We see it in the love movies all the time. Best friends go years without confessing their love to each other. It’s always bad timing. One person isn’t ready to fully commit, one person has a boyfriend, one person is focusing on their career. In the movies, in the midst of all this, when best friends confess their love to each other, it always works out magically.
The real life situations get a little messier. We all know that there is a dating code of ethics. If a guy has a girlfriend, he is off limits. End of story. We know how it feels to be the girl that gets cheated on, so we never want to do that to another person. But does this code of ethics get blurry in the name of love?
My friend E and I were talking about boys and life in general when she mentioned a current predicament that she is in. She has a best friend from high school who she always kind of had “a thing” for. They hooked up a few times throughout college but it was always bad timing. One of them was always dating someone else so it never quite worked out. They always had a connection though and something always brought them back together. E just got out of a serious relationship a few months ago and reached out to see how her friend was doing. They started texting a little bit right before she headed home for Christmas break. Turns out….he got engaged over the holiday. Of course this was devastating for E because he was that one person that in the back of her mind she could see herself ending up with.
So, while they were texting one day she called him out on it. She asked him how the wedding planning was going and he replied with, “it’s good….not until next May…so I have time” E & I were trying to figure out what this means? He has time for what…to pick a good cake? Throw a good bachelor party? Or screw around with mad girls before he ties the knot??
When explaining the situation, E told me she doesn’t think that this guy is happy in his relationship. There is a lot of family pressure to marry into money and he has been living with this girl for awhile. Obviously, the next step is marriage. One thing to ponder though: is E making assumptions because she doesn’t want to believe he is truly happy? Or is he hinting around that there was pressure and he really isn’t satisfied in the relationship?
Which brings me to the next point; E knows that he is engaged. He has made a commitment to another individual so she wants to respect that. However, if she never says anything before he is married, it really is too late at that point. Is it valid to completely throw away the “Dating Code of Ethics” and just go with your heart? I don’t think that it’s going to be exactly like the movies I mentioned earlier where the soon to be married guy leaves his fiance effortlessly and everyone lives happily ever after. Life is messier than that. I do think that you do need to follow your heart though. It makes me think of Taylor Swift’s song, “Speak Now.” Yes, engagement should mean something. It’s a commitment. BUT, my personal advice to E would be, say how you feel, and then you know you have no regrets. He may shoot her down and tell her he is completely happy with his wife to be. He may express interest in her but not be a man enough to break it off. He may realize he is unhappy and they could ride into the beautiful sunset together.
The thing is, she’ll never know unless she says something about it. Live your life so that you don’t have to look back and wonder what would have happened if you did something differently. There is a difference between being respectful of a relationship and following your heart.
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you,
C
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
In a Rut
I miss the innocence of high school. I miss doing something without thinking twice, having relationships and not caring about anything else, hanging out with friends after school doing nothing but just talking or driving around or walking down their street after dark.
I miss the first time for everything. I miss the way that I used to feel in the summer. Buying Seventeen magazine, painting my nails bright blue on R's bathroom floor, going bathing suit shopping like it was the most exciting thing in the world. Going to the beach with the main purpose of finding "older" boys (17) when we were 15 and sneaking into their lazy river after our parents went to bed. Tormenting our older/younger siblings, sneaking out after dark just to see someone that I missed because I hadn't seen them in an hour.
I miss my first Valentine's day with someone, my first sleepover, my first time at a party. I miss climbing out on my roof at my old house and looking at the stars and talking about life-
In a way, I feel like my life was way more together back then than it is now. I had my best friends. We never had fights, we didn't have drama, we just had each other (thankfully, I still have those people). I felt more secure in my relationships with everyone back then than I do now (not just romantically).
Real life sucks. I want to go back to that point in my life, but I want to move forward too... I feel like I'm stuck in time. I see the people at work who are only a few years older than me having a family and going home to their husbands. I'm not ready for that yet, but I know that since I can't go back, I'm ready for the next step. The problem is not knowing what that is.
I don't know why things in my life seem to be so complicated for me, but the same things are so easy for other people. I'm making it my goal to focus on my career and move out into my own apartment (not college-like) this summer. I've never wanted to move out alone, but this doesn't seem to be working for me anymore either. Hopefully, things will fall into place.
