"Focus on what you can control"

I spent that last two days in St. Louis for a conference for work, and one of the key note speakers said something that has been on my mind ever since.

"Focus on what you can control"

Although this conference was totally unrelated to dating and relationships, it applies all the same.

In relationships, we tend to worry about all the things we have absolutely no control over.  In all reality, there isn't much you CAN control in a relationship. 

A relationship is between two people.  You are embarking on a partnership with that other person and relying on them to do things that will make you happy.  The cold hard truth is that you can't control other people. There is compromise and the beauty of working together to make it work.  However,  the only person you truly have control over is yourself. 

That's why I am trying not to stress over my current N situation.  I know, I know after the airport incident I was supposed to be done with him.  He made an effort to see me on Thursday before I left for the conference.  He took me to dinner and we made out in the parking lot.  It was a beautiful night. During this night, I tried to persuade him to spend the night.  Being a responsible person, which I respect, he said no but promised to stay with me on Sunday night when I got back.  He even kept in touch throughout the whole weekend, trying to give me professional advice and be supportive about a job that he really doesn't understand.

These were all steps in the right direction.

I got back into town today.  Did I hear from him? Nope.

I called him when I got home because that's the standard thing to do. No answer.  I texted him because I flew through a different time zone today and I'm tired. Needed to know plans.  No answer.

Focus on what you can control.

I can't control that he didn't call me. I can't control that he didn't answer.  I can't control what he is doing right now and the way he is acting.

What I can control is how I respond to the situation.  I am going to be the bigger person.  I will not flip out on N, which I think I could rightfully do.  I will not call him again tonight.  I probably am not going to answer tomorrow (if he calls).  I can't control the fact that he didn't follow through and that it pretty much sucks.

I CAN control my attitude.  I'm being positive.  I am still the same person I was Thursday when he planned to see me and kissed me in the parking lot.  I am confident and awesome.  Any guy would be lucky to spend this beautiful Sunday night with me, and I can control the way I perceive myself.

So, no matter how much you like a guy and no matter how much the rude things they do drive you crazy, focus on what you can control.  If I do speak to N in the near future, I will confront him about the situation and straight up ask him some questions.  Standing up for yourself and getting answers is something you CAN control. 

I can control not being a doormat and having confidence in myself.

You missed out!

Focused,

C