a plain old, nice to meet you.
Hmmm..maybe he just needed someone to talk to and he had a girlfriend at home? Or...he just wasn't that into me.
So after my little night of research do I think it's possible to meet a guy at the bar? Yes. Do I think it's the best place to meet a guy? No. There are too many sketchy people out there that sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between a good guy and a scum bag that's just looking for a girl to take home.
Part 1 of my journey was unsuccessful.
Stay tuned to find out where I go man huntin' next! ;)
On the prowl,
C
Part one of this adventure starts at a classy little place we call a liquor establishment..aka the bar.
I met my last love interest, N, at the bar and we all remember how that turned out for me. Horrific. However, it did turn into something more than a hook up and had potential before he turned out to be an asshole. So last night, I went out with some friends and was "on the prowl."
I met 3 kind of guys last night:
1. The married man
Why do I always start talking to guys with rings on their finger?? Maybe because I know they are off limits so it's the easy way out? The two most beautiful men at the bar last night were married and they fully admitted to being so. I spent part of the night talking to them about relationships, which is always very interesting. I always get the same answer from the married men I chat it up with. Don't give it up right away. Play hard to get. I'm going to seriously take this advice to heart. (as you remember I took the pledge to not hook up before I start dating someone). It has been totally successful so far. These married guys were a little shady though. The one told me he had an open marriage because his wife lived in California. Can you believe I bought that for one minute? I found out from his friend that his wife lives right here with him in South Carolina. Real original. Obviously nothing healthy or good is going to come out of meeting a married man at the bar. Next prospect:
2. The party guy
Last night I also talked to a few guys that were pretty drunk. They were fun, on the dance floor, and having a grand old time. There are good and bad aspects to this kind of guy at the bar. He is definitely entertaining and great to have some fun with. But is this type of guy a huge red flag? I'm gonna go with yes.....and no. You have to feel it out. For example, the one guy I was talking to last night mentioned that he goes to the certain bar we were at every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. Um....ok. You are almost 30 and I get that you are single so you can do what you want, but do I really want to pursue someone who needs to spend every night of the weekend at the bar? Probably not.
On the other side of that spectrum though, there was a guy that I talked to last night that just seemed to really need a night out. We've all been there. His friends kept telling me that they couldn't believe he was acting like this because usually he is the most shy guy ever. Good for him. He obviously needed to let loose. The only deal breaker for me with him last night that he was really sloppy drunk. The sparks weren't going to fly for us last night while he was stumbling around wasted.
Finally we move on to prospect number 3...
3. The guy sitting by himself at the bar. This was our last stop of the night and it was around 1am. I figured I had nothing to lose so I went right up to the bar, sat down beside him, and said, hey I'm C, how's your night?? A little forward, I know, but he seemed to be into it.
We talked for about 20 minutes and then my friends rounded me up to go home. When I said I had to go, he didn't ask for my number. Just a plain old, nice to meet you.
Hmmm..maybe he just needed someone to talk to and he had a girlfriend at home? Or...he just wasn't that into me.
So after my little night of research do I think it's possible to meet a guy at the bar? Yes. Do I think it's the best place to meet a guy? No. There are too many sketchy people out there that sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between a good guy and a scum bag that's just looking for a girl to take home.
Part 1 of my journey was unsuccessful.
Stay tuned to find out where I go man huntin' next! ;)
On the prowl,
C
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