I've realized that even though I have not been technically "single" for long, I've felt single for a long time.
When I'm in a relationship that gives something back, I'm awesome at it. I can't help thinking lately about my first love.
He was honestly amazing. Seriously, guys, the feelings that I felt with him were unreal. He had found me, and we were perfect from the start. We had 3 perfect years together. We were best friends. Best friends with each other's friends. I was sick, and he was there. He came to every one of my dance and cheer competitions with a smile...and flowers. He was sad, lost a football game, a wrestling match, I was there. Our friends loved us together, and it was honestly the most romantic in love relationship. How it ended was sad, and I have never since been that heart broken. He dated someone else, and eventually, he came back. I knew he would.
Unfortunately, it was different. I couldn't get past it. If you want to lose me forever, be with someone else. I can take a lot, but just one kiss, I'm done. He tried getting me back, and I wanted it, but I couldn't get over that.
I know we are different people today, and I don't want him anymore. He isn't what he was then. But I do want that again. That CONSTANT emotion. Someone giving me equally if not more what I gave them. The confidence of love. Never second guessing. Knowing you would do anything for each other.
After being in love, I can never give up. No matter how many times I am hurt, the feeling of love outweighs the negatives.
I need to remember that, and move on without the anger, without the past. Is this able to happen again? Or is it once in a lifetime?