So much has happened over the past 24 hours that I am having a hard time trying to focus what I want to write about.
Here's the story:
I got really really REALLY bored last night. SO I made a "Plenty of Fish" Account for funsies. And I have to tell you, it's SOOOOOO entertaining. Coming from someone who tried match.com for three months, this is a whole different ball game. The guys are much more forward and I get the sense that most of them just want to hook up.
I was on the site for 24 hours, got 70 messages. I'm not exaggerating. Here are few things that are my pet peeves of online dating from this experience so far:
- Don't just send me a message saying.."damn I love your smile." Great, well that's not corny or anything. SAY SOMETHING WITH SUBSTANCE! One liners and pick up lines aren't going to do it.
-Don't start or end your message with. So why is a pretty girl like you on this website? You don't belong on here? Ok....UM....why are YOU on here though? Are you trying to say something about me? Like.....way to be judgey about me joining an online dating site. I hate to tell you...you are on the same site as me hunnie.
-Don't tell me you REALLY like or are "crushing on me" after 24 hours of talking to me. That's disgusting and desperate. You don't EVEN KNOW ME! I could be the "Plenty of Fish" killer for all you know. Get a life.
-Don't hand out your number like it's candy...like seriously..DESPERATE.
-Don't send a girl you barely know a picture of you flexing at the gym. That will get you on tool academy, not a relationship.
-Don't ask a girl to come "cuddle on the couch" for your first meeting. Do you really think it will be that easy?? Where's the wow factor in that first date. ASSHOLES.
I'm convinced there is no happy medium and now am officially team match.com. My three month is experience was much more tame and mature than this free for all on "POF."
This plenty of fish bullshit is for the birds.
If you have a story that will prove me wrong and found love on this site, please share and try to give me and the rest of the world hope.
C
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Stage 5 Clingers
what the fuck.
I am already extremely stressed out about my job, and I def don't need stage 5 clingers. If I tell you that I'm sick, leave me alone. If I tell you that I'm going out with my friends, please don't ask to come. If I want you there, I would ask you to be there.
I'm in the process of trying to shake two of these. The problem is, they're so nice. They're cute, and I probably should date them, but I don't want to. Sorry.
It's literally reached the point that when I look at my phone, and I see it is you, Stage 5 Clinger, I literally get stressed out. I can't even go an hour without one of these texts. Ignoring does not work, so I think this is the week where I will grow balls. I'm going to take this as a learning experience for myself. I will never be a stage 5 clinger. DIGNITY IS MORE IMPORTANT.
Update on the dude who looks like a foot and had a facebook girlfriend that he denied:
After being called out on that incident, his status changed to single the next day. I'd had friend confirm this, and he seemed nice enough, so I've been hanging out with him. And when I say that, I mean I did twice. I'm not sure what to make of this dude...although I think his head does kinda look like a foot, C and other friends tell me I'm crazy. He's nice, sweet, and took me to an awesome restaurant that overlooks a golf course. There was a red carpet, bible. Of course, he does work there, and it was just for drinks, but whatever.
I have met his friends, and he was so excited to introduce me to his co-workers. He even confessed showing my picture to his best friend when they were at a bar...so this seems at least a little legit.
The issue is that he is still in college even though he is my age. He drinks a lot, and he has a LOT of girl friends that seem a little over protective. From experience, we are at two different levels. Thoughts?
T
I am already extremely stressed out about my job, and I def don't need stage 5 clingers. If I tell you that I'm sick, leave me alone. If I tell you that I'm going out with my friends, please don't ask to come. If I want you there, I would ask you to be there.
I'm in the process of trying to shake two of these. The problem is, they're so nice. They're cute, and I probably should date them, but I don't want to. Sorry.
It's literally reached the point that when I look at my phone, and I see it is you, Stage 5 Clinger, I literally get stressed out. I can't even go an hour without one of these texts. Ignoring does not work, so I think this is the week where I will grow balls. I'm going to take this as a learning experience for myself. I will never be a stage 5 clinger. DIGNITY IS MORE IMPORTANT.
Update on the dude who looks like a foot and had a facebook girlfriend that he denied:
After being called out on that incident, his status changed to single the next day. I'd had friend confirm this, and he seemed nice enough, so I've been hanging out with him. And when I say that, I mean I did twice. I'm not sure what to make of this dude...although I think his head does kinda look like a foot, C and other friends tell me I'm crazy. He's nice, sweet, and took me to an awesome restaurant that overlooks a golf course. There was a red carpet, bible. Of course, he does work there, and it was just for drinks, but whatever.
I have met his friends, and he was so excited to introduce me to his co-workers. He even confessed showing my picture to his best friend when they were at a bar...so this seems at least a little legit.
The issue is that he is still in college even though he is my age. He drinks a lot, and he has a LOT of girl friends that seem a little over protective. From experience, we are at two different levels. Thoughts?
T
I feel bad for your girlfriend
Last night I went out for drinks with a few friends. Me and my friend E, who I now consider my partner in crime, are both single and on the prowl. So why did we end up at a bar that attracts customers that are 45+?? That's besides the point.
We met up with people in our grad school program and were having a grand old time. Out of the entire bar, there was one cute guy who happened to be a co-worker of our friend's boyfriend. He chatted us up all night and was VERY flirty. He flirted with both of us but definitely was showing interest in E. He bought her a drink, made flirty comments, picked on her and flirted like a first grader would.
HOWEVER, when we asked our friend if he was single, she said no. He has a girlfriend. Ok....that pisses me off. I'm not implying that when you have significant other you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. I'll be the first to admit when I've had a boyfriend I've talked to other guys at bars and can be a bit flirty even when I don't mean to be. This guy was taking it to the extreme.
I feel bad for his girlfriend. That sucks. Maybe some innocent flirting here or there isn't a big deal, but if E wouldn't have found that out and continued talking to him I can almost guarantee that the flirting would have progressed.
This is why I trust no one.
The end.
C
We met up with people in our grad school program and were having a grand old time. Out of the entire bar, there was one cute guy who happened to be a co-worker of our friend's boyfriend. He chatted us up all night and was VERY flirty. He flirted with both of us but definitely was showing interest in E. He bought her a drink, made flirty comments, picked on her and flirted like a first grader would.
HOWEVER, when we asked our friend if he was single, she said no. He has a girlfriend. Ok....that pisses me off. I'm not implying that when you have significant other you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. I'll be the first to admit when I've had a boyfriend I've talked to other guys at bars and can be a bit flirty even when I don't mean to be. This guy was taking it to the extreme.
I feel bad for his girlfriend. That sucks. Maybe some innocent flirting here or there isn't a big deal, but if E wouldn't have found that out and continued talking to him I can almost guarantee that the flirting would have progressed.
This is why I trust no one.
The end.
C
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Zero prospects.
For the first time in three years, I am not pursuing/talking to/dating anyone. Not speaking to N anymore, completely cut off my ex, and don't have any new prospects or anyone I could start talking to if I wanted to.
I have mixed feelings about this. I can't decide whether I am happy, relieved, or outright depressed about my situation. Optimists would say that I am free and independent. Pessimists would say I am one hundred percent alone.
In honor of my 8th grade days I am going to make a Good/Bad list.
Good:
The guys that I have talked to over the past 6 months have all required me to lower my standards for them. I'm honestly better off without them and would rather have no prospects than guys I'd never be truly satisfied with.
I am REALLY REALLY busy. I know that is a typical single girl thing to say, but every single weekend until March 2nd is booked with obligations I have through work or school. It's probably better that I focus on these things than focus on the drama, especially with prospects that aren't worth the focus.
I need to build up my confidence. In order to do that, I can't rely on a guy to make me feel good about myself. I'm taking this time of being completely alone to get myself in better shape, do things that make ME happy, and live a drama free life.
Which brings me to my next good thing: no drama. If I am not dating anyone, no one can make me cry, ditch me on Saturday night, ignore my phone calls, etc, etc.
Now onto the bad....
Bad
Having someone to at least TEXT is a great distraction. It makes you feel less lonely and more secure.
I kind of love the drama of dating. As much as it sucks sometimes and is an emotional rollercoaster, it makes life a hell of a lot more exciting.
I really am ready for a serious relationship so the fact that I have no prospects isn't very promising at this point.
