Sunday, December 11, 2011

Where is the focus?

K discovered the blog.

Those are the exact words he said, too.  As much as I do feel bad about it, we started this blog as a way to write down our feelings and questions about relationships, so I'm going to keep writing exactly the way I normally would.  K said that he wouldn't read this anymore, and I actually trust that.  K is someone who has always been honest with me even when I didn't agree or if he was completely wrong.  So, either way, life goes on.

Current status:  who f-ing knows?  Actually just spent the weekend there (K's birthday is today), so I'm not sure if it was a jump or a step.  How can you slow things down when you were already so far in?  Anyway, just trying not to stress about it for now.

I think I'm happy, but I do miss the two way street we used to have- I kind of feel like I'm putting in a crazy amount of effort (which makes sense since it is his birthday weekend, and it's the first time in weeks we aren't fighting), but I hope that our relationship eventually falls back into the pattern of equally making decisions.

What I've learned is that even though relationships are supposed to come naturally, it's still an effort everyday.  Just because someone is in a bad mood doesn't mean that it's appropriate to take it out on any person, especially the one in the relationship.  It is true that those are the ones SUPPOSED to be there in those times, but there is a line between communication and an outlet for frustration.  When you aren't single, it's not just about you, it's mostly about the other person.

My main problem: focus on how I'm acting instead of how he is acting.  Of course, in the end, it does come down to your happiness- and if you aren't happy with the way a person is acting, you can't keep trying to change it.  All you can do is hope they feel the same way and are willing to go the extra mile.


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