As a first year Graduate student, I technically am not a "real person." Even though I work for the University, I still get about a month off for winter break because I am a student. At first, I was excited about the long break and the chance to go home and catch up with loved ones for a long period of time. Since I met someone I actually like, I've been dreading the long winter break. Pathetic, I know.
We all know the phrase, "what will be, will be" and "what's meant to be will always find a way" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Maybe it's the mood I'm in, but I'm not buying into any of those phrases right now. I don't want to take a chance with those things! I want to stay in South Carolina and make it work! Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
While on the phone with one of my good friends last night, I mentioned my fears of the holiday break. She replied by saying, "Are you going to talk about your relationship before you leave?" Ahhhh, the golden question. I'm sure as hell not going to bring it up so probably not. Then I started to think, once again, I'm reading too much into this. Why can't I just go home for a while, keep in contact and see what happens when I get back. Why do things always have to be black and white? Will I ever be able to just go with the flow? What is this doing to my blood pressure? I am only 22. Eek.
With all that ranting being said, when is it time to define the relationship? Why as women do we think that it is up to the man to define it? Maybe we should take matters into our own hands and go after what we want. Just because we know we want something more, doesn't classify as psycho or crazy like we all think. So maybe tonight when I hang out with "N" I will bring him a box of Christmas Tree Cakes (his favorite thing these days) and ask him to DTR (new lingo for define the relationship). Doubtful but trying to talk myself into some courage!
Stay tuned to find out!