A few days ago in class our professor had us do a Q&A. We could write anything down on a notecard we wanted for him to answer, personally or professionally. One of the questions was, "What is the most important piece of advice you would give us?" He answered with, "fall in love, and if you haven't found it yet, seek love actively."
Beautiful right?
Naturally because I am an emotional basket case, I teared up.
Knowing a brief history about my professor, he is divorced and always mentions his new girlfriend. He also tells his horror stories about his ex girlfriends in the past. He has obviously been through a lot, but still beleives in love.
So I started to ponder this thought. I want to fall in love more than anything in the world. I really really want it. So bad that it hurts. I try to force it with people who aren't right for me and even started this blog dedicated to the drama that comes along with trying to find your other half.
The question I have is.......how do I actively seek love? What does that really mean, especially in today's society? Does actively seeking love mean going to the bars? Getting on match.com?? Putting an add on craigs list?? Wearing a sign around my neck that says SINGLE AND DESPERATELY LOOKING??
I'm not sure what "actively seeking" love means these days. I feel like I've tried all of those things, and for some unknown reason I just haven't found it yet.
That brings me to the other side of the spectrum. Don't people always say that when you aren't looking, you'll find it. Well how does that work??? Do I just give up and stop "actively" searching. How do I just nonchalantly find love without really looking??
I feel like that advice is pretty bogus. I truly believe that you can't force love and that it will happen in the most unexpected places. BUT I also believe that you have to be prepared and ready for it when it comes. If I'm just sitting on twitter by myself every night (which is sometimes accurate), then how am I going to find someone? Prince charming isn't going to fall out of the sky.
So while I don't think you can force love and make it happen in a split second, I think I agree with my professor. You do have to actively seek it if you really want it.
What does "actively" seeking love mean to you?? What are you doing to find your other half? I'd love to hear your insight.
Not giving up yet,
C
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
First Love
I've realized that even though I have not been technically "single" for long, I've felt single for a long time.
When I'm in a relationship that gives something back, I'm awesome at it. I can't help thinking lately about my first love.
He was honestly amazing. Seriously, guys, the feelings that I felt with him were unreal. He had found me, and we were perfect from the start. We had 3 perfect years together. We were best friends. Best friends with each other's friends. I was sick, and he was there. He came to every one of my dance and cheer competitions with a smile...and flowers. He was sad, lost a football game, a wrestling match, I was there. Our friends loved us together, and it was honestly the most romantic in love relationship. How it ended was sad, and I have never since been that heart broken. He dated someone else, and eventually, he came back. I knew he would.
Unfortunately, it was different. I couldn't get past it. If you want to lose me forever, be with someone else. I can take a lot, but just one kiss, I'm done. He tried getting me back, and I wanted it, but I couldn't get over that.
I know we are different people today, and I don't want him anymore. He isn't what he was then. But I do want that again. That CONSTANT emotion. Someone giving me equally if not more what I gave them. The confidence of love. Never second guessing. Knowing you would do anything for each other.
After being in love, I can never give up. No matter how many times I am hurt, the feeling of love outweighs the negatives.
I need to remember that, and move on without the anger, without the past. Is this able to happen again? Or is it once in a lifetime?
T
When I'm in a relationship that gives something back, I'm awesome at it. I can't help thinking lately about my first love.
He was honestly amazing. Seriously, guys, the feelings that I felt with him were unreal. He had found me, and we were perfect from the start. We had 3 perfect years together. We were best friends. Best friends with each other's friends. I was sick, and he was there. He came to every one of my dance and cheer competitions with a smile...and flowers. He was sad, lost a football game, a wrestling match, I was there. Our friends loved us together, and it was honestly the most romantic in love relationship. How it ended was sad, and I have never since been that heart broken. He dated someone else, and eventually, he came back. I knew he would.
Unfortunately, it was different. I couldn't get past it. If you want to lose me forever, be with someone else. I can take a lot, but just one kiss, I'm done. He tried getting me back, and I wanted it, but I couldn't get over that.
I know we are different people today, and I don't want him anymore. He isn't what he was then. But I do want that again. That CONSTANT emotion. Someone giving me equally if not more what I gave them. The confidence of love. Never second guessing. Knowing you would do anything for each other.
After being in love, I can never give up. No matter how many times I am hurt, the feeling of love outweighs the negatives.
I need to remember that, and move on without the anger, without the past. Is this able to happen again? Or is it once in a lifetime?
T
On the Hook
I watched an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" the other day. It was talking about something that I find to be so true: we all find those people that don't make us sick, but we don't like them either. We stick with them as a distraction, but we are constantly waiting for someone else. It's scary because how do you know exactly when you're on the hook, or when someone is really into you?
Perfect example:
My ex and I broke up on New Years. The next weekend there was a hot guy at the bar, he bought me a drink, he asked for my number, and he took me on real dates (i nicknamed him the foot...because his head was shaped like one). Yeah, he was cute & nice, but something about it wasn't right. I totally had him on the hook. A week before V-day, he took me to dinner and brought me roses. I still had him on the hook. MY ex called, I dropped him asap, and it was over.
A week later...he's back with his ex (for like 5 days...then he was texting me again...bye). I can't help but wonder...even though he initated everything, was this his way of getting over his ex and having me on the hook too?
Then, I was a dumbass, and I fell for the ex again. This is the LAST time I will talk about him. He doesn't want to deal with a relationship, and after lying to me and saying that he did, he realized life is easier to not deeply care about anyone or anything. So, we are done...again. After thinking for about 2 weeks about this, I can't help but wonder: has he had me on the hook the entire time?
He rarely expressed his love for me. When things were "good," he would tell me how perfect I was. When I would do what he wanted to do, he loved me. When something in my life went wrong, he was no where to be found. Ever. Whenver I think about him now, it angers me at how much he wasn't there. I would reach for more affection, and he would pull further away...this literally drove me crazy.
I've finally come to the conclusion that he has never fully loved me. You can't love someone fully when their pain does not pain you. When you run away and forget, you're not loving, you're being a selfish waste. I think that people need to learn how to lose many selfish qualities before they can love someone. Maybe I wasn't on the hook, but I was not loved to what I deserve.
Once you accept that you're either in a relationship with a selfish person or when you realize you're on the hook, it's so much easier to get over.
Tonight, I let all of my hooks go...why would I want to do this to someone when I know how wrong it is? And a few days ago, I let go of my ex, again. I've done this before and realized once again, there was never any love. It's so much easier to let something go when you realize what a loser someone is. If you're in one of these situations, look at the whole of it. Who is in the better life situation? It's probably you. Things are accepted much easier when you see them for what they are.
My ex "deals" with problems by pushing them away until they're staring him in the face. MY fault is pushing and trying to deal with them right away. From now on...new tactic:
BLOCK THAT SHIT OUT. When you think about them, block them out. If they don't want you, why should you want them? In my situation, I hate to give up on love because I want to save every last good feeling. Unfortunately, love is a lot of people's lower priorities, and they are their first. These fuck heads will never have a good relationship until they fully learn how to deal with a thing called life.
This was my last thinking opportunity before my new block out. I've been doing great so far, and then I started to get angry. Back to block out.
Crazy weekend planned...stories to come :)
T
Perfect example:
My ex and I broke up on New Years. The next weekend there was a hot guy at the bar, he bought me a drink, he asked for my number, and he took me on real dates (i nicknamed him the foot...because his head was shaped like one). Yeah, he was cute & nice, but something about it wasn't right. I totally had him on the hook. A week before V-day, he took me to dinner and brought me roses. I still had him on the hook. MY ex called, I dropped him asap, and it was over.
A week later...he's back with his ex (for like 5 days...then he was texting me again...bye). I can't help but wonder...even though he initated everything, was this his way of getting over his ex and having me on the hook too?
Then, I was a dumbass, and I fell for the ex again. This is the LAST time I will talk about him. He doesn't want to deal with a relationship, and after lying to me and saying that he did, he realized life is easier to not deeply care about anyone or anything. So, we are done...again. After thinking for about 2 weeks about this, I can't help but wonder: has he had me on the hook the entire time?