WAITING for the right person sucks. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I feel like a bump on the log when I am not pursuing anyone because I feel like I am not actively searching therefore that person could just pass me by!
So....I'm feeling a little bipolar about my situation right now. Guess there are pros and cons to every situation and I'd rather be by my lonesome than wasting my time on the wrong person.
It's just me, myself and I,
C
I have mixed feelings about this. I can't decide whether I am happy, relieved, or outright depressed about my situation. Optimists would say that I am free and independent. Pessimists would say I am one hundred percent alone.
In honor of my 8th grade days I am going to make a Good/Bad list.
Good:
The guys that I have talked to over the past 6 months have all required me to lower my standards for them. I'm honestly better off without them and would rather have no prospects than guys I'd never be truly satisfied with.
I am REALLY REALLY busy. I know that is a typical single girl thing to say, but every single weekend until March 2nd is booked with obligations I have through work or school. It's probably better that I focus on these things than focus on the drama, especially with prospects that aren't worth the focus.
I need to build up my confidence. In order to do that, I can't rely on a guy to make me feel good about myself. I'm taking this time of being completely alone to get myself in better shape, do things that make ME happy, and live a drama free life.
Which brings me to my next good thing: no drama. If I am not dating anyone, no one can make me cry, ditch me on Saturday night, ignore my phone calls, etc, etc.
Now onto the bad....
Bad
Having someone to at least TEXT is a great distraction. It makes you feel less lonely and more secure.
I kind of love the drama of dating. As much as it sucks sometimes and is an emotional rollercoaster, it makes life a hell of a lot more exciting.
I really am ready for a serious relationship so the fact that I have no prospects isn't very promising at this point.
WAITING for the right person sucks. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I feel like a bump on the log when I am not pursuing anyone because I feel like I am not actively searching therefore that person could just pass me by!
So....I'm feeling a little bipolar about my situation right now. Guess there are pros and cons to every situation and I'd rather be by my lonesome than wasting my time on the wrong person.
It's just me, myself and I,
C
Monday, January 23, 2012
Just Say NO :)
...
In defense of myself from the last blog, he was nice. Don't worry, I was already talking myself out of ever speaking to him again (he kind of looked like a foot). That wasn't the worst one though....
While visiting my ex-roommate B a few months ago, she introduced me to her friend- he was a really nice guy and a professional basketball player in the Ukraine, but there were two issues:
I was so in love and would never think about doing anything like that, and he was coming on a little too strong for me.
Anyway, I went back to visit B last weekend, and we ran into him again at a party. This time, he made no moves to hide what he wanted. B and friends, thinking that they were hilarious, responded to his text to me that read: "i wanna hook up." They had made plans for us to hook up in a bathroom party.
Number one...he probably has diseases
Number two....I could never, ever, ever hook up in a bathroom. Sorry.
We escaped the party, but 20 minutes later, I had 6 missed calls and 7 texts. I turned my phone off, and this man literally showed up at B's house. Creepy.
C & I were discussing how we aren't the "hooking up" type. People throw morals out the window so easily, and no one thinks of sex as being a big deal. Unfortunately, there aren't many people who think this way anymore. Sure, it would be nice to not twice about it, but in the end, you need to remember to respect yourself and save what's important for someone special.
I don't know about you all, but the next guy I meet that I actually like doesn't need to hear that I sleep around with everyone-
I think everyone has a gut feeling about what they should and shouldn't do, and if it's right, go with it. Fortunately for me, a bathroom hook-up doesn't scream "romance."
T
In defense of myself from the last blog, he was nice. Don't worry, I was already talking myself out of ever speaking to him again (he kind of looked like a foot). That wasn't the worst one though....
While visiting my ex-roommate B a few months ago, she introduced me to her friend- he was a really nice guy and a professional basketball player in the Ukraine, but there were two issues:
I was so in love and would never think about doing anything like that, and he was coming on a little too strong for me.
Anyway, I went back to visit B last weekend, and we ran into him again at a party. This time, he made no moves to hide what he wanted. B and friends, thinking that they were hilarious, responded to his text to me that read: "i wanna hook up." They had made plans for us to hook up in a bathroom party.
Number one...he probably has diseases
Number two....I could never, ever, ever hook up in a bathroom. Sorry.
We escaped the party, but 20 minutes later, I had 6 missed calls and 7 texts. I turned my phone off, and this man literally showed up at B's house. Creepy.
C & I were discussing how we aren't the "hooking up" type. People throw morals out the window so easily, and no one thinks of sex as being a big deal. Unfortunately, there aren't many people who think this way anymore. Sure, it would be nice to not twice about it, but in the end, you need to remember to respect yourself and save what's important for someone special.
I don't know about you all, but the next guy I meet that I actually like doesn't need to hear that I sleep around with everyone-
I think everyone has a gut feeling about what they should and shouldn't do, and if it's right, go with it. Fortunately for me, a bathroom hook-up doesn't scream "romance."
T
Stupid Girl Problems
I'm getting sick of my love life so that means that y'all are DEFINITLEY getting sick of hearing about it so today I am changing the pace a little and blogging about a funny convo I had with T this weekend.
T is my best friend. This is why I can be brutally honest with her. She had a stupid girl problems moment this weekend and it's actually hilarious.
In an attempt to get over her ex, T has been texting this rando guy to keep her mind off he who cannot be named. They took the next step in their "relationship" and became facebook friends. This is where it all went downhill.
T has been updating me on this situation quite regularly and this guy was seeming pretty normal (don't they all at first??). When she hit the accept button on his facebook friend request, the normalcy went out the window. She called me right away and here is how the convo went:
T: I need to ask you something pathetic. Don't make fun of me.
Me: Ok......Go.
T: So that guy and I became facebook friends and it says he's in a relationship.
Me: Uhhhhh did you ask him about it???
T: Yea, he replied with "oh that's weird. my mom noticed that too...I don't know to get it down"
Me: HAHAHAAHAHHHAHAHAAH There is no way you believe that right?
T: Shit.
Yea, T had a stupid girl problems moment. I don't care how much a guy doesn't check his facebook or how horrible he is at social media, he is not going to COCK BLOCK himself on facebook. I even double checked to see if he had the new "timeline" profile to try and MAYBE give him the benefit of the doubt. Nope. He has the old school facebook. It does not take a rocket science how to change your relationship status. This dude is obviously an idiot and thinks he can get away with such a lie. AND HE ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT. That's the worst part.
I know a rebound helps a lot. Getting over someone sucks and it's so much easier when you have someone to give you attention. BUT a scum bag rebound is going to do so much more damage to your broken heart. Don't be naive. It's a great quality to always see the best in people, but sometimes you need to see them for what they are: a dirty, filthy LIAR.
This is why we have best friends to keep our stupid girl problems moments in check!
Love ya, T :)
Don't ever let 'em fool ya,
C
T is my best friend. This is why I can be brutally honest with her. She had a stupid girl problems moment this weekend and it's actually hilarious.
In an attempt to get over her ex, T has been texting this rando guy to keep her mind off he who cannot be named. They took the next step in their "relationship" and became facebook friends. This is where it all went downhill.
T has been updating me on this situation quite regularly and this guy was seeming pretty normal (don't they all at first??). When she hit the accept button on his facebook friend request, the normalcy went out the window. She called me right away and here is how the convo went:
T: I need to ask you something pathetic. Don't make fun of me.
Me: Ok......Go.
T: So that guy and I became facebook friends and it says he's in a relationship.
Me: Uhhhhh did you ask him about it???
T: Yea, he replied with "oh that's weird. my mom noticed that too...I don't know to get it down"
Me: HAHAHAAHAHHHAHAHAAH There is no way you believe that right?
T: Shit.
Yea, T had a stupid girl problems moment. I don't care how much a guy doesn't check his facebook or how horrible he is at social media, he is not going to COCK BLOCK himself on facebook. I even double checked to see if he had the new "timeline" profile to try and MAYBE give him the benefit of the doubt. Nope. He has the old school facebook. It does not take a rocket science how to change your relationship status. This dude is obviously an idiot and thinks he can get away with such a lie. AND HE ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT. That's the worst part.
