Tomorrow I am doing something I may end up regretting.
I am purposely testing N.
I get back to South Carolina tomorrow and will arrive at the airport at 5. The airport is only 15 minutes away from where N and I live, so I took a leap of faith and asked him to pick me up. With his crazy work schedule, I figured it was a long shot, but he agreed. He prefaced with, "I might be late but I'll be there." I jokingly said back..."should I find someone more reliable to come pick me up?" He insisted no and that he will be there.
I have a horrible feeling about this.
That horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach should be a HUGE red flag. I called my roommate to be on "stand by" incase he doesn't show up. The fact that I need to have a back up ride because he is so unreliable is another ginormous red flag.
However, I am being dumbgirl2012 and ignoring that red flag. I really really want to see him tomorrow so that's why I asked him to pick me up. BUT that pyscho voice inside my head is telling myself this is a test. If he doesn't show up, I need to be done. This is a deal breaker for me. I don't like when people commit to things and don't follow through. Honestly, who does like that???? So, if my roomie has to be knight and shining armor tomorrow rescuing me from this failed start of a "relationship," I need to have some self respect and stand up for myself.
Am I testing him in order to set him up for failure?? Am I hoping he disappoints me so I can get out of this before I get in so deep? Why as girls do we play reverse psychology withourselves??
In a perfect world, I wouldn't need to test him. There would be no doubt in my mind he was going to show up tomorrow. He would even show up with flowers in that dream world of mine.
So the question I need to ask myself, am I settling for less than I deserve??? Tomorrow I will know and if that answer is yes, I will walk away.
2012 words to live by
: DON'T SETTLE! And don't lower your standards for someone who won't raise theirs.
Holding my breath,
C
No comments:
Post a Comment