He rarely expressed his love for me. When things were "good," he would tell me how perfect I was. When I would do what he wanted to do, he loved me. When something in my life went wrong, he was no where to be found. Ever. Whenver I think about him now, it angers me at how much he wasn't there. I would reach for more affection, and he would pull further away...this literally drove me crazy.
I've finally come to the conclusion that he has never fully loved me. You can't love someone fully when their pain does not pain you. When you run away and forget, you're not loving, you're being a selfish waste. I think that people need to learn how to lose many selfish qualities before they can love someone. Maybe I wasn't on the hook, but I was not loved to what I deserve.
Once you accept that you're either in a relationship with a selfish person or when you realize you're on the hook, it's so much easier to get over.
Tonight, I let all of my hooks go...why would I want to do this to someone when I know how wrong it is? And a few days ago, I let go of my ex, again. I've done this before and realized once again, there was never any love. It's so much easier to let something go when you realize what a loser someone is. If you're in one of these situations, look at the whole of it. Who is in the better life situation? It's probably you. Things are accepted much easier when you see them for what they are.
My ex "deals" with problems by pushing them away until they're staring him in the face. MY fault is pushing and trying to deal with them right away. From now on...new tactic:
BLOCK THAT SHIT OUT. When you think about them, block them out. If they don't want you, why should you want them? In my situation, I hate to give up on love because I want to save every last good feeling. Unfortunately, love is a lot of people's lower priorities, and they are their first. These fuck heads will never have a good relationship until they fully learn how to deal with a thing called life.
This was my last thinking opportunity before my new block out. I've been doing great so far, and then I started to get angry. Back to block out.
Crazy weekend planned...stories to come :)
T
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
What do you think is going to happen???
One thing that I really do not understand is when guys try to pick up girls in the following ways:
1. On a highway. If I'm stopped beside you at a red light and you "holla at me." What do you really think is going to happen? Do you think I'm going to jump out of my car and into yours??? Do you think I'm going to sign you my number?? Do you think you can follow me wherever I go and try to get to know me better?
Nothing will come out of yelling things at me in car. It's not at all flattering or attractive. Stop it.
2. When I am running by you (either you are in your car or outside). Again, do you think I'm going to stop my workout to say hi?? Nope...you are creepy.
3. Cheesy pick up lines. The fact that #RejectedPickupLines is trending on twitter made me laugh and think back to the ridiculous things guys have said to me...usually at bars.
Here's what pick up lines have been thrown at me before:
"If you were a screen door, I'd slam you so hard." HAHAHAHA. Ok, I admit it. I give this guy credit...HILARIOUS!! If he was trying to be funny, we would have totally worked out. The problem is he was completely serious about it.
"Damn girl you are the hottest girl in this bar" Ok, you can say that to me after you've bought me a few drinks, but saying something about my appearance in a sexual way isn't going to make me attracted to you. You do not seem genuine. You seem like a creep.
"You're crazy in bed aren't you?" This isn't a joke...some guy legit said this to me at the bar. He told me he could tell I was a freak because of the tights I was wearing.....umm. He was stumbling around so wasted that I don't even think he knew his name. Ew.
Why can't guys just stick with normal lines like, hi my name is _____ how are you? Or hows your night going? Or just a HEY whats up! This corny bullshit has to go.
#20sdatingdrama is always entertaining,
C
1. On a highway. If I'm stopped beside you at a red light and you "holla at me." What do you really think is going to happen? Do you think I'm going to jump out of my car and into yours??? Do you think I'm going to sign you my number?? Do you think you can follow me wherever I go and try to get to know me better?
Nothing will come out of yelling things at me in car. It's not at all flattering or attractive. Stop it.
2. When I am running by you (either you are in your car or outside). Again, do you think I'm going to stop my workout to say hi?? Nope...you are creepy.
3. Cheesy pick up lines. The fact that #RejectedPickupLines is trending on twitter made me laugh and think back to the ridiculous things guys have said to me...usually at bars.
Here's what pick up lines have been thrown at me before:
"If you were a screen door, I'd slam you so hard." HAHAHAHA. Ok, I admit it. I give this guy credit...HILARIOUS!! If he was trying to be funny, we would have totally worked out. The problem is he was completely serious about it.
"Damn girl you are the hottest girl in this bar" Ok, you can say that to me after you've bought me a few drinks, but saying something about my appearance in a sexual way isn't going to make me attracted to you. You do not seem genuine. You seem like a creep.
"You're crazy in bed aren't you?" This isn't a joke...some guy legit said this to me at the bar. He told me he could tell I was a freak because of the tights I was wearing.....umm. He was stumbling around so wasted that I don't even think he knew his name. Ew.
Why can't guys just stick with normal lines like, hi my name is _____ how are you? Or hows your night going? Or just a HEY whats up! This corny bullshit has to go.
#20sdatingdrama is always entertaining,
C
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Facebook is the new online dating site for men?
Y'all know that my favorite topic to talk about is relationships. So when I get the opportunity to ask some guy friends a bunch of questions, I take it as a "research experiment." I've found I've got a lot of interesting information from this. This experience is not so different.
So I got some really good insight this weekend on the way that guys think/creep/strategize when it comes to women.
I talked to my friend...let's just call him muscles for now. He is very attractive and obviously has a good body. However, he is kind of out there where in it comes to social skills and has never had a girlfriend. Lets throw it out there though that I was also talking to my two other friends who have both had successful relationships.
So muscles started talking about how he wants a girlfriend, so I asked him what his strategy is. He immediately told me that he's not into online dating. He doesn't want to pay for a girlfriend and finds the whole concept awkward and weird.
He started talking about his version of online dating, Facebook.
I love Facebook. I've used it to stalk ex boyfriends, co-workers, random guys that I met at the bar, old high school flames, etc. Never have I ever used facebook to try and scope out single guys that I have no connection to.
Well, muscles has a unique strategy of using Facebook to try and meet his future wife. Muscles started describing that he first starts out with a girl he knows, looks through her pictures, sees an attractive girl, goes to her profile, looks at her pictures, finds a girl who really catches his eye and then stalks her a little bit. Even though they have no mutual friends, no connections, he friend requests her.
Have you ever gotten a friend request from a random dude? I have gotten maybe 1 or 2 and usually ignore them especially if we have no mutual friends.
Think this is creepy? I'm not done yet.
If a girl has their profile on private where he can only see her profile picture. He will type in her last name on the search hoping a relative such as a mom or sibling will pop up who is not so cautious with their privacy settings so he can stalk them and find out more information about said girl.
He has his eye on this one girl who he has been carefully stalking on facebook for 6 months. He has not friend requested her and knows nothing about her. He has been working up the nerve to friend request or message her for months. What would you do if some random guy messaged you and said "hey I saw your picture and think your attractive...wanna go on a date" I think most of us would think that's creepy.
My advice to muscles was very honorable. I told him to lie. Make up a story about how he thinks they met at the bar or something. If she answers and says sorry wrong person you say "oh i'm so sorry I feel so dumb...you are very beautiful though' even that is freaking corny and makes me so sick to even type out.
So as muscles was giving me this information, my wheels started turning. Are all guys like this? I got feedback from the other guys that were around and they said they do the same thing sometimes but never have had enough nerve to actually facebook friend request or message a girl they didn't know. They don't want to be perceived as creepy.
Ding ding ding....that's because it is kind of creepy.
I really don't know if this method would ever work. I'm trying to think of how I would react to an attractive random guy messaging me on facebook. At first, I'd probably be flattered, but then after a few days of intense analyzing (which you know I would do), I'd probably decide that the fact that he messaged me on facebook made me sick....
What are your thoughts on this??? Has anyone ever randomly messaged you on facebook? Would you respond? Do you think this is creepy or totally normal for guys to do?
Feedback would be appreciated!
