When I saw the quote that I used for the title of this blog, "love when you are ready, not when you're lonely," a light bulb went off in my head. I was scrolling through pinterest (solid Saturday night of a single girl) & the quote just hit me like a ton of bricks. The two phrases separately could have had enough of an impact, but together. Whoa.
Let's start with the second part of this quote....."not when you're lonely." I realized that a lot of people, me included, jump into relationships that don't feel right because of loneliness. It's not a hard thing to do. Being in a relationship provides security; it's a comforting feeling to have someone to share your life with: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
However, being lonely is not the right reason to jump into something. We are all in love with being in love. I can fully admit to that. I want it SO BAD--so bad that sometimes I end up forcing myself to make a relationship work with someone who is not right for me at all. When I say sometimes, I am referring to this one time......aka my most recent ex boyfriend. The last post that I wrote was about him, and I swore that I was done. That was in June. It's now September 3, and we just cut things off completely a week ago.
I realized why I kept going back to him....comfort & loneliness were at the top of the list.
...............BUT it turns out, I was more lonely when we were communicating than I was when I was by myself. Deep down, I knew it wasn't going to work, so I felt even more empty trying to force something instead of just being happy with my life minus a significant other.
This really ties into my favorite part of the quote "love when you're ready...."
My friend "E" and I had a heart to heart today while taking a walk about how our 20s are a time of transition. We have friends settling down, getting married, moving to different cities, and our friendships and things we have become comfortable with our entire lives have shifted. Yes, relationships are a very important part of life, but the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. I can look at facebook all day long and get depressed about high school aquaintances that are getting engaged (the new "look who just got engaged side bar doesn't help that.....cool Mark Zuckenberg) BUT in the end I need to be happy with my life, myself, and the choices that I have made and continue to make in order for me to be happy.
At the end of the day, that's how you know you are ready for love. .....when you are okay, actually more than okay being by yourself. When you are happy with your choices, your friendships, your education, your career, when you can look in the mirror, and be confident about who you are as a human being, when you are confident that you want to share your life with someone--someone you genuinely want there because they make you a better person, not because they make it easier to sleep at night, that's when you know you are ready for love.....
Working on being ready,
C
Monday, September 3, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Selfish Guys Finish Last
Unfortunately over the past few months, I have been communicating with my ex.
If you need a refresher about our F-ed up relationship, read this previous blog: Click Here
I know it's a horrible idea to talk to him, yet I continue to do it anyway. I don't know if it's boredom or if I'm still holding out that I can be the one to "change" him. That after all we've been through he will wake up one day and become a different person, the person I need him to be in order to be happy.
Well, that's not going to happen. I know this deep down in my heart, but I just havene't been strong enough to cut off ties. Every time I do, a few months after the fact he reaches out and professes his love and I am sucked back in.
He also lives in the mid west, about 23 hours away from me. I have not seen him in a year, so it's not like I can get sex out of this relationship. It honestly has no benefits.
Besides all of the horrific things he has done to me in the past, today I realized the ultimate reason that we will never work out I drove past his old house today and got sentimental thinking about the summer we had together 3 years ago and how amazing it was. I texted him how I felt in a very sweet way and told him that I hope we can spend a summer together again somehow. (I know, I know. I'm a stupid girl).
His response to this sweet text: "How will that happen?"
Me: I don't know...I just thought that was what you wanted.
Him: Only if you move here.
I didn't respond. Quite honestly, I don't even know how to begin to respond to that. He is the most selfish person I have ever met and there is no way that I will ever come first in his life. There will always be something or someone that he will put before me. If there was a legitimate reason that he needed to stay in the area he is living in now, like a great job for instance, I would consider making the move. He is making 10 dollars an hour doing part time work for his dad's company. I'm sorry, but this does not consitutute as a good enough reason for me to move halfway across the country to a state that does not have that many jobs in my field of interest. I am a year away from getting my masters and getting a good job, but that doesn't matter to him.
At this point, I know that this is my fault because I know how he is and I am still subjecting myself to talking to him. I also know that I need to stop and I feel fully confident that I am going to. There just comes a point where there's only so much you can take. When I think about the way he treats me, I am hurt, but I can't even bring myself to cry about it. That's when you know you have put up with too much.
In the end though, I can honestly say I know what I do need and want out of a relationship. I know the signs of a selfish person and know that I need someone who is wiling to compromise with me.
