Here We Are Again

I had asked B to blog about her thoughts during my relationship, but I never knew she felt that way about it! I guess that's a sign...haha

Over the past few weeks, I've fell back in love all over again with someone who didn't want to put me first. I made him dinners, thought about him all the time, and wanted to be in his arms every second of every day. After being called psychotic many times by the person I love, I realized that around him, I really am.

I wanted him to put me first and love me so much that I would actually ask for it and beg for it. I was my worst around him. Love is a complicated thing, and if you don't get what you need, I've realized that's where "psycho" comes from. The basics of a relationship need to be there, and he was not ready. By forcing it, we were both miserable.

I'm currently in a situation (not a good one) that involves the both of us. Instead of being supportive, I got the complete opposite. I'm going through it alone. When you realize that you're basically alone when someone should be standing beside you, it hits pretty hard.

Throughout all of this, I am not angry. I'm hurt, and of course this sucks, but I can't force someone to be there. I went through something like this with my ex-ex...just not as bad. He wanted to control me, and he was kind of the opposite as the current situation-

We spoke a few weeks ago, and he had a lot to say. We talked for a long time, and he knew that he was wrong. He was on the money with things that he said, and he admitted it was a maturity issue. I'm happy to have this person say to me..."it wasn't you. Now I know what I missed out on, and I hate myself every day for it." We're working on being friends.

I'm just lucky to have such great people in my life. In other news, one of my best guy friends "M" is trying to hook me up with his model friend.

1. I hate hook ups.
2. I don't date models. Dude models freak me out. When we were talking, he sent me this text:

When in doubt about yourself, talk to someone who makes you smile. Your friends and family will remind you how great you are, and there is always room for improvement :)



T