C
So I got some really good insight this weekend on the way that guys think/creep/strategize when it comes to women.
I talked to my friend...let's just call him muscles for now. He is very attractive and obviously has a good body. However, he is kind of out there where in it comes to social skills and has never had a girlfriend. Lets throw it out there though that I was also talking to my two other friends who have both had successful relationships.
So muscles started talking about how he wants a girlfriend, so I asked him what his strategy is. He immediately told me that he's not into online dating. He doesn't want to pay for a girlfriend and finds the whole concept awkward and weird.
He started talking about his version of online dating, Facebook.
I love Facebook. I've used it to stalk ex boyfriends, co-workers, random guys that I met at the bar, old high school flames, etc. Never have I ever used facebook to try and scope out single guys that I have no connection to.
Well, muscles has a unique strategy of using Facebook to try and meet his future wife. Muscles started describing that he first starts out with a girl he knows, looks through her pictures, sees an attractive girl, goes to her profile, looks at her pictures, finds a girl who really catches his eye and then stalks her a little bit. Even though they have no mutual friends, no connections, he friend requests her.
Have you ever gotten a friend request from a random dude? I have gotten maybe 1 or 2 and usually ignore them especially if we have no mutual friends.
Think this is creepy? I'm not done yet.
If a girl has their profile on private where he can only see her profile picture. He will type in her last name on the search hoping a relative such as a mom or sibling will pop up who is not so cautious with their privacy settings so he can stalk them and find out more information about said girl.
He has his eye on this one girl who he has been carefully stalking on facebook for 6 months. He has not friend requested her and knows nothing about her. He has been working up the nerve to friend request or message her for months. What would you do if some random guy messaged you and said "hey I saw your picture and think your attractive...wanna go on a date" I think most of us would think that's creepy.
My advice to muscles was very honorable. I told him to lie. Make up a story about how he thinks they met at the bar or something. If she answers and says sorry wrong person you say "oh i'm so sorry I feel so dumb...you are very beautiful though' even that is freaking corny and makes me so sick to even type out.
So as muscles was giving me this information, my wheels started turning. Are all guys like this? I got feedback from the other guys that were around and they said they do the same thing sometimes but never have had enough nerve to actually facebook friend request or message a girl they didn't know. They don't want to be perceived as creepy.
Ding ding ding....that's because it is kind of creepy.
I really don't know if this method would ever work. I'm trying to think of how I would react to an attractive random guy messaging me on facebook. At first, I'd probably be flattered, but then after a few days of intense analyzing (which you know I would do), I'd probably decide that the fact that he messaged me on facebook made me sick....
What are your thoughts on this??? Has anyone ever randomly messaged you on facebook? Would you respond? Do you think this is creepy or totally normal for guys to do?
Feedback would be appreciated!
C
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Words to Live By
I used to think that finding someone you clicked with, someone who made your stomach feel sick, your hands to start to shake and your whole body feel off balance... was always going to mean it was something special. But these are things that just happen-- they're not a result of something he's doing for you. He isn't making these things happen, they just are. What I've come to realize is.. once the butterflies fly away.. and the sickness subsides, what matters is how he makes you feel on purpose --the feelings he can cause in you that are every bit of his control. His calling to say 'hi', quoting a movie line to make you laugh or learning to accept that you like the one team in baseball he can't stand. These are the feelings that do not just fade away in time, because he won't let them-- if its really something, he'll be able to make you feel those things no matter the circumstance.
-Hollie Seals
-Hollie Seals
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Here We Are Again
I had asked B to blog about her thoughts during my relationship, but I never knew she felt that way about it! I guess that's a sign...haha
Over the past few weeks, I've fell back in love all over again with someone who didn't want to put me first. I made him dinners, thought about him all the time, and wanted to be in his arms every second of every day. After being called psychotic many times by the person I love, I realized that around him, I really am.
I wanted him to put me first and love me so much that I would actually ask for it and beg for it. I was my worst around him. Love is a complicated thing, and if you don't get what you need, I've realized that's where "psycho" comes from. The basics of a relationship need to be there, and he was not ready. By forcing it, we were both miserable.
I'm currently in a situation (not a good one) that involves the both of us. Instead of being supportive, I got the complete opposite. I'm going through it alone. When you realize that you're basically alone when someone should be standing beside you, it hits pretty hard.
Throughout all of this, I am not angry. I'm hurt, and of course this sucks, but I can't force someone to be there. I went through something like this with my ex-ex...just not as bad. He wanted to control me, and he was kind of the opposite as the current situation-
We spoke a few weeks ago, and he had a lot to say. We talked for a long time, and he knew that he was wrong. He was on the money with things that he said, and he admitted it was a maturity issue. I'm happy to have this person say to me..."it wasn't you. Now I know what I missed out on, and I hate myself every day for it." We're working on being friends.
I'm just lucky to have such great people in my life. In other news, one of my best guy friends "M" is trying to hook me up with his model friend.
1. I hate hook ups.
2. I don't date models. Dude models freak me out. When we were talking, he sent me this text:
When in doubt about yourself, talk to someone who makes you smile. Your friends and family will remind you how great you are, and there is always room for improvement :)
T
Over the past few weeks, I've fell back in love all over again with someone who didn't want to put me first. I made him dinners, thought about him all the time, and wanted to be in his arms every second of every day. After being called psychotic many times by the person I love, I realized that around him, I really am.
I wanted him to put me first and love me so much that I would actually ask for it and beg for it. I was my worst around him. Love is a complicated thing, and if you don't get what you need, I've realized that's where "psycho" comes from. The basics of a relationship need to be there, and he was not ready. By forcing it, we were both miserable.
I'm currently in a situation (not a good one) that involves the both of us. Instead of being supportive, I got the complete opposite. I'm going through it alone. When you realize that you're basically alone when someone should be standing beside you, it hits pretty hard.
Throughout all of this, I am not angry. I'm hurt, and of course this sucks, but I can't force someone to be there. I went through something like this with my ex-ex...just not as bad. He wanted to control me, and he was kind of the opposite as the current situation-
We spoke a few weeks ago, and he had a lot to say. We talked for a long time, and he knew that he was wrong. He was on the money with things that he said, and he admitted it was a maturity issue. I'm happy to have this person say to me..."it wasn't you. Now I know what I missed out on, and I hate myself every day for it." We're working on being friends.
I'm just lucky to have such great people in my life. In other news, one of my best guy friends "M" is trying to hook me up with his model friend.
1. I hate hook ups.
2. I don't date models. Dude models freak me out. When we were talking, he sent me this text:
When in doubt about yourself, talk to someone who makes you smile. Your friends and family will remind you how great you are, and there is always room for improvement :)
T
From the Outside Looking In...
Hi! I decided to accept T's offer to guest blog from an outside perspective on her situation. My name is B, and I was T's roommate for two years in college.
Yes, it was a crazy time, but I wish we were back there every day. Anyway, T and I keep in touch, often playing phone tag. This weekend I received the call I was half dreading, half expecting to receive: She was really done this time with who I now call, "Asshole." I had seen their relationship begin and end. Every time there was trouble I would try and give my input on the situation, at the same time knowing when you are in the situation it doesn't matter what anyone else says you are going to do what you want and feel is right for you. You see I was in a similar situation to what she is in with my ex. Our roles were swapped, I was trying to defend my bf at the time, while in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't right how he was treating me, and she was being a supportive friend, but also telling me to move on, I deserved better. Now it was my turn.
Asshole was supposedly going to "change," but I think we both knew it was not going to last. You see no matter how much you try your true self will always come out. T realized this over the past few days as Asshole did what he does best....was an asshole. When someone is sick and wants someone to take care of them, if you are a normal and nice person, you do it because you know that they would do the same for you, and have done the same for youin the past...not him. If you are a normal and nice person you treat the person you supposedly love with respect all the time and do not scream and verbally attack them...not him. I could go on and on about the crap he has done, but it is not worth my time, and I hope she has learned he is not worth her time. She deserves better. Someone who is excited to be with the real her and sees how great she is and someone who is always going to be there for her when she needs him. Someone who can actually do grown-up things like manage their own money, go to class so they can graduate college, and know what they are going to do with their life in the real world.
