Our stories of red flags, douche bag ex boyfriends, and immature men in their mid twenties who can't settle down can cause some distress and anxiety. Through all of the heartbreak and horror stories, I'm not giving up. You shouldn't either.
"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."
-He's Just Not That Into You
Hopeful,
C
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Nice Girls Finish Last
According to Scumbag 1 and 2 that T blogged about earlier, nice girls definitely finish last.
Direct quote: "I like bitchy girls. With nice girls, there is no challenge."
When we started talking about relationships, I kept the questions coming. We need to get some male perspective to figure out where the opposite sex is coming from. Now, I kind of regret that decision. Maybe I'd be better off not knowing what men really think.
But because I like to torture myself, I started asking their opinion about N. They basically explained that I need to regain control. I need to stop answering his calls all the time and definitely never text him first. Basically I need to be mean to him and ignore him for him to stay interested. Awesome right? Well, what if I don't want to play games? I'm 22 and N is 28. At this point in my life, if I want to answer your phone call, I'm going to pick up and talk to you.
When I responded with this, Scumbag 1 and 2 told me that the games will eventually stop but to get them hooked you need to be bitchy. I doubt this. How can a relationship based off games turn into a healthy one without any of that drama? I don't think it really can. Because then eventually once the games stop, the guy will lose interest.
This got me thinking about one of T and I's other good guy friend from high school. He was once a major scumbag, screwing over girls, cheating on them, and ditching them as soon as they got too close. All that's changed since he met his current girlfriend. He put his cheating ways aside, asked her to move in with him and is genuinely happy. He doesn't hit on random girls or even MENTION other girls as if they don't exist.
So with this observation, will a guy change when he finally meets the one? Or will he slip back into his old ways after a year or two? I guess only time will tell.
On our car ride home last night, T and I were trying to decide if scumbag 1 and 2 were the norm or if they were the messed up ones in this situation. I still don't know. I am going to test out the "bitch" theory because I have always been told that I've been too nice. Next time N calls, he's getting the F-U button. That will show him.....
Watch out! Here comes Bitchygirl2012!
Deuces,
C
Direct quote: "I like bitchy girls. With nice girls, there is no challenge."
When we started talking about relationships, I kept the questions coming. We need to get some male perspective to figure out where the opposite sex is coming from. Now, I kind of regret that decision. Maybe I'd be better off not knowing what men really think.
But because I like to torture myself, I started asking their opinion about N. They basically explained that I need to regain control. I need to stop answering his calls all the time and definitely never text him first. Basically I need to be mean to him and ignore him for him to stay interested. Awesome right? Well, what if I don't want to play games? I'm 22 and N is 28. At this point in my life, if I want to answer your phone call, I'm going to pick up and talk to you.
When I responded with this, Scumbag 1 and 2 told me that the games will eventually stop but to get them hooked you need to be bitchy. I doubt this. How can a relationship based off games turn into a healthy one without any of that drama? I don't think it really can. Because then eventually once the games stop, the guy will lose interest.
This got me thinking about one of T and I's other good guy friend from high school. He was once a major scumbag, screwing over girls, cheating on them, and ditching them as soon as they got too close. All that's changed since he met his current girlfriend. He put his cheating ways aside, asked her to move in with him and is genuinely happy. He doesn't hit on random girls or even MENTION other girls as if they don't exist.
So with this observation, will a guy change when he finally meets the one? Or will he slip back into his old ways after a year or two? I guess only time will tell.
On our car ride home last night, T and I were trying to decide if scumbag 1 and 2 were the norm or if they were the messed up ones in this situation. I still don't know. I am going to test out the "bitch" theory because I have always been told that I've been too nice. Next time N calls, he's getting the F-U button. That will show him.....
Watch out! Here comes Bitchygirl2012!
Deuces,
C
Is Chivalry Dead?
More than chivalry is dead. Honesty, trust, and human nature as we know it is doomed.
I'm sure that C will also be blogging about this topic after our depressing night last night.
We met up with some old high school friends for wings and beer last night- ended up having a very enlightening conversation with two of our 25 year old friends. These are typical guys. Both have great jobs, a house, and are very athletic and normal. Some might say they're on the very attractive side, but I guess we just know them too well. As much fun as they are as friends, and as hilariously retarded I think they are, they are huge scum bags. Scum of the earth dirt bags. Not that I've considered dating either of them, but I would would not even consider sending them on a date with my worse enemy-
that's how bad it was.
After hearing about the one's failed 2 month relationship with "a hot, crazy chick who was good in bed," Scum Bag 1proceded to explain that he had cheated on her with a nurse who had found out the truth. Instead of dumping his ass like she should have, she made him end the previous relationship. Scum Bag 1 has cheated in every relationship that he has had and claims that when he finds "the one" he will stop doing that. Hm...
Scum Bag 2 explained to us that he is not a scum bag, he just would rather be alone and buy himself a tv and a dog for Christmas. Plus, it's easier than deal with lying all the time.
"Why do you lie?" C asked.
Scum Bag 2 looked at her like she was nuts. Honesty in a relationship!?!? CRAZY. Scum Bag 2 is such a great guy that he once slept with a girl at his college baseball house while his girlfriend was at work bartending. He then proceded to call his girlfriend to come pick him up, puked in her car, and slept with her two hours later. Remorse? Nope, "he wasn't married."
So is that what's it's all about now? Do we have to get married to gain respect? Bullshit. Sadly, these boys are 25 and extremely immature. Even worse is that their friends are the exact same way. We got a lot of great information from Scum Bag 1 &2, and there will be much more coming on this topic.
We ended the night with this statement from Scum Bag 1:
Listen, you want me to lie to you and tell you what you wanna hear about guys? I can go to any girl and say, "wanna go to the movies, baby? You're so beautiful, I don't know what I did before you. I can play that game, too. Then I'm going to call her best friend and sleep with her; done that before."
He also told us to watch out for the following signs:
Your guy is weird about his facebook, twitter, or e-mail? Guys want their space, and sometimes it means nothing, but most of the time, it's for a reason. They have a phone password? Scum Bag 1 explains that a good cheater will explain that it's for privacy in case someone steals their phone. If they have nothing to hide, they'll have no problem with you knowing the password (but asking is just psycho). So, we pretty much lose every time.
To end this depressing post on a postive note:
Scum Bag 1 & 2 explained that 2% of guys are good. We need to find them.
Also, I just checked my google history, and there was a search for:
Is it normal for a boner to point straight up?
Wtf?
Happy Holidays!
T
I'm sure that C will also be blogging about this topic after our depressing night last night.
We met up with some old high school friends for wings and beer last night- ended up having a very enlightening conversation with two of our 25 year old friends. These are typical guys. Both have great jobs, a house, and are very athletic and normal. Some might say they're on the very attractive side, but I guess we just know them too well. As much fun as they are as friends, and as hilariously retarded I think they are, they are huge scum bags. Scum of the earth dirt bags. Not that I've considered dating either of them, but I would would not even consider sending them on a date with my worse enemy-
that's how bad it was.
After hearing about the one's failed 2 month relationship with "a hot, crazy chick who was good in bed," Scum Bag 1proceded to explain that he had cheated on her with a nurse who had found out the truth. Instead of dumping his ass like she should have, she made him end the previous relationship. Scum Bag 1 has cheated in every relationship that he has had and claims that when he finds "the one" he will stop doing that. Hm...
Scum Bag 2 explained to us that he is not a scum bag, he just would rather be alone and buy himself a tv and a dog for Christmas. Plus, it's easier than deal with lying all the time.
"Why do you lie?" C asked.
Scum Bag 2 looked at her like she was nuts. Honesty in a relationship!?!? CRAZY. Scum Bag 2 is such a great guy that he once slept with a girl at his college baseball house while his girlfriend was at work bartending. He then proceded to call his girlfriend to come pick him up, puked in her car, and slept with her two hours later. Remorse? Nope, "he wasn't married."
So is that what's it's all about now? Do we have to get married to gain respect? Bullshit. Sadly, these boys are 25 and extremely immature. Even worse is that their friends are the exact same way. We got a lot of great information from Scum Bag 1 &2, and there will be much more coming on this topic.
We ended the night with this statement from Scum Bag 1:
Listen, you want me to lie to you and tell you what you wanna hear about guys? I can go to any girl and say, "wanna go to the movies, baby? You're so beautiful, I don't know what I did before you. I can play that game, too. Then I'm going to call her best friend and sleep with her; done that before."
He also told us to watch out for the following signs:
Your guy is weird about his facebook, twitter, or e-mail? Guys want their space, and sometimes it means nothing, but most of the time, it's for a reason. They have a phone password? Scum Bag 1 explains that a good cheater will explain that it's for privacy in case someone steals their phone. If they have nothing to hide, they'll have no problem with you knowing the password (but asking is just psycho). So, we pretty much lose every time.
To end this depressing post on a postive note:
Scum Bag 1 & 2 explained that 2% of guys are good. We need to find them.
Also, I just checked my google history, and there was a search for:
Is it normal for a boner to point straight up?
Wtf?
Happy Holidays!
T
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Miss Independent = Dating Death Wish???
As I was listening to the radio the other day, I realized there are a lot of songs that men write about independent women. The general theme of the lyrics are that men love when a women are independent. For example:
She got her own thing
that's why I love her
Miss Independent
Won't you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing that's why I love her
Miss Independent
ooh the way you shine
Miss Independent
-Ne-Yo
But are these lyrics more fitting? Independent until you fall in love??
Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise...It's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true
-Kelly Clarkson
I used to love this song, but it got me thinking. Is being Miss Independent = to having a dating death wish?? Love Kelly Clarkson, but she makes it sounds like being independent is more like being a bitter bitch. (which kind of pisses me off). At some point in the relationship are you supposed to give up some of your independence? Is there a difference between being independent and selfish?
I'm struggling with this one.
Like everything in life and relationships, there needs to be balance. Like I have mentioned in my previous blog about why I'm still single, I can be selfish sometimes. Sometimes I confuse being independent with being downright self centered. In the last two years, I would like to think I've gotten better at this but I know I have a long way to go. Either way you are screwed, if you put your career first you are missing out on love. If you put love first, you are missing out in advancing in your career.
Balance really is the key.
Independent: Standing up for what I believe in. Have your own mind. Don't agree with everything someone you are starting to date thinks. Have a backbone and express your opinion.
Selfish: Not being able to compromise. When a relationship gets more serious (marriage and children), there needs to be a compromise. If it's something like religion or personal values, this may be harder to do and can really be a deal breaker. BUT don't make it your way or the highway. Value others opinions and beliefs.
Independent: You won't sacrifice what you love to please someone else. N doesn't really get what I want to do with my life, but he is trying to understand. No matter how much someone doesn't "get it" I will never give it up.
Selfish: Working can ruin a relationship. Most people need balance. For example, I need to do a summer internship this summer. If I had a serious boyfriend, I would consider where to apply in order to stay close enough to spend the summer with him or at least some weekends.
Independent: Have your own friends and hobbies. Being independent includes having your own life. Don't get me wrong, you can include your significant other in these parts of your life but in the end, they are yours.
Selfish: Not merging your two worlds. I had this problem with my serious boyfriend in college. I didn't want him to have anything to do with my world at school. That was selfish and probably part of the reason why our relationship failed.
So is being independent a dating death wish?? I don't think so. You need to make yourself happy before you can be happy with someone else. Cliche but so true. Find your passions and keep in touch with those friends who mean the most. The rest should fall into place. (at least I hope??)
Doin me,
C
"I see the guys tryna' holla
Girl I don't wanna bother you
'Cause you're independent and you got my attention"
-AkonGirl I don't wanna bother you
'Cause you're independent and you got my attention"
She got her own thing
that's why I love her
Miss Independent
Won't you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing that's why I love her
Miss Independent
ooh the way you shine
Miss Independent
-Ne-Yo
But are these lyrics more fitting? Independent until you fall in love??
Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love
What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise...It's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true
-Kelly Clarkson
I used to love this song, but it got me thinking. Is being Miss Independent = to having a dating death wish?? Love Kelly Clarkson, but she makes it sounds like being independent is more like being a bitter bitch. (which kind of pisses me off). At some point in the relationship are you supposed to give up some of your independence? Is there a difference between being independent and selfish?
I'm struggling with this one.
Like everything in life and relationships, there needs to be balance. Like I have mentioned in my previous blog about why I'm still single, I can be selfish sometimes. Sometimes I confuse being independent with being downright self centered. In the last two years, I would like to think I've gotten better at this but I know I have a long way to go. Either way you are screwed, if you put your career first you are missing out on love. If you put love first, you are missing out in advancing in your career.
Balance really is the key.
Independent: Standing up for what I believe in. Have your own mind. Don't agree with everything someone you are starting to date thinks. Have a backbone and express your opinion.
Selfish: Not being able to compromise. When a relationship gets more serious (marriage and children), there needs to be a compromise. If it's something like religion or personal values, this may be harder to do and can really be a deal breaker. BUT don't make it your way or the highway. Value others opinions and beliefs.
Independent: You won't sacrifice what you love to please someone else. N doesn't really get what I want to do with my life, but he is trying to understand. No matter how much someone doesn't "get it" I will never give it up.
Selfish: Working can ruin a relationship. Most people need balance. For example, I need to do a summer internship this summer. If I had a serious boyfriend, I would consider where to apply in order to stay close enough to spend the summer with him or at least some weekends.
Independent: Have your own friends and hobbies. Being independent includes having your own life. Don't get me wrong, you can include your significant other in these parts of your life but in the end, they are yours.
Selfish: Not merging your two worlds. I had this problem with my serious boyfriend in college. I didn't want him to have anything to do with my world at school. That was selfish and probably part of the reason why our relationship failed.
So is being independent a dating death wish?? I don't think so. You need to make yourself happy before you can be happy with someone else. Cliche but so true. Find your passions and keep in touch with those friends who mean the most. The rest should fall into place. (at least I hope??)