T
I miss the first time for everything. I miss the way that I used to feel in the summer. Buying Seventeen magazine, painting my nails bright blue on R's bathroom floor, going bathing suit shopping like it was the most exciting thing in the world. Going to the beach with the main purpose of finding "older" boys (17) when we were 15 and sneaking into their lazy river after our parents went to bed. Tormenting our older/younger siblings, sneaking out after dark just to see someone that I missed because I hadn't seen them in an hour.
I miss my first Valentine's day with someone, my first sleepover, my first time at a party. I miss climbing out on my roof at my old house and looking at the stars and talking about life-
In a way, I feel like my life was way more together back then than it is now. I had my best friends. We never had fights, we didn't have drama, we just had each other (thankfully, I still have those people). I felt more secure in my relationships with everyone back then than I do now (not just romantically).
Real life sucks. I want to go back to that point in my life, but I want to move forward too... I feel like I'm stuck in time. I see the people at work who are only a few years older than me having a family and going home to their husbands. I'm not ready for that yet, but I know that since I can't go back, I'm ready for the next step. The problem is not knowing what that is.
I don't know why things in my life seem to be so complicated for me, but the same things are so easy for other people. I'm making it my goal to focus on my career and move out into my own apartment (not college-like) this summer. I've never wanted to move out alone, but this doesn't seem to be working for me anymore either. Hopefully, things will fall into place.
T
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Stage 5 Clinger: Crazy Bitch Style
...we all know her. Maybe some of us are a crazy bitch in a way. But this...this is a specific kind of a crazy girl.
It's the girl who isn't happy with herself and her own life. In return, she tries to capture you and mold you into what she wants you to be. I met this crazy fucking bitch at work, unfortunately. Seemed normal at first. Best buds for a few days, and then it started.
An innocent happy hour. I'm trying to be professional, but she's throwing out the f bomb and telling me how her current husband cheated on her in college and blah blah....so I made the mistake of getting too close.
Told her about parts of my crazy past, and then told her part of my current interest-nothing too personal, just a shortened version- she went from nice to crazy bitch in .2 seconds. This girl told me that she doesn't think it's in my best interest to continue living my life this way.
Seriously.
And then she proceded to talk about everyone else at the happy hour who she was previously best buds with. And I already have 3 texts from her today. Stage 5 clinger, crazy bitch style.
The hardest part of starting a new job is trying to figure out who you fit in with. Everyone is either 50+ or married, and now I've become best friends with the puppet master.
It's girls like this who make us all look bad. Why can't life just be drama free? Why can't I just have a perfect body and a perfect husband and a huge mansion? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
T
It's the girl who isn't happy with herself and her own life. In return, she tries to capture you and mold you into what she wants you to be. I met this crazy fucking bitch at work, unfortunately. Seemed normal at first. Best buds for a few days, and then it started.
An innocent happy hour. I'm trying to be professional, but she's throwing out the f bomb and telling me how her current husband cheated on her in college and blah blah....so I made the mistake of getting too close.
Told her about parts of my crazy past, and then told her part of my current interest-nothing too personal, just a shortened version- she went from nice to crazy bitch in .2 seconds. This girl told me that she doesn't think it's in my best interest to continue living my life this way.
Seriously.
And then she proceded to talk about everyone else at the happy hour who she was previously best buds with. And I already have 3 texts from her today. Stage 5 clinger, crazy bitch style.
The hardest part of starting a new job is trying to figure out who you fit in with. Everyone is either 50+ or married, and now I've become best friends with the puppet master.
It's girls like this who make us all look bad. Why can't life just be drama free? Why can't I just have a perfect body and a perfect husband and a huge mansion? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
T
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I Do Not Hook Up....anymore
Tonight I made a vow to my roommate. Nope, I didn't turn lesbian last minute & decide to get hitched to her. I made a vow to her that I will not have sex with a man until I am in a committed relationship with him. I specifically announced this to her because I need someone to hold me accountable to this goal.
I have a few reasons for this new proclamation:
-I get way too emotionally attached to people WITHOUT having sex. As soon as we get to that level, it gets even worse. I need to protect my own heart.
-The really hot married man I met at the bar a few weekends ago told me that his wife won him over because she wouldn't have sex with him...for months...until they were officially dating. This made him respect & want to commit to her..or so he says? But hey, she's got the ring so I'll buy it.
-There's a fine line between hooking up and dating. At this point, I'm over casual hooking up. I went to college...been there, done that. I feel if you have sex with someone too early you are just opening the door for it to be a hook up situation instead of a dating situation.
- I don't have anyone to have sex with so it should be pretty easy?