It is going to take some time, and it is going to suck for a while and there may be some tears, but one day she'll realize he hasn't even crossed her mind because she has someone way better in her life. Until then she has many friends who will remind her how better her life is without him.
Love you T!!!!
Yes, it was a crazy time, but I wish we were back there every day. Anyway, T and I keep in touch, often playing phone tag. This weekend I received the call I was half dreading, half expecting to receive: She was really done this time with who I now call, "Asshole." I had seen their relationship begin and end. Every time there was trouble I would try and give my input on the situation, at the same time knowing when you are in the situation it doesn't matter what anyone else says you are going to do what you want and feel is right for you. You see I was in a similar situation to what she is in with my ex. Our roles were swapped, I was trying to defend my bf at the time, while in the back of my mind I knew it wasn't right how he was treating me, and she was being a supportive friend, but also telling me to move on, I deserved better. Now it was my turn.
Asshole was supposedly going to "change," but I think we both knew it was not going to last. You see no matter how much you try your true self will always come out. T realized this over the past few days as Asshole did what he does best....was an asshole. When someone is sick and wants someone to take care of them, if you are a normal and nice person, you do it because you know that they would do the same for you, and have done the same for youin the past...not him. If you are a normal and nice person you treat the person you supposedly love with respect all the time and do not scream and verbally attack them...not him. I could go on and on about the crap he has done, but it is not worth my time, and I hope she has learned he is not worth her time. She deserves better. Someone who is excited to be with the real her and sees how great she is and someone who is always going to be there for her when she needs him. Someone who can actually do grown-up things like manage their own money, go to class so they can graduate college, and know what they are going to do with their life in the real world.
It is going to take some time, and it is going to suck for a while and there may be some tears, but one day she'll realize he hasn't even crossed her mind because she has someone way better in her life. Until then she has many friends who will remind her how better her life is without him.
Love you T!!!!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Post College Depression...minus the #collegedatingdrama
I miss college so much right now.
I want to sit on my porch, drink natty light, and throw shit at freshman when they walk by. I want to grind on the pole in a basement during a house party. I want to frolic through campus at 2am without a care in the world.
The one thing I do NOT miss about college though is the college dating scene. I did have a serious boyfriend for a year and half of college, but during the other time, dating was horrendous. Except for sophomore year. Sophomore year was the shit. I was so careless and LOVED being single. That is probably the only time in my life I actually enjoyed being single.
Besides that pleasant experience, the dating experiences I have in college were pretty shit.
Exhibit A.: Pauly D
I am naming him Pauly D because he is the epitome of everything jersey and Guido. Not my type at all. Describing him actually makes me sick. For some reason though, when I was drunk I thought Pauly D was the hottest man to walk the earth and to most people he actually is really attractive. We started casually hooking up and of course me like a psycho starts to get a little crazy. We would get drunk and he would tell me he liked me but then be a drunk sloppy mess and hit on freshman girls in front of my face. Needless to say, this didn't last long. I stopped hooking up with him when he peed the bed and all over me at my formal. Yea......
Exhibit B: Boy Band Lover
This one caught my eye at a basement party when he was doing dance moves to Nsync's bye bye bye. Naturally, he was a winner. We hooked up for a while and at that point I was still holding onto my virginity. I SWEAR to this day that he had a bet with his fraternity brothers that he could take my v card. WRONG. He didn't. I think he was looking for more of physical relationship more than anything else and at that point of my life, I was not ready for that. He also gave some lame excuse that he was graduating and didn't know if he should start dating a sophomore in college because he's moving. All excuses. I have to say I'm glad how things turned out. I love corny people, but I don't know if I could handle my future husband busting out nsync moves at my wedding #crazygirl
Besides those two and my long term boyfriend my junior and senior year, I really didn't have any DATING experience in college. The culture was definitley a hook up environment. Getting a date was like studying abroad or something---it was very foreign and different to most people. Only the lucky ones got to experience it.
Thinking about college got me thinking about guys now. Did this culture of hooking up suddenly sneak into dating post college too? From my experience, most of the guys I have talked to that attended college and experienced that hook up culture, don't transition to the dating world well. I don't even know if I have transitioned completely from college mode. I noticed that I am completely terrified to admit to a guy that I am looking for a relationship. Those were the words of death in college and I am just now coming to a realization that it is okay to want that and okay to admit it.
Hopefully we all got that hook up aspect out of our system in the glory days?? I sure as hell don't want to go down that road anymore.
But hey, it was really fucking fun while it lasted!
Nostalgically,
C
I want to sit on my porch, drink natty light, and throw shit at freshman when they walk by. I want to grind on the pole in a basement during a house party. I want to frolic through campus at 2am without a care in the world.
The one thing I do NOT miss about college though is the college dating scene. I did have a serious boyfriend for a year and half of college, but during the other time, dating was horrendous. Except for sophomore year. Sophomore year was the shit. I was so careless and LOVED being single. That is probably the only time in my life I actually enjoyed being single.
Besides that pleasant experience, the dating experiences I have in college were pretty shit.
Exhibit A.: Pauly D
I am naming him Pauly D because he is the epitome of everything jersey and Guido. Not my type at all. Describing him actually makes me sick. For some reason though, when I was drunk I thought Pauly D was the hottest man to walk the earth and to most people he actually is really attractive. We started casually hooking up and of course me like a psycho starts to get a little crazy. We would get drunk and he would tell me he liked me but then be a drunk sloppy mess and hit on freshman girls in front of my face. Needless to say, this didn't last long. I stopped hooking up with him when he peed the bed and all over me at my formal. Yea......
Exhibit B: Boy Band Lover
This one caught my eye at a basement party when he was doing dance moves to Nsync's bye bye bye. Naturally, he was a winner. We hooked up for a while and at that point I was still holding onto my virginity. I SWEAR to this day that he had a bet with his fraternity brothers that he could take my v card. WRONG. He didn't. I think he was looking for more of physical relationship more than anything else and at that point of my life, I was not ready for that. He also gave some lame excuse that he was graduating and didn't know if he should start dating a sophomore in college because he's moving. All excuses. I have to say I'm glad how things turned out. I love corny people, but I don't know if I could handle my future husband busting out nsync moves at my wedding #crazygirl
Besides those two and my long term boyfriend my junior and senior year, I really didn't have any DATING experience in college. The culture was definitley a hook up environment. Getting a date was like studying abroad or something---it was very foreign and different to most people. Only the lucky ones got to experience it.
Thinking about college got me thinking about guys now. Did this culture of hooking up suddenly sneak into dating post college too? From my experience, most of the guys I have talked to that attended college and experienced that hook up culture, don't transition to the dating world well. I don't even know if I have transitioned completely from college mode. I noticed that I am completely terrified to admit to a guy that I am looking for a relationship. Those were the words of death in college and I am just now coming to a realization that it is okay to want that and okay to admit it.
Hopefully we all got that hook up aspect out of our system in the glory days?? I sure as hell don't want to go down that road anymore.
But hey, it was really fucking fun while it lasted!
Nostalgically,
C
Monday, March 12, 2012
Logical or RIGHT
So, I'm not the most logical person ever.
For example...if I'm trying to save my money & there is something designer that I really want, I'll buy it simple because it will "last longer" and "save me money in the long run." Yes, I make it sound logical, but really, it's just an impulse buy and I'll lose it way before it breaks.
It's the same with me and relationships. My first boyfriend...Mr. Romance in hs: he got married after hs, but he still talked to me and told me that he loved me (after 4 years of us not being together...he took a while to get over). Instead of thinking..."oh, he's a douche bag who is screwing over his wife....," I thought:
He really loves me. This is true love.
Serious boyfriend two:
I know that he calls me names, but he loves me and that's why he does it. Even though we go to different schools and he won't talk to me when he's out (but girls sometimes picked up), there's no way he's cheating on me.