Doin me,
C
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Happy Holidays, You Bastard
Here we are again. It's Christmas Eve. The whole family is back in town. I'm excited to see all of my relatives and to enjoy time together during the holidays. What I am dreading, however, is the millions of questions I will get from Aunts and Uncles and cousins about my love life.
So do you have a boyfriend?
Have you met anyone in South Carolina?
It's okay. You are still so young. Enjoy being single.
LIES. You obviously don't think that it's normal to be single at 22 if you are grilling me about my love life, wondering why I don't have a boyfriend. I can't mention N because then my family will have us married and popping out kids when we haven't even DTR'd,
This didn't even stop at the bar last night. The creepy bartender said to me and T, "So...you guys don't have Christmas dates?"
NO.
WE DON'T.
So on that note, here is a great Christmas song by my favorite band.
Enjoy!
Bringing a flask to dinner tonight,
C
So do you have a boyfriend?
Have you met anyone in South Carolina?
It's okay. You are still so young. Enjoy being single.
LIES. You obviously don't think that it's normal to be single at 22 if you are grilling me about my love life, wondering why I don't have a boyfriend. I can't mention N because then my family will have us married and popping out kids when we haven't even DTR'd,
This didn't even stop at the bar last night. The creepy bartender said to me and T, "So...you guys don't have Christmas dates?"
NO.
WE DON'T.
So on that note, here is a great Christmas song by my favorite band.
Enjoy!
Bringing a flask to dinner tonight,
C
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I have no willpower...
Over the past week, I've been torturing myself about N. In case you forgot, N is the guy that I met in SC that I actually really like. (How could you forget---half of my blogs have been based around him). N and I had a great little convo on Friday, started a countdown to when I would be returning to SC and he also told me he was bummed I would not be around for New Years Eve. Then, when I told him there was a way I could get back to celebrate with him, he informed me he might be going to NC for the holiday. Cool. That's the last time we really had an extensive conversation.
So, I had a few drinks on Saturday and decided to text him. No response til Sunday morning...cool N. Pretty sure that everything I said in that last text is irrelevant now but nice try. Called him on Sunday night though. No answer. No call back. It's Tuesday. This is when I started to panic. I started to slowly tell myself he was done talking to me. We were through. Kaput. Well, I looked down at my phone about an hour ago with a text that said.. "Are you still alive? It's been a crazy work week for me with no sleep. Don't be shy! Sorry I haven't been sociable." Don't be shy??? Are you still alive?? Actually, yes. I called you and never heard from you. Therefore I am not going to keep calling you until it's convenient for you to pick up. Ugh.
One thing I know about myself. I need two important a words in a relationship: attention and affection. N obviously is busy with work and other things in his life and it really seems like he can't devote those two a words to me right now. So why did I respond? Why did I answer with...no problem...it's fine! Why don't you just walk all over me while you are at it???
Why do I have no will power? Should have I just ignored him? We aren't officially dating so am I even allowed to feel this way? Why are there so many unwritten rules about how we are supposed to feel in certain situations? I feel like it's bullshit he hasn't made the effort to have a conversation with me since Friday. Some people would call this dramatic but it's the way I feel. If more often than not, he is making me feel this way (I don't think it's intentional but I still feel it), why do I even bother continuing to talk to him??
I'll tell you why. That nagging thought in the back of my head is telling me that he would change if we were in a relationship. That it's just the beginning phases and if things got more serious he wouldn't act this way. In my head I think some switch is going to flip and he is going to turn into the guy that will give me the attention and affection I need.
When do we give up on those changes happening? How long is too long? When do we say "enough is enough"? Obviously I'm not ready to give up on N yet. I'm still feeling the situation out and probably am over analyzing too much for my own good.
Will be staring at my phone waiting for a call til tomorrow night.
Feeling slightly pathetic,
C
So, I had a few drinks on Saturday and decided to text him. No response til Sunday morning...cool N. Pretty sure that everything I said in that last text is irrelevant now but nice try. Called him on Sunday night though. No answer. No call back. It's Tuesday. This is when I started to panic. I started to slowly tell myself he was done talking to me. We were through. Kaput. Well, I looked down at my phone about an hour ago with a text that said.. "Are you still alive? It's been a crazy work week for me with no sleep. Don't be shy! Sorry I haven't been sociable." Don't be shy??? Are you still alive?? Actually, yes. I called you and never heard from you. Therefore I am not going to keep calling you until it's convenient for you to pick up. Ugh.
One thing I know about myself. I need two important a words in a relationship: attention and affection. N obviously is busy with work and other things in his life and it really seems like he can't devote those two a words to me right now. So why did I respond? Why did I answer with...no problem...it's fine! Why don't you just walk all over me while you are at it???
Why do I have no will power? Should have I just ignored him? We aren't officially dating so am I even allowed to feel this way? Why are there so many unwritten rules about how we are supposed to feel in certain situations? I feel like it's bullshit he hasn't made the effort to have a conversation with me since Friday. Some people would call this dramatic but it's the way I feel. If more often than not, he is making me feel this way (I don't think it's intentional but I still feel it), why do I even bother continuing to talk to him??
I'll tell you why. That nagging thought in the back of my head is telling me that he would change if we were in a relationship. That it's just the beginning phases and if things got more serious he wouldn't act this way. In my head I think some switch is going to flip and he is going to turn into the guy that will give me the attention and affection I need.
When do we give up on those changes happening? How long is too long? When do we say "enough is enough"? Obviously I'm not ready to give up on N yet. I'm still feeling the situation out and probably am over analyzing too much for my own good.
Will be staring at my phone waiting for a call til tomorrow night.
Feeling slightly pathetic,
C
Monday, December 19, 2011
How to Lose a Guy .....every 10 days
I had a fabulous weekend with my best friends from college. Of course throughout our time together, we reminisced on crazy nights, old sorority drama, and past relationships. I have four roommates from college that I'm probably going to start blogging about a lot more often. There names for this blog will be M, MPG, G, and L.
I'll start off by saying, we are all out of our minds crazy. When it come to relationships and also just in general. We were known to throw ragers at our old, falling apart house and were always the girls that would be seen and heard at the bar. We are nuts. We know it, accept it, and in a weird, twisted way, we fucking love it.
We mainly reminisced about some crazy L & her ex boyfriend stories. Did you ever know a couple that either absolutely loved each other or completely despised each other? This is how L and her ex were. When they were great, they were great, but when they were bad, WATCH OUT. When talking about some of these stories on Sunday, L mentioned I should include her crazy antics in my blog and title it, "how to lose a guy every 10 days." Because, like the title, L and her ex probably broke up once a week, twice a week if we were really lucky. Like I said, we are all crazy, including L, but as I'm telling these stories, keep in mind that her ex was just as crazy as her.
So just how did she do it? How did she lose a guy every 10 days? And why in the world did they keep getting better?
I'll start off with my favorite L story. L loves to push buttons (I know you are reading this...but you know it's true). Her and "S" (as we'll call him for now) had another fight that ended in a break up. L was pissed that S was selfish and out of nowhere, decided to call it quits. I actually don't think S saw this one coming. Well, when we out that night (in the snow), L changed her mind pretty quick. She wanted S back but of course this had to be a dramatic process. L couldn't just call S once and apologize...she had to call him like 30 times. When he didn't answer, she was infuriated. Our sober roommate picked us up from the bar so we woulnd't have to walk home through the blizzard. When we started to get close to where S lives, L opened the door, stop dropped and rolled out of the car, and we just saw her take off running through the snow. She proceeded to pound on S's door without a jacket in below freezing weather. I can't recall if he actually let her in or not, but this was a typical L moment.
Another favorite story (I feel like all of these involve alcohol): We had a rager at our house one night and L and S were surprisingly getting along (we were all holding our breath). I guess one night of peace was too much for L because when she went upstairs to change, she threatened S that she was going to go downstairs to the party in her underwear. The typical boyfriend response, he told her not to do that and that he would leave. Before he could fiish his sentence, L was parading around our living room wearing a long t-shirt and underwear. S was gone before you know it.
Walk homes from the bar were always pretty epic with L and S. I remember one really awkward walk home after a typical nothing fight. L broke up with S, changed her mind 5 seconds later, and ended up running down the street after him..
Why am I blogging about these stories? First of all, they are hilarious. Second of all, you should be starting to get the point that this relationship was anything but healthy. Yes, the two of them cared about each other very much and even had some great moments together as a couple. However, if you are breaking up every other week, this my friend is a red flag. As girls, sometimes we get bored and like to start fights. We've all been there, but when your current boyfriend makes you so crazy that you are jumping out of moving vehicles and laying in driveways at 2 o clock in the morning, you need to take a step back.
L still cares about S. She probably always will, but she has a new boyfriend that actually treats her right and doesn't play the games of fighting and breaking up every ten days.
No matter how much you care about someone, sometimes you need to do what's best for your mental and emitonal health. It's really not normal to to be on an emotional roller coaster during a significant portion of your relationship. Fighting and arguing is going to happen. People disagree. BUT there is a line between a healthy fight and an unhealthy one. Know the line & be smart!
Thanks for the inspiration L!<3
C
I'll start off by saying, we are all out of our minds crazy. When it come to relationships and also just in general. We were known to throw ragers at our old, falling apart house and were always the girls that would be seen and heard at the bar. We are nuts. We know it, accept it, and in a weird, twisted way, we fucking love it.
We mainly reminisced about some crazy L & her ex boyfriend stories. Did you ever know a couple that either absolutely loved each other or completely despised each other? This is how L and her ex were. When they were great, they were great, but when they were bad, WATCH OUT. When talking about some of these stories on Sunday, L mentioned I should include her crazy antics in my blog and title it, "how to lose a guy every 10 days." Because, like the title, L and her ex probably broke up once a week, twice a week if we were really lucky. Like I said, we are all crazy, including L, but as I'm telling these stories, keep in mind that her ex was just as crazy as her.
So just how did she do it? How did she lose a guy every 10 days? And why in the world did they keep getting better?
I'll start off with my favorite L story. L loves to push buttons (I know you are reading this...but you know it's true). Her and "S" (as we'll call him for now) had another fight that ended in a break up. L was pissed that S was selfish and out of nowhere, decided to call it quits. I actually don't think S saw this one coming. Well, when we out that night (in the snow), L changed her mind pretty quick. She wanted S back but of course this had to be a dramatic process. L couldn't just call S once and apologize...she had to call him like 30 times. When he didn't answer, she was infuriated. Our sober roommate picked us up from the bar so we woulnd't have to walk home through the blizzard. When we started to get close to where S lives, L opened the door, stop dropped and rolled out of the car, and we just saw her take off running through the snow. She proceeded to pound on S's door without a jacket in below freezing weather. I can't recall if he actually let her in or not, but this was a typical L moment.
Another favorite story (I feel like all of these involve alcohol): We had a rager at our house one night and L and S were surprisingly getting along (we were all holding our breath). I guess one night of peace was too much for L because when she went upstairs to change, she threatened S that she was going to go downstairs to the party in her underwear. The typical boyfriend response, he told her not to do that and that he would leave. Before he could fiish his sentence, L was parading around our living room wearing a long t-shirt and underwear. S was gone before you know it.
Walk homes from the bar were always pretty epic with L and S. I remember one really awkward walk home after a typical nothing fight. L broke up with S, changed her mind 5 seconds later, and ended up running down the street after him..
Why am I blogging about these stories? First of all, they are hilarious. Second of all, you should be starting to get the point that this relationship was anything but healthy. Yes, the two of them cared about each other very much and even had some great moments together as a couple. However, if you are breaking up every other week, this my friend is a red flag. As girls, sometimes we get bored and like to start fights. We've all been there, but when your current boyfriend makes you so crazy that you are jumping out of moving vehicles and laying in driveways at 2 o clock in the morning, you need to take a step back.
L still cares about S. She probably always will, but she has a new boyfriend that actually treats her right and doesn't play the games of fighting and breaking up every ten days.
No matter how much you care about someone, sometimes you need to do what's best for your mental and emitonal health. It's really not normal to to be on an emotional roller coaster during a significant portion of your relationship. Fighting and arguing is going to happen. People disagree. BUT there is a line between a healthy fight and an unhealthy one. Know the line & be smart!
Thanks for the inspiration L!<3
C
Sunday, December 18, 2011
When you Realize You're an Asshole
It sucks to realize when you've been a huge asshole. The realization just hits you one day, and you think about it and wonder what the fuck you're problem is.
I'm a huge asshole. My expectations have led me down a road of self destruction/relationship destruction. And I have just realized this tonight. Merry Christmas, I'm a fucking douche bag.
Okay, in all seriousness, I really am not that bad of a person. I cry when I see a cute old person, I give money to homeless people and donate to the SPCA. But when it comes to understanding that people don't think the same way as I might, I can't seem to compromise.
Take this advice from me: him and his ex had a mini conversation? Breathe, it's fine, he's not hers he is yours (unless hes a cheating asshole). He doesn't take you where you want to go for dinner? Focus on what he does do and how he treats you.
People always say not to lower your expectations, and in a lot of situations it's true. But in this day and age if you're as crazy as I am, you need to pick your top 3 most important things to find in someone, and you need to stick to it. My top 3:
Respects me, my friends, and my family.
Loyal to me.
Honest.
The other stuff should eventally follow. But what do I know? Clearly, my life is a huge mess, and everyone has different experiences. I'm hoping I'm not a complete fuck up, and maybe things will start to fix themselves? Probably not. On this note, Happy Monday. If there's a free therapist willing to talk to me, hit me up.
T
I'm a huge asshole. My expectations have led me down a road of self destruction/relationship destruction. And I have just realized this tonight. Merry Christmas, I'm a fucking douche bag.
Okay, in all seriousness, I really am not that bad of a person. I cry when I see a cute old person, I give money to homeless people and donate to the SPCA. But when it comes to understanding that people don't think the same way as I might, I can't seem to compromise.
Take this advice from me: him and his ex had a mini conversation? Breathe, it's fine, he's not hers he is yours (unless hes a cheating asshole). He doesn't take you where you want to go for dinner? Focus on what he does do and how he treats you.