I know a rebound helps a lot. Getting over someone sucks and it's so much easier when you have someone to give you attention. BUT a scum bag rebound is going to do so much more damage to your broken heart. Don't be naive. It's a great quality to always see the best in people, but sometimes you need to see them for what they are: a dirty, filthy LIAR.
This is why we have best friends to keep our stupid girl problems moments in check!
Love ya, T :)
Don't ever let 'em fool ya,
C
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Dating Feedback Forms
I think N is officially over it. As much as I've tried to over analyze why he stopped trying with me, I can't pinpoint a reason or explanation. There are a lot of things running through my head.
He met another girl.. He was starting to like me too much (haha) and hates commitment. He really enjoys being single and doesn't want things to go further. He re-connected with his ex of seven years. He's a miserable person. He's an asshole. He doesn't want to put in effort.
All of the above??
I really wish dating came with feedback forms. If he wants to stop talking to me, fine. I can handle it. It's the unknown reason of why that is driving me CRAZY. Can we make it acceptable to start handing out assessment forms at the end of a date? Can I send N a text saying..."which of the following reasons describes why you are no longer pursuing me"
a. you got bored
b. you don't want a relationship
c. you don't find me attractive anymore
d. you met someone else
This short survey would clarify things a lot more for me considering the last time we hung out we were all lovey dovey in the middle of a crowded parking lot. Should it really matter why he stopped? Not really. I should just accept it and move on. It would really help me sleep better at night though if I could blame this on him. OR if it WAS something I did, I could fix this for next time. Maybe I will get drunk tonight and flat out ask him.
Is ignorance really bliss??
C
He met another girl.. He was starting to like me too much (haha) and hates commitment. He really enjoys being single and doesn't want things to go further. He re-connected with his ex of seven years. He's a miserable person. He's an asshole. He doesn't want to put in effort.
All of the above??
I really wish dating came with feedback forms. If he wants to stop talking to me, fine. I can handle it. It's the unknown reason of why that is driving me CRAZY. Can we make it acceptable to start handing out assessment forms at the end of a date? Can I send N a text saying..."which of the following reasons describes why you are no longer pursuing me"
a. you got bored
b. you don't want a relationship
c. you don't find me attractive anymore
d. you met someone else
This short survey would clarify things a lot more for me considering the last time we hung out we were all lovey dovey in the middle of a crowded parking lot. Should it really matter why he stopped? Not really. I should just accept it and move on. It would really help me sleep better at night though if I could blame this on him. OR if it WAS something I did, I could fix this for next time. Maybe I will get drunk tonight and flat out ask him.
Is ignorance really bliss??
C
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sometimes you just need to walk away
Not to start off this blog complaining or anything, but I've had a really really really crappy day. Everything just felt off and I'm not sure why. I took everything way too personal and had this paranoid feeling that everyone hated me.
I also almost got hit by a car and got in a screaming match with this huge lady in the middle of the road, but that's just a sidenote to this glorious day.
In my depressing state, I started thinking about my most recent ex. I've avoided blogging about him for a reason and it's because I honestly don't think I have the emotional energy to even think about that relationship anymore. Long story short, we dated for two and a half years. During the first year, he lied about being in school. Made up a fake GPA and everything. Clever douche bag huh? Well, I forgave him. Then, our relationship really turned to shit. Obviously everyone in my life hated him for basically living a fake life for the year we were dating and lying to all of their faces. However, I still stayed with him and fought for him.
It really took a turn for the worst and started classifying as a "relationshit" instead of relationship when we tried to put the pieces back together. His life kept spiraling downward and I was trying to hold him above water for dear life. He thanked me by packing his things and moving 23 hours away to Kansas (sorry to all the readers from this state in the heartland but I now have a personal vendetta against it). The kicker is he didn't say goodbye. Stopped answering his phone and left.
When he called me two months later, I forgave him again.
Then I went to Kansas to visit him in May.
As I'm typing all of this out I'm beginning to see how awful it all really sounds.
So to wrap it up, we tried the long distance thing and in August when I moved to South Carolina we decided to call it quits. (I actually decided it this time---took me long enough). I wanted to meet new people and the relationship was going nowhere. He didn't want to put in the effort to make it work and honestly I was tired of fighting for someone who wasn't going to do the same for me.
That being said, we had a month or two apart and recently began keeping in touch more frequently as "friends." This turned into drunken "I love you's" and awkward phone conversations. When I met N though I cut it off again, stopped answering him, and really started to move on. During the holidays, of course, he started to call and text again. I've been very short, rarely answering, and if I did it was a one word answer.
We had a really awkward conversation this weekend and I realized that we just shouldn't talk. (LIGHT BULB FINALLY GOES OFF). I know you are all sitting at your computer thinking....wowwww what a dumbass please tell me this is a joke or a script from a soap opera. Nope. This is my life.
So today, I called him to tell him that even though I obviously care about him as a person, it would be best if we cut the small talk because honestly it just does nothing for either of us.
I don't get a call back. I get a text saying: "This is never going to work and I don't know what to do about it."
Ummmmm. I called him immediately. The conversation went like this:
Me: You couldn't call me and tell me that?
Ex: I know I'm immature....I'm sorry
Me: Honestly, I don't know what you are referring to when you say I don't know if "this" could ever work because right now there is no "this" or no "us" It's better if we don't talk
Ex: You're right. Take care of yourself (soooo dramatic. get over yourself)
Me: Yeah okay. Bye.
REALLY???? It's like a light bulb in his head went off and he KNEW it was coming so he had to do it first. Awesome. I'm not upset that we won't be speaking anymore because it's honestly about time. The "how are you" "good how are you" "good" text exchange every 3 days really just does no one any good. I'm just pissed that he acts like this was all his idea.
I actually broke up with you in August. Have been seeing other guys. And have been avoiding you. Boom.
It shouldn't matter who gets the last word, but it still bothers me for some reason.
The point of this story is that why can't we just walk away from someone when we know that they aren't what we want???? Reading this short version of our relationships there were plenty of red flags (so many more that I didn't mention). I should have walked away so many times and acknowledged that even though I cared about him as a person, he wasn't right for me. Instead, I tried to change him into something he would never be.
It shouldn't take multiple series of TRAUMATIC events for you to realize that someone isn't right for you. If you are trying to force something right now, stop. It's just going to get harder to break it off the deeper you get. If you are working so hard to keep a relationship alive, it probably isn't worth resuscitating. A relationship shouldn't seem like work 90% of the time. It should mostly come naturally. People don't change. No one is perfect, but sometimes there are things that people do or a way they act that can't be reversed and that will change your relationship forever.
So instead of trying to put the broken pieces back together, you need to sweep them up, gently throw them away, and replace the pieces with something whole, something better.
Starting fresh,
C
I also almost got hit by a car and got in a screaming match with this huge lady in the middle of the road, but that's just a sidenote to this glorious day.
In my depressing state, I started thinking about my most recent ex. I've avoided blogging about him for a reason and it's because I honestly don't think I have the emotional energy to even think about that relationship anymore. Long story short, we dated for two and a half years. During the first year, he lied about being in school. Made up a fake GPA and everything. Clever douche bag huh? Well, I forgave him. Then, our relationship really turned to shit. Obviously everyone in my life hated him for basically living a fake life for the year we were dating and lying to all of their faces. However, I still stayed with him and fought for him.
It really took a turn for the worst and started classifying as a "relationshit" instead of relationship when we tried to put the pieces back together. His life kept spiraling downward and I was trying to hold him above water for dear life. He thanked me by packing his things and moving 23 hours away to Kansas (sorry to all the readers from this state in the heartland but I now have a personal vendetta against it). The kicker is he didn't say goodbye. Stopped answering his phone and left.
When he called me two months later, I forgave him again.
Then I went to Kansas to visit him in May.
As I'm typing all of this out I'm beginning to see how awful it all really sounds.
So to wrap it up, we tried the long distance thing and in August when I moved to South Carolina we decided to call it quits. (I actually decided it this time---took me long enough). I wanted to meet new people and the relationship was going nowhere. He didn't want to put in the effort to make it work and honestly I was tired of fighting for someone who wasn't going to do the same for me.