I'm an asshole, but I can't help it. Am I a hopeless romantic or a hopeless idiot? Either way, I won't change.
If I love someone, I'm in it for the long run. It hurts me the most, but it's good for whoever I'm with. There has to be a point, but it usually takes me a while.
Why is it that guys are so logical about things, but my girlfriends & I seem to be the same emotionally attached people (only with a select few guys of course...most make me sick)?
I wish I was a dude.
T!
For example...if I'm trying to save my money & there is something designer that I really want, I'll buy it simple because it will "last longer" and "save me money in the long run." Yes, I make it sound logical, but really, it's just an impulse buy and I'll lose it way before it breaks.
It's the same with me and relationships. My first boyfriend...Mr. Romance in hs: he got married after hs, but he still talked to me and told me that he loved me (after 4 years of us not being together...he took a while to get over). Instead of thinking..."oh, he's a douche bag who is screwing over his wife....," I thought:
He really loves me. This is true love.
Serious boyfriend two:
I know that he calls me names, but he loves me and that's why he does it. Even though we go to different schools and he won't talk to me when he's out (but girls sometimes picked up), there's no way he's cheating on me.
I'm an asshole, but I can't help it. Am I a hopeless romantic or a hopeless idiot? Either way, I won't change.
If I love someone, I'm in it for the long run. It hurts me the most, but it's good for whoever I'm with. There has to be a point, but it usually takes me a while.
Why is it that guys are so logical about things, but my girlfriends & I seem to be the same emotionally attached people (only with a select few guys of course...most make me sick)?
I wish I was a dude.
T!
Where to meet guys: Part 2: Online
Spring break is over, so I haven't had much time to frolic around looking for guys, so I took the easy way out. The second approach to meeting guys that I am taking is dating websites.
A little history:
I went on match.com in October right after me and my ex broke up. I needed a distraction or in other words, a rebound. Match.com probably wasn't the right dating website for a rebound (I found out later there are plenty of better sites for that). Match.com was definitely the most positive experience I have had online dating. The guys were not creepy (most of them) and they all had their shit together. I even hung out with one guy I met on match a few times, until I discovered that I wasn't ready for anything serious. Like I said, I was looking for a rebound.
What I learned in that situation that when you join match.com or e-harmony (a paid dating service) you need to be serious about finding someone. You also need to have the time to dedicate to going on dates, messaging, and meeting people. The timing just wasn't right for, but I think if you put in the effort online dating truly deserves, you could definitley meet your future husband.
Recently, I spent way too much money on spring clothes, so I have resorted to the free online dating sites.
Free Online dating.....woof.
In a previous blog, I told some horror stories about how I got sent a dick pic and things that really made me sick about some of the messages I got. However, I decided to give it another go and try Okcupid this time instead of Plenty of Fish.
Here are some of the messages I got:
You laugh at everything? So if you could pick which hyena to be in the lion king, which one would it be?
Ummmm....wtf???
hey there! let's hang sometime;) would love to hear your story...in person;)
Booty call?????? Cool..
Damn. Why are you on this site? You are too beautiful.
I already talked about this one in a previous blog. This is not a compliment. You suck.
I can't say that I have had the most positive experience with online dating, but I do think that the more credible sites such as match.com and e-harmony would really work if you are willing to put blood, sweat, and tears into finding the one. Maybe once I rack up some money, I will re-invest.
This week, I am thinking of trying to creep on men at the gym, the grocery store, and at a parade. Any suggestions, let me know!
Creeper McCreeperson on the prowl,
C
A little history:
I went on match.com in October right after me and my ex broke up. I needed a distraction or in other words, a rebound. Match.com probably wasn't the right dating website for a rebound (I found out later there are plenty of better sites for that). Match.com was definitely the most positive experience I have had online dating. The guys were not creepy (most of them) and they all had their shit together. I even hung out with one guy I met on match a few times, until I discovered that I wasn't ready for anything serious. Like I said, I was looking for a rebound.
What I learned in that situation that when you join match.com or e-harmony (a paid dating service) you need to be serious about finding someone. You also need to have the time to dedicate to going on dates, messaging, and meeting people. The timing just wasn't right for, but I think if you put in the effort online dating truly deserves, you could definitley meet your future husband.
Recently, I spent way too much money on spring clothes, so I have resorted to the free online dating sites.
Free Online dating.....woof.
In a previous blog, I told some horror stories about how I got sent a dick pic and things that really made me sick about some of the messages I got. However, I decided to give it another go and try Okcupid this time instead of Plenty of Fish.
Here are some of the messages I got:
You laugh at everything? So if you could pick which hyena to be in the lion king, which one would it be?
Ummmm....wtf???
hey there! let's hang sometime;) would love to hear your story...in person;)
Booty call?????? Cool..
Damn. Why are you on this site? You are too beautiful.
I already talked about this one in a previous blog. This is not a compliment. You suck.
I can't say that I have had the most positive experience with online dating, but I do think that the more credible sites such as match.com and e-harmony would really work if you are willing to put blood, sweat, and tears into finding the one. Maybe once I rack up some money, I will re-invest.
This week, I am thinking of trying to creep on men at the gym, the grocery store, and at a parade. Any suggestions, let me know!
Creeper McCreeperson on the prowl,
C
Friday, March 9, 2012
Where to meet guys: Part 1: The Bar
I'm starting a new "blog project" if you will. I've been trying to think of ways to meet guys since I have absolutely no prospects in my life right now. Even if nothing comes of it, I think I will end up with good stories and maybe some insight to share with the single girls who are wondering (quote shit girls say), "are there gonna be hot guys there?..where do I go to meet guys?" But seriously....where do we go to meet guys?????
Part one of this adventure starts at a classy little place we call a liquor establishment..aka the bar.
I met my last love interest, N, at the bar and we all remember how that turned out for me. Horrific. However, it did turn into something more than a hook up and had potential before he turned out to be an asshole. So last night, I went out with some friends and was "on the prowl."
I met 3 kind of guys last night:
1. The married man
Why do I always start talking to guys with rings on their finger?? Maybe because I know they are off limits so it's the easy way out? The two most beautiful men at the bar last night were married and they fully admitted to being so. I spent part of the night talking to them about relationships, which is always very interesting. I always get the same answer from the married men I chat it up with. Don't give it up right away. Play hard to get. I'm going to seriously take this advice to heart. (as you remember I took the pledge to not hook up before I start dating someone). It has been totally successful so far. These married guys were a little shady though. The one told me he had an open marriage because his wife lived in California. Can you believe I bought that for one minute? I found out from his friend that his wife lives right here with him in South Carolina. Real original. Obviously nothing healthy or good is going to come out of meeting a married man at the bar. Next prospect:
2. The party guy
Last night I also talked to a few guys that were pretty drunk. They were fun, on the dance floor, and having a grand old time. There are good and bad aspects to this kind of guy at the bar. He is definitely entertaining and great to have some fun with. But is this type of guy a huge red flag? I'm gonna go with yes.....and no. You have to feel it out. For example, the one guy I was talking to last night mentioned that he goes to the certain bar we were at every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. Um....ok. You are almost 30 and I get that you are single so you can do what you want, but do I really want to pursue someone who needs to spend every night of the weekend at the bar? Probably not.
On the other side of that spectrum though, there was a guy that I talked to last night that just seemed to really need a night out. We've all been there. His friends kept telling me that they couldn't believe he was acting like this because usually he is the most shy guy ever. Good for him. He obviously needed to let loose. The only deal breaker for me with him last night that he was really sloppy drunk. The sparks weren't going to fly for us last night while he was stumbling around wasted.
Finally we move on to prospect number 3...
3. The guy sitting by himself at the bar. This was our last stop of the night and it was around 1am. I figured I had nothing to lose so I went right up to the bar, sat down beside him, and said, hey I'm C, how's your night?? A little forward, I know, but he seemed to be into it.