Honestly, I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Over it,
C
If you need a refresher about our F-ed up relationship, read this previous blog: Click Here
I know it's a horrible idea to talk to him, yet I continue to do it anyway. I don't know if it's boredom or if I'm still holding out that I can be the one to "change" him. That after all we've been through he will wake up one day and become a different person, the person I need him to be in order to be happy.
Well, that's not going to happen. I know this deep down in my heart, but I just havene't been strong enough to cut off ties. Every time I do, a few months after the fact he reaches out and professes his love and I am sucked back in.
He also lives in the mid west, about 23 hours away from me. I have not seen him in a year, so it's not like I can get sex out of this relationship. It honestly has no benefits.
Besides all of the horrific things he has done to me in the past, today I realized the ultimate reason that we will never work out I drove past his old house today and got sentimental thinking about the summer we had together 3 years ago and how amazing it was. I texted him how I felt in a very sweet way and told him that I hope we can spend a summer together again somehow. (I know, I know. I'm a stupid girl).
His response to this sweet text: "How will that happen?"
Me: I don't know...I just thought that was what you wanted.
Him: Only if you move here.
I didn't respond. Quite honestly, I don't even know how to begin to respond to that. He is the most selfish person I have ever met and there is no way that I will ever come first in his life. There will always be something or someone that he will put before me. If there was a legitimate reason that he needed to stay in the area he is living in now, like a great job for instance, I would consider making the move. He is making 10 dollars an hour doing part time work for his dad's company. I'm sorry, but this does not consitutute as a good enough reason for me to move halfway across the country to a state that does not have that many jobs in my field of interest. I am a year away from getting my masters and getting a good job, but that doesn't matter to him.
At this point, I know that this is my fault because I know how he is and I am still subjecting myself to talking to him. I also know that I need to stop and I feel fully confident that I am going to. There just comes a point where there's only so much you can take. When I think about the way he treats me, I am hurt, but I can't even bring myself to cry about it. That's when you know you have put up with too much.
In the end though, I can honestly say I know what I do need and want out of a relationship. I know the signs of a selfish person and know that I need someone who is wiling to compromise with me.
Honestly, I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Over it,
C
Sunday, June 10, 2012
On the Rebound
I met a really hot guy, made out with him at the bar, and he asked me on a date.
Sounds perfect right?
Well I'm leaving some things out.....
I met a really hot guy on OK CUPID, made out with him at the bar where he tried to take me home with him, and then he asked me on a date, ended up cancelling on me and then late night texted me the same night.
Nope, not the ideal situation. We are going to call this man Pierce (yes like Paul Pierce....great rebounder...you get it). We had a great night out. He met me at a bar downtown, we talked for awhile, got on the dance floor, and made out on a bench waiting for a taxi. It was a pretty beautiful night. There was so much chemistry when we made out, he was funny and polite when helping me find my way home in a new city. He came on a little strong by asking me to come home with him but I guess a guy has to try right? I said no and he continued to text me throughout the night, telling me how great it was to meet me and that he hoped to see me again. He then asked me out on a date for the next weekend. I was pretty excited. Someone to frolic around the city with for the summer.
Then we became facebook friends and I got a little cray cray, but like always my stalking turned out to be pretty dead on and gave me some good info. He had JUST gotten out of a relationship two weeks ago. That's pretty fast to be on the online dating scene, but I couldn't judge him for it. I did the same thing when me and bi-polar ex broke up in September. I needed a distraction, some dates, and some people to get my mind off the breakup. However, over the next couple of days, I noticed he became friends with his ex on FB again and she was writing on his wall, liking his pics, the whole nine yards. Are they back together?? Not officially on Facebook but we all know talking to an ex fresh after a breakout is a one way road to being back together or at least hooking up. Needless to say, I was a little skeptical about Pierce. He's definitley on the rebound and even though I am just looking for a summer fling, I don't want to get caught up in someone's relationship drama.
With that being said, he cancelled our date last minute on Saturday and then proceeded to text me later that night asking me if I ended up going out. Can you say booty call? That wasn't happening, so I told him I was in a different part of the city and I wasn't going to beo ut his way. He then told me how great I am and that he wants to see me this week. Did he just text me because things went awry with his ex again? Not sure if I'm jumping to conclusions but this guy seems flaky, back and forth, and just confused about what he wants.
When I was telling my friend about this situation she told me to steer clear because if he just got out of a relationship, it could get messy.
Now, where I'm going with this blog is NOT defending Pierce. He's a douche for a whole bunch of other reasons (the booty call, the date cancellation, trying to get in my pants, being flakey).
BUT this whole situation brought me to thinking about what it means to be "on the rebound."