That being said, we had a month or two apart and recently began keeping in touch more frequently as "friends." This turned into drunken "I love you's" and awkward phone conversations. When I met N though I cut it off again, stopped answering him, and really started to move on. During the holidays, of course, he started to call and text again. I've been very short, rarely answering, and if I did it was a one word answer.
We had a really awkward conversation this weekend and I realized that we just shouldn't talk. (LIGHT BULB FINALLY GOES OFF). I know you are all sitting at your computer thinking....wowwww what a dumbass please tell me this is a joke or a script from a soap opera. Nope. This is my life.
So today, I called him to tell him that even though I obviously care about him as a person, it would be best if we cut the small talk because honestly it just does nothing for either of us.
I don't get a call back. I get a text saying: "This is never going to work and I don't know what to do about it."
Ummmmm. I called him immediately. The conversation went like this:
Me: You couldn't call me and tell me that?
Ex: I know I'm immature....I'm sorry
Me: Honestly, I don't know what you are referring to when you say I don't know if "this" could ever work because right now there is no "this" or no "us" It's better if we don't talk
Ex: You're right. Take care of yourself (soooo dramatic. get over yourself)
Me: Yeah okay. Bye.
REALLY???? It's like a light bulb in his head went off and he KNEW it was coming so he had to do it first. Awesome. I'm not upset that we won't be speaking anymore because it's honestly about time. The "how are you" "good how are you" "good" text exchange every 3 days really just does no one any good. I'm just pissed that he acts like this was all his idea.
I actually broke up with you in August. Have been seeing other guys. And have been avoiding you. Boom.
It shouldn't matter who gets the last word, but it still bothers me for some reason.
The point of this story is that why can't we just walk away from someone when we know that they aren't what we want???? Reading this short version of our relationships there were plenty of red flags (so many more that I didn't mention). I should have walked away so many times and acknowledged that even though I cared about him as a person, he wasn't right for me. Instead, I tried to change him into something he would never be.
It shouldn't take multiple series of TRAUMATIC events for you to realize that someone isn't right for you. If you are trying to force something right now, stop. It's just going to get harder to break it off the deeper you get. If you are working so hard to keep a relationship alive, it probably isn't worth resuscitating. A relationship shouldn't seem like work 90% of the time. It should mostly come naturally. People don't change. No one is perfect, but sometimes there are things that people do or a way they act that can't be reversed and that will change your relationship forever.
So instead of trying to put the broken pieces back together, you need to sweep them up, gently throw them away, and replace the pieces with something whole, something better.
Starting fresh,
C
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Apology to You All
Shout out to our amazing guy reader, M! He's one of C's friends from down south, and he said that our blog is his guilty pleasure. Then he told me (in a nicer way) that I need to stop getting drunk and writing about my sad feelings...haha. SO DON'T WORRY, I'm over that stage, and thank you all for listening.
I can say that I've literally had one of the best weekends of my life. I went out, went completely crazy, and did stuff that I didn't think I would normally do (completely legal things!).... It felt great, and although I'm not over the break up, I've taken a break from it if that makes sense.
If you're going through a situation such as mine, keep your head up. Keep your head straight, and realize how to make yourself happy without being destructive!
T
I can say that I've literally had one of the best weekends of my life. I went out, went completely crazy, and did stuff that I didn't think I would normally do (completely legal things!).... It felt great, and although I'm not over the break up, I've taken a break from it if that makes sense.
If you're going through a situation such as mine, keep your head up. Keep your head straight, and realize how to make yourself happy without being destructive!
T
Pathetic: There's no other word for this.
I'm feeling really really really really down on myself this morning. Why? Because I made myself look like a stupid, pathetic girl last night. I'm the epitome of the sad sad girls in the movies and am really making myself look like a fool.
Last night, I got a little tipsy. So naturally I contacted N even though he has made no effort to see me since I have gotten back from St. Louis. He answered a few of my texts, but as soon as I mentioned seeing him later, there was no response. So, what did I do? I texted him again? And then again. And then I called him.
Pyscho.
This is now the third time I've said this, but I need to go cold turkey. He won't even put in effort to hook up?? There's something wrong. In the book, "He's Just Not That Into You," I've always skipped the chapter titled "He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you." I really didn't think that was humanly possible until right now.
So, I will be doing a little reading this weekend to see what this means.
I think I'm gonna go with.....he's just not that into me.
Sigh,
C
Last night, I got a little tipsy. So naturally I contacted N even though he has made no effort to see me since I have gotten back from St. Louis. He answered a few of my texts, but as soon as I mentioned seeing him later, there was no response. So, what did I do? I texted him again? And then again. And then I called him.
Pyscho.
This is now the third time I've said this, but I need to go cold turkey. He won't even put in effort to hook up?? There's something wrong. In the book, "He's Just Not That Into You," I've always skipped the chapter titled "He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you." I really didn't think that was humanly possible until right now.
So, I will be doing a little reading this weekend to see what this means.
I think I'm gonna go with.....he's just not that into me.
Sigh,
C
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Lesson Learned
I'm the most hungover that I've ever been in my life, so I would not be on here blogging if I didn't think that what I'm about to say is very life changing!
Last night I was out and about at different bars. Each bar I went to there seemed to be some older person drawn to my friends and me in order to tell us life advice. The last bar of the night there was a man who called me over. He looked about 40, but lied and said he was 32. Either way, too old. Anyway, he asked if I was single...at this point I wasn't thinking fast enough to lie, so I said "yes," and he said, "what are you waiting for?"
Um, what? I'm still young, I'm finally having a GREAT night, and you're going to start this?
I responded with the typical, "the right guy."
He laughed and informed me that there is no right guy. That every guy is going to have something that isn't going to be "right" for me. So I was pretty pissed by this point. WHAT IS THE RIGHT STEP THEN? WHAT SHOULD I BE WAITING FOR?
His response makes me very upset, but it probably very, sadly true.
He said, "you know that guy who texts you and calls you all the time? He's really nice, but he makes you sick." Yes, guys, he used the phrase 'makes you sick.' Perfect. OF COURSE, I know a lot of those guys, but they make me sick, and therefore, I hate them. Then he said,
"You know that guy that you're obsessed with? The one that you never really fully had, but you've convinced you're in love with?" Sure do!
"Well, he's going to cheat on you if he hasn't already stopped talking to you because he can't manage to get the hang of things. He's still selfish, and you can't fully have him. So stop."
Wow.
At this point in my drunken state, I told him that I write a blog and that I would like to do a Q & A with him, so we exchanged numbers which was a huge mistake. Nine texts later, I need to learn how to block a number.
But the good news, guys, is that I went out last night, and I had a great time. And life keeps moving, and I can breathe, and I'm actually happy.
Lesson learned!
T
Last night I was out and about at different bars. Each bar I went to there seemed to be some older person drawn to my friends and me in order to tell us life advice. The last bar of the night there was a man who called me over. He looked about 40, but lied and said he was 32. Either way, too old. Anyway, he asked if I was single...at this point I wasn't thinking fast enough to lie, so I said "yes," and he said, "what are you waiting for?"
Um, what? I'm still young, I'm finally having a GREAT night, and you're going to start this?
I responded with the typical, "the right guy."
He laughed and informed me that there is no right guy. That every guy is going to have something that isn't going to be "right" for me. So I was pretty pissed by this point. WHAT IS THE RIGHT STEP THEN? WHAT SHOULD I BE WAITING FOR?
His response makes me very upset, but it probably very, sadly true.
He said, "you know that guy who texts you and calls you all the time? He's really nice, but he makes you sick." Yes, guys, he used the phrase 'makes you sick.' Perfect. OF COURSE, I know a lot of those guys, but they make me sick, and therefore, I hate them. Then he said,
"You know that guy that you're obsessed with? The one that you never really fully had, but you've convinced you're in love with?" Sure do!
"Well, he's going to cheat on you if he hasn't already stopped talking to you because he can't manage to get the hang of things. He's still selfish, and you can't fully have him. So stop."
Wow.
At this point in my drunken state, I told him that I write a blog and that I would like to do a Q & A with him, so we exchanged numbers which was a huge mistake. Nine texts later, I need to learn how to block a number.
But the good news, guys, is that I went out last night, and I had a great time. And life keeps moving, and I can breathe, and I'm actually happy.
