Realization

Like T, I usually don't blog twice a day either.  This, however, was an emergency....... or a realization (whatever floats your boat).

T & I not only blog about our daily "realizations" but we tend to talk to each other about them obsessively.  During one of our obsessive phone conversations, I mentioned that none of my friends ever try to "hook me up."  What I mean by this is, none of my girl or guy friends have ever said..."Hey C, I know this really great guy! I should totally introduce you."  The more I think about it, the more pissed off I get.  Why don't they ever do this for me? I'm a good catch. They choose to be my friend, so they must see some endearing qualities. So, I brought this up to T, who responded with a brutally harsh and honest statement (that's why I love ya).

She responded, "Yeah.....I feel like I've tried to do that for you before, but you are way too picky.  You would come up with a million things wrong with the guy before you even met him to rule him out."

Damn.

Apparently I'm a picky bitch.

Reality check.  She's absolutely right.  I would find a million things wrong with them before I even met them. I would analyze their social media sites, pre hang out text messages, and ex girlfriends.  Maybe the reason I'm still single isn't because every single guy in the world isn't ready for a relationship; maybe I'm the one who isn't ready.  Is it immaturity?  Is it selfishness?  Too much independence?  Fear? Skepticism?  I'm gonna go with probably a mixture of all of the above. 

I don't know if the fear revolves around the fact of having a relationship or if the fear revolves around settling.  I'm so damn scared that I will end up settling for less than what I deserve and regret it down the line.  I'm scared of getting hurt.  I'm also scared because having a serious relationship means seriously growing up.

I preach and preach that I'm ready.  I'm ready to find someone worthwhile and that meets all these standards.  I want someone to spend the holidays with and look at Christmas lights with, but Im not ready to truly put myself out there.

So, thanks for the reality check T!  From here on out, I'm going to be more open to meeting people.  I'm not going to let the fear of striking out  keep me from playing the game! (So corny)  What's the worst that could happen?  Go on a few bad dates and have some good stories to share?

Opening my mind & heart,

C