People always say not to lower your expectations, and in a lot of situations it's true. But in this day and age if you're as crazy as I am, you need to pick your top 3 most important things to find in someone, and you need to stick to it. My top 3:
Respects me, my friends, and my family.
Loyal to me.
Honest.
The other stuff should eventally follow. But what do I know? Clearly, my life is a huge mess, and everyone has different experiences. I'm hoping I'm not a complete fuck up, and maybe things will start to fix themselves? Probably not. On this note, Happy Monday. If there's a free therapist willing to talk to me, hit me up.
T
Friday, December 16, 2011
Reason 4924783535 why I'm still single
My best friends and roommates from college have a saying that we have coined throughout the past four years of relationship drama. Whenever we do something embarrassing or crazy, right after we say "reason 4593 why I'm still single." The number changes aka gets more dramatic every time. I bring this up because on a Friday night at 10:42, I was on Facebook having a wall post chat with my old college roommates. When we got to the 150th comment mark, like clock work, one of us said "reason 33252 why we are still single." Then, another one repsonded, "so what's the number one reason why we are still single..we always talk about all the reasons but what are the top 10??" I'm pretty sure this what a rhetorical question, but it got me thinking. What are the top 10 reasons I am still single? Do I even want to go there and point out my flaws? And could I even accurately self evaluate the reasons? Well, there's no way in hell I'm asking any of me ex boyfriends, so self assessment it is.
Top 10 reasons why I THINK I am single...
10. I'm not pushy enough. I don't really NEED a relationship; I just want one really bad. Therefore, I'm not very pushy about meeting someone and then making it official. I've never been one of those people that can jump in and out of relationships. I really don't like to rush it. I also could be classified as the opposite of pushy, a pushover. I give into what guys want a lot of the times so they don't think that I need or want a relationship. Sucks to be a people pleaser.
9. I just graduated college and college was my time. Even though I had boyfriend through part of my college career, he wasn't involved much i my "college life." College was the time I could focus on me, find my interests and passions and that's just what I did. I only graduated 6 months ago and still find myself stuck in that mode sometimes.
8 The "makes me sick" syndrome. Did you ever get the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you just KNOW you aren't going to like someone?? That feeling happens to me more than normal. I'd say 80 percet of the guys that pursue me end up "making me sick."
7. This goes along with number nine, but at 22, I can be pretty selfish. I'm wrapped up in my dreams, goals, and career. In my free time, I want to hang out with my friends and family. I don't know if I'm willing to sacrifice that or compromise as much as I should for a relationship right now.
6. Immaturity. T and I are known to be on the "slightly" obnoxious side sometimes. We nickname people after animals and laugh like we are five years old. We also do the dumbest shit. For example, over the summer we made videos to us dancing to Russel Brand's song "inside of you." We even do the "save the last dance" dance moves at the bar sometimes. We think we are funny...other people.....not so much.
5. I really am busy. I'm a Grad Student, a Grad Assistant, a volunteer for fraternities and sororities, teach a class, and try to manage a social life in a new city. It's really hard to manage my time. Sometimes I can't imagine throwing a full time boyfriend into that mix.
4, Picky bitch. Like I said in a previous blog, I am a picky bitch. He is too tall but that guy is too short. And why does he make that face when he is in deep thought? Ew did you see his mouth? He has a picture with a girl from four years ago... He cheated on his last girlfriend, does that mean hes a cheater?? I find ANYTHING I can wrong with a guy so that I don't have to give him a chance. This leads into number 3 and 2.
3. Over-analytical: As I'm sure you can probably tell, I over-analyze EVERYTHING. I drive myself crazy and drive myself away from relationships. I have a terrible time just letting things happen and sometimes can end up forcing it, which can ruin the chance of a relationship even starting.
2. Fear. I am downright petrified of having a relationship right now. Why? Because I am 22. I know, I know! That's so young! Bullshit!! I don't want to have another crazy heartbreak a 22. I want the next guy I date to have pretty great potential of being the one. All this pressure I have put on myself makes me really scared to actually put myself out there though. We have all been burned and the fear of getting burned again can make us miss out on some really great things.
1. I haven't found the right person yet. Although most of these reasons are centered around me, I'm making my number one reason about outside circumstances. As Michael Buble puts it, "I just haven't met you yet." I am confident that when I find the right person, all of these things will fall into place. I won't have to over-analyze everything (as much) because I will be confident in their feelings for me. They won't make me sick and I will be willing to dedicate time to them and share my life with them. There is always room to improve yourself, but the right one will make me want to improve those things for the right reasons!
So there you have it. The top 10 reasons I am single staring me in the face. It feels kind of good to get them out it in the open though. I think that self awareness is important in dating and also in life. If you can't point out the things you want to change in your life or the reasons why the way things are, how will you ever be able to make a positive change.
Keepin it posi,
C
Top 10 reasons why I THINK I am single...
10. I'm not pushy enough. I don't really NEED a relationship; I just want one really bad. Therefore, I'm not very pushy about meeting someone and then making it official. I've never been one of those people that can jump in and out of relationships. I really don't like to rush it. I also could be classified as the opposite of pushy, a pushover. I give into what guys want a lot of the times so they don't think that I need or want a relationship. Sucks to be a people pleaser.
9. I just graduated college and college was my time. Even though I had boyfriend through part of my college career, he wasn't involved much i my "college life." College was the time I could focus on me, find my interests and passions and that's just what I did. I only graduated 6 months ago and still find myself stuck in that mode sometimes.
8 The "makes me sick" syndrome. Did you ever get the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you just KNOW you aren't going to like someone?? That feeling happens to me more than normal. I'd say 80 percet of the guys that pursue me end up "making me sick."
7. This goes along with number nine, but at 22, I can be pretty selfish. I'm wrapped up in my dreams, goals, and career. In my free time, I want to hang out with my friends and family. I don't know if I'm willing to sacrifice that or compromise as much as I should for a relationship right now.
6. Immaturity. T and I are known to be on the "slightly" obnoxious side sometimes. We nickname people after animals and laugh like we are five years old. We also do the dumbest shit. For example, over the summer we made videos to us dancing to Russel Brand's song "inside of you." We even do the "save the last dance" dance moves at the bar sometimes. We think we are funny...other people.....not so much.
5. I really am busy. I'm a Grad Student, a Grad Assistant, a volunteer for fraternities and sororities, teach a class, and try to manage a social life in a new city. It's really hard to manage my time. Sometimes I can't imagine throwing a full time boyfriend into that mix.
4, Picky bitch. Like I said in a previous blog, I am a picky bitch. He is too tall but that guy is too short. And why does he make that face when he is in deep thought? Ew did you see his mouth? He has a picture with a girl from four years ago... He cheated on his last girlfriend, does that mean hes a cheater?? I find ANYTHING I can wrong with a guy so that I don't have to give him a chance. This leads into number 3 and 2.
3. Over-analytical: As I'm sure you can probably tell, I over-analyze EVERYTHING. I drive myself crazy and drive myself away from relationships. I have a terrible time just letting things happen and sometimes can end up forcing it, which can ruin the chance of a relationship even starting.
2. Fear. I am downright petrified of having a relationship right now. Why? Because I am 22. I know, I know! That's so young! Bullshit!! I don't want to have another crazy heartbreak a 22. I want the next guy I date to have pretty great potential of being the one. All this pressure I have put on myself makes me really scared to actually put myself out there though. We have all been burned and the fear of getting burned again can make us miss out on some really great things.
1. I haven't found the right person yet. Although most of these reasons are centered around me, I'm making my number one reason about outside circumstances. As Michael Buble puts it, "I just haven't met you yet." I am confident that when I find the right person, all of these things will fall into place. I won't have to over-analyze everything (as much) because I will be confident in their feelings for me. They won't make me sick and I will be willing to dedicate time to them and share my life with them. There is always room to improve yourself, but the right one will make me want to improve those things for the right reasons!
So there you have it. The top 10 reasons I am single staring me in the face. It feels kind of good to get them out it in the open though. I think that self awareness is important in dating and also in life. If you can't point out the things you want to change in your life or the reasons why the way things are, how will you ever be able to make a positive change.
Keepin it posi,
C
Thursday, December 15, 2011
When cheaters have babies...
I have a million things on my mind that are ACTUALLY important. These things include cover letters, resume updating, summer internship search, completing a project for my sorority, and so on. The only thing I can think about is the fact that my ex boyfriend is having a child. A giant, screaming baby is spinning around my head in circles.
Here is some background on this situation. Like T, I also have an ex boyfriend from high school that I was hopelessly and madly in love with. S and I started dating when I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. When we first started talking, he had a serious girlfriend of two years. Immediate red flag, I know, but I was fifteen. He passed me notes inbetween class and texted me constantly about how amazing he thought I was. This is now what we call the "SZ" syndrome which can be defined as when a guy needs constant attention and is communicating with you obsessively, not about relevant things but complimenting you to an excessive point. Basically it means that hes not secure enough with himself to have a normal relationship. This also means that if he is doing this to you, he is probably doing it to about a million other girls at the same time. The SZ syndrome means he acts confident but has very low self esteem and quite possibly, dad issues.
Anyways, S broke up with his girlfriend, and we started dating immediately. To me, this was romantic and meant that he really really cared about me and honestly I think he did. This, however, was a foreshadow of what was coming down the road.
That year, he swept me off my feet at his senior prom (he was two years older than me) and told me he loved me. We were inseparable for the next two years. There wasn't a day that went by that S didn't tell me I was beautiful and how hopelessly in love with me he was. He brought me flowers for no reason and made me feel like the most special girl in the world. Not only was he a romancer, we also had a lot of fun together. He was my best friend. We played flag football with his friends, went on road trips, and amusement parks together. We made everyone around us sick because we were so in love and not afraid to show it. I really thought we would last forever. It honestly was a great two years.
Then the unthinkable happened. S cheated on me. I found out through myspace (good old social media) and was absolutely devastated. Not just a "I got drunk at a party and made out with someone" cheated on me. He was basically dating someone else behind my back for a solid month. It was like deja vu of when we started dating, but the shoe was on the other foot. S begged me for me to forgive him and give him a second try. As much as I wanted to, there was no way I could ever get over the betrayal and hurt that I felt. We would never be the same again.
Two months later S was dating another girl.
Who he is now married to.
And who is now having his child.
The funny thing about this is that a few months ago, I heard from S for the first time in years through Facebook. (damn, social media makes it so easy to cheat). He messaged me and asked how I was doing, normal conversation stuff at first. Then, shit got weird. He started asking sexual questions, told me he regrets that we never had sex, and asked me if I wanted to meet up. Appalled, I said no and defriended him on facebook. Now not only is he married, but he is having a child. S has been out of my life for 5 years now, but it still doesn't make it any easier to know that he is starting a family, everything that I hope for someday, and I am not. I feel bad for his wife because I know in my heart that his cheating ways will never stop and now I have another person to feel sorry for, this innocent human being brought into the world.
The thing that bothers me most....is that it still bothers me. I brush it off by telling myself that S was my first love and he will always have a place in my heart and blah, blah, blah. But it's true. He was my first love,and I honestly have not felt the same way about anyone since and maybe I won't feel that way again. Does the innocence of the first love make it hard to compare how a "real" relationship should be? Is it even fair to compare a high school relationship with one now? I'm gonna go with no. I think all the corny sayings and quotes are right about this one. The memories of a first love will never fade away. It's a first time feeling and one that can not be replaced. All we can do is the cherish the memories and move on.
I still feel super awkward and weird that my compulsive liar and cheater ex boyfriend is having a child. #Ew
Looking forward,
-C
Here is some background on this situation. Like T, I also have an ex boyfriend from high school that I was hopelessly and madly in love with. S and I started dating when I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. When we first started talking, he had a serious girlfriend of two years. Immediate red flag, I know, but I was fifteen. He passed me notes inbetween class and texted me constantly about how amazing he thought I was. This is now what we call the "SZ" syndrome which can be defined as when a guy needs constant attention and is communicating with you obsessively, not about relevant things but complimenting you to an excessive point. Basically it means that hes not secure enough with himself to have a normal relationship. This also means that if he is doing this to you, he is probably doing it to about a million other girls at the same time. The SZ syndrome means he acts confident but has very low self esteem and quite possibly, dad issues.
Anyways, S broke up with his girlfriend, and we started dating immediately. To me, this was romantic and meant that he really really cared about me and honestly I think he did. This, however, was a foreshadow of what was coming down the road.
That year, he swept me off my feet at his senior prom (he was two years older than me) and told me he loved me. We were inseparable for the next two years. There wasn't a day that went by that S didn't tell me I was beautiful and how hopelessly in love with me he was. He brought me flowers for no reason and made me feel like the most special girl in the world. Not only was he a romancer, we also had a lot of fun together. He was my best friend. We played flag football with his friends, went on road trips, and amusement parks together. We made everyone around us sick because we were so in love and not afraid to show it. I really thought we would last forever. It honestly was a great two years.
Then the unthinkable happened. S cheated on me. I found out through myspace (good old social media) and was absolutely devastated. Not just a "I got drunk at a party and made out with someone" cheated on me. He was basically dating someone else behind my back for a solid month. It was like deja vu of when we started dating, but the shoe was on the other foot. S begged me for me to forgive him and give him a second try. As much as I wanted to, there was no way I could ever get over the betrayal and hurt that I felt. We would never be the same again.
Two months later S was dating another girl.
Who he is now married to.
And who is now having his child.
The funny thing about this is that a few months ago, I heard from S for the first time in years through Facebook. (damn, social media makes it so easy to cheat). He messaged me and asked how I was doing, normal conversation stuff at first. Then, shit got weird. He started asking sexual questions, told me he regrets that we never had sex, and asked me if I wanted to meet up. Appalled, I said no and defriended him on facebook. Now not only is he married, but he is having a child. S has been out of my life for 5 years now, but it still doesn't make it any easier to know that he is starting a family, everything that I hope for someday, and I am not. I feel bad for his wife because I know in my heart that his cheating ways will never stop and now I have another person to feel sorry for, this innocent human being brought into the world.