Lesson learned!
T
Friday, January 13, 2012
You want answers, we are going to try to get them
My roomies boyfriend MJ loves hearing my crazy dating stories and all of my guy drama. He is also really great at advice and isn't afraid to tell the truth.
We all have so many questions about the male mind we wish we could answer. Since we can't, I figured why not use MJ's honesty to find out some male perspective. Granted, not EVERY male is alike, but at least this will give us a little bit of knowledge to go off of.
So here it is, our first Q & A session with the one the only, MJ (not to be confused with Michael Jordan or Michael Jackson)
--------------------------------------------------
Question 1: Why are guys able to hide their feelings so easily? Do they really not care?
Answer: Guys do care until they hit that boiling point where they know they are never going to be happy. When they get to that point they just say, "fuck it."
MJ used an example for this answer about a past relationship he had. He described that this ex girlfiend and him would always have big, blow out fights that would always make him really upset. Until that one last fight, he just couldn't take it anymore. He knew it was never going to work and "never lost anymore sleep over it."
I think that this does have to do with the fact that men typically tend to be more logical than women. They see a lot of things in black and white and when they get to the point where they know it's not going to work, they deal with it and move on. As women, we tend to throw our logic out the window in these situations and believe in the line, "love can conquer all." Take away lesson from this, use your head just as much as your heart. Don't think that love can ever be enough in dating. If love is ALL you have, it's not going to be enough in the end.
------------------------------------------------
Question 2: What does it take for a guy to commit?
Answer: This has less to do with age and more to do with stability. Most guys are more concerned with the fact that they want to be providers. They won't commit unless they know they can provide for themselves, their significant other, and anything else that comes down the pipeline. It's not about age but about a sense of security.
Example: MJ and my roomie dated when they both lived in CA and he wasn't ready to commit quite yet when they were living out there. However, when he got transferred across the country and began working, he could more clearly see where his life was going to go within the next few years. When he felt like he figured that out, he was ready to commit and he did.
----------------------------------------------
Question 3: What are three sure sign that a guy is into you?
Answer: 1. Introduce her to their friends. 2. They incorporate her in their hobbies. 3. Willing to try or experience her hobbies. (ex. shopping even though you really hate it)
MJ: You would think meeting the parents would be somewhere in here, but I don't think that's a big deal. I think friends approval is 10 times more important than parents. For guys, any girl you bring home unless she's trash/hooker style, the parents are going to like.
Now, if he's not introducing you to his family and you've been dating for 3 years you may have an issue, just sayin.
Pretty cut and dry and some good indications that I will start to look out for.
Thanks MJ!
Great first Q & A. Many more to come!
Trying to figure it all out,
C
We all have so many questions about the male mind we wish we could answer. Since we can't, I figured why not use MJ's honesty to find out some male perspective. Granted, not EVERY male is alike, but at least this will give us a little bit of knowledge to go off of.
So here it is, our first Q & A session with the one the only, MJ (not to be confused with Michael Jordan or Michael Jackson)
--------------------------------------------------
Question 1: Why are guys able to hide their feelings so easily? Do they really not care?
Answer: Guys do care until they hit that boiling point where they know they are never going to be happy. When they get to that point they just say, "fuck it."
MJ used an example for this answer about a past relationship he had. He described that this ex girlfiend and him would always have big, blow out fights that would always make him really upset. Until that one last fight, he just couldn't take it anymore. He knew it was never going to work and "never lost anymore sleep over it."
I think that this does have to do with the fact that men typically tend to be more logical than women. They see a lot of things in black and white and when they get to the point where they know it's not going to work, they deal with it and move on. As women, we tend to throw our logic out the window in these situations and believe in the line, "love can conquer all." Take away lesson from this, use your head just as much as your heart. Don't think that love can ever be enough in dating. If love is ALL you have, it's not going to be enough in the end.
------------------------------------------------
Question 2: What does it take for a guy to commit?
Answer: This has less to do with age and more to do with stability. Most guys are more concerned with the fact that they want to be providers. They won't commit unless they know they can provide for themselves, their significant other, and anything else that comes down the pipeline. It's not about age but about a sense of security.
Example: MJ and my roomie dated when they both lived in CA and he wasn't ready to commit quite yet when they were living out there. However, when he got transferred across the country and began working, he could more clearly see where his life was going to go within the next few years. When he felt like he figured that out, he was ready to commit and he did.
----------------------------------------------
Question 3: What are three sure sign that a guy is into you?
Answer: 1. Introduce her to their friends. 2. They incorporate her in their hobbies. 3. Willing to try or experience her hobbies. (ex. shopping even though you really hate it)
MJ: You would think meeting the parents would be somewhere in here, but I don't think that's a big deal. I think friends approval is 10 times more important than parents. For guys, any girl you bring home unless she's trash/hooker style, the parents are going to like.
Now, if he's not introducing you to his family and you've been dating for 3 years you may have an issue, just sayin.
Pretty cut and dry and some good indications that I will start to look out for.
Thanks MJ!
Great first Q & A. Many more to come!
Trying to figure it all out,
C
U Always Want What You Can't Have
I would love some feedback from men on this one, but anyone who can answer this will be greatly appreciated:
How can guys hide their feelings so easily? And how can I learn to do that?
My philosophy: life is short, say what you mean, do what makes you happy, and live every emotion to the fullest.
The men I've dated have this philosophy: do what makes me happy, hide feelings to get over them, do not discuss anything that may be bothering or hurting me.
That philosophy seems to be a lot easier than mine. While I'm on the phone crying because I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE (or pretends not to), he is living his life. I wake up every morning with a bad feeling, and he wakes up and goes about his day. I believe I'm the last thought in his head.
Yes, this isn't every guy. And throughout our relationship this is how he's always handled things, but it seems to be every man I've dated.
Is he really over it, is he convincing himself that he is, or does he miss me and just is way more logical than I am about the situation?
It wasn't healthy, but I still want it. Wtf?
Thank God for my best guy friend M....he has been hanging out with me, and I don't discuss my relationships with him (he gets very protective and I just don't feel like dealing with it). He constantly tells me how I always want what I can't have. Example: A year ago I went out with a nice, older guy with a great job, an apartment, and a dog from the SPCA (lovvvvve). He was cute, and he was a gentleman the entire night. And he made me sick because it was too easy. I tend to go for guys who don't show feelings and make me come to them. This is a great realization, but I have no idea how to fix it.
Guys, help me out!
Have a great weekend, and don't settle for less than you deserve.
T
How can guys hide their feelings so easily? And how can I learn to do that?
My philosophy: life is short, say what you mean, do what makes you happy, and live every emotion to the fullest.
The men I've dated have this philosophy: do what makes me happy, hide feelings to get over them, do not discuss anything that may be bothering or hurting me.
That philosophy seems to be a lot easier than mine. While I'm on the phone crying because I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE (or pretends not to), he is living his life. I wake up every morning with a bad feeling, and he wakes up and goes about his day. I believe I'm the last thought in his head.
Yes, this isn't every guy. And throughout our relationship this is how he's always handled things, but it seems to be every man I've dated.
Is he really over it, is he convincing himself that he is, or does he miss me and just is way more logical than I am about the situation?
It wasn't healthy, but I still want it. Wtf?
Thank God for my best guy friend M....he has been hanging out with me, and I don't discuss my relationships with him (he gets very protective and I just don't feel like dealing with it). He constantly tells me how I always want what I can't have. Example: A year ago I went out with a nice, older guy with a great job, an apartment, and a dog from the SPCA (lovvvvve). He was cute, and he was a gentleman the entire night. And he made me sick because it was too easy. I tend to go for guys who don't show feelings and make me come to them. This is a great realization, but I have no idea how to fix it.
Guys, help me out!
Have a great weekend, and don't settle for less than you deserve.
T
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Non-domesticated girl problems
As women, we have come a long way since the early 1900's. We can vote. We outnumber men in college. We even have taken over some "traditionally male" jobs.
There is one role though that I cannot escape.
Woman = housewife
I'm not an over sensitive person. I can laugh at a good "woman, make me a sandwhich joke" every now. I see the humor. I'm not a crazy feminist and it doesn't offend me.
What DOES offend me though is when people are super serious about it.