These are all very good reasons....but then I start to second guess myself. In Sex and the City, Carrie specifically states that it's normal to sleep with a guy after three dates. Am I reading too much into a TV show? Maybe that's how it works in NYC or even when you're older. However, in your 20's and in our generation, I think the culture of hooking up has exploded. My personal stance remains the same that if you give it up too early, it can definitely become "just a hook up."
Here's a little theme song for the blog tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaafMpqXXBs&ob=av3e
Whoaaa I do not hook uppppp.....as of tonight,
C
I have a few reasons for this new proclamation:
-I get way too emotionally attached to people WITHOUT having sex. As soon as we get to that level, it gets even worse. I need to protect my own heart.
-The really hot married man I met at the bar a few weekends ago told me that his wife won him over because she wouldn't have sex with him...for months...until they were officially dating. This made him respect & want to commit to her..or so he says? But hey, she's got the ring so I'll buy it.
-There's a fine line between hooking up and dating. At this point, I'm over casual hooking up. I went to college...been there, done that. I feel if you have sex with someone too early you are just opening the door for it to be a hook up situation instead of a dating situation.
- I don't have anyone to have sex with so it should be pretty easy?
These are all very good reasons....but then I start to second guess myself. In Sex and the City, Carrie specifically states that it's normal to sleep with a guy after three dates. Am I reading too much into a TV show? Maybe that's how it works in NYC or even when you're older. However, in your 20's and in our generation, I think the culture of hooking up has exploded. My personal stance remains the same that if you give it up too early, it can definitely become "just a hook up."
Here's a little theme song for the blog tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaafMpqXXBs&ob=av3e
Whoaaa I do not hook uppppp.....as of tonight,
C
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Why Do Women Cheat?
After searching the internet a few nights ago for something completely unrelated, an article about cheating caught my eye:
http://women.webmd.com/features/why-do-women-cheat
This website explains some of the reasons why men and women cheat. Men, of course, cheat more for a sexual thrill while women cheat or have affairs for an emotional connection.
I always wonder why men and women are made up so differently. I tried to explain this to a guy the other day- pay attention to me, text me, let me know when you're thinking of me. He just didn't understand this concept. He doesn't need the emotional connection that I do, and therefore, it puts a strain on both of us.
We give stuff to men in order to make them happy- we watch their sports teams with them, give them advice, do things to show them that we care, but when it comes to things we think are so simple, why don't guys get us?
Showering me with attention will do way more for you than you think. A little effort to show me that I'm worth it shouldn't be that difficult, but it really is. Sometimes I wish I had a dude's brain for a day just to understand.
Although, sometimes, there is the complete opposite type of dude. The type that lets you know they care maybe a little too much. As long as it's not on the creepy level, I actually appreciate this. I just wonder what makes the difference.
Unfortunately, if a woman doesn't give a man enough sexual attention or validation in other areas (not all men are as douchey as the media makes them out to be), or if he actually is just a douche bag, that's what will make him stray.
But aren't we told not to fall to those standards? That he will respect us more? There are way too many questions on this topic.
Bottom line: show me you care, respect me, and I will do the same thing back to you. That connection is what is important, and if I don't get it, I'm not happy.
Although that cheating article is just depressing.
T
http://women.webmd.com/features/why-do-women-cheat
This website explains some of the reasons why men and women cheat. Men, of course, cheat more for a sexual thrill while women cheat or have affairs for an emotional connection.
I always wonder why men and women are made up so differently. I tried to explain this to a guy the other day- pay attention to me, text me, let me know when you're thinking of me. He just didn't understand this concept. He doesn't need the emotional connection that I do, and therefore, it puts a strain on both of us.
We give stuff to men in order to make them happy- we watch their sports teams with them, give them advice, do things to show them that we care, but when it comes to things we think are so simple, why don't guys get us?
Showering me with attention will do way more for you than you think. A little effort to show me that I'm worth it shouldn't be that difficult, but it really is. Sometimes I wish I had a dude's brain for a day just to understand.
Although, sometimes, there is the complete opposite type of dude. The type that lets you know they care maybe a little too much. As long as it's not on the creepy level, I actually appreciate this. I just wonder what makes the difference.
Unfortunately, if a woman doesn't give a man enough sexual attention or validation in other areas (not all men are as douchey as the media makes them out to be), or if he actually is just a douche bag, that's what will make him stray.
But aren't we told not to fall to those standards? That he will respect us more? There are way too many questions on this topic.
