This weekend I finally got full circle closure on my relation-shit with N.
For those of you who have followed the blog you know N as my flakey fling from a few months back. The thing is, even though there were some red flags about him, I really liked him. We got along great, he made me laugh, was fun to be around, and gave me butterflies.
A quick recap for those of you catching up: Me and N were basically "dating" but then he just stopped talking to me. Cold turkey. No explanation.
Recently, I found out my instincts were right about him meeting another girl. Through some serious facebook stalking, I saw that he was talking to this new girl who worked with his roommate. She looks like a 12 year old gremlin.
ANYWAYS, it turns out they became facebook official this weekend. To be more specific, they became FBO on April Fools Day. I freaking wish that it was a big, fat, joke, but according to her happy lovey dovey profile pic of the two of them, it's very much a reality.
What did I do when I saw this? I immediately teared up. It was the official closure that I needed but damn did it hurt to see. I think it hurt so much because I really really really LIKED him. Genuinely liked him. Which doesn't happen a lot for me. Most guys end up "making me sick" for really no good reason at all. Me & N really clicked in a way that I don't usually find.
I started to think back on the 3 months that we hung out/dated/talked and it all became a little more clear. I think that it was partially my fault that we didn't work out. Yes, he was a flake. Yes, he was horrible at communication. But honestly I think that I tried way too hard to give off the carefree vibe. When I started talking to him I was so stuck on college mode ad the assumption that no guy wants a relationship. I assumed that he was one of those guys and any sign of me wanting commitment would scare him off.
I was wrong.
I think that he really wanted a relationship, something serious and tangible and there I was going on and on about how I didn't want to settle down. Now that I'm looking back on the signs, he was thinking we were at two different places in our lives. I rarely called or texted him first. I acted really nonchalant about hanging out. I mentioned that I wanted to travel this summer and when he told me I should stay in South Carolina, I immediately shut down the idea.
I blatantly lied to him and myself about not wanting a relationship. I wanted to seem chill and cool but I think I gave off the "I don't want a relationship" vibe more than I was trying to.
Point of this story?
Don't lie about what you want or make assumptions about what another person wants. There are a lot of guys that DO want relationships and acting like you could give a shit less isn't going to convince someone that they want a relationship with you. I think I may have screwed up something that could have been good.
BUT he's still an asshole with a gremlin girlfriend.
Taking SOME of the blame,
C
This is so true girl!! I have made the same mistakes before and honesty and being up front is the best policy. If they DON'T want what you want then it probably can't work. Great post.
ReplyDeleteThanks girl! At least I learned a good lesson out of this one!
ReplyDeleteHey C,
ReplyDeleteFirst time reading your blog. This is a very introspective post. I think we all fall into the trap of hiding who we are to please people we like. I suspect as we get older, we figure out that this is a completely bullshit way to live. It's awesome that you've learned to be more honest with yourself, and to be sure in the future, you know the intentions of the guys you date instead of making assumptions about what they want. Don't try to change yourself to make other people happy. It's too exhausting, and in the long run it makes you a resentful and bitter person. Show guys who you really are, and if they don't like you, to hell with them.
Thanks Bobby! :) Glad you agree and hope you will continue to read our blog!
ReplyDelete