The thing that bothers me most....is that it still bothers me. I brush it off by telling myself that S was my first love and he will always have a place in my heart and blah, blah, blah. But it's true. He was my first love,and I honestly have not felt the same way about anyone since and maybe I won't feel that way again. Does the innocence of the first love make it hard to compare how a "real" relationship should be? Is it even fair to compare a high school relationship with one now? I'm gonna go with no. I think all the corny sayings and quotes are right about this one. The memories of a first love will never fade away. It's a first time feeling and one that can not be replaced. All we can do is the cherish the memories and move on.
I still feel super awkward and weird that my compulsive liar and cheater ex boyfriend is having a child. #Ew
Looking forward,
-C
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Why do we like to hurt so much?
Pandora is a magical thing and just sparked my inspiration to write this blog. One of my favorite songs just came on my station: "That's What You Get"-Paramore. The whole song is pretty simple but the message is loud and clear. When you let your heart control your head, it's an uphill battle. I'd have to say I agree with Paramore on this one. Yes, you should follow your heart and your instincts. Yes, love can sweep you off your feet and end up not screwing you over. Yes, you should take your brain with you when you follow your heart.
One of the lines that plays over and over in the song is: "Why do we like to hurt so much?" T and I were actually talking about this the other day. Do we like to feel like shit about ourselves? Why do we put ourselves through this high anxiety? WHY DO WE CARE? We all know though that secretly, if everything was perfect, we wouldn't be happy. If a guy treated us perfectly, it would be too easy. He would be "too nice." But that's what we get when we let our heart win,, we get utterly screwed.
"Pain, make your way to me, to me
And I'll always be just so inviting
If I ever start to think straight
This heart will start a riot in me"
Why do we associate pain with love? Should it be easy? Will it ever be?
That is the golden question my friends and tonight I do not have an answer. Sometimes it's okay not to have all the answers but to ask yourself the right questions.
Hmm...
-C
One of the lines that plays over and over in the song is: "Why do we like to hurt so much?" T and I were actually talking about this the other day. Do we like to feel like shit about ourselves? Why do we put ourselves through this high anxiety? WHY DO WE CARE? We all know though that secretly, if everything was perfect, we wouldn't be happy. If a guy treated us perfectly, it would be too easy. He would be "too nice." But that's what we get when we let our heart win,, we get utterly screwed.
"Pain, make your way to me, to me
And I'll always be just so inviting
If I ever start to think straight
This heart will start a riot in me"
Why do we associate pain with love? Should it be easy? Will it ever be?
That is the golden question my friends and tonight I do not have an answer. Sometimes it's okay not to have all the answers but to ask yourself the right questions.
Hmm...
-C
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Happy Birthday T.Swift
There's one artist that never fails me when it comes to songs about relationships. I can listen to her songs when I am sad, depressed, or hopelessly in love. That person is Taylor Swift, and what better day to celebrate Tay Tay than her birthday.
So in honor of my favorite emotional trainwreck of a girl, here are my top five lessons from Taylor Swift Songs:
Lesson #1: Change is inevitable
"These things will change"
One of my favorite Taylor Swift songs "Change" off of her Fearless album is pretty self explanatory. As we grow up, change is the only constant in our lives. In our 20's, change is downright scary. We have to transition into this thing called "the real world." Our friends move away, get married, start families and nothing is really ever the same. We can either embrace the change or run from it, so I'm going to take Taylor's advice and say screw you to the "nay-sayers."
"These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It’s a revolution, throw your hands up
Cause we never gave in
And we sang hallelujah, we sang hallelujah"
Lesson #2: No one can change your mind when you love someone
"Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice is you"
This lesson comes from Taylor Swift's song "Ours." When you first start a relationship, there tends to be a lot of judgers. Family members and friends seem to ask a million questions about your new significant oher, but is it really their relationship to judge? Sometimes you need to hear an outside opinion, but in the end you are the only one who can decide if the relationship is worth it to you. So if he's treating you right and makes you happy, listen to your own voice, not the million outside sources in your life.
"So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours"
Lesson #3: People can be downright mean!
"All you are is mean and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life and mean"
An obvious one, Taylor Swift's song "Mean" is kind of hilarious but so true! Some people just aren't nice. They will try to bring you down no matter what. This can apply in romantic relationships and in life in general. If someone is bringing you down, get them out of your life. Surround yourself with people who build you up! You can't change someone who is mean spirited, so say deuces to them!
"I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
Cause you can't lead me down that road"
Lesson #4: Love should make you feel fearless!
"And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless"
This is my favorite song to listen to when I am on my way home from a great date. So corny and probably one of the reasons why I'm still single. However, I know the fact that I turn this song on after a date means I'm really into him. Especially during the start of a relationship, you should feel fearless and have butterflies. Don't settle for less than that!
"Well you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake
I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's the first kiss,
It's flawless,
Really something,
It's fearless."
Lesson #5: Breaking up is never easy, but sometimes you need to do it for you.
"And I can't breathe without you but I have to."
"Breathe" is my number one Taylor Swift song, maybe because I relate to it so well. I think everyone can relate to this song though. Ending a relationship is hard. You may really really care for a person but just know it's not going to work out. Just because you love them doesn't mean that staying with them is the best choice. Ending a relationship with someone I truly loved was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I knew that it would never work out between us. It's easy to get caught up in your feelings and back into the same cycle, but in the end in order to make yourself happy, you have to let them go.
"And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand"
I love every single Taylor Swift song, but these are the top five lessons that really resonate with me! So, happy birthday T. Swift! Thanks for writing songs for us to belt out during all of our dating drama! Cheers to many more!
Forever & Always,
C
So in honor of my favorite emotional trainwreck of a girl, here are my top five lessons from Taylor Swift Songs:
Lesson #1: Change is inevitable
"These things will change"
One of my favorite Taylor Swift songs "Change" off of her Fearless album is pretty self explanatory. As we grow up, change is the only constant in our lives. In our 20's, change is downright scary. We have to transition into this thing called "the real world." Our friends move away, get married, start families and nothing is really ever the same. We can either embrace the change or run from it, so I'm going to take Taylor's advice and say screw you to the "nay-sayers."
"These walls that they put up to hold us back fell down
It’s a revolution, throw your hands up
Cause we never gave in
And we sang hallelujah, we sang hallelujah"
Lesson #2: No one can change your mind when you love someone
"Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice is you"
This lesson comes from Taylor Swift's song "Ours." When you first start a relationship, there tends to be a lot of judgers. Family members and friends seem to ask a million questions about your new significant oher, but is it really their relationship to judge? Sometimes you need to hear an outside opinion, but in the end you are the only one who can decide if the relationship is worth it to you. So if he's treating you right and makes you happy, listen to your own voice, not the million outside sources in your life.
"So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours"
Lesson #3: People can be downright mean!
"All you are is mean and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life and mean"
An obvious one, Taylor Swift's song "Mean" is kind of hilarious but so true! Some people just aren't nice. They will try to bring you down no matter what. This can apply in romantic relationships and in life in general. If someone is bringing you down, get them out of your life. Surround yourself with people who build you up! You can't change someone who is mean spirited, so say deuces to them!
"I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
Cause you can't lead me down that road"
Lesson #4: Love should make you feel fearless!
"And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless"
This is my favorite song to listen to when I am on my way home from a great date. So corny and probably one of the reasons why I'm still single. However, I know the fact that I turn this song on after a date means I'm really into him. Especially during the start of a relationship, you should feel fearless and have butterflies. Don't settle for less than that!
"Well you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake
I'm not usually this way but
You pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's the first kiss,
It's flawless,
Really something,
It's fearless."
Lesson #5: Breaking up is never easy, but sometimes you need to do it for you.
"And I can't breathe without you but I have to."
"Breathe" is my number one Taylor Swift song, maybe because I relate to it so well. I think everyone can relate to this song though. Ending a relationship is hard. You may really really care for a person but just know it's not going to work out. Just because you love them doesn't mean that staying with them is the best choice. Ending a relationship with someone I truly loved was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I knew that it would never work out between us. It's easy to get caught up in your feelings and back into the same cycle, but in the end in order to make yourself happy, you have to let them go.
"And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand"
I love every single Taylor Swift song, but these are the top five lessons that really resonate with me! So, happy birthday T. Swift! Thanks for writing songs for us to belt out during all of our dating drama! Cheers to many more!
Forever & Always,
C
Monday, December 12, 2011
fml of the week
Picture this:
In my reindeer pants watching Serendipity (merry fucking Christmas) and with a carton of eggnog...which is disgusting by the way, but I'm trying to love it because it goes with the spirit.
I refuse to let love or lack of it to get me down today!
I had a great meeting at my new job today...the place that I'm working at is my dream place, and I am SO excited! Afterwards, my friends had called and asked about the job.
Of course, I called K as soon as I got out. He was sweet and texted me about it this morning, so I was in a good mood. Unfortunately, when I called back,he was busy and didn't call me until 7 hours later.
I'm trying to be laid back, but I love talking to him and wanted to share! I don't want to be in something where I constantly feel like I'm the last priority, but I love him too much to let it go, so I keep trying.
I remember when I used to feel loved and when he would act so excited for me when something like this happened. Now I feel like a back seat driver. IS IT DEAD!?!?!? If this fails, I can say that I've honestly done everything I can.
DONE MOPING...on to the next topic....
I've decided that I need to make myself hot for my new job, so I've been working out and trying to eat better than usual. I've even been dressing up for random occasions which brings me to my FUCK MY LIFE OF THE WEEK:
I was assigned a "mentor" after my job meeting today. Since I was running late this morning, I had my hair pulled back, and I was in what I like to call my "lesbian suit." The pimple on my chin was the size of my eyeball, and was so tired that I looked like a drug addict. I was under the impression this was an older man that was going to complain in my ear about his sad stories. Quite the opposite... this was a new teacher who had been hired from another local college only a year ago. We clicked right away and he was very helpful....the entire time we talked, he told me about his wild college life, and I spent the entire time trying to convince him that a. i am not a lesbian, and b., I, too, am very cool. Fml of the week.
Two upcoming dilemmas:
1. The adderall shortage is really pissing me off.
2. I miss being called to hang out/have sex/go on dates. I'm in a rut.
P.s.
Here is a picture of the evil cat from a previous post. It doesn't help that he is damn cute:
T
In my reindeer pants watching Serendipity (merry fucking Christmas) and with a carton of eggnog...which is disgusting by the way, but I'm trying to love it because it goes with the spirit.
I refuse to let love or lack of it to get me down today!
I had a great meeting at my new job today...the place that I'm working at is my dream place, and I am SO excited! Afterwards, my friends had called and asked about the job.
Of course, I called K as soon as I got out. He was sweet and texted me about it this morning, so I was in a good mood. Unfortunately, when I called back,he was busy and didn't call me until 7 hours later.
I'm trying to be laid back, but I love talking to him and wanted to share! I don't want to be in something where I constantly feel like I'm the last priority, but I love him too much to let it go, so I keep trying.
I remember when I used to feel loved and when he would act so excited for me when something like this happened. Now I feel like a back seat driver. IS IT DEAD!?!?!? If this fails, I can say that I've honestly done everything I can.
DONE MOPING...on to the next topic....
I've decided that I need to make myself hot for my new job, so I've been working out and trying to eat better than usual. I've even been dressing up for random occasions which brings me to my FUCK MY LIFE OF THE WEEK:
I was assigned a "mentor" after my job meeting today. Since I was running late this morning, I had my hair pulled back, and I was in what I like to call my "lesbian suit." The pimple on my chin was the size of my eyeball, and was so tired that I looked like a drug addict. I was under the impression this was an older man that was going to complain in my ear about his sad stories. Quite the opposite... this was a new teacher who had been hired from another local college only a year ago. We clicked right away and he was very helpful....the entire time we talked, he told me about his wild college life, and I spent the entire time trying to convince him that a. i am not a lesbian, and b., I, too, am very cool. Fml of the week.
Two upcoming dilemmas:
1. The adderall shortage is really pissing me off.
2. I miss being called to hang out/have sex/go on dates. I'm in a rut.
P.s.
Here is a picture of the evil cat from a previous post. It doesn't help that he is damn cute:
T
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Realization
Like T, I usually don't blog twice a day either. This, however, was an emergency....... or a realization (whatever floats your boat).
T & I not only blog about our daily "realizations" but we tend to talk to each other about them obsessively. During one of our obsessive phone conversations, I mentioned that none of my friends ever try to "hook me up." What I mean by this is, none of my girl or guy friends have ever said..."Hey C, I know this really great guy! I should totally introduce you." The more I think about it, the more pissed off I get. Why don't they ever do this for me? I'm a good catch. They choose to be my friend, so they must see some endearing qualities. So, I brought this up to T, who responded with a brutally harsh and honest statement (that's why I love ya).
She responded, "Yeah.....I feel like I've tried to do that for you before, but you are way too picky. You would come up with a million things wrong with the guy before you even met him to rule him out."
Damn.
Apparently I'm a picky bitch.
Reality check. She's absolutely right. I would find a million things wrong with them before I even met them. I would analyze their social media sites, pre hang out text messages, and ex girlfriends. Maybe the reason I'm still single isn't because every single guy in the world isn't ready for a relationship; maybe I'm the one who isn't ready. Is it immaturity? Is it selfishness? Too much independence? Fear? Skepticism? I'm gonna go with probably a mixture of all of the above.
I don't know if the fear revolves around the fact of having a relationship or if the fear revolves around settling. I'm so damn scared that I will end up settling for less than what I deserve and regret it down the line. I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm also scared because having a serious relationship means seriously growing up.
I preach and preach that I'm ready. I'm ready to find someone worthwhile and that meets all these standards. I want someone to spend the holidays with and look at Christmas lights with, but Im not ready to truly put myself out there.
So, thanks for the reality check T! From here on out, I'm going to be more open to meeting people. I'm not going to let the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game! (So corny) What's the worst that could happen? Go on a few bad dates and have some good stories to share?