Bottom line: show me you care, respect me, and I will do the same thing back to you. That connection is what is important, and if I don't get it, I'm not happy.
Although that cheating article is just depressing.
T
Monday, February 20, 2012
A Guy Like My Dad
Never thought I'd say it, but...
I want a dude like my dad.
Not completely like him. He doesn't talk too much, and he does things that drive me nuts (duh, he's my dad), and he has problems like every other person in the world, but damn, my dad is awesome.
Two Valentine's days ago, my dad brought my flowers to college because I was sad. He is constantly a caring person, and he just listened to me bitch about my life for a good 2 hours. And he said nothing until I was finished. And then he actually gave me advice!
He didn't just blow me off or say that everything will be fine. He actually cares. I need to start talking to my dad more often. He never judges my decisions, and when I call him he ALWAYS answers. Or calls right back.
He puts me first, and that's what I deserve. When people say, "you end up with a guy like your father," I used to freak out. Now it's not looking so bad.
My 3 day weekend is looking to be pretty productive.
T
I want a dude like my dad.
Not completely like him. He doesn't talk too much, and he does things that drive me nuts (duh, he's my dad), and he has problems like every other person in the world, but damn, my dad is awesome.
Two Valentine's days ago, my dad brought my flowers to college because I was sad. He is constantly a caring person, and he just listened to me bitch about my life for a good 2 hours. And he said nothing until I was finished. And then he actually gave me advice!
He didn't just blow me off or say that everything will be fine. He actually cares. I need to start talking to my dad more often. He never judges my decisions, and when I call him he ALWAYS answers. Or calls right back.
He puts me first, and that's what I deserve. When people say, "you end up with a guy like your father," I used to freak out. Now it's not looking so bad.
My 3 day weekend is looking to be pretty productive.
T
It's actually not fine.
Over the last couple of days, I realized why people (men) usually walk all over me. I completely overuse that simple saying, "It's fine." Or how about this one, "No problem!" Or...."Don't worry about it."
I haven't analyzed the failed relationship with N in awhile and when one of my best friends (MPG) called me to get advice about boy drama , it all became more clear. MPG just started talking to this guy who she really really likes and he really really likes her to. The other night they were supposed to hang out after she got off work. When she called him when she got home, he told her he had actually gone out with some of his guy friends instead. She called me in a panic. What do I do? Do I say "it's fine?"
She kept saying over and over how she didn't want to seem crazy, possessive of psycho. I hate how these are always concerns of ours. Guys really use this crazy girl thing to their advantage.
So, my advice to her was...DO NOT SAY ITS FINE. Being a tad annoyed and saying that its NOT FINE is not crazy. If she showed up at the bar to yell at him crying and screaming, I would say she was crazy. Not letting someone walk all over you = not crazy.
When I was giving her this advice I had a flash back to all the times N ditched me, didn't call me back, or was late. I heard myself saying over and over again (in an obnoxiously cheerful voice)..."it's completely fine!" No problem!!!
BULLSHIT!!!
As soon as I would get off the phone with him, I'd call and bitch to about 20 of my friends, telling them what a douche bag he was. So obviously, it wasn't fine.
I let him walk all over me. I let him get away with things and was FINE with it. So no wonder he kept doing it...
When I talked to T about this, I had one concern. How do you convey the message of it not being fine without being deemed a psycho.
She came up with a really good response. "Oh ok...that sucks I was looking forward to seeing you tonight." Or "I wish you would have told me sooner because all my friends just left to go to dinner" Or just an "OK" would work.
You don't have to be bitchy, but let them know it's NOT FINE. If you keep giving them reinforcement that what they are doing makes you happy and works for you, they are going to keep doing it. Then they are going to wonder why all of a sudden you FREAK OUT (because you know it will happen eventually).
So there you have it. Stand up for yourself and get what you want.
You deserve it,
C
I haven't analyzed the failed relationship with N in awhile and when one of my best friends (MPG) called me to get advice about boy drama , it all became more clear. MPG just started talking to this guy who she really really likes and he really really likes her to. The other night they were supposed to hang out after she got off work. When she called him when she got home, he told her he had actually gone out with some of his guy friends instead. She called me in a panic. What do I do? Do I say "it's fine?"
She kept saying over and over how she didn't want to seem crazy, possessive of psycho. I hate how these are always concerns of ours. Guys really use this crazy girl thing to their advantage.
