For the first time in three years, I am not pursuing/talking to/dating anyone. Not speaking to N anymore, completely cut off my ex, and don't have any new prospects or anyone I could start talking to if I wanted to.
I have mixed feelings about this. I can't decide whether I am happy, relieved, or outright depressed about my situation. Optimists would say that I am free and independent. Pessimists would say I am one hundred percent alone.
In honor of my 8th grade days I am going to make a Good/Bad list.
The guys that I have talked to over the past 6 months have all required me to lower my standards for them. I'm honestly better off without them and would rather have no prospects than guys I'd never be truly satisfied with.
I am REALLY REALLY busy. I know that is a typical single girl thing to say, but every single weekend until March 2nd is booked with obligations I have through work or school. It's probably better that I focus on these things than focus on the drama, especially with prospects that aren't worth the focus.
I need to build up my confidence. In order to do that, I can't rely on a guy to make me feel good about myself. I'm taking this time of being completely alone to get myself in better shape, do things that make ME happy, and live a drama free life.
Which brings me to my next good thing: no drama. If I am not dating anyone, no one can make me cry, ditch me on Saturday night, ignore my phone calls, etc, etc.
Now onto the bad....
Having someone to at least TEXT is a great distraction. It makes you feel less lonely and more secure.
I kind of love the drama of dating. As much as it sucks sometimes and is an emotional rollercoaster, it makes life a hell of a lot more exciting.
I really am ready for a serious relationship so the fact that I have no prospects isn't very promising at this point.
WAITING for the right person sucks. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I feel like a bump on the log when I am not pursuing anyone because I feel like I am not actively searching therefore that person could just pass me by!
So....I'm feeling a little bipolar about my situation right now. Guess there are pros and cons to every situation and I'd rather be by my lonesome than wasting my time on the wrong person.
It's just me, myself and I,