Opening my mind & heart,
C
T & I not only blog about our daily "realizations" but we tend to talk to each other about them obsessively. During one of our obsessive phone conversations, I mentioned that none of my friends ever try to "hook me up." What I mean by this is, none of my girl or guy friends have ever said..."Hey C, I know this really great guy! I should totally introduce you." The more I think about it, the more pissed off I get. Why don't they ever do this for me? I'm a good catch. They choose to be my friend, so they must see some endearing qualities. So, I brought this up to T, who responded with a brutally harsh and honest statement (that's why I love ya).
She responded, "Yeah.....I feel like I've tried to do that for you before, but you are way too picky. You would come up with a million things wrong with the guy before you even met him to rule him out."
Damn.
Apparently I'm a picky bitch.
Reality check. She's absolutely right. I would find a million things wrong with them before I even met them. I would analyze their social media sites, pre hang out text messages, and ex girlfriends. Maybe the reason I'm still single isn't because every single guy in the world isn't ready for a relationship; maybe I'm the one who isn't ready. Is it immaturity? Is it selfishness? Too much independence? Fear? Skepticism? I'm gonna go with probably a mixture of all of the above.
I don't know if the fear revolves around the fact of having a relationship or if the fear revolves around settling. I'm so damn scared that I will end up settling for less than what I deserve and regret it down the line. I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm also scared because having a serious relationship means seriously growing up.
I preach and preach that I'm ready. I'm ready to find someone worthwhile and that meets all these standards. I want someone to spend the holidays with and look at Christmas lights with, but Im not ready to truly put myself out there.
So, thanks for the reality check T! From here on out, I'm going to be more open to meeting people. I'm not going to let the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game! (So corny) What's the worst that could happen? Go on a few bad dates and have some good stories to share?
Opening my mind & heart,
C
True Life: I survived being pushed out of a moving vehicle
I don't usually blog twice in a day, but this is too good to pass up....
So I got home from the weekend to a freaking winter wonderland. Christmas music is playing, the tree is up, and I'm really in the spirit! Just got out my old scrapbooks of Christmas from the pass few years, and as I was flipping through one from 3 years ago, I spot THE picture.
There it was. The picture of the day that I was thrown out of a moving vehicle.
A little background:
My ex Dan was a crazy rebound after the hs relationship. He seemed nice enough, and he wanted to hang out with me, so I gave it a try. The first few times I remember feeling a little sick, but I eventually convinced myself that I liked him....about two months in, the crazy started. Dan was a very controlling person. He wanted his space, but I had to be there when he was available. He would make me feel horrible about myself, but then make up for it by taking me places (he traveled for his job, so he would send me there too) or buying me random things, and that's how I justified it as okay...anyway,
It had been a pretty good Christmassy day- Dan and I are smiling in this picture that I found. He took me to an imax Christmas movie and dinner this day. On the way home from dinner, I remember getting a text from Rach saying something that I don't really remember. Anyway, I joked about it and remember telling Dan. Something snapped, and he pulled the car over and told me that not everything in life is a joke, and I should be ashamed (i REALLY wish I knew what this text was).
Back then, I was a huge vagina and probably said that I was sorry. It gets blurry, but I remember him pulling away and opening my door and pushing me out of it. I can look back on this and laugh because it is so f-ed up, but I literally sat in a field for almost 15 minutes with no cell phone.
Since I was an hour from home, I had to get into the car when he came back, but I remember not speaking to him until Christmas day (we'd had family plans and I suck and gave in).
Moral of this story....I guess it could always be worse. Oh, and I'm an idiot.
Looking forward to a normal Christmas experience.
And I just threw this disgusting picture away.
T
So I got home from the weekend to a freaking winter wonderland. Christmas music is playing, the tree is up, and I'm really in the spirit! Just got out my old scrapbooks of Christmas from the pass few years, and as I was flipping through one from 3 years ago, I spot THE picture.
There it was. The picture of the day that I was thrown out of a moving vehicle.
A little background:
My ex Dan was a crazy rebound after the hs relationship. He seemed nice enough, and he wanted to hang out with me, so I gave it a try. The first few times I remember feeling a little sick, but I eventually convinced myself that I liked him....about two months in, the crazy started. Dan was a very controlling person. He wanted his space, but I had to be there when he was available. He would make me feel horrible about myself, but then make up for it by taking me places (he traveled for his job, so he would send me there too) or buying me random things, and that's how I justified it as okay...anyway,
It had been a pretty good Christmassy day- Dan and I are smiling in this picture that I found. He took me to an imax Christmas movie and dinner this day. On the way home from dinner, I remember getting a text from Rach saying something that I don't really remember. Anyway, I joked about it and remember telling Dan. Something snapped, and he pulled the car over and told me that not everything in life is a joke, and I should be ashamed (i REALLY wish I knew what this text was).
Back then, I was a huge vagina and probably said that I was sorry. It gets blurry, but I remember him pulling away and opening my door and pushing me out of it. I can look back on this and laugh because it is so f-ed up, but I literally sat in a field for almost 15 minutes with no cell phone.
Since I was an hour from home, I had to get into the car when he came back, but I remember not speaking to him until Christmas day (we'd had family plans and I suck and gave in).
Moral of this story....I guess it could always be worse. Oh, and I'm an idiot.
Looking forward to a normal Christmas experience.
And I just threw this disgusting picture away.
T
He called me baby last night but didn't call me AT ALL today
Effective communication to me shouldn't be that hard. Text me and say hey every now and then. Call me to see how my day is going. When you say, "text me later" and I follow through with that, text me back. Answer my phone calls. Acknowledge that you were MIA all day. COMMUNICATE.
N is horrible at communication. I knew it since our first date and maybe I should have hit the ground running then. The first time he asked me to hang out he Facebook messaged me and asked if I wanted to do dinner the following night. I wasn't on FB, so he told me to text him my answer. When I saw the message, I texted him and told him I would be interested in going to dinner and told him two possible times I was available. To me, that meant he should confirm which time would work the next day. Well ladies & gents, that is not what happened. He called me at 6pm the next day (which isn't even one of the times I gave him). I told him I already ate. Sorry. Then I asked him if he wanted to meet me at an icecream place instead. He never answered. Then he called me ten minutes later and said "I'm here...where are you?" Red flag??? Probs.
Ever since then, hanging out with him is the most confusing and complicated process. I feel like it's a huge production every time we try to make plans. This all should be a red flag. Except for when it does work out and we do hang out, I really really really like him. He makes me laugh and smile like no other. His freaking long eye lashes get me everytime. And the southern accent. Wow. So instead of being smart about this and walking away from the situation, I hang on and put myself through the drama. Maybe this up & down lifestyle could work for some people, but I'm not laid back to handle it and I think I'm pretty laid back.
All I ask is that you don't give me misleading information. Don't say you'll call me at 6 and actually call me at 9. Granted, things happen and once in awhile this is okay. When it's a reoccurence however, it is not okay. N called me yesterday on the way to his friend's birthday party just to say hey. Of course our convo was flirty & perfect and he even called me BABY. Big step right??? Then, he told me to text him later, so I did. No answer back. I called him tonight to say hi. No call back.
Do I need to take this for what it is or walk away now before it gets really ugly????
I know what the logical thing to do is, but I never said that logical thinking was one of my greatest strengths.
Is effective communication or lack thereof enough for me to walk away from a guy who gives me butterflies???
Confused,
C
N is horrible at communication. I knew it since our first date and maybe I should have hit the ground running then. The first time he asked me to hang out he Facebook messaged me and asked if I wanted to do dinner the following night. I wasn't on FB, so he told me to text him my answer. When I saw the message, I texted him and told him I would be interested in going to dinner and told him two possible times I was available. To me, that meant he should confirm which time would work the next day. Well ladies & gents, that is not what happened. He called me at 6pm the next day (which isn't even one of the times I gave him). I told him I already ate. Sorry. Then I asked him if he wanted to meet me at an icecream place instead. He never answered. Then he called me ten minutes later and said "I'm here...where are you?" Red flag??? Probs.
Ever since then, hanging out with him is the most confusing and complicated process. I feel like it's a huge production every time we try to make plans. This all should be a red flag. Except for when it does work out and we do hang out, I really really really like him. He makes me laugh and smile like no other. His freaking long eye lashes get me everytime. And the southern accent. Wow. So instead of being smart about this and walking away from the situation, I hang on and put myself through the drama. Maybe this up & down lifestyle could work for some people, but I'm not laid back to handle it and I think I'm pretty laid back.
All I ask is that you don't give me misleading information. Don't say you'll call me at 6 and actually call me at 9. Granted, things happen and once in awhile this is okay. When it's a reoccurence however, it is not okay. N called me yesterday on the way to his friend's birthday party just to say hey. Of course our convo was flirty & perfect and he even called me BABY. Big step right??? Then, he told me to text him later, so I did. No answer back. I called him tonight to say hi. No call back.
Do I need to take this for what it is or walk away now before it gets really ugly????
I know what the logical thing to do is, but I never said that logical thinking was one of my greatest strengths.
Is effective communication or lack thereof enough for me to walk away from a guy who gives me butterflies???
Confused,
C
Where is the focus?
K discovered the blog.
Those are the exact words he said, too. As much as I do feel bad about it, we started this blog as a way to write down our feelings and questions about relationships, so I'm going to keep writing exactly the way I normally would. K said that he wouldn't read this anymore, and I actually trust that. K is someone who has always been honest with me even when I didn't agree or if he was completely wrong. So, either way, life goes on.
Current status: who f-ing knows? Actually just spent the weekend there (K's birthday is today), so I'm not sure if it was a jump or a step. How can you slow things down when you were already so far in? Anyway, just trying not to stress about it for now.
I think I'm happy, but I do miss the two way street we used to have- I kind of feel like I'm putting in a crazy amount of effort (which makes sense since it is his birthday weekend, and it's the first time in weeks we aren't fighting), but I hope that our relationship eventually falls back into the pattern of equally making decisions.
What I've learned is that even though relationships are supposed to come naturally, it's still an effort everyday. Just because someone is in a bad mood doesn't mean that it's appropriate to take it out on any person, especially the one in the relationship. It is true that those are the ones SUPPOSED to be there in those times, but there is a line between communication and an outlet for frustration. When you aren't single, it's not just about you, it's mostly about the other person.
My main problem: focus on how I'm acting instead of how he is acting. Of course, in the end, it does come down to your happiness- and if you aren't happy with the way a person is acting, you can't keep trying to change it. All you can do is hope they feel the same way and are willing to go the extra mile.
T
Those are the exact words he said, too. As much as I do feel bad about it, we started this blog as a way to write down our feelings and questions about relationships, so I'm going to keep writing exactly the way I normally would. K said that he wouldn't read this anymore, and I actually trust that. K is someone who has always been honest with me even when I didn't agree or if he was completely wrong. So, either way, life goes on.
Current status: who f-ing knows? Actually just spent the weekend there (K's birthday is today), so I'm not sure if it was a jump or a step. How can you slow things down when you were already so far in? Anyway, just trying not to stress about it for now.
I think I'm happy, but I do miss the two way street we used to have- I kind of feel like I'm putting in a crazy amount of effort (which makes sense since it is his birthday weekend, and it's the first time in weeks we aren't fighting), but I hope that our relationship eventually falls back into the pattern of equally making decisions.
What I've learned is that even though relationships are supposed to come naturally, it's still an effort everyday. Just because someone is in a bad mood doesn't mean that it's appropriate to take it out on any person, especially the one in the relationship. It is true that those are the ones SUPPOSED to be there in those times, but there is a line between communication and an outlet for frustration. When you aren't single, it's not just about you, it's mostly about the other person.
My main problem: focus on how I'm acting instead of how he is acting. Of course, in the end, it does come down to your happiness- and if you aren't happy with the way a person is acting, you can't keep trying to change it. All you can do is hope they feel the same way and are willing to go the extra mile.
T
Saturday, December 10, 2011
It's the holiday season....woop de doo! Joy to the World!
There are a lot of words/famous Holiday nay sayers that could describe me right now: Scrooge, the Grinch, or Charlie Brown would all be appropriate. Why do the holidays make me so depressed??
Currently, I am spending the week with my sister, her husband, and my two twin nephews. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be spending time with them especially because I don't get to see them all that often, BUT (there's always a but) it's making me depressed. My sister is 30 and her husband is 32, so they are at a completely different stage of their lives as me but being around them makes me feel so damn pressured to have a house, front porch swing, kids, and white picket fence. When I am here, I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!! When will it be my turn??????
Why as a 22 year old do I feel pressured to live a certain life by a certain age? I feel like there is a massive time bomb in my head that's going to go off when I'm 25 that says WELP chances of you settling down by 30 are RUINED.
Where does this pressure come from? There are a lot of sources of pressure in my case. I grew up in a small town where no one EVER leaves. They graduate, maybe go to college, then comes love, marriage and baby carriage! Sometimes that order can be a tad mixed up depending on the person, but you get the jist. Another source of pressure is my family. I'm not demeaning my parents life at all, but they got married pretty young and have stayed in the same place all their life. That was my mom's main priority. She didn't go to college or get a degree, she wanted a family.
Well, what if you want both? I want a career and a family. I also want friends, a beach house, and a sex and the city life style but hey we can't have it all.
So if hearing it from your family & friends isn't enough, the holidays make this pressure SKY ROCKET. Songs about finding love on Christmas and watching couples frolic around the mall together are enough to make me want to vomit. "All I want for Christmas is you and "Santa can you hear me" send me the message that, welp...it sucks to suck if you aren't in love this holiday season. Better luck next year.
Love is supposed to just happen & be fun along the way. Whatever happened to just living in the moment and not worrying about the future? "Living in the moment" is not in vocabulary because I am the most overantalytical dramatic person on this earth. I wish I could make this all stop, but I can't. The external pressures of settling down are never going to stop or leave. Thank goodness I have great friends for support and boxed wine in my fridge.