So, my advice to her was...DO NOT SAY ITS FINE. Being a tad annoyed and saying that its NOT FINE is not crazy. If she showed up at the bar to yell at him crying and screaming, I would say she was crazy. Not letting someone walk all over you = not crazy.
When I was giving her this advice I had a flash back to all the times N ditched me, didn't call me back, or was late. I heard myself saying over and over again (in an obnoxiously cheerful voice)..."it's completely fine!" No problem!!!
BULLSHIT!!!
As soon as I would get off the phone with him, I'd call and bitch to about 20 of my friends, telling them what a douche bag he was. So obviously, it wasn't fine.
I let him walk all over me. I let him get away with things and was FINE with it. So no wonder he kept doing it...
When I talked to T about this, I had one concern. How do you convey the message of it not being fine without being deemed a psycho.
She came up with a really good response. "Oh ok...that sucks I was looking forward to seeing you tonight." Or "I wish you would have told me sooner because all my friends just left to go to dinner" Or just an "OK" would work.
You don't have to be bitchy, but let them know it's NOT FINE. If you keep giving them reinforcement that what they are doing makes you happy and works for you, they are going to keep doing it. Then they are going to wonder why all of a sudden you FREAK OUT (because you know it will happen eventually).
So there you have it. Stand up for yourself and get what you want.
You deserve it,
C
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Double Standards
Girls put so much pressure on guys to do the right thing, but maybe sometimes we need to give them a break... believe it or not, sometimes we f them over too (even though most probably deserve it...just kidding).
I've been realizing that I probably haven't been treating people very fairly. I got a text from the guy who I had been a few dates with wondering why I stopped talking to him and where he went wrong.
He didn't do anything wrong. He was so nice to me, wanted to hang out with me, and went out of his way. How do you explain to someone that you're just in love with someone else? I haven't decided what to say to this, or if I should respond at all. Then it makes me wonder if girls do this to guys, then do guys do this to us for the same reason? Everyone has a past, so how do you realize when someone is completely over it? Dating is so complicated.
T
I've been realizing that I probably haven't been treating people very fairly. I got a text from the guy who I had been a few dates with wondering why I stopped talking to him and where he went wrong.
He didn't do anything wrong. He was so nice to me, wanted to hang out with me, and went out of his way. How do you explain to someone that you're just in love with someone else? I haven't decided what to say to this, or if I should respond at all. Then it makes me wonder if girls do this to guys, then do guys do this to us for the same reason? Everyone has a past, so how do you realize when someone is completely over it? Dating is so complicated.
T
Second Chances
The reason for my MIA of the blog is because I've recently been debating what to do about my f-ed up life.
So many unanswered questions:
1. Do second chances really work in a relationship? If both parties are really in love, shouldn't that be enough? The world says no. We need to think logically, but I say for the moment, screw that philosophy. There is so much pressure for us to find someone compatable with who we are- that's so much pressure. If I would go by this, I would need a younger dude in his 20s with a full time job, a house, a car, and expect him to be funny, sweet, cute, and completely obsessed with me. A little much.
2. How many standards are too many standards? I think I've lowered mine a lot- I don't need fancy dates (although nice once in a while) or cards for no reason. What I decided I do need:
-consistancy. Answer my calls, texts, if you like me, act like it. I'm so over being mind fucked. It should be easy.
-thoughtfulness. If you're in a store and see something that you know I need or like, get it for me and I'll love you forever (hey, I'd do it for you). If you think I look pretty, tell me. You can only get attention like that from that one "special" person, so I think it's so important, and this is something I won't settle on.
-good morals. Truth, honesty, and just be genuine.
For now I'm throwing out the rediculous movie dramatics and just being real about the things I need. New philosophy.
I love being in love. Sometimes it's just hard to really see what's important and what is just putting a strain on a relationship. Relationships will never be easy. C asked me this question the other night:
Is it worth it to feel so happy and in love for a few hours and end up feeling sad for double that amount of time?
I'm still trying to think of the right answer for this question, but I think sometimes it's best to just put faith into someone and hope that they care enough to put you first. I guess we will see. Feedback??!?!?!?
T
So many unanswered questions:
1. Do second chances really work in a relationship? If both parties are really in love, shouldn't that be enough? The world says no. We need to think logically, but I say for the moment, screw that philosophy. There is so much pressure for us to find someone compatable with who we are- that's so much pressure. If I would go by this, I would need a younger dude in his 20s with a full time job, a house, a car, and expect him to be funny, sweet, cute, and completely obsessed with me. A little much.