In a way, are we all on the rebound? Am I hardcore judging this guy just because his breakup is more recent than my most current breakup? We are all getting over someone. Whether it's our last long term relationship or our last hookup. Sometimes I still think about N, and we only "dated" for 3 months. Am I too quick to jump to conclusions and write someone off because of the time proximity of their last relationship?\We are all getting over our last relationship and in my head, I think if I found the right person I wouldn't be "on the rebound" anymore, I'd be over any other relationship I ever had because I actually liked the new guy I was seeing and saw a future with them.
In some way, are we all on the rebound until we find that person we want to settle down with?
C
Sounds perfect right?
Well I'm leaving some things out.....
I met a really hot guy on OK CUPID, made out with him at the bar where he tried to take me home with him, and then he asked me on a date, ended up cancelling on me and then late night texted me the same night.
Nope, not the ideal situation. We are going to call this man Pierce (yes like Paul Pierce....great rebounder...you get it). We had a great night out. He met me at a bar downtown, we talked for awhile, got on the dance floor, and made out on a bench waiting for a taxi. It was a pretty beautiful night. There was so much chemistry when we made out, he was funny and polite when helping me find my way home in a new city. He came on a little strong by asking me to come home with him but I guess a guy has to try right? I said no and he continued to text me throughout the night, telling me how great it was to meet me and that he hoped to see me again. He then asked me out on a date for the next weekend. I was pretty excited. Someone to frolic around the city with for the summer.
Then we became facebook friends and I got a little cray cray, but like always my stalking turned out to be pretty dead on and gave me some good info. He had JUST gotten out of a relationship two weeks ago. That's pretty fast to be on the online dating scene, but I couldn't judge him for it. I did the same thing when me and bi-polar ex broke up in September. I needed a distraction, some dates, and some people to get my mind off the breakup. However, over the next couple of days, I noticed he became friends with his ex on FB again and she was writing on his wall, liking his pics, the whole nine yards. Are they back together?? Not officially on Facebook but we all know talking to an ex fresh after a breakout is a one way road to being back together or at least hooking up. Needless to say, I was a little skeptical about Pierce. He's definitley on the rebound and even though I am just looking for a summer fling, I don't want to get caught up in someone's relationship drama.
With that being said, he cancelled our date last minute on Saturday and then proceeded to text me later that night asking me if I ended up going out. Can you say booty call? That wasn't happening, so I told him I was in a different part of the city and I wasn't going to beo ut his way. He then told me how great I am and that he wants to see me this week. Did he just text me because things went awry with his ex again? Not sure if I'm jumping to conclusions but this guy seems flaky, back and forth, and just confused about what he wants.
When I was telling my friend about this situation she told me to steer clear because if he just got out of a relationship, it could get messy.
Now, where I'm going with this blog is NOT defending Pierce. He's a douche for a whole bunch of other reasons (the booty call, the date cancellation, trying to get in my pants, being flakey).
BUT this whole situation brought me to thinking about what it means to be "on the rebound."
In a way, are we all on the rebound? Am I hardcore judging this guy just because his breakup is more recent than my most current breakup? We are all getting over someone. Whether it's our last long term relationship or our last hookup. Sometimes I still think about N, and we only "dated" for 3 months. Am I too quick to jump to conclusions and write someone off because of the time proximity of their last relationship?\We are all getting over our last relationship and in my head, I think if I found the right person I wouldn't be "on the rebound" anymore, I'd be over any other relationship I ever had because I actually liked the new guy I was seeing and saw a future with them.
In some way, are we all on the rebound until we find that person we want to settle down with?
C
Thursday, May 31, 2012
On The Prowl
I'm guilty of overusing the saying "on the prowl," but to be completely honest I think that it describes my lifestyle right now pretty perfectly. I'm 100% absolutely on the prowl. Everywhere I go....the grocery store, work, the gas station, the beach, a hotel, a tourist site, the gym, you name it...I'm on the prowl. I'm constantly looking around, scoping out the scene and checking out the potential prospects that may be my future husband.
It's getting to the point where I'm slightly out of hand (some people would probably argue the slightly part).
My family and I were at a marathon volunteer event and I had scoped out every runner who was in my age range and stalked them out when they came to register. That's when it hit me. Actually, it really hit me when my uncle said......damn you are really on the prowl aren't you.
All time low.
Why yes, yes I am on the prowl.....and here I am....single as ever with zero prospects besides my flakey ex boyfriend.
Examples of how I am also on the prowl:
1. I constantly do laps at the bar and position myself next to the most attractive men to order a drink hoping they will spark up conversation or offer to buy my drink.
