Is it standard to make a standards list?

A few weeks ago my roommates and I were sitting around talking about ex boyfriends, current flings, and relationships in general.  I can't remember the exact conversation, but I am sure it was me that was complaining about someone or another, and one of them said to me, "Carly, you can't settle."  That's when I started to think critically about this.  How do I know if I'm settling? What am I really looking for? What's a deal breaker?

At this point in my life, I think it is important that I know what I want!  While watching "Millionaire Matchmaker" I was inspired to create my own standards list. I took Patti's advice and tried not to make my standards too ridiculous and unattainable.  First, I started with the dealbreakers.  What can I definitely NOT handle? Here is what I came up with:


Dealbreakers:
1. Fake GPAs/Fake places of employment...explanation to come in a different blog..basically no made up lives
2. 5"7 or shorter
3. No Car or Job
4. Gross white sneakers....please buy a new pair of shoes
5. COD/XBOX lover...some video games are fine but when it rules your life, we've got a problem
6. Disrespectful to their Mom
7. Knows ALL the girls at the bar
8. Makes me sick.......we all know that feeling in the pit of our stomachs
9. No response for 24 hours
10. Negative nancy

Once I go those out of the way, I came up with things I actually WANT in my next boyfriend!

(Split into different categories)

1. Caring

• communication--good texter/caller
• shows some PDA, affectionate
• considerate
• kisses godbye
• surprises me with little things
• makes effort!

2.  Supportive

• Shows up for me
• dependable
• builds me up and gives me confidence

3.  Drive

• Motivated
• has a clear vision (with a touch of spontinuity)
• makes me better
• has goals for his career and life

4. Values

• close with his family
• friends are important
• values honesty and loyalty
• lives with integrity
• values the beach over the mountains

5. Willing to JUMP

• Likes day trips and surprises
• will apologize first if necessary
• can let go of pride
• will work to make it work 

6. FUN

• Social--likes to go out
• Good dancer
• makes me laugh
• feed off each other's energy
• people person
• will keep me on my toes 

7. Big Picture

•  wants to merge our two worlds together
• will compromise in order to make it work
• eventually wants a family
• conquer the future together
• will be my best friend 

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that this list MIRACULOUSLY changed my life, but it did help me become more focused and intentional about who I am dating.  If you don't know what you want, how can you ever expect to be happy?  Something to ponder! What are your standards and deal breakers?  How did you come up with them? If you had to pick only one, which one would it be?   

I think if we ask ourselves these questions we have a better chance of finding someone that is compatible with us...no settling involved!


Never settle for less than butterflies,


C