2. How many standards are too many standards? I think I've lowered mine a lot- I don't need fancy dates (although nice once in a while) or cards for no reason. What I decided I do need:
-consistancy. Answer my calls, texts, if you like me, act like it. I'm so over being mind fucked. It should be easy.
-thoughtfulness. If you're in a store and see something that you know I need or like, get it for me and I'll love you forever (hey, I'd do it for you). If you think I look pretty, tell me. You can only get attention like that from that one "special" person, so I think it's so important, and this is something I won't settle on.
-good morals. Truth, honesty, and just be genuine.
For now I'm throwing out the rediculous movie dramatics and just being real about the things I need. New philosophy.
I love being in love. Sometimes it's just hard to really see what's important and what is just putting a strain on a relationship. Relationships will never be easy. C asked me this question the other night:
Is it worth it to feel so happy and in love for a few hours and end up feeling sad for double that amount of time?
I'm still trying to think of the right answer for this question, but I think sometimes it's best to just put faith into someone and hope that they care enough to put you first. I guess we will see. Feedback??!?!?!?
T
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Highlights of the Week
The past week has literally been the most random week of my life. This all stems back from the fact that I went on Plenty of Fish for some entertainment.
Since guys give out number like it's candy on that website, I decided to play along with some of them. Let me break down the three prospects I started out with last week. They all get their own special nickname. Let me just start off saying they all seemed kind of normal at first.....
Prospect 1: Mr. I'm obsessed with you and I don't even know you
This guy wouldn't quit. He started off sending me funny messages which I appreciate. One of the first messages he sent in response to something I said was "sooo when are we getting married" I took that as a funny joke. The thing is....he was dead serious. So, thinking he was a sarcastic jokester like myself I gave him my number. The text convo started out pretty normal but then it got weird. He just kept telling me how great I was. Ok..you don't even know me. Then he began obsessively texting me. I love attention but this was annoying. On Thursday I went to dinner with some friends so I didn't look at my phone for an hour or two. I had two texts, a missed call, and a voicemail from this guy. I hadn't answered the last text he sent me the day before so umm...didn't he get the hit.
Apparently not. His voicemail was probably the most hilarious thing I have ever listened to. He went a little like this: "Ummm hey girl (in a sassy accent). Don't know why you stopped talking to me, but I want you to know that I got much love for you. So call me back. Looooooove ya bye" UM YEAH. Love ya? You don't even know me. Didn't call him or text him back. The next day he texted me AGAIN and asked me to hang out. Didn't answer. I think he finally gave up. I am not afraid to block his number. So just like that, there goes prospect number 1 out the window.
Prospect 2: "Mr. Dick Pic"
I started talking to this one guy who seemed very promising. He's a PHD student here, seems to have his life together, and had a few very cute pictures posted. Once we started talking, I realized he was from Jersey and also from the same town as some of my best friends in college. When I went to friend request him on facebook we had multiple mutual friends that I went to college with. This was a sigh of relief because in the online dating world it is so amazing when you can have that reassurance that the person you are talking to isn't a serial killer and you can have that validation through mutual friends.
Well...it all went down hill from here. He straight up told me he wasn't looking for anything serious which I should have immediately taken as a red flag. He then asked for my number and immediately after giving me this speech about how he doesn't want a relationship, he asked me to come over. Ok....I'm not a booty call. Sorry. If you want to get some ass, go on craigs list.
It gets better. He then asked me to meet up on campus the next day (our buildings that we work in on campus are literally 10 ft away from each other). I thought this was a sign that he wasn't such an asshole. So we met up and talked during our lunch breaks. It went really well. He was super cute, held a conversation and didn't make me feel weird at all.
Except for when he started to sext me.....and then sent me a picture of his penis. YEP. He really did. And he wonders why I never responded and stopped talking to him. I'm still receiving texts from him saying "hey what's up?" 5 minutes later: "ok cool I guess you really are done talking to me."
So....goodbye to prospect number 2.
Prospect 3: "Total Frat Move"
Still a little upset about prospect 3. He sent me a really witty message on POF, is in med school, and is really freaking hot. So of course I just went ahead and gave him my number. We texted for awhile about random stuff and he seemed to really be interested in my life, which I appreciate. When the weekend rolled around he texted me and asked me what I was doing. Last weekend was crazy for me with work, so I wasn't really available to do anything, but he called me and we talked on the phone for quite awhile. I could kind of sense that he may not be the person to me because of some of the things that came up in conversation. He kept referring to all the crazy things he did in his fraternity. Ok..that's not attractive to me. He also kept saying how picky he was and mentioned some of the "really hot" girls he dated. Ok...I don't care. THEN...he said that cheating isn't that big of a deal to him because shit happens. Um. No.