We talked for about 20 minutes and then my friends rounded me up to go home. When I said I had to go, he didn't ask for my number. Just a plain old, nice to meet you.
Hmmm..maybe he just needed someone to talk to and he had a girlfriend at home? Or...he just wasn't that into me.
So after my little night of research do I think it's possible to meet a guy at the bar? Yes. Do I think it's the best place to meet a guy? No. There are too many sketchy people out there that sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between a good guy and a scum bag that's just looking for a girl to take home.
Part 1 of my journey was unsuccessful.
Stay tuned to find out where I go man huntin' next! ;)
On the prowl,
C
Part one of this adventure starts at a classy little place we call a liquor establishment..aka the bar.
I met my last love interest, N, at the bar and we all remember how that turned out for me. Horrific. However, it did turn into something more than a hook up and had potential before he turned out to be an asshole. So last night, I went out with some friends and was "on the prowl."
I met 3 kind of guys last night:
1. The married man
Why do I always start talking to guys with rings on their finger?? Maybe because I know they are off limits so it's the easy way out? The two most beautiful men at the bar last night were married and they fully admitted to being so. I spent part of the night talking to them about relationships, which is always very interesting. I always get the same answer from the married men I chat it up with. Don't give it up right away. Play hard to get. I'm going to seriously take this advice to heart. (as you remember I took the pledge to not hook up before I start dating someone). It has been totally successful so far. These married guys were a little shady though. The one told me he had an open marriage because his wife lived in California. Can you believe I bought that for one minute? I found out from his friend that his wife lives right here with him in South Carolina. Real original. Obviously nothing healthy or good is going to come out of meeting a married man at the bar. Next prospect:
2. The party guy
Last night I also talked to a few guys that were pretty drunk. They were fun, on the dance floor, and having a grand old time. There are good and bad aspects to this kind of guy at the bar. He is definitely entertaining and great to have some fun with. But is this type of guy a huge red flag? I'm gonna go with yes.....and no. You have to feel it out. For example, the one guy I was talking to last night mentioned that he goes to the certain bar we were at every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. Um....ok. You are almost 30 and I get that you are single so you can do what you want, but do I really want to pursue someone who needs to spend every night of the weekend at the bar? Probably not.
On the other side of that spectrum though, there was a guy that I talked to last night that just seemed to really need a night out. We've all been there. His friends kept telling me that they couldn't believe he was acting like this because usually he is the most shy guy ever. Good for him. He obviously needed to let loose. The only deal breaker for me with him last night that he was really sloppy drunk. The sparks weren't going to fly for us last night while he was stumbling around wasted.
Finally we move on to prospect number 3...
3. The guy sitting by himself at the bar. This was our last stop of the night and it was around 1am. I figured I had nothing to lose so I went right up to the bar, sat down beside him, and said, hey I'm C, how's your night?? A little forward, I know, but he seemed to be into it.
We talked for about 20 minutes and then my friends rounded me up to go home. When I said I had to go, he didn't ask for my number. Just a plain old, nice to meet you.
Hmmm..maybe he just needed someone to talk to and he had a girlfriend at home? Or...he just wasn't that into me.
So after my little night of research do I think it's possible to meet a guy at the bar? Yes. Do I think it's the best place to meet a guy? No. There are too many sketchy people out there that sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between a good guy and a scum bag that's just looking for a girl to take home.
Part 1 of my journey was unsuccessful.
Stay tuned to find out where I go man huntin' next! ;)
On the prowl,
C
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Watch out for the nice ones
I always tend to like the assholes. I don't know what is so attractive about them, but I fall for them every time. Maybe it's the thrill of the chase or the witty banter back and forth. Regardless, I am like a magnet when it comes to a douchey man.
Knowing this about myself should be the first step of recovery. My next step was trying to go for nice guys even though they make me sick.
Here comes the story:
A few months ago my roommates, our fave male guest blogger and I took a road trip to the beach and we ended up staying with a mutual friend who lives down there. We will call the friend "Lost Dog."
Lost Dog seemed nice enough, but he instantly made me sick. It's not like he is completely unattractive or was a complete dickhead. There was just something about him that I wasn't necessarily into. That night, we all got sloppy drunk and he got a little too touchy feely for my taste. That added to the sick feeling in my stomach. BUT we went to a karaoke bar, had a good time, and he was fun to be around. I passed out in a bed with my roommate and needless to say nothing happened.
Flash forward to January and my friend from home made plans to come down and visit. Naturally, I wanted to take her to the beach and texted Lost Dog to see if it was okay if we could come stay at his place. He eagerly agreed and was really sweet about being excited to see me again. This led to some consistent texting and we bonded about the fact that we were both training for a 10k race in the spring. He even made some comments about how cute I was and how he wanted to get to know me better. Blah, Blah, Blah.
So as the weekend got closer, I got a little more nervous. I didn't want to lead him on or give him the wrong impression. And then I got to thinking, why am I writing this guy off already??? He is a really nice, laid back guy who isn't trying to play games and wasn't coming off creepy. I convinced myself to go on this weekend trip with an open mind.
Blind optimism. Gets me every time.
So when we arrived on Friday night, everything was great. The five of us (my friend from home, my roommate, and her bf)went to grab some dinner and drinks at the local bar before going downtown. That part of the night went so well. He wasn't making me sick at all and I was really enjoying talking to him. He also made my friend who was visiting feel welcome and included in the conversation which I appreciated. When me and my friend went to the bathroom, I even mentioned that I should probably stop being such a picky bitch and give this guy a chance and see what happens. Even though I was still slightly sickened, I sucked it up and had an open mind.
We got to the bar downtown and started ordering shots and getting crazy on the dance floor. All of a sudden though, Lost Dog, was missing. Because he lives in that area, he obviously knew a lot of people at the bar and was mingling when we walked in. BUT because we were coming in from out of town you would think he would make an effort to hang out with us and include us in the conversation.......no.
We lost "lost dog."
He disapeared with a bunch of his friends and when 2am rolled around, we decided to get a cab back to his out without him.
Thought about toilet papering his house.....with his own toilet paper. Yes, I am mature and have mature friends. :)
We were all pretty wastey though, so we passed out. Woke up he next morning, kinda pissed that he didn't even make an effort to hang out with me. I was CONVINCING myself to give you a chance and then you ditch me???? WTF.
Here is the best part though.....
We thought we heard muffled voices in his room. Yep, Lost Dog found his way back to the pound and he brought a little lady friend. Not only did he have a sleepover, he then proceeded to SNEAK her out of his house. He didn't invite her to breakfast or introduce her to us. He simply walked by all of us in the living room and said I'll be right back and snuck her out the side door.
EW.
Even nice guys can be dicks. I was willing to give you a shot, and then you bring another girl home??? Yea, not okay. Sometimes we peg these guys as "nice" before really getting to know them.
Point of the story, don't try to be into someone if you just aren't. You can't force it and it may not even be worth the effort.
Lost Dog, you lost out on a good thing.
C
Knowing this about myself should be the first step of recovery. My next step was trying to go for nice guys even though they make me sick.
Here comes the story:
A few months ago my roommates, our fave male guest blogger and I took a road trip to the beach and we ended up staying with a mutual friend who lives down there. We will call the friend "Lost Dog."
Lost Dog seemed nice enough, but he instantly made me sick. It's not like he is completely unattractive or was a complete dickhead. There was just something about him that I wasn't necessarily into. That night, we all got sloppy drunk and he got a little too touchy feely for my taste. That added to the sick feeling in my stomach. BUT we went to a karaoke bar, had a good time, and he was fun to be around. I passed out in a bed with my roommate and needless to say nothing happened.
Flash forward to January and my friend from home made plans to come down and visit. Naturally, I wanted to take her to the beach and texted Lost Dog to see if it was okay if we could come stay at his place. He eagerly agreed and was really sweet about being excited to see me again. This led to some consistent texting and we bonded about the fact that we were both training for a 10k race in the spring. He even made some comments about how cute I was and how he wanted to get to know me better. Blah, Blah, Blah.