Merry Christmas ya filthy animal,
C
Currently, I am spending the week with my sister, her husband, and my two twin nephews. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be spending time with them especially because I don't get to see them all that often, BUT (there's always a but) it's making me depressed. My sister is 30 and her husband is 32, so they are at a completely different stage of their lives as me but being around them makes me feel so damn pressured to have a house, front porch swing, kids, and white picket fence. When I am here, I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!! When will it be my turn??????
Why as a 22 year old do I feel pressured to live a certain life by a certain age? I feel like there is a massive time bomb in my head that's going to go off when I'm 25 that says WELP chances of you settling down by 30 are RUINED.
Where does this pressure come from? There are a lot of sources of pressure in my case. I grew up in a small town where no one EVER leaves. They graduate, maybe go to college, then comes love, marriage and baby carriage! Sometimes that order can be a tad mixed up depending on the person, but you get the jist. Another source of pressure is my family. I'm not demeaning my parents life at all, but they got married pretty young and have stayed in the same place all their life. That was my mom's main priority. She didn't go to college or get a degree, she wanted a family.
Well, what if you want both? I want a career and a family. I also want friends, a beach house, and a sex and the city life style but hey we can't have it all.
So if hearing it from your family & friends isn't enough, the holidays make this pressure SKY ROCKET. Songs about finding love on Christmas and watching couples frolic around the mall together are enough to make me want to vomit. "All I want for Christmas is you and "Santa can you hear me" send me the message that, welp...it sucks to suck if you aren't in love this holiday season. Better luck next year.
Love is supposed to just happen & be fun along the way. Whatever happened to just living in the moment and not worrying about the future? "Living in the moment" is not in vocabulary because I am the most overantalytical dramatic person on this earth. I wish I could make this all stop, but I can't. The external pressures of settling down are never going to stop or leave. Thank goodness I have great friends for support and boxed wine in my fridge.
Merry Christmas ya filthy animal,
C
Friday, December 9, 2011
To comment or not to comment....that is the question
Social media makes everything very complicated. This is kind of ironic coming from a girl who is technically using social media to blog and relies heavily on facebook, twitter, pinterest, and stumble upon for entertainment and communication.
As I'm sitting at home, doing nothing but procrastinating and packing to fly home tonight, I was browsing some youtube videos. I came across a pretty hilarious one about a riot at Walmart on Black Friday over a $2 waffle maker. I reccomend you look it up, but that's irrelevant!
I'm bringing all of this up because when I saw this video the first person I thought of was N. We have a running joke about Walmart and because that's one of the places he makes sales, we just talked about Walmart craziness last night. Automatically I get the thought of posting it on his Facebook wall. But then I stopped. And backtracked. Am I allowed to be posting on hi FB wall? Is that weird? Are we on that level? Talk about over-analyzing.
So, I literally spent the past twenty minutes debating in my head if I can post a pointless youtube video to Facebook. So, I came up with a list of the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to Facebook.
The Good:
1. SO much information. You can find out a lot about a person from their facebook. What they are interested in, what they do for fun on the weekends, and so on. If they are an excessive status updater and post their entire schedule on Facebook, such as "at the gym" or "doing laundry" every five minutes, you know it's a red flag! So, all in all, it can save you a lot of time.
2. It is a good communication tool. Sometimes when you first meet someone, texting can seem a little intense. Starting with a good facebook chat can seem less intimidating.
The Bad:
1. OVERANALYZING. Kind of like what I'm doing now. Can I post on his wall? He just became friends with this girl named Ashley, did he meet her out last night? Why is that girl commenting on his picture? WHO IS SHE? AHHHHHH!!! This aspect of facebook can drive you absolutely crazy. So please try to not be an obsessive stalker, but we all know that love or lust can make you crazy!
2. Facebook Official. This goes along the same lines of overanalyzing? When is it an appropriate time to be FBO? You don't want to change your relationship status first because then you look desperate. In my experience, it's a conversation you have to time it out right. How pissed would you be if it took your significant other three days to change it and yours just said "in a relationship" not "in a relationship with N"
This clip describes what I mean! The Big Bang Theory- "Facebook"
The Ugly:
1. You can't hide your past. Facebook is like a timeline of all your past, crappy relationships. You can't hide the mistakes you made unless you go through and delete old pictures and comments, which would be highly suggested if they are too incriminating.
2. Everyone knows your business. When me and my ex broke up, I can't tell you the number of comments and likes I got on Facebook. Needless to say, he wasn't very popular with my friends and family. Maybe this should have made me feel better about the breakup because I had support but it actually made me feel worse. I didn't want people knowing our business and didn't want to deal with random people's opinion on the matter. Sometimes you just want a little privacy.
So there you have it. Still don't know if I should post that youtube video, even after all of this processing and contemplating. Updates to come & please comment with any crazy social media stories. We'd love to hear them, so we can feel better about our own lives on your behalf. :)
-C
As I'm sitting at home, doing nothing but procrastinating and packing to fly home tonight, I was browsing some youtube videos. I came across a pretty hilarious one about a riot at Walmart on Black Friday over a $2 waffle maker. I reccomend you look it up, but that's irrelevant!
I'm bringing all of this up because when I saw this video the first person I thought of was N. We have a running joke about Walmart and because that's one of the places he makes sales, we just talked about Walmart craziness last night. Automatically I get the thought of posting it on his Facebook wall. But then I stopped. And backtracked. Am I allowed to be posting on hi FB wall? Is that weird? Are we on that level? Talk about over-analyzing.
So, I literally spent the past twenty minutes debating in my head if I can post a pointless youtube video to Facebook. So, I came up with a list of the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to Facebook.
The Good:
1. SO much information. You can find out a lot about a person from their facebook. What they are interested in, what they do for fun on the weekends, and so on. If they are an excessive status updater and post their entire schedule on Facebook, such as "at the gym" or "doing laundry" every five minutes, you know it's a red flag! So, all in all, it can save you a lot of time.
2. It is a good communication tool. Sometimes when you first meet someone, texting can seem a little intense. Starting with a good facebook chat can seem less intimidating.
The Bad:
1. OVERANALYZING. Kind of like what I'm doing now. Can I post on his wall? He just became friends with this girl named Ashley, did he meet her out last night? Why is that girl commenting on his picture? WHO IS SHE? AHHHHHH!!! This aspect of facebook can drive you absolutely crazy. So please try to not be an obsessive stalker, but we all know that love or lust can make you crazy!
2. Facebook Official. This goes along the same lines of overanalyzing? When is it an appropriate time to be FBO? You don't want to change your relationship status first because then you look desperate. In my experience, it's a conversation you have to time it out right. How pissed would you be if it took your significant other three days to change it and yours just said "in a relationship" not "in a relationship with N"
This clip describes what I mean! The Big Bang Theory- "Facebook"
The Ugly:
1. You can't hide your past. Facebook is like a timeline of all your past, crappy relationships. You can't hide the mistakes you made unless you go through and delete old pictures and comments, which would be highly suggested if they are too incriminating.
2. Everyone knows your business. When me and my ex broke up, I can't tell you the number of comments and likes I got on Facebook. Needless to say, he wasn't very popular with my friends and family. Maybe this should have made me feel better about the breakup because I had support but it actually made me feel worse. I didn't want people knowing our business and didn't want to deal with random people's opinion on the matter. Sometimes you just want a little privacy.
So there you have it. Still don't know if I should post that youtube video, even after all of this processing and contemplating. Updates to come & please comment with any crazy social media stories. We'd love to hear them, so we can feel better about our own lives on your behalf. :)
-C
Thursday, December 8, 2011
To get laid or to get paid?
When creating those standards lists I mentioned in a previous blog, having a job is usually always pretty high on the list for most women. Here's where it gets complicated though. What if his job takes over his life to a point where you don't know if you fit in his crazy schedule?
I had my last little date with N tonight. He didn't come over with flowers or cosmic brownies to say good-bye or take me to my favorite mexican restaurant. We met up at Waffle House at 10:30pm. I know this is already starting to sound like a complain-y blog, but I assure you it's not. I know his job is very demanding and he works 17 hour days, so I'm glad he made it a priority to see me before I left. And he did pay for my waffle.
This whole job dilemma is coming up because even though it is my last night in town, N basically denied any chance of him spending the night. He's rational, responsible, and hard working. Those are some of the qualities that I want right?? Then why do I feel kinda crappy about getting "rejected." Am I too sensitive to these things, especially because we have only been "hanging out" for a month?
N, yes you probably would have been tired the next day but it could have been very worth your while. You chose responsibility, money, and your career over sex. I'm impressed but also pissed.
I think the main reason I am pissed is because I actually WANT to spend time with him. I don't know if I'm super abnormal but it takes a lot for me to let someone into my space. I also take my work very seriously and like to have my own independence and freedom to do what I want when I want to do it. So, I think the main take away that I have from this date is that it's okay to take a step back and slow down. Not everything needs to be a rush and spending every second with someone can be dangerous. I'm going to breathe, be glad that I FINALLY feel this way about a guy and realize that it is possible to WANT to be around someone all the time. However, there still needs to be balance. The world doesn't stop just because a relationship is new and fun. In our 20's, we have to keep our priorities in check and our head's on straight.
Someone take me down from the clouds! I don't think I ever stop smiling when I am around this kid. I may see him again tomorrow depending on his work schedule. Tomorrow will be a busy day for him (shocker).
Trying to take it one step at a time,
C
I had my last little date with N tonight. He didn't come over with flowers or cosmic brownies to say good-bye or take me to my favorite mexican restaurant. We met up at Waffle House at 10:30pm. I know this is already starting to sound like a complain-y blog, but I assure you it's not. I know his job is very demanding and he works 17 hour days, so I'm glad he made it a priority to see me before I left. And he did pay for my waffle.
This whole job dilemma is coming up because even though it is my last night in town, N basically denied any chance of him spending the night. He's rational, responsible, and hard working. Those are some of the qualities that I want right?? Then why do I feel kinda crappy about getting "rejected." Am I too sensitive to these things, especially because we have only been "hanging out" for a month?
N, yes you probably would have been tired the next day but it could have been very worth your while. You chose responsibility, money, and your career over sex. I'm impressed but also pissed.
I think the main reason I am pissed is because I actually WANT to spend time with him. I don't know if I'm super abnormal but it takes a lot for me to let someone into my space. I also take my work very seriously and like to have my own independence and freedom to do what I want when I want to do it. So, I think the main take away that I have from this date is that it's okay to take a step back and slow down. Not everything needs to be a rush and spending every second with someone can be dangerous. I'm going to breathe, be glad that I FINALLY feel this way about a guy and realize that it is possible to WANT to be around someone all the time. However, there still needs to be balance. The world doesn't stop just because a relationship is new and fun. In our 20's, we have to keep our priorities in check and our head's on straight.
Someone take me down from the clouds! I don't think I ever stop smiling when I am around this kid. I may see him again tomorrow depending on his work schedule. Tomorrow will be a busy day for him (shocker).
Trying to take it one step at a time,
C
Cat From Hell
Heard from K yesterday for 2 seconds. Got a text about his stupid cat. Never have I been someone to say those words together. I'm an animal lover, and I would join Peta if I could ditch chicken, but that f-ing cat is where the root of all of our problems started.
K doesn't need me when he has the cat. When we got up in the morning, he would kiss the cat "hello." The cat gets special toys and treats, but I got flowers one freaking time. He would joke that I was jealous of an animal, but it wasn't a joke and I fully admit it. Anyway, that's what the ONE text was about.
Finally got the job that I have wanted for soo long. Called friends and family to discuss it and everyone was planning on how we're going to celebrate. Called K...2 hours later he called back. The conversation was 2 minutes of me talking and him asking awkward questions....then he rushed off the phone because he had to make dinner.
#1...he doesn't cook dinner. It's a boys house and way too disgusting to use the stove.
#2...wtf? This is one of the most important moments in my life and you're blowing me off?
This is where I need to learn to control myself. I texted K about how much he sucks, and if he wants this to work he needs to put in effort like I am blah,blah,blah. Then I cried.
In my head this ended with me getting roses and attention, but in real life, he's pissed at me because "nothing has changed" and I am mean. He doesn't know if he can do this. Again? Seriously. What a rollarcoaster. Atleast I got a job to drown my sorrows into for a little.
Happy Thursday!
T
K doesn't need me when he has the cat. When we got up in the morning, he would kiss the cat "hello." The cat gets special toys and treats, but I got flowers one freaking time. He would joke that I was jealous of an animal, but it wasn't a joke and I fully admit it. Anyway, that's what the ONE text was about.
Finally got the job that I have wanted for soo long. Called friends and family to discuss it and everyone was planning on how we're going to celebrate. Called K...2 hours later he called back. The conversation was 2 minutes of me talking and him asking awkward questions....then he rushed off the phone because he had to make dinner.
#1...he doesn't cook dinner. It's a boys house and way too disgusting to use the stove.
#2...wtf? This is one of the most important moments in my life and you're blowing me off?
This is where I need to learn to control myself. I texted K about how much he sucks, and if he wants this to work he needs to put in effort like I am blah,blah,blah. Then I cried.
In my head this ended with me getting roses and attention, but in real life, he's pissed at me because "nothing has changed" and I am mean. He doesn't know if he can do this. Again? Seriously. What a rollarcoaster. Atleast I got a job to drown my sorrows into for a little.
Happy Thursday!
T
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
"When you get sick of us Wednesdays" Guest Blog: My boyfriend shot me...no seriously.
Yup. he certainly did. Ok so it wasn't with a "real" gun, it was with a BB gun. but really, any less psychotic? I think not. Let me set up the scene that led to all of this.
Johnny and I had been together for about 6 years at this point. Through most of high school and all of
college. I thought we were on our way to getting married in the not so distant future. But towards the end of our relationship, I kept finding myself in similar situations to the BB gun incident of '09 as it was later known.
We had what I thought was a good relationship for the most part. When things were good, they were great. We were in love, did everything together, shared memories and helped each other through really difficult times in both our lives. But what eventually put a stop to all of the good parts of our relationship was the fact that every couple of weeks, like clockwork, we hit a rough patch: a really rough patch.