Besides those huge ass red flags he was really funny and a fun person to talk to. So when he called me on Sunday morning to ask me to go for a walk by the river, I said yes. However, I was already at the river because I had just ran three miles. Bottom line: I was a sweaty mess in shorts, a tank top, and a baseball hat. This guy shows up wearing khakis, a polo, and a visor. So southern. So freaking hot. I think it went pretty well...we took a short walk and talked about random stuff. The whole time I'm freaking out that I look like such a slob. I was not expecting him to be that beautiful.
I heard from him later that night, but we only exchanged 2-3 texts. Haven't heard from him since. Kinda pissed about this but at the same time he is in med school...may be he's busy...or maybe the fact that I looked like a hot mess when I met him changed his opinion on me. Either way, it's probably better that I don't speak to him. I could never trust someone who is that hot, a futre doctor, and who doesn't think cheating is a big deal. He'd def cheat on me.
Those are my updates. Three prospects down to zero. Back where I started and deleted my account on Plenty of Fish. I can't deal with the crazies...
Dating sucks.
Should I try E-Vow next??
C
Since guys give out number like it's candy on that website, I decided to play along with some of them. Let me break down the three prospects I started out with last week. They all get their own special nickname. Let me just start off saying they all seemed kind of normal at first.....
Prospect 1: Mr. I'm obsessed with you and I don't even know you
This guy wouldn't quit. He started off sending me funny messages which I appreciate. One of the first messages he sent in response to something I said was "sooo when are we getting married" I took that as a funny joke. The thing is....he was dead serious. So, thinking he was a sarcastic jokester like myself I gave him my number. The text convo started out pretty normal but then it got weird. He just kept telling me how great I was. Ok..you don't even know me. Then he began obsessively texting me. I love attention but this was annoying. On Thursday I went to dinner with some friends so I didn't look at my phone for an hour or two. I had two texts, a missed call, and a voicemail from this guy. I hadn't answered the last text he sent me the day before so umm...didn't he get the hit.
Apparently not. His voicemail was probably the most hilarious thing I have ever listened to. He went a little like this: "Ummm hey girl (in a sassy accent). Don't know why you stopped talking to me, but I want you to know that I got much love for you. So call me back. Looooooove ya bye" UM YEAH. Love ya? You don't even know me. Didn't call him or text him back. The next day he texted me AGAIN and asked me to hang out. Didn't answer. I think he finally gave up. I am not afraid to block his number. So just like that, there goes prospect number 1 out the window.
Prospect 2: "Mr. Dick Pic"
I started talking to this one guy who seemed very promising. He's a PHD student here, seems to have his life together, and had a few very cute pictures posted. Once we started talking, I realized he was from Jersey and also from the same town as some of my best friends in college. When I went to friend request him on facebook we had multiple mutual friends that I went to college with. This was a sigh of relief because in the online dating world it is so amazing when you can have that reassurance that the person you are talking to isn't a serial killer and you can have that validation through mutual friends.
Well...it all went down hill from here. He straight up told me he wasn't looking for anything serious which I should have immediately taken as a red flag. He then asked for my number and immediately after giving me this speech about how he doesn't want a relationship, he asked me to come over. Ok....I'm not a booty call. Sorry. If you want to get some ass, go on craigs list.
It gets better. He then asked me to meet up on campus the next day (our buildings that we work in on campus are literally 10 ft away from each other). I thought this was a sign that he wasn't such an asshole. So we met up and talked during our lunch breaks. It went really well. He was super cute, held a conversation and didn't make me feel weird at all.
Except for when he started to sext me.....and then sent me a picture of his penis. YEP. He really did. And he wonders why I never responded and stopped talking to him. I'm still receiving texts from him saying "hey what's up?" 5 minutes later: "ok cool I guess you really are done talking to me."
So....goodbye to prospect number 2.
Prospect 3: "Total Frat Move"
Still a little upset about prospect 3. He sent me a really witty message on POF, is in med school, and is really freaking hot. So of course I just went ahead and gave him my number. We texted for awhile about random stuff and he seemed to really be interested in my life, which I appreciate. When the weekend rolled around he texted me and asked me what I was doing. Last weekend was crazy for me with work, so I wasn't really available to do anything, but he called me and we talked on the phone for quite awhile. I could kind of sense that he may not be the person to me because of some of the things that came up in conversation. He kept referring to all the crazy things he did in his fraternity. Ok..that's not attractive to me. He also kept saying how picky he was and mentioned some of the "really hot" girls he dated. Ok...I don't care. THEN...he said that cheating isn't that big of a deal to him because shit happens. Um. No.
