Miss Independent = Dating Death Wish???

As I was listening to the radio the other day, I realized there are a lot of songs that men write about independent women.  The general theme of the lyrics are that men love when a women are independent.  For example:

"I see the guys tryna' holla
Girl I don't wanna bother you
'Cause you're independent and you got my attention"

-Akon

 She got her own thing
that's why I love her
Miss Independent
Won't you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing that's why I love her
Miss Independent
ooh the way you shine
Miss Independent
-Ne-Yo


But are these lyrics more fitting?  Independent until you fall in love??


Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love

What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise...It's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true
-Kelly Clarkson

 I used to love this song, but it got me thinking.  Is being Miss Independent = to having a dating death wish??  Love Kelly Clarkson, but she makes it sounds like being independent is more like being a bitter bitch.  (which kind of pisses me off).  At some point in the relationship are you supposed to give up some of your independence? Is there a difference between being independent and selfish?


I'm struggling with this one. 

Like everything in life and relationships, there needs to be balance.  Like I have mentioned in my previous blog about why I'm still single, I can be selfish sometimes.  Sometimes I confuse being independent with being downright self centered.  In the last two years, I would like to think I've gotten better at this but I know I have a long way to go.  Either way you are screwed, if you put your career first you are missing out on love.  If you put love first, you are missing out in advancing in your career.

  Balance really is the key.





Independent: Standing up for what I believe in.  Have your own mind. Don't agree with everything someone you are starting to date thinks.  Have a backbone and express your opinion. 


Selfish: Not being able to compromise.  When a relationship gets more serious (marriage and children), there needs to be a compromise.  If it's something like religion or personal values, this may be harder to do and can really be a deal breaker. BUT don't make it your way or the highway.  Value others opinions and beliefs.


Independent: You won't sacrifice what you love to please someone else. N doesn't really get what I want to do with my life, but he is trying to understand.  No matter how much someone doesn't "get it" I will never give it up.

Selfish:  Working can ruin a relationship.  Most people need balance.  For example, I need to do a summer internship this summer.  If I had a serious boyfriend, I would consider where to apply in order to stay close enough to spend the summer with him or at least some weekends. 


Independent: Have your own friends and hobbies.  Being independent includes having your own life.  Don't get me wrong, you can include your significant other in these parts of your life but in the end, they are yours.


Selfish:  Not merging your two worlds.  I had this problem with my serious boyfriend in college.  I didn't want him to have anything to do with my world at school.  That was selfish and probably part of the reason why our relationship failed.


So is being independent a dating death wish?? I don't think so. You need to make yourself happy before you can be happy with someone else. Cliche but so true. Find your passions and keep in touch with those friends who mean the most.  The rest should fall into place. (at least I hope??) 


Doin me,

C