I'm not saying I was perfect through our entire relationship, I know I antagonized at times or could be stubborn. But for the most part, I was a pretty laid back girlfriend. If Johnny needed help, I dropped what I was doing to help. If he changed plans on me to go with friends instead of be with me, not one complaint. I'm convinced that with all the homework I did for this kid, I'm the reason he graduated high school and now has a 4 yr degree. It was when I decided stand up for myself that things took a turn for the worst.
I don't remember exactly what the fight was about that led him to shooting me with a BB gun; not in a joking way, mind you. This was with anger. And it freaking left a welt the size of a golf ball. But hey, when you're mad you're mad i guess. And Johnny got mad a lot. Like the time he jumped out of my Jeep while I was doing about 20mph because we were in the middle of a fight and he decided he couldn't stand to be around me for one more second. Or the time we went to Ocean City with his family and he demanded I go back to PA in the middle of the vacation due to some disagreement that was, in his mind, a big enough deal to make me drive 4 hours by myself back home. But I digress.
At least our time together wasn't completely worthless; Johnny taught me that when you give someone all of yourself and it's still not good enough, it's time to stop worrying about their expectations and get some of your own. When you're the one in the relationship always bending over backwards to keep the peace, its never going to last unless you pride yourself on being a doormat.
-R
Johnny and I had been together for about 6 years at this point. Through most of high school and all of
college. I thought we were on our way to getting married in the not so distant future. But towards the end of our relationship, I kept finding myself in similar situations to the BB gun incident of '09 as it was later known.
We had what I thought was a good relationship for the most part. When things were good, they were great. We were in love, did everything together, shared memories and helped each other through really difficult times in both our lives. But what eventually put a stop to all of the good parts of our relationship was the fact that every couple of weeks, like clockwork, we hit a rough patch: a really rough patch.
I'm not saying I was perfect through our entire relationship, I know I antagonized at times or could be stubborn. But for the most part, I was a pretty laid back girlfriend. If Johnny needed help, I dropped what I was doing to help. If he changed plans on me to go with friends instead of be with me, not one complaint. I'm convinced that with all the homework I did for this kid, I'm the reason he graduated high school and now has a 4 yr degree. It was when I decided stand up for myself that things took a turn for the worst.
I don't remember exactly what the fight was about that led him to shooting me with a BB gun; not in a joking way, mind you. This was with anger. And it freaking left a welt the size of a golf ball. But hey, when you're mad you're mad i guess. And Johnny got mad a lot. Like the time he jumped out of my Jeep while I was doing about 20mph because we were in the middle of a fight and he decided he couldn't stand to be around me for one more second. Or the time we went to Ocean City with his family and he demanded I go back to PA in the middle of the vacation due to some disagreement that was, in his mind, a big enough deal to make me drive 4 hours by myself back home. But I digress.
At least our time together wasn't completely worthless; Johnny taught me that when you give someone all of yourself and it's still not good enough, it's time to stop worrying about their expectations and get some of your own. When you're the one in the relationship always bending over backwards to keep the peace, its never going to last unless you pride yourself on being a doormat.
-R
You Always Want What You Can't Have
Dinner date update:
Wtf? Why do I think that anything will go as planned?
You know you're in trouble when the first thing he says to you is..."there's all of your stuff. I think I got everything."
"Um...thanks? So why'd you ask me to go to dinner?"
"I don't know I thought you'd want to talk."
Head games? Or is he really just like that? After this initial mood setter, K and I were off to Wendys (yes, the fast food one) to discuss our f-ed up relationship or lack there of. 2 hours of discussing everything that went wrong, we both decided this was not the time to jump back into a relationship. This is what I wanted, but the fact that he had the same idea really infuriated me, you guys. Then I went into defense mode...
After packing my stuff into my car, we did one last dramatic stare at each other before the make out session. I'm not proud of it, and I'll deny it to most of my friends, but one thing led to another and my plan was completely ruined. K asked me to stay the night. I thought maybe with the little dignity that I had left, I would be able to deny him easily and leave.
This is about the time that I locked my keys into my car. I had to use his AAA to unlock my trunk, and awkwardly stand outside in the rain. I guess it wouldn't be my life without that nice touch.
The consensus: taking things day by day. What does that mean? Haven't heard from him yet, but I'm sure as hell confused.
Hope you're day is better!
T
Wtf? Why do I think that anything will go as planned?
You know you're in trouble when the first thing he says to you is..."there's all of your stuff. I think I got everything."
"Um...thanks? So why'd you ask me to go to dinner?"
"I don't know I thought you'd want to talk."
Head games? Or is he really just like that? After this initial mood setter, K and I were off to Wendys (yes, the fast food one) to discuss our f-ed up relationship or lack there of. 2 hours of discussing everything that went wrong, we both decided this was not the time to jump back into a relationship. This is what I wanted, but the fact that he had the same idea really infuriated me, you guys. Then I went into defense mode...
After packing my stuff into my car, we did one last dramatic stare at each other before the make out session. I'm not proud of it, and I'll deny it to most of my friends, but one thing led to another and my plan was completely ruined. K asked me to stay the night. I thought maybe with the little dignity that I had left, I would be able to deny him easily and leave.
This is about the time that I locked my keys into my car. I had to use his AAA to unlock my trunk, and awkwardly stand outside in the rain. I guess it wouldn't be my life without that nice touch.
The consensus: taking things day by day. What does that mean? Haven't heard from him yet, but I'm sure as hell confused.
Hope you're day is better!
T
Extended Holiday Breaks & Christmas Tree Cakes
As a first year Graduate student, I technically am not a "real person." Even though I work for the University, I still get about a month off for winter break because I am a student. At first, I was excited about the long break and the chance to go home and catch up with loved ones for a long period of time. Since I met someone I actually like, I've been dreading the long winter break. Pathetic, I know.
We all know the phrase, "what will be, will be" and "what's meant to be will always find a way" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Maybe it's the mood I'm in, but I'm not buying into any of those phrases right now. I don't want to take a chance with those things! I want to stay in South Carolina and make it work! Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
While on the phone with one of my good friends last night, I mentioned my fears of the holiday break. She replied by saying, "Are you going to talk about your relationship before you leave?" Ahhhh, the golden question. I'm sure as hell not going to bring it up so probably not. Then I started to think, once again, I'm reading too much into this. Why can't I just go home for a while, keep in contact and see what happens when I get back. Why do things always have to be black and white? Will I ever be able to just go with the flow? What is this doing to my blood pressure? I am only 22. Eek.
With all that ranting being said, when is it time to define the relationship? Why as women do we think that it is up to the man to define it? Maybe we should take matters into our own hands and go after what we want. Just because we know we want something more, doesn't classify as psycho or crazy like we all think. So maybe tonight when I hang out with "N" I will bring him a box of Christmas Tree Cakes (his favorite thing these days) and ask him to DTR (new lingo for define the relationship). Doubtful but trying to talk myself into some courage!
Stay tuned to find out!
C
We all know the phrase, "what will be, will be" and "what's meant to be will always find a way" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Maybe it's the mood I'm in, but I'm not buying into any of those phrases right now. I don't want to take a chance with those things! I want to stay in South Carolina and make it work! Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
While on the phone with one of my good friends last night, I mentioned my fears of the holiday break. She replied by saying, "Are you going to talk about your relationship before you leave?" Ahhhh, the golden question. I'm sure as hell not going to bring it up so probably not. Then I started to think, once again, I'm reading too much into this. Why can't I just go home for a while, keep in contact and see what happens when I get back. Why do things always have to be black and white? Will I ever be able to just go with the flow? What is this doing to my blood pressure? I am only 22. Eek.
With all that ranting being said, when is it time to define the relationship? Why as women do we think that it is up to the man to define it? Maybe we should take matters into our own hands and go after what we want. Just because we know we want something more, doesn't classify as psycho or crazy like we all think. So maybe tonight when I hang out with "N" I will bring him a box of Christmas Tree Cakes (his favorite thing these days) and ask him to DTR (new lingo for define the relationship). Doubtful but trying to talk myself into some courage!
Stay tuned to find out!
C
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Is it standard to make a standards list?
A few weeks ago my roommates and I were sitting around talking about ex boyfriends, current flings, and relationships in general. I can't remember the exact conversation, but I am sure it was me that was complaining about someone or another, and one of them said to me, "Carly, you can't settle." That's when I started to think critically about this. How do I know if I'm settling? What am I really looking for? What's a deal breaker?
At this point in my life, I think it is important that I know what I want! While watching "Millionaire Matchmaker" I was inspired to create my own standards list. I took Patti's advice and tried not to make my standards too ridiculous and unattainable. First, I started with the dealbreakers. What can I definitely NOT handle? Here is what I came up with:
Dealbreakers:
1. Fake GPAs/Fake places of employment...explanation to come in a different blog..basically no made up lives
2. 5"7 or shorter
3. No Car or Job
4. Gross white sneakers....please buy a new pair of shoes
5. COD/XBOX lover...some video games are fine but when it rules your life, we've got a problem
6. Disrespectful to their Mom
7. Knows ALL the girls at the bar
8. Makes me sick.......we all know that feeling in the pit of our stomachs
9. No response for 24 hours
10. Negative nancy
Once I go those out of the way, I came up with things I actually WANT in my next boyfriend!
(Split into different categories)
1. Caring
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that this list MIRACULOUSLY changed my life, but it did help me become more focused and intentional about who I am dating. If you don't know what you want, how can you ever expect to be happy? Something to ponder! What are your standards and deal breakers? How did you come up with them? If you had to pick only one, which one would it be?
I think if we ask ourselves these questions we have a better chance of finding someone that is compatible with us...no settling involved!
Never settle for less than butterflies,
C
At this point in my life, I think it is important that I know what I want! While watching "Millionaire Matchmaker" I was inspired to create my own standards list. I took Patti's advice and tried not to make my standards too ridiculous and unattainable. First, I started with the dealbreakers. What can I definitely NOT handle? Here is what I came up with:
Dealbreakers:
1. Fake GPAs/Fake places of employment...explanation to come in a different blog..basically no made up lives
2. 5"7 or shorter
3. No Car or Job
4. Gross white sneakers....please buy a new pair of shoes
5. COD/XBOX lover...some video games are fine but when it rules your life, we've got a problem
6. Disrespectful to their Mom
7. Knows ALL the girls at the bar
8. Makes me sick.......we all know that feeling in the pit of our stomachs
9. No response for 24 hours
10. Negative nancy
Once I go those out of the way, I came up with things I actually WANT in my next boyfriend!
(Split into different categories)
1. Caring
- communication--good texter/caller
- shows some PDA, affectionate
- considerate
- kisses godbye
- surprises me with little things
- makes effort!
- Shows up for me
- dependable
- builds me up and gives me confidence
- Motivated
- has a clear vision (with a touch of spontinuity)
- makes me better
- has goals for his career and life
- close with his family
- friends are important
- values honesty and loyalty
- lives with integrity
- values the beach over the mountains
- Likes day trips and surprises
- will apologize first if necessary
- can let go of pride
- will work to make it work
- Social--likes to go out
- Good dancer
- makes me laugh
- feed off each other's energy
- people person
- will keep me on my toes
- wants to merge our two worlds together
- will compromise in order to make it work
- eventually wants a family
- conquer the future together
- will be my best friend
I'm not going to sit here and tell you that this list MIRACULOUSLY changed my life, but it did help me become more focused and intentional about who I am dating. If you don't know what you want, how can you ever expect to be happy? Something to ponder! What are your standards and deal breakers? How did you come up with them? If you had to pick only one, which one would it be?
I think if we ask ourselves these questions we have a better chance of finding someone that is compatible with us...no settling involved!
Never settle for less than butterflies,
C
Dinner Date....for 1?
Terrifying situation.
As a recently single neurotic girl in my early 20's, I have no idea what it means when my ex-boyfriend of one week asked me to go to dinner tonight to have a "mature discussion." WTF?
My last one year relationship with "K" has been nothing less than a train wreck these past few months. I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert. He's happy staying home for a week straight, I can't stand being in my room for ten minutes. He's laid back, I'm crazy. He's oil, I'm water...you get it. He broke up with me after a huge fight that broke out in NYC last weekend. That is a whole other blog.
But I love him and this past week has consisted of many unhealthy things for me; i went through a phase of starving myself and sleeping 13 hours a day. After that was over, I meditated and ate chocolate like it was my new diet plan. In between all of these things, I made a playlist of the most depressing break-up songs and cried to them for fun.
I'm not ready to have this discussion. I can imagine myself in this situation: YOU broke up with ME, you crazy douche bag! How could you do this to me?!? It's so hard to be alone at the holidays! I'M FINE WITHOUT YOU!...when in reality, I'm not okay, and he would slam the door in my face forever. Game plan: shut up, Tiff. Listen to what crazy thing he has to say to you, and whatever you do, don't say ANYTHING without texting one of your friends first to see if it's okay.
How can discuss things with him when I don't even know what I want myself?
Coffee or a xanax? 3 hours to decide.
T
As a recently single neurotic girl in my early 20's, I have no idea what it means when my ex-boyfriend of one week asked me to go to dinner tonight to have a "mature discussion." WTF?
My last one year relationship with "K" has been nothing less than a train wreck these past few months. I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert. He's happy staying home for a week straight, I can't stand being in my room for ten minutes. He's laid back, I'm crazy. He's oil, I'm water...you get it. He broke up with me after a huge fight that broke out in NYC last weekend. That is a whole other blog.
But I love him and this past week has consisted of many unhealthy things for me; i went through a phase of starving myself and sleeping 13 hours a day. After that was over, I meditated and ate chocolate like it was my new diet plan. In between all of these things, I made a playlist of the most depressing break-up songs and cried to them for fun.
I'm not ready to have this discussion. I can imagine myself in this situation: YOU broke up with ME, you crazy douche bag! How could you do this to me?!? It's so hard to be alone at the holidays! I'M FINE WITHOUT YOU!...when in reality, I'm not okay, and he would slam the door in my face forever. Game plan: shut up, Tiff. Listen to what crazy thing he has to say to you, and whatever you do, don't say ANYTHING without texting one of your friends first to see if it's okay.