So as the weekend got closer, I got a little more nervous. I didn't want to lead him on or give him the wrong impression. And then I got to thinking, why am I writing this guy off already??? He is a really nice, laid back guy who isn't trying to play games and wasn't coming off creepy. I convinced myself to go on this weekend trip with an open mind.
Blind optimism. Gets me every time.
So when we arrived on Friday night, everything was great. The five of us (my friend from home, my roommate, and her bf)went to grab some dinner and drinks at the local bar before going downtown. That part of the night went so well. He wasn't making me sick at all and I was really enjoying talking to him. He also made my friend who was visiting feel welcome and included in the conversation which I appreciated. When me and my friend went to the bathroom, I even mentioned that I should probably stop being such a picky bitch and give this guy a chance and see what happens. Even though I was still slightly sickened, I sucked it up and had an open mind.
We got to the bar downtown and started ordering shots and getting crazy on the dance floor. All of a sudden though, Lost Dog, was missing. Because he lives in that area, he obviously knew a lot of people at the bar and was mingling when we walked in. BUT because we were coming in from out of town you would think he would make an effort to hang out with us and include us in the conversation.......no.
We lost "lost dog."
He disapeared with a bunch of his friends and when 2am rolled around, we decided to get a cab back to his out without him.
Thought about toilet papering his house.....with his own toilet paper. Yes, I am mature and have mature friends. :)
We were all pretty wastey though, so we passed out. Woke up he next morning, kinda pissed that he didn't even make an effort to hang out with me. I was CONVINCING myself to give you a chance and then you ditch me???? WTF.
Here is the best part though.....
We thought we heard muffled voices in his room. Yep, Lost Dog found his way back to the pound and he brought a little lady friend. Not only did he have a sleepover, he then proceeded to SNEAK her out of his house. He didn't invite her to breakfast or introduce her to us. He simply walked by all of us in the living room and said I'll be right back and snuck her out the side door.
EW.
Even nice guys can be dicks. I was willing to give you a shot, and then you bring another girl home??? Yea, not okay. Sometimes we peg these guys as "nice" before really getting to know them.
Point of the story, don't try to be into someone if you just aren't. You can't force it and it may not even be worth the effort.
Lost Dog, you lost out on a good thing.
C
Best Quote Ever
You know, it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments in our lives while they're happening, that we grow complacent with ideas or things or people, and we take them for granted, and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you, that you realize how wrong you've been, that you realize how much you really need it, how much you love it. -One Tree Hill
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Too Little Too Late
I can't sleep tonight, but it's not because of being sad anymore.
I was talking to L about how we always tend to put everyone and everything before ourselves and our own needs. I have known recently that I don't deserve what I've been getting from a lot of people in different aspects of my life- I think I've hit my breaking point.
I've realized that I can't feel any worse about myself than I do now, so I'm not scared anymore to make changes.
I've done the best that I could do with many situations, and if it's still not working, then it's out of my hands. If things are meant to happen, they will, but I'm done trying. It's like a weight off of my shoulders.
If someone wants you in your life, you'll be there. End of story.
T
I was talking to L about how we always tend to put everyone and everything before ourselves and our own needs. I have known recently that I don't deserve what I've been getting from a lot of people in different aspects of my life- I think I've hit my breaking point.
I've realized that I can't feel any worse about myself than I do now, so I'm not scared anymore to make changes.
I've done the best that I could do with many situations, and if it's still not working, then it's out of my hands. If things are meant to happen, they will, but I'm done trying. It's like a weight off of my shoulders.
If someone wants you in your life, you'll be there. End of story.
T
Monday, March 5, 2012
Guest Blogger
Hello everyone! This is L. (C and T's most intelligent friend). This is my first blog so I hope you enjoy it!
I just got done having another crazy conversation with T. Everytime we get off the phone, I always question my life. We were talking about how when men do not answer our phone calls or texts, we automatically think they are doing one of the below:
A) Talking to another girl.
B) Fucking an exgirlfriend.
C) Fucking a random girl.
And the only one to blame for our immediate thought process to play out like that is society/our past. If Facebook had not been invented, I bet 90% of cheating would not occur. (So thanks Mark Zuckerberg for destroying our relationships, and taking stalking to a whole new level). Okay..so it is sort of naive to blame it all on him.. however he is a man, and therefore I do not trust him.
Which brings me to my next point. Our past. How ridiculous is it that one bad relationship shapes every future relationship after that? Being a woman who has been cheated on several times, I can tell you that my past has completely changed me as a person. I view the world in a completely different light. If a man asks for my number, I think it disgusting because I automatically assume he has a wife, a girlfriend, or at least someone he has been leading on. When a man looks me up and down, I want to punch him in the face. It took me years to get over hating every one who had testicles, and it took my present boyfriend a whole hell of a lot to even give him a chance.
So to all of those cheaters out there.. even though I have a severe hate for you.. take a moment and think about yourself, your morals, and what you want in life. If it is not with your present significant other, do us all a favor and end it before we find out. I am thinking of presenting a bill to Congress that any man who cheats should be castrated. I mean its only fair. If you abuse your license, you lose your right to drive. It's only fair that if a man abuses his penis, he should lose his right to use it. Take that Rush Limbaugh.. how's that for birth control.
So ladies, to wrap this up. Society and our past is what drives us to insanity. It's what drives T to her breaking point, and it's what drives men crazy. All men need to realize that they have literally altered our brain functions, so they should really be more understanding when we flip out over simple things such as answering a damn phone.
L
I just got done having another crazy conversation with T. Everytime we get off the phone, I always question my life. We were talking about how when men do not answer our phone calls or texts, we automatically think they are doing one of the below:
A) Talking to another girl.
B) Fucking an exgirlfriend.
C) Fucking a random girl.
And the only one to blame for our immediate thought process to play out like that is society/our past. If Facebook had not been invented, I bet 90% of cheating would not occur. (So thanks Mark Zuckerberg for destroying our relationships, and taking stalking to a whole new level). Okay..so it is sort of naive to blame it all on him.. however he is a man, and therefore I do not trust him.
Which brings me to my next point. Our past. How ridiculous is it that one bad relationship shapes every future relationship after that? Being a woman who has been cheated on several times, I can tell you that my past has completely changed me as a person. I view the world in a completely different light. If a man asks for my number, I think it disgusting because I automatically assume he has a wife, a girlfriend, or at least someone he has been leading on. When a man looks me up and down, I want to punch him in the face. It took me years to get over hating every one who had testicles, and it took my present boyfriend a whole hell of a lot to even give him a chance.
So to all of those cheaters out there.. even though I have a severe hate for you.. take a moment and think about yourself, your morals, and what you want in life. If it is not with your present significant other, do us all a favor and end it before we find out. I am thinking of presenting a bill to Congress that any man who cheats should be castrated. I mean its only fair. If you abuse your license, you lose your right to drive. It's only fair that if a man abuses his penis, he should lose his right to use it. Take that Rush Limbaugh.. how's that for birth control.
So ladies, to wrap this up. Society and our past is what drives us to insanity. It's what drives T to her breaking point, and it's what drives men crazy. All men need to realize that they have literally altered our brain functions, so they should really be more understanding when we flip out over simple things such as answering a damn phone.
L
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Torn
Guys, I'm really sorry about these past few posts. Real life I have to pretend to be okay, but this is the only place I can vent.
I literally feel these lyrics:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV1XWJN3nJo&ob=av3n
Natalie Imbruglia- Torn
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm - he came around like
He was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know - don't seem to care
What your heart is for
No I don't know him anymore
There's nothin' where we used to lie
Conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am chained
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm cold and I am shamed and bound
And broken on the floor
And I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what is goin' on
Nothin's right
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
I hate myself for putting allowing this to happen to me over and over again. No one deserves to feel the way I do. I just need to feel it to get over it. Love isn't something that just comes and goes. Putting someone through something to hurt them on purpose is not love, it is spite.