Example 1.
I'm not a gourmet chef, and I really don't enjoy cleaning the house. Recently though, I have been experimenting with some cooking and baking projects and found I do enjoy it, especially when there is a special occasion I am cooking for.
However, I am still not a "Martha Stewart." So I texted N and said "I just oatmeal and popcorn for dinner. I really need to broaden my cooking horizons."
His response, "You are a grown woman. Learn to cook soon or no man will have you. Haha!"
Ok....kind of funny.
So I responded "Can't they just cook for me"
N: "That's a woman's job."
Maybe he was still joking. But he is a traditional southern man so I am gonna go with no.
How about an equal relationship?? How about a boyfried or husband that will pitch in with the dishes or cook a meal every now and then? I plan on having a career. A good one. And I am not giving that up just so my husband can be the bread winner. It should be equal. If we both want a career, we should both have a career. We can split doing the other things aroud the house. It's really not a hard concept to get.
Why is it so hard to have an equal partnership??? Is this really too much to ask in today's society???
Boggled,
C
There is one role though that I cannot escape.
Woman = housewife
I'm not an over sensitive person. I can laugh at a good "woman, make me a sandwhich joke" every now. I see the humor. I'm not a crazy feminist and it doesn't offend me.
What DOES offend me though is when people are super serious about it.
Example 1.
I'm not a gourmet chef, and I really don't enjoy cleaning the house. Recently though, I have been experimenting with some cooking and baking projects and found I do enjoy it, especially when there is a special occasion I am cooking for.
However, I am still not a "Martha Stewart." So I texted N and said "I just oatmeal and popcorn for dinner. I really need to broaden my cooking horizons."
His response, "You are a grown woman. Learn to cook soon or no man will have you. Haha!"
Ok....kind of funny.
So I responded "Can't they just cook for me"
N: "That's a woman's job."
Maybe he was still joking. But he is a traditional southern man so I am gonna go with no.
How about an equal relationship?? How about a boyfried or husband that will pitch in with the dishes or cook a meal every now and then? I plan on having a career. A good one. And I am not giving that up just so my husband can be the bread winner. It should be equal. If we both want a career, we should both have a career. We can split doing the other things aroud the house. It's really not a hard concept to get.
Why is it so hard to have an equal partnership??? Is this really too much to ask in today's society???
Boggled,
C
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Drunk Blog
It's my BLOG, and I'll do what I want to.
I wasn't trying to be drunk tonight. I blame this on my friend R (Sunrise Maragaritas) and my mom-
But I'm not complaining except for the fact that I have to be up for work as a PROFESSIONAL in 5 hours. And that my favorite episodes of Friends are on (I LOVE MONICA AND CHANDLER).....
After single 90s tv show watching for a few weeks, I have new "perfect" men in mind:
Chandler from "Friends"
Doug from "King of Queens"
Pacey "Dawson's Creek" where else?
And Doug Funnie
As of now, I'm over the text message that I got earlier...
"you're not my problem anymore, figure it out..." I don't even have the heart to respond to that with the "Fuck U" that I should say. Probably the most hurtful text ever. But, I'm LAUGHING and atleast it's kinda funny for now...until tomorrow.
my brother just made me pancakes, and life is good.
T
I wasn't trying to be drunk tonight. I blame this on my friend R (Sunrise Maragaritas) and my mom-
But I'm not complaining except for the fact that I have to be up for work as a PROFESSIONAL in 5 hours. And that my favorite episodes of Friends are on (I LOVE MONICA AND CHANDLER).....
After single 90s tv show watching for a few weeks, I have new "perfect" men in mind:
Chandler from "Friends"
Doug from "King of Queens"
Pacey "Dawson's Creek" where else?
And Doug Funnie
As of now, I'm over the text message that I got earlier...
"you're not my problem anymore, figure it out..." I don't even have the heart to respond to that with the "Fuck U" that I should say. Probably the most hurtful text ever. But, I'm LAUGHING and atleast it's kinda funny for now...until tomorrow.
my brother just made me pancakes, and life is good.
T
Closure
Got a call from my ex today for closure, and it only made me feel worse. No one wants to hear the truth. I made him miserable, he doesn't care, I pushed him away. What sucks about all of this is that I didn't even try it.
I guess I never really felt fully appreciated in my relationship; this was made clear when my ex told me that he wasn't ready for the next step that I'm ready for. What sucks about that is that about 6 months ago he was- I don't know if those were just words, or something else. When I didn't feel appreciated, I fought back. I'm not innocent, but I tried. I wanted more love and affection and in return got the opposite.
After the phone call, my ex told me to stop caring. Harsh, but true. I'm a stable person- new career, financially on my own for years, and I've handled way more than most people my age have had to deal with. I'm strong, and yet, I can't let go of a relationship.
When someone you put so much love and trust into rejects and hurts you, it really makes you look at life differently. I'm impacted so much by the things that we said today, and I don't think that I'll be in another realtionship any time soon.
Sometimes in life, you need to make a list of the positives, and that is what needs to be focused on:
1. The BEST friends anyone could have.
2. A family who is there for me no matter what happens.
3. An awesome new job!
4. Cute new clothes for a new job
5. A future that will be better than my past
Despite this list, I know that I will miss him and want things to work out between us because that's who I am. I made a relationship blog, so obviously I put a lot into them. For now, one day at a time :)
Lesson learned: if someone cares about you, they will be with you, they will listen to you, and they will say only things that make you feel good (this goes both ways)!
T
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
You Make Me Sick
Lately, I've had much more free time (ufortunately), so I've been spending my time in bars spending way too much money and drinking too much. Anyway, this leads to seeing people that I would normally try to avoid. This being said, I saw the same guy from high school 8947385 times the past few weeks in bars. The only part of the conversation that I remember is mentioning how awkward the dance floor was- I mentioned that I wanted to do the "Jersey Turnpike" dance to liven things up. This was not meant to be a flirty thing to say to someone, but apparently this guy was pretty into it. Facebook message today from him:
This eliminated any chance that you will be seeing me on Saturday. Do guys have this weird 6th sense about a girl being newly single? People say that a distraction helps through a breakup, but it just makes me miss my ex more. Brad Pitt (ten years ago...that version) could walk up to me, and I would find easily ten reasons why he makes me sick. How can I be expected to move on when I wake up every morning missing the same person? Is this love, or am I just going crazy?
This week, I will limit myself to 3 bar nights. Two down, and it's Tuesday.
T
- hey if you are not busy this saturday night, feel free to come out to bmax in york to celebrate my bday with me n my friends. Feel free to bring a friend. hope to see you there!
- hey, my friends and i were planning on going out anyway, so I'll talk to them about it, thanks. Happy birthday.
- Sounds good, thank you, it's tomorrow tho! Should be a fun time at bmax, I still want to see that jersey turnpike ;)
I don't think you have it in u
This eliminated any chance that you will be seeing me on Saturday. Do guys have this weird 6th sense about a girl being newly single? People say that a distraction helps through a breakup, but it just makes me miss my ex more. Brad Pitt (ten years ago...that version) could walk up to me, and I would find easily ten reasons why he makes me sick. How can I be expected to move on when I wake up every morning missing the same person? Is this love, or am I just going crazy?
This week, I will limit myself to 3 bar nights. Two down, and it's Tuesday.
T
Monday, January 9, 2012
A relationship does not require a search warrant
An interesting topic came about today.
My one roommate, J, is going through a break up. In result of her unfortunate situation, a lot of new realizations about men have come about.
Let me set up the scene for you. While J was home for break she obviously visited her boyfriend frequently. During this visit, something just felt "off." He was acting shady and as soon as they would have a good night together, the next day he would pull away. There is definitely something wrong when you sense that your guy feels guilty for having a good time with you.
So while J and her ex were hanging out she asked if she could check her email on his computer. When she was done doing that, she went to Facebook. Guys are stupid so naturally he was still logged in. With her ex sitting beside her, she looked at the new message that was popping up in his notifications.
Turns out, the douche bag was basically sexting a couple girls over Facebook. There were vulgar messages and references to him being a "single guy."
J has a lot more willpower than me. She told him her stomach hurt and left shortly after.
In that situation, I probably would have threw his computer at him, cut off his balls, and fire bombed his house.