How can discuss things with him when I don't even know what I want myself?
Coffee or a xanax? 3 hours to decide.
T
Pillow Talk & Good Morning Phone Calls
There are millions of books, blogs, pamphlets, tweets, and facebook posts about all the dumb things guys do to let us know they are definitely NOT into us. So, we get it. If he ignores you, he basically hates you. If he has a girlfriend but still pursuing you, he is a scum bag. Got it. Crystal clear.
But what if he is acting in a way that makes you think he actually likes you. Weird concept I know.
As girls, do we overanalyze these actions too much?
The reason this is all coming up is because I have been talking to this guy for about a month now, and I actually really like him. This is a big deal for me because usually I find something wrong with them and decide that they "make me sick." If you are going to start reading this blog, get used to hearing that phrase. Even though i genuinely like him, I can't read him. Obviously he likes hanging out with me because he keeps asking and keeps in contact. However, there is one thing that he has been doing for the past two weeks that makes me feel he could want more than just someone to have fun with.
Like clockwork, he calls me every night and usually texts or calls every morning. Just to say good night and just to say good morning. To me that is a very boyfriend-ish thing to do, but maybe I'm reading into this too much? I'm not an expert on this one ladies, but here is my list of things that give signs of potentially wanting to take the relationship to the next level....eventually:
1. Calling/texting to say good morning or good night. Some guy you are just hooking up with won't give a shit how your day was and won't call to ask. If they are making an effort to be consistent, to me that means that they want you in their life on the daily.
2. Paying for your shit. Plain and simple, if a guy wants you to think of him in a boyfriend role he is going to try to impress you. He will pay for your meals, hold open doors, and give you compliments here and there. Maybe this is my newfound appreciation of southern gentleman (I did just move to South Carolina), but I have faith that northern boys will do all of this too if they really really like you.
3. Introducing you to their friends. If he always wants to hang out along, I would say that is a red flag. Bringing you around his friends is a pretty good indication that he thinks you are cool enough to hang out with the people he hangs out with the most.
The list could go on and on, and I think that it is definitely different for each guy. Maybe I am reading too much into my new love interest and all of these things mean jack to him.
I guess we'll see!
Still overanalyzing,
C
But what if he is acting in a way that makes you think he actually likes you. Weird concept I know.
As girls, do we overanalyze these actions too much?
The reason this is all coming up is because I have been talking to this guy for about a month now, and I actually really like him. This is a big deal for me because usually I find something wrong with them and decide that they "make me sick." If you are going to start reading this blog, get used to hearing that phrase. Even though i genuinely like him, I can't read him. Obviously he likes hanging out with me because he keeps asking and keeps in contact. However, there is one thing that he has been doing for the past two weeks that makes me feel he could want more than just someone to have fun with.
Like clockwork, he calls me every night and usually texts or calls every morning. Just to say good night and just to say good morning. To me that is a very boyfriend-ish thing to do, but maybe I'm reading into this too much? I'm not an expert on this one ladies, but here is my list of things that give signs of potentially wanting to take the relationship to the next level....eventually:
1. Calling/texting to say good morning or good night. Some guy you are just hooking up with won't give a shit how your day was and won't call to ask. If they are making an effort to be consistent, to me that means that they want you in their life on the daily.
2. Paying for your shit. Plain and simple, if a guy wants you to think of him in a boyfriend role he is going to try to impress you. He will pay for your meals, hold open doors, and give you compliments here and there. Maybe this is my newfound appreciation of southern gentleman (I did just move to South Carolina), but I have faith that northern boys will do all of this too if they really really like you.
3. Introducing you to their friends. If he always wants to hang out along, I would say that is a red flag. Bringing you around his friends is a pretty good indication that he thinks you are cool enough to hang out with the people he hangs out with the most.
The list could go on and on, and I think that it is definitely different for each guy. Maybe I am reading too much into my new love interest and all of these things mean jack to him.
I guess we'll see!
Still overanalyzing,
C
Monday, December 5, 2011
Is too much of a good thing...a bad thing?
As we all know, the perfect romances come from some sadistic man named Walt Disney. His perfect stories of balls and Cinderella's romance set up little girls for a shitty real life experience of date night consisting of Franzia and vomiting on his roommates bed- hey, if you're lucky, he'll call you baby and hold your hair back. Who says chivalry is dead?
As much as I have to complain about men, I do have one man who I will always be thankful for slash hate for ruining me at the same time. My first love wasn't just any type of guy- he was f-ing perfect. I'm not kidding. If he was perfect, you ask, then why are we not together? I was the asshole in this one.
When I met Matt my sophomore year of high school, he had went to a different school than me. Football player, straight A students, hot as hell, and nice as anything. I got a winner. For close to four years, Matt and I were attached by the hip. We would use the swing over his creek, go out for ice cream, lay under the stars and tell each other how perfect we were for HOURS. If I was sick, Matt would drive the 25 minutes to bring me soup and to lay with me until I felt better. He surprised me with things and made me feel special. We were only a high school relationship, but we were different. I can honestly say those feelings that I had for Matt are what ended up getting me in trouble.
By the time our second summer together had come, Matt was still the most perfect boyfriend in the world. Carly, Rachel, and I had our boyfriends over for a holiday cookout to celebrate July 4th. The boys cooked out and we had absolutely nothing to worry about.
Matt and I left the cookout a little early to go back to his house for our separate evening. He had laid out a blanket covered in rose petals for us to look up at the fireworks (it was the 4th of July). He has sparkling grape juice (an under aged choice since we were still 16), and I had lost my virginity to him that night under the stars. FREAKING PERFECT.
This is where I get crazy.
Since Matt was perfect, my standards for him stayed that way. If the poor guy was 15 minutes late, I would cry. He was always on time! If Matt would want to change plans on me (didn't happen often), I would think he didn't want to be with me. When I didn't get the usual flowers for making the cheerleading squad, I was convinced it was over. It wasn't at that point, but my attitude pushed our relationship right to the end.
I blame myself for expecting so much out of him, but I blame him for being so perfect in the first place. There was the opportunity for us to get back together, but it was too far gone-
this brings me to my point. Since I found my perfect guy so young, I had no experience and no idea how to handle the situation. I thought everyone was like that which is why my expectations are still screwed in this area. High standards are great, but sometimes, I think it's okay to give a guy a break.
T
As much as I have to complain about men, I do have one man who I will always be thankful for slash hate for ruining me at the same time. My first love wasn't just any type of guy- he was f-ing perfect. I'm not kidding. If he was perfect, you ask, then why are we not together? I was the asshole in this one.
When I met Matt my sophomore year of high school, he had went to a different school than me. Football player, straight A students, hot as hell, and nice as anything. I got a winner. For close to four years, Matt and I were attached by the hip. We would use the swing over his creek, go out for ice cream, lay under the stars and tell each other how perfect we were for HOURS. If I was sick, Matt would drive the 25 minutes to bring me soup and to lay with me until I felt better. He surprised me with things and made me feel special. We were only a high school relationship, but we were different. I can honestly say those feelings that I had for Matt are what ended up getting me in trouble.
By the time our second summer together had come, Matt was still the most perfect boyfriend in the world. Carly, Rachel, and I had our boyfriends over for a holiday cookout to celebrate July 4th. The boys cooked out and we had absolutely nothing to worry about.
Matt and I left the cookout a little early to go back to his house for our separate evening. He had laid out a blanket covered in rose petals for us to look up at the fireworks (it was the 4th of July). He has sparkling grape juice (an under aged choice since we were still 16), and I had lost my virginity to him that night under the stars. FREAKING PERFECT.
This is where I get crazy.
Since Matt was perfect, my standards for him stayed that way. If the poor guy was 15 minutes late, I would cry. He was always on time! If Matt would want to change plans on me (didn't happen often), I would think he didn't want to be with me. When I didn't get the usual flowers for making the cheerleading squad, I was convinced it was over. It wasn't at that point, but my attitude pushed our relationship right to the end.
I blame myself for expecting so much out of him, but I blame him for being so perfect in the first place. There was the opportunity for us to get back together, but it was too far gone-
this brings me to my point. Since I found my perfect guy so young, I had no experience and no idea how to handle the situation. I thought everyone was like that which is why my expectations are still screwed in this area. High standards are great, but sometimes, I think it's okay to give a guy a break.
T
The Early Years: Naked Nick
There it was- right in front of me. A hard, pale version of what I had never expected to be my first glimpse of a male penis. This wasn't just any male genitalia in swinging by my front door. This was Naked Nick.
Naked Nick was my neighbor during my schools years. We would often taunt him on and off of the school bus and online when we were bored. One lonely dark night, main bests C, R and I were IMing him (the only cool early 2000 thing to do) daring him to come over. He said that he would only come over naked. Maybe it was the boredom, maybe it was the chocolate we had been eating for hours, or maybe it was the sick little part of me that thought this idea was hilarious.
sgcheersweete16: Okay, Nick. Come over naked. We will be waiting by the front door.
sign off.
These next few moments were complete choas inscribed so far in my brain that I will die to the image of Naked Nick's firey red bush as Rachel swung open my front door. There, in a creepy amount of lighting from my porch lamp, was Nick in all of his swinging glory. It's like a slow moving car crash; you don't want to look, but you sure as hell won't look away.
After what had seemed like moments (probably only a few seconds), my 8 year old brother came screaming from the kitchen holding a miniature butter knife as a threat. Naked Nick and his glory were off.
Thank God I'm old enough to know that what I had seen back then isn't the usual. Any time a man is willing to come to yout parents house with his wang out, you know he has serious issues. Luckily, I've moved and have only had to see N.N. at a few awkward occasions.
Do you remember your first penis experience? We sure hope yours was a little classier than what we made ours out to be. Sorry, Nick.
T
Naked Nick was my neighbor during my schools years. We would often taunt him on and off of the school bus and online when we were bored. One lonely dark night, main bests C, R and I were IMing him (the only cool early 2000 thing to do) daring him to come over. He said that he would only come over naked. Maybe it was the boredom, maybe it was the chocolate we had been eating for hours, or maybe it was the sick little part of me that thought this idea was hilarious.
sgcheersweete16: Okay, Nick. Come over naked. We will be waiting by the front door.
sign off.
These next few moments were complete choas inscribed so far in my brain that I will die to the image of Naked Nick's firey red bush as Rachel swung open my front door. There, in a creepy amount of lighting from my porch lamp, was Nick in all of his swinging glory. It's like a slow moving car crash; you don't want to look, but you sure as hell won't look away.
After what had seemed like moments (probably only a few seconds), my 8 year old brother came screaming from the kitchen holding a miniature butter knife as a threat. Naked Nick and his glory were off.
Thank God I'm old enough to know that what I had seen back then isn't the usual. Any time a man is willing to come to yout parents house with his wang out, you know he has serious issues. Luckily, I've moved and have only had to see N.N. at a few awkward occasions.
Do you remember your first penis experience? We sure hope yours was a little classier than what we made ours out to be. Sorry, Nick.
T
"We should start a blog about this..."
Did you ever have an experience, relationship, or dilemma and immediately have the thought, "I should really start writing about this..."? I'm not saying I have the most interesting life in the world, but there sure have been some eventful moments that would be worth reading. Even the uneventful moments can be pretty entertaining depending on how you spin then. Chances are if you are reading this, you are a blogger yourself and have the same thoughts as us.
When I refer to us, I am talking about me and my best friend since middle school, T. We grew up together in a small town, with not much to do but somehow always end up with the best stories, especially regarding relationships.
Relationship.
What a simple but crazy and outlandish word.
Tand I are currently going through what we like to call our "quarter life crisis" and although there are other monumental moments and events happening in our lives like grad school, job searches, and family issues, we always end up back to that one little word. Relationship. It seems to be the biggest challenge we have had so far in our life, finding balance and making it work. Not to mention dealing with men in general. Did I mention there are some crazy people in this world? Call me dramatic but I'd vouch that T and I (along with some of our college and high school friends) have met the craziest of the crazy and BEEN the craziest of the crazy in relationships.
So, I guess what I am trying to say, is that the purpose of this blog is just what it's titled: The Pursuit of Men, Boys, and Happiness? Emphasize the question mark after happiness. This shit is about to get deep. T and I want to share our personal stories (and our friend's as well--sorry in advance guys) to maybe give y'all a little insight and hopefully learn something a long the way.
So, hello world! Get ready to be amazed, appalled, shocked, confused. If you are in your twenties and feel the same as us, you will nod your head and smile, hopefully even laugh. If you are in your teens and still have hope, you may want to stop reading before we crush your dreams. If you are happily married, you will be laughing hysterically, thanking the lord that you have sealed the deal.
Here we go!!
C & T
When I refer to us, I am talking about me and my best friend since middle school, T. We grew up together in a small town, with not much to do but somehow always end up with the best stories, especially regarding relationships.
Relationship.
What a simple but crazy and outlandish word.
Tand I are currently going through what we like to call our "quarter life crisis" and although there are other monumental moments and events happening in our lives like grad school, job searches, and family issues, we always end up back to that one little word. Relationship. It seems to be the biggest challenge we have had so far in our life, finding balance and making it work. Not to mention dealing with men in general. Did I mention there are some crazy people in this world? Call me dramatic but I'd vouch that T and I (along with some of our college and high school friends) have met the craziest of the crazy and BEEN the craziest of the crazy in relationships.
So, I guess what I am trying to say, is that the purpose of this blog is just what it's titled: The Pursuit of Men, Boys, and Happiness? Emphasize the question mark after happiness. This shit is about to get deep. T and I want to share our personal stories (and our friend's as well--sorry in advance guys) to maybe give y'all a little insight and hopefully learn something a long the way.
So, hello world! Get ready to be amazed, appalled, shocked, confused. If you are in your twenties and feel the same as us, you will nod your head and smile, hopefully even laugh. If you are in your teens and still have hope, you may want to stop reading before we crush your dreams. If you are happily married, you will be laughing hysterically, thanking the lord that you have sealed the deal.
Here we go!!
C & T
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