There are a lot of words/famous Holiday nay sayers that could describe me right now: Scrooge, the Grinch, or Charlie Brown would all be appropriate. Why do the holidays make me so depressed??
Currently, I am spending the week with my sister, her husband, and my two twin nephews. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be spending time with them especially because I don't get to see them all that often, BUT (there's always a but) it's making me depressed. My sister is 30 and her husband is 32, so they are at a completely different stage of their lives as me but being around them makes me feel so damn pressured to have a house, front porch swing, kids, and white picket fence. When I am here, I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!! When will it be my turn??????
Why as a 22 year old do I feel pressured to live a certain life by a certain age? I feel like there is a massive time bomb in my head that's going to go off when I'm 25 that says WELP chances of you settling down by 30 are RUINED.
Where does this pressure come from? There are a lot of sources of pressure in my case. I grew up in a small town where no one EVER leaves. They graduate, maybe go to college, then comes love, marriage and baby carriage! Sometimes that order can be a tad mixed up depending on the person, but you get the jist. Another source of pressure is my family. I'm not demeaning my parents life at all, but they got married pretty young and have stayed in the same place all their life. That was my mom's main priority. She didn't go to college or get a degree, she wanted a family.
Well, what if you want both? I want a career and a family. I also want friends, a beach house, and a sex and the city life style but hey we can't have it all.
So if hearing it from your family & friends isn't enough, the holidays make this pressure SKY ROCKET. Songs about finding love on Christmas and watching couples frolic around the mall together are enough to make me want to vomit. "All I want for Christmas is you and "Santa can you hear me" send me the message that, welp...it sucks to suck if you aren't in love this holiday season. Better luck next year.
Love is supposed to just happen & be fun along the way. Whatever happened to just living in the moment and not worrying about the future? "Living in the moment" is not in vocabulary because I am the most overantalytical dramatic person on this earth. I wish I could make this all stop, but I can't. The external pressures of settling down are never going to stop or leave. Thank goodness I have great friends for support and boxed wine in my fridge.
Merry Christmas ya filthy animal,
C
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