The Dating Code of Ethics

We see it in the love movies all the time. Best friends go years without confessing their love to each other. It’s always bad timing. One person isn’t ready to fully commit, one person has a boyfriend, one person is focusing on their career. In the movies, in the midst of all this, when best friends confess their love to each other, it always works out magically.

The real life situations get a little messier. We all know that there is a dating code of ethics. If a guy has a girlfriend, he is off limits. End of story. We know how it feels to be the girl that gets cheated on, so we never want to do that to another person. But does this code of ethics get blurry in the name of love?

My friend E and I were talking about boys and life in general when she mentioned a current predicament that she is in. She has a best friend from high school who she always kind of had “a thing” for. They hooked up a few times throughout college but it was always bad timing. One of them was always dating someone else so it never quite worked out. They always had a connection though and something always brought them back together. E just got out of a serious relationship a few months ago and reached out to see how her friend was doing. They started texting a little bit right before she headed home for Christmas break. Turns out….he got engaged over the holiday. Of course this was devastating for E because he was that one person that in the back of her mind she could see herself ending up with.
So, while they were texting one day she called him out on it. She asked him how the wedding planning was going and he replied with, “it’s good….not until next May…so I have time” E & I were trying to figure out what this means? He has time for what…to pick a good cake? Throw a good bachelor party? Or screw around with mad girls before he ties the knot??

When explaining the situation, E told me she doesn’t think that this guy is happy in his relationship. There is a lot of family pressure to marry into money and he has been living with this girl for awhile. Obviously, the next step is marriage. One thing to ponder though: is E making assumptions because she doesn’t want to believe he is truly happy? Or is he hinting around that there was pressure and he really isn’t satisfied in the relationship?

Which brings me to the next point; E knows that he is engaged. He has made a commitment to another individual so she wants to respect that. However, if she never says anything before he is married, it really is too late at that point. Is it valid to completely throw away the “Dating Code of Ethics” and just go with your heart? I don’t think that it’s going to be exactly like the movies I mentioned earlier where the soon to be married guy leaves his fiance effortlessly and everyone lives happily ever after. Life is messier than that. I do think that you do need to follow your heart though. It makes me think of Taylor Swift’s song, “Speak Now.” Yes, engagement should mean something. It’s a commitment. BUT, my personal advice to E would be, say how you feel, and then you know you have no regrets. He may shoot her down and tell her he is completely happy with his wife to be. He may express interest in her but not be a man enough to break it off. He may realize he is unhappy and they could ride into the beautiful sunset together.

The thing is, she’ll never know unless she says something about it. Live your life so that you don’t have to look back and wonder what would have happened if you did something differently. There is a difference between being respectful of a relationship and following your heart.

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you,

C