Disgusted with his behavior, J stopped answering his phone calls and blatantly ignored him for the next few days. When he started asking questions, she finally admitted what she saw on his facebook.
The BEST part about this whole thing is that his defense is that J went through his facebook so that NEGATES the fact that he was SEXTING other girls.
No. No. No. No.
This is not Law and Order people. Just because you don't have a search warrant, doesn't mean the evidence cannot be held against you!!!!!
I'm not saying that in every relationship you should have the right to go through someone's shit all the time. BUT sometimes the temptation is there. Girls have pretty good intuition and the reason that J went through it is because she was having a weird feeling about the way her ex was acting. Not saying it's right. BUT when you find something in order to prove you right about the weird feeling, there is no turning back.
Trusting someone is a scary thing. In a relationship, you should trust them enough that you don't feel obligated to check his texts or facebook messages. When that doubt creeps up though, it's pretty damn tempting. If you are having that doubt, try talking to your guy first. If he tries to bullshit you, do what you have to do to find out what's going on. Woman intuition is usually right.
So guys, get a new defense.
The conversation shouldn't go like this:
Crazy girl: OMG I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD SEND HER A PIC OF YOUR PENIS VIA FACEBOOK?
Douche bag guy: WTF...you were on my FACEBOOOK:???? I can't believe it! I THOUGHT YOU TRUSTED ME. YOU ARE THE BAD GUY.
Ladies, don't let the men pull this one on you. Apologize for invading his privacy, but don't feel guilty for finding out he was being unfaithful or lying to you. Some men will try to manipulate you and always turn the blame on you. DON'T LET THEM DO THAT.
Happy Facebook stalking and privacy invading! :)
C
My one roommate, J, is going through a break up. In result of her unfortunate situation, a lot of new realizations about men have come about.
Let me set up the scene for you. While J was home for break she obviously visited her boyfriend frequently. During this visit, something just felt "off." He was acting shady and as soon as they would have a good night together, the next day he would pull away. There is definitely something wrong when you sense that your guy feels guilty for having a good time with you.
So while J and her ex were hanging out she asked if she could check her email on his computer. When she was done doing that, she went to Facebook. Guys are stupid so naturally he was still logged in. With her ex sitting beside her, she looked at the new message that was popping up in his notifications.
Turns out, the douche bag was basically sexting a couple girls over Facebook. There were vulgar messages and references to him being a "single guy."
J has a lot more willpower than me. She told him her stomach hurt and left shortly after.
In that situation, I probably would have threw his computer at him, cut off his balls, and fire bombed his house.
Disgusted with his behavior, J stopped answering his phone calls and blatantly ignored him for the next few days. When he started asking questions, she finally admitted what she saw on his facebook.
The BEST part about this whole thing is that his defense is that J went through his facebook so that NEGATES the fact that he was SEXTING other girls.
No. No. No. No.
This is not Law and Order people. Just because you don't have a search warrant, doesn't mean the evidence cannot be held against you!!!!!
I'm not saying that in every relationship you should have the right to go through someone's shit all the time. BUT sometimes the temptation is there. Girls have pretty good intuition and the reason that J went through it is because she was having a weird feeling about the way her ex was acting. Not saying it's right. BUT when you find something in order to prove you right about the weird feeling, there is no turning back.
Trusting someone is a scary thing. In a relationship, you should trust them enough that you don't feel obligated to check his texts or facebook messages. When that doubt creeps up though, it's pretty damn tempting. If you are having that doubt, try talking to your guy first. If he tries to bullshit you, do what you have to do to find out what's going on. Woman intuition is usually right.
So guys, get a new defense.
The conversation shouldn't go like this:
Crazy girl: OMG I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD SEND HER A PIC OF YOUR PENIS VIA FACEBOOK?
Douche bag guy: WTF...you were on my FACEBOOOK:???? I can't believe it! I THOUGHT YOU TRUSTED ME. YOU ARE THE BAD GUY.
Ladies, don't let the men pull this one on you. Apologize for invading his privacy, but don't feel guilty for finding out he was being unfaithful or lying to you. Some men will try to manipulate you and always turn the blame on you. DON'T LET THEM DO THAT.
Happy Facebook stalking and privacy invading! :)
C
Sunday, January 8, 2012
"Focus on what you can control"
I spent that last two days in St. Louis for a conference for work, and one of the key note speakers said something that has been on my mind ever since.
"Focus on what you can control"
Although this conference was totally unrelated to dating and relationships, it applies all the same.
In relationships, we tend to worry about all the things we have absolutely no control over. In all reality, there isn't much you CAN control in a relationship.
A relationship is between two people. You are embarking on a partnership with that other person and relying on them to do things that will make you happy. The cold hard truth is that you can't control other people. There is compromise and the beauty of working together to make it work. However, the only person you truly have control over is yourself.
That's why I am trying not to stress over my current N situation. I know, I know after the airport incident I was supposed to be done with him. He made an effort to see me on Thursday before I left for the conference. He took me to dinner and we made out in the parking lot. It was a beautiful night. During this night, I tried to persuade him to spend the night. Being a responsible person, which I respect, he said no but promised to stay with me on Sunday night when I got back. He even kept in touch throughout the whole weekend, trying to give me professional advice and be supportive about a job that he really doesn't understand.
These were all steps in the right direction.
I got back into town today. Did I hear from him? Nope.
I called him when I got home because that's the standard thing to do. No answer. I texted him because I flew through a different time zone today and I'm tired. Needed to know plans. No answer.
Focus on what you can control.
I can't control that he didn't call me. I can't control that he didn't answer. I can't control what he is doing right now and the way he is acting.
What I can control is how I respond to the situation. I am going to be the bigger person. I will not flip out on N, which I think I could rightfully do. I will not call him again tonight. I probably am not going to answer tomorrow (if he calls). I can't control the fact that he didn't follow through and that it pretty much sucks.
I CAN control my attitude. I'm being positive. I am still the same person I was Thursday when he planned to see me and kissed me in the parking lot. I am confident and awesome. Any guy would be lucky to spend this beautiful Sunday night with me, and I can control the way I perceive myself.
So, no matter how much you like a guy and no matter how much the rude things they do drive you crazy, focus on what you can control. If I do speak to N in the near future, I will confront him about the situation and straight up ask him some questions. Standing up for yourself and getting answers is something you CAN control.
I can control not being a doormat and having confidence in myself.
You missed out!
Focused,
C
"Focus on what you can control"
Although this conference was totally unrelated to dating and relationships, it applies all the same.
In relationships, we tend to worry about all the things we have absolutely no control over. In all reality, there isn't much you CAN control in a relationship.
A relationship is between two people. You are embarking on a partnership with that other person and relying on them to do things that will make you happy. The cold hard truth is that you can't control other people. There is compromise and the beauty of working together to make it work. However, the only person you truly have control over is yourself.
That's why I am trying not to stress over my current N situation. I know, I know after the airport incident I was supposed to be done with him. He made an effort to see me on Thursday before I left for the conference. He took me to dinner and we made out in the parking lot. It was a beautiful night. During this night, I tried to persuade him to spend the night. Being a responsible person, which I respect, he said no but promised to stay with me on Sunday night when I got back. He even kept in touch throughout the whole weekend, trying to give me professional advice and be supportive about a job that he really doesn't understand.
These were all steps in the right direction.
I got back into town today. Did I hear from him? Nope.
I called him when I got home because that's the standard thing to do. No answer. I texted him because I flew through a different time zone today and I'm tired. Needed to know plans. No answer.
Focus on what you can control.
I can't control that he didn't call me. I can't control that he didn't answer. I can't control what he is doing right now and the way he is acting.
What I can control is how I respond to the situation. I am going to be the bigger person. I will not flip out on N, which I think I could rightfully do. I will not call him again tonight. I probably am not going to answer tomorrow (if he calls). I can't control the fact that he didn't follow through and that it pretty much sucks.
I CAN control my attitude. I'm being positive. I am still the same person I was Thursday when he planned to see me and kissed me in the parking lot. I am confident and awesome. Any guy would be lucky to spend this beautiful Sunday night with me, and I can control the way I perceive myself.