Besides those huge ass red flags he was really funny and a fun person to talk to. So when he called me on Sunday morning to ask me to go for a walk by the river, I said yes. However, I was already at the river because I had just ran three miles. Bottom line: I was a sweaty mess in shorts, a tank top, and a baseball hat. This guy shows up wearing khakis, a polo, and a visor. So southern. So freaking hot. I think it went pretty well...we took a short walk and talked about random stuff. The whole time I'm freaking out that I look like such a slob. I was not expecting him to be that beautiful.
I heard from him later that night, but we only exchanged 2-3 texts. Haven't heard from him since. Kinda pissed about this but at the same time he is in med school...may be he's busy...or maybe the fact that I looked like a hot mess when I met him changed his opinion on me. Either way, it's probably better that I don't speak to him. I could never trust someone who is that hot, a futre doctor, and who doesn't think cheating is a big deal. He'd def cheat on me.
Those are my updates. Three prospects down to zero. Back where I started and deleted my account on Plenty of Fish. I can't deal with the crazies...
Dating sucks.
Should I try E-Vow next??
C
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
On to the next?
I finally figured out FOR SURE why N stopped talking to me. I looked at his facebook today, and it said "N posted on (insert girls name) wall." This is the girl I have been stalking for awhile and had a suspicion that they have been talking. So, creepily I looked on her wall. He posted an article about how tanning is as bad for you as smoking and said "told ya." She commented and said "watch it or you will be eating dinner alone on Friday."
WAHHHH! I saw this and immediately teared up. I feel like I got punched in the stomach. Granted, we only were talking for a few months but I genuinely liked him and he was the first guy since my ex that I could really really get into. UGH.
At least I don't have to wonder why he stopped talking to me anymore, but it really doesn't make me feel any better. This girl works at a t-shirt store and looks like a gremlin? The only thing she has going for her is her stick skinny figure. Bitch.
The only comfort and reassurance I can give myself is that he is going to eventually do the same thing to her. He couldn't change for his girlfriend of 7 years....don't know why he would start now.
That thought is comforting for five seconds.
I defriended him on faceook and blocked this girl so I can't stalk their relationship. I really don't want to know. I hope that I run into at the bar or at a random place, so that I can pull a Charlotte from Sex and the City and yell "I CURSE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN."
I actually know exactly what I would say to him. "You are selfish. You are an asshole. You are rude. Next time just be honest and tell a girl why you are going to stop talking to her. DEUCES."
One thing I can say that I learned from this situation is don't settle. I always come back to this and it's so true. The "red flag prevetion theory" would really work if we followed it. There were so many red flags with N that if I would have just stopped and walked away on that very first date, I wouldn't be sitting in my bed with a weight watchers brownie sundae in fury.
Ugh.
On to the next,
C
WAHHHH! I saw this and immediately teared up. I feel like I got punched in the stomach. Granted, we only were talking for a few months but I genuinely liked him and he was the first guy since my ex that I could really really get into. UGH.
At least I don't have to wonder why he stopped talking to me anymore, but it really doesn't make me feel any better. This girl works at a t-shirt store and looks like a gremlin? The only thing she has going for her is her stick skinny figure. Bitch.
The only comfort and reassurance I can give myself is that he is going to eventually do the same thing to her. He couldn't change for his girlfriend of 7 years....don't know why he would start now.
That thought is comforting for five seconds.
I defriended him on faceook and blocked this girl so I can't stalk their relationship. I really don't want to know. I hope that I run into at the bar or at a random place, so that I can pull a Charlotte from Sex and the City and yell "I CURSE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN."
I actually know exactly what I would say to him. "You are selfish. You are an asshole. You are rude. Next time just be honest and tell a girl why you are going to stop talking to her. DEUCES."
One thing I can say that I learned from this situation is don't settle. I always come back to this and it's so true. The "red flag prevetion theory" would really work if we followed it. There were so many red flags with N that if I would have just stopped and walked away on that very first date, I wouldn't be sitting in my bed with a weight watchers brownie sundae in fury.
Ugh.
On to the next,
C
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