I don't even know what love is anymore. I hate this society for what it does to love. I hate people for how they act, and I hate myself for making mistakes that led me to this position. Hurt is unavoidable, but I can't help but think it should't happen this often.
I'll get through it, it will just be a rough week. Again.
T
I literally feel these lyrics:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV1XWJN3nJo&ob=av3n
Natalie Imbruglia- Torn
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm - he came around like
He was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know - don't seem to care
What your heart is for
No I don't know him anymore
There's nothin' where we used to lie
Conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am chained
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm cold and I am shamed and bound
And broken on the floor
And I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what is goin' on
Nothin's right
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
I hate myself for putting allowing this to happen to me over and over again. No one deserves to feel the way I do. I just need to feel it to get over it. Love isn't something that just comes and goes. Putting someone through something to hurt them on purpose is not love, it is spite.
I don't even know what love is anymore. I hate this society for what it does to love. I hate people for how they act, and I hate myself for making mistakes that led me to this position. Hurt is unavoidable, but I can't help but think it should't happen this often.
I'll get through it, it will just be a rough week. Again.
T
Thursday, March 1, 2012
No Part Time Lovers Please
Just spent an hour depressing myself on pinterest. And then I cried. Because I suck. These are some things I found to remind me how much in love I wish I was/wish someone was with me. All the time, not this fake part-time shit. I don't need a part time lover, I need my second half. Be prepared for ultimate cute disgusting love:
This was inspired after seeing my 16 year old cousin so in love for the first time. Her and her boyfriend have the type of relationship that I haven't had in a while. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO WANT THAT WITH ME...who doesn't make me sick... (of course there's always the one person you picture who never wants it- but, I give up).
A 16 year old has a better love life than me. I hate 20s dating drama.
T
This was inspired after seeing my 16 year old cousin so in love for the first time. Her and her boyfriend have the type of relationship that I haven't had in a while. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO WANT THAT WITH ME...who doesn't make me sick... (of course there's always the one person you picture who never wants it- but, I give up).
A 16 year old has a better love life than me. I hate 20s dating drama.
T
Red Flag Prevention Theory
I want to write a book about red flags when it comes to dating. I've seen so many of them....and IGNORED them...that I could probably write 15 books.
Here are some examples...Ahem:
1. Emotionally cheating on his girlfriend with me.
My first love was a sweet talker. He knew all the right things to say and I was young & stupid so I naturally fell for it. He sent me cute texts, wrote me sweet notes, told me how much he liked me. Here's the kicker: he had a girlfriend of 2 and a half years. Oh, and he had a square shaped head but that's irrelevant.
Okay, I get that things happen, feeling change, and sometimes you just can't help falling in love with someone else. However, he handled it horribly. He didn't break up with her right away. In fact, I got a text message while they were still dating saying "have a good day. I love you." That text message was not meant for me. It was meant for her.
Red. flag.
Yet, I ignored it. Did he eventually break up with her? Yes. Did we date for awhile and fall madly hopelessly in love? Yes. Did he end up cheating on me 2 years in our relationship? Yes.
I ignored the red flag and the same thing happened to me. Guess you have to learn the hard way sometimes.
2. Big Fat Liars
My most recent ex was a huge liar. I previously wrote about him on here, but incase you missed it...he lied to me about being in school, having a job, smoking weed, doing other drugs, texting girls.
He lied about everything. The first time he lied, it was about something small. Aka. texting his one "girl friend." So naturally, I forgave him. People make mistakes right?
Wrong. The lies kept happening. All huge red flags. Looking back on the 2 and half years we dated, I honestly have no idea what was a lie and what was the truth anymore.
We all tell white lies, but when it's happening more often than not, that's a red flag. You need to run. Right away. Not after 2 and a half years. As fast as you can. Across the country.
3. "I'm not really looking for a serious relationship"
This translates into: I'm looking for a hook up buddy. Maybe you will win him over with your great personality and he will end up putting in a ring on it before you know it. When a guy says those words though, he usually means it. The last guy who said this to me ending up sending me a dick pic after a week of talking to me. He really didn't want to try to get to know me to even have a not serious relationship. If you are going to bitch about no commitment a few weeks in, take what he said seriously. He doesn't want a relationship. Run.
4. When his friends don't even back him up. When I was dating N, I met a lot of his friends. All of his guy friends said...."N is a really great guy.....but" There was always a but. Half the time they were kidding...but now I'm not so sure. The biggest red flag of all was when his friends girlfriend pulled me aside and told me to "be careful" I should have listened. I wasn't careful and ended up getting hurt. When his friends/people around him can't even vouch for him, that's a huge ass red flag.
Those are just a few of the BIG red flags I've experienced. There are other little signs that I ignored throughout the way that all lead up to a big, fat, red flag.
I'd like to think that when I see a red flag now, I will acknowledge it and stop talking the guy. But we all know love is a crazy thing and sometimes you need to learn the hard way.
It would be a hell of a lot easier though if we took these things to heart and got out of a relationship (or relationshit as I like to call them) before we get hurt.
Will the red flag prevention theory ever work?? I'll keep you posted.
C
Here are some examples...Ahem:
1. Emotionally cheating on his girlfriend with me.
My first love was a sweet talker. He knew all the right things to say and I was young & stupid so I naturally fell for it. He sent me cute texts, wrote me sweet notes, told me how much he liked me. Here's the kicker: he had a girlfriend of 2 and a half years. Oh, and he had a square shaped head but that's irrelevant.
Okay, I get that things happen, feeling change, and sometimes you just can't help falling in love with someone else. However, he handled it horribly. He didn't break up with her right away. In fact, I got a text message while they were still dating saying "have a good day. I love you." That text message was not meant for me. It was meant for her.
Red. flag.
Yet, I ignored it. Did he eventually break up with her? Yes. Did we date for awhile and fall madly hopelessly in love? Yes. Did he end up cheating on me 2 years in our relationship? Yes.
I ignored the red flag and the same thing happened to me. Guess you have to learn the hard way sometimes.
2. Big Fat Liars
My most recent ex was a huge liar. I previously wrote about him on here, but incase you missed it...he lied to me about being in school, having a job, smoking weed, doing other drugs, texting girls.
He lied about everything. The first time he lied, it was about something small. Aka. texting his one "girl friend." So naturally, I forgave him. People make mistakes right?
Wrong. The lies kept happening. All huge red flags. Looking back on the 2 and half years we dated, I honestly have no idea what was a lie and what was the truth anymore.
We all tell white lies, but when it's happening more often than not, that's a red flag. You need to run. Right away. Not after 2 and a half years. As fast as you can. Across the country.
3. "I'm not really looking for a serious relationship"
This translates into: I'm looking for a hook up buddy. Maybe you will win him over with your great personality and he will end up putting in a ring on it before you know it. When a guy says those words though, he usually means it. The last guy who said this to me ending up sending me a dick pic after a week of talking to me. He really didn't want to try to get to know me to even have a not serious relationship. If you are going to bitch about no commitment a few weeks in, take what he said seriously. He doesn't want a relationship. Run.
4. When his friends don't even back him up. When I was dating N, I met a lot of his friends. All of his guy friends said...."N is a really great guy.....but" There was always a but. Half the time they were kidding...but now I'm not so sure. The biggest red flag of all was when his friends girlfriend pulled me aside and told me to "be careful" I should have listened. I wasn't careful and ended up getting hurt. When his friends/people around him can't even vouch for him, that's a huge ass red flag.
Those are just a few of the BIG red flags I've experienced. There are other little signs that I ignored throughout the way that all lead up to a big, fat, red flag.
I'd like to think that when I see a red flag now, I will acknowledge it and stop talking the guy. But we all know love is a crazy thing and sometimes you need to learn the hard way.
It would be a hell of a lot easier though if we took these things to heart and got out of a relationship (or relationshit as I like to call them) before we get hurt.
Will the red flag prevention theory ever work?? I'll keep you posted.
C
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