So, no matter how much you like a guy and no matter how much the rude things they do drive you crazy, focus on what you can control. If I do speak to N in the near future, I will confront him about the situation and straight up ask him some questions. Standing up for yourself and getting answers is something you CAN control.
I can control not being a doormat and having confidence in myself.
You missed out!
Focused,
C
Thursday, January 5, 2012
FAIL
I wish I could say that I didn't blog last night because me and N were riding off into the sunset, eating mexican food in his pick up truck.
BUT
He backed out and didn't end up picking me up at the airport.
Here is how it went down:
I called him when I was connecting at Charlotte and told him that if he wasn't sure he was going to make it, I could call my roommate because she was definitely available. He insisted I waited until I arrived at my final destination to call her because he was trying as hard as he could and really wanted to pick me up.
I GAVE HIM A WAY OUT!!!!! BUT DID HE TAKE IT??? NO!
So, I called him when I landed in SC, and he was on the other side of town. Didn't want to make me wait and told me to call my roommate. He apologized a million times and asked me what I was doing later that night.
Long story short, he called me like 4 times throughout the night (he obviously felt guilty). It ended up not working out and I didn't see him last night. His work is 2 mins from my house and he still managed to not stop by.....
I have to be done. The last text he sent last night said. "I will see you tomorrow no matter what." I can't deal with his unreliable personality. He is a flake.
Will he ever stop being flakey?? I'm not sure. He is 28, and after some extensive stalking and research of his Facebook page, I saw some comments from his friends saying how unreliable he is. His sister even commented and said "haha yeah he was late to my wedding rehearsal. " Awesome.
People don't change. This is where most people make the mistake of starting a relationship with someone they already aren't happy with and then a year later wonder why they still aren't happy. Ohhhh it's just the beginning...things will get better.
No.
The beginning is supposed to be the best and easiest part. If it starts on the rocks, how can we ever believe that it is going to get better? It makes absolutely no sense for me to keep talking to him.
I know what I have to do.
Updates to come.
In honor of N, the Flake
No one, no not no one likes to be let down,
C
BUT
He backed out and didn't end up picking me up at the airport.
Here is how it went down:
I called him when I was connecting at Charlotte and told him that if he wasn't sure he was going to make it, I could call my roommate because she was definitely available. He insisted I waited until I arrived at my final destination to call her because he was trying as hard as he could and really wanted to pick me up.
I GAVE HIM A WAY OUT!!!!! BUT DID HE TAKE IT??? NO!
So, I called him when I landed in SC, and he was on the other side of town. Didn't want to make me wait and told me to call my roommate. He apologized a million times and asked me what I was doing later that night.
Long story short, he called me like 4 times throughout the night (he obviously felt guilty). It ended up not working out and I didn't see him last night. His work is 2 mins from my house and he still managed to not stop by.....
I have to be done. The last text he sent last night said. "I will see you tomorrow no matter what." I can't deal with his unreliable personality. He is a flake.
Will he ever stop being flakey?? I'm not sure. He is 28, and after some extensive stalking and research of his Facebook page, I saw some comments from his friends saying how unreliable he is. His sister even commented and said "haha yeah he was late to my wedding rehearsal. " Awesome.
People don't change. This is where most people make the mistake of starting a relationship with someone they already aren't happy with and then a year later wonder why they still aren't happy. Ohhhh it's just the beginning...things will get better.
No.
The beginning is supposed to be the best and easiest part. If it starts on the rocks, how can we ever believe that it is going to get better? It makes absolutely no sense for me to keep talking to him.
I know what I have to do.
Updates to come.
In honor of N, the Flake
No one, no not no one likes to be let down,
C
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Testing....set up to failure?
Tomorrow I am doing something I may end up regretting.
I am purposely testing N.
I get back to South Carolina tomorrow and will arrive at the airport at 5. The airport is only 15 minutes away from where N and I live, so I took a leap of faith and asked him to pick me up. With his crazy work schedule, I figured it was a long shot, but he agreed. He prefaced with, "I might be late but I'll be there." I jokingly said back..."should I find someone more reliable to come pick me up?" He insisted no and that he will be there.
I have a horrible feeling about this.
That horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach should be a HUGE red flag. I called my roommate to be on "stand by" incase he doesn't show up. The fact that I need to have a back up ride because he is so unreliable is another ginormous red flag.
However, I am being dumbgirl2012 and ignoring that red flag. I really really want to see him tomorrow so that's why I asked him to pick me up. BUT that pyscho voice inside my head is telling myself this is a test. If he doesn't show up, I need to be done. This is a deal breaker for me. I don't like when people commit to things and don't follow through. Honestly, who does like that???? So, if my roomie has to be knight and shining armor tomorrow rescuing me from this failed start of a "relationship," I need to have some self respect and stand up for myself.
Am I testing him in order to set him up for failure?? Am I hoping he disappoints me so I can get out of this before I get in so deep? Why as girls do we play reverse psychology withourselves??
In a perfect world, I wouldn't need to test him. There would be no doubt in my mind he was going to show up tomorrow. He would even show up with flowers in that dream world of mine.
So the question I need to ask myself, am I settling for less than I deserve??? Tomorrow I will know and if that answer is yes, I will walk away.
2012 words to live by
: DON'T SETTLE! And don't lower your standards for someone who won't raise theirs.
Holding my breath,
C
I am purposely testing N.
I get back to South Carolina tomorrow and will arrive at the airport at 5. The airport is only 15 minutes away from where N and I live, so I took a leap of faith and asked him to pick me up. With his crazy work schedule, I figured it was a long shot, but he agreed. He prefaced with, "I might be late but I'll be there." I jokingly said back..."should I find someone more reliable to come pick me up?" He insisted no and that he will be there.
I have a horrible feeling about this.
That horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach should be a HUGE red flag. I called my roommate to be on "stand by" incase he doesn't show up. The fact that I need to have a back up ride because he is so unreliable is another ginormous red flag.
However, I am being dumbgirl2012 and ignoring that red flag. I really really want to see him tomorrow so that's why I asked him to pick me up. BUT that pyscho voice inside my head is telling myself this is a test. If he doesn't show up, I need to be done. This is a deal breaker for me. I don't like when people commit to things and don't follow through. Honestly, who does like that???? So, if my roomie has to be knight and shining armor tomorrow rescuing me from this failed start of a "relationship," I need to have some self respect and stand up for myself.
Am I testing him in order to set him up for failure?? Am I hoping he disappoints me so I can get out of this before I get in so deep? Why as girls do we play reverse psychology withourselves??
In a perfect world, I wouldn't need to test him. There would be no doubt in my mind he was going to show up tomorrow. He would even show up with flowers in that dream world of mine.
So the question I need to ask myself, am I settling for less than I deserve??? Tomorrow I will know and if that answer is yes, I will walk away.
2012 words to live by
: DON'T SETTLE! And don't lower your standards for someone who won't raise theirs.
Holding my breath,
C
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012 here we go!
Realizations so far during 2012:
1. Red Bull and Vodkas are liquid disasters waiting to happen. Don't drink them.
2. Guys do think with their penises sometimes. (most of the time)
3. Two wrongs don't make it right. I need to stop being spiteful (resolution)?
4. There are good guys in the world who want to settle down and have a committed relationship.
5. People can grow up, but they have to do it on their own.
6. Years pass and it feels like everything is so different and so much more advanced, but somehow everything stays the same.
7. Red lipstick doesn't look cute on me.
8. Having a make out contest on NYE can lead to some pretty intense situations...
9. I am not meant to wear heels.....ever.
10. You can't change the past. Let it go.
New year: new lessons learned,
C
1. Red Bull and Vodkas are liquid disasters waiting to happen. Don't drink them.
2. Guys do think with their penises sometimes. (most of the time)
3. Two wrongs don't make it right. I need to stop being spiteful (resolution)?
4. There are good guys in the world who want to settle down and have a committed relationship.
5. People can grow up, but they have to do it on their own.
6. Years pass and it feels like everything is so different and so much more advanced, but somehow everything stays the same.
7. Red lipstick doesn't look cute on me.
8. Having a make out contest on NYE can lead to some pretty intense situations...
9. I am not meant to wear heels.....ever.
10. You can't change the past. Let it go.
New year: new lessons learned,
C
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