2. Every single guy that I meet at work, I immediately look at his ring finger and try to decide if he's gay or has a girlfiend
3. I've scoped out waiters in restaurants like it's my job and left my numbers on napkins.
There are so many other ways....more than I can count and some that are too embarrassing to have in writing.
Being on the prowl is super fun, exciting, and hilarious to write about but it hasn't gotten me anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I am looking too hard for something that has to find me.
That brings me back to an earlier post about finding love or love finding you. I had an interesting debate about this with a friend of mine and he gave me the usual advice of when you stop looking it will find you. My response was...."do you really think that my dream man zac efron look alike is going to fall out of the sky and knock on my door?" Probably not. But at this point I feel like my on the prowl has slightly turned into desperation. I want to find that special person so bad, and I probably am looking in all the wrong places.
A happy medium seems to always be the answer. I don't want to just sit on my ass and be completely oblivious about who's out there, but I also don't want to come across as looking too hard.
I want love to find me, and even though I'm on the prowl, I want to be pursued. It's hard to find that balance.
WHERE IS HE,
C
It's getting to the point where I'm slightly out of hand (some people would probably argue the slightly part).
My family and I were at a marathon volunteer event and I had scoped out every runner who was in my age range and stalked them out when they came to register. That's when it hit me. Actually, it really hit me when my uncle said......damn you are really on the prowl aren't you.
All time low.
Why yes, yes I am on the prowl.....and here I am....single as ever with zero prospects besides my flakey ex boyfriend.
Examples of how I am also on the prowl:
1. I constantly do laps at the bar and position myself next to the most attractive men to order a drink hoping they will spark up conversation or offer to buy my drink.
2. Every single guy that I meet at work, I immediately look at his ring finger and try to decide if he's gay or has a girlfiend
3. I've scoped out waiters in restaurants like it's my job and left my numbers on napkins.
There are so many other ways....more than I can count and some that are too embarrassing to have in writing.
Being on the prowl is super fun, exciting, and hilarious to write about but it hasn't gotten me anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I am looking too hard for something that has to find me.
That brings me back to an earlier post about finding love or love finding you. I had an interesting debate about this with a friend of mine and he gave me the usual advice of when you stop looking it will find you. My response was...."do you really think that my dream man zac efron look alike is going to fall out of the sky and knock on my door?" Probably not. But at this point I feel like my on the prowl has slightly turned into desperation. I want to find that special person so bad, and I probably am looking in all the wrong places.
A happy medium seems to always be the answer. I don't want to just sit on my ass and be completely oblivious about who's out there, but I also don't want to come across as looking too hard.
I want love to find me, and even though I'm on the prowl, I want to be pursued. It's hard to find that balance.
WHERE IS HE,
C
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Hummus does not equal romance
This weekend when I was visiting my friends, we were sitting on the porch talking when I spotted the newest addition of Cosmo. Of course I grabbed and started reading some of the corny articles out loud, especially about sex positions and "how to get your guy HOT." So freaking corny.
I came to an interesting segment listing dates to go on with your guy. I was reading them out loud to everyone and we were cracking up. I decided to post these unrealistic dates to twitter and I got some awesome responses. We were all in consensus.....no dude would ever go on half of these dates.
To give you some insight, a two of the suggestions were "find a bar with board games and play whatever looks fun" (What bar even has board games?!?), "search for the best hummus in town (WHAT GUY LIKES HUMMUS LET ALONE WANTS TO SEARCH FOR IT???).
Apparently dudes actually submitted these to a dating site where you post date ideas. My question is, how many dudes submitted the one about hummus? 2? 3? out of 37529837502957320 men in the world.
I'm not saying that all of the suggestions sucked. One was "go to karaoke bar." I love that suggestion. I've had some of the best nights with a group of friends at a karaoke bar.
I really just don't think it's possible to give everyone a list of dates to spice things up with their significant other. Every relationship is different ad every couple has their own thing.
I DO, however, think that there could be some suggestions for "get to know you" dates. Those first few dates with someone tend to be really awkward because you don't really know what they're into yet, so you have to play it safe.
Here are some of my "get to know you" date ideas that have worked out for so far:
1. Happy hour
There is nothing better than a casual 5 or 6pm cocktail/beer with someone you are just getting to know. It's not too formal, you don't have to worry about eating in front of the dude, and if you decide your not into them, you don't have to drag it out forever. Two drinks and you can peace. Another bonus of this is that you can come straight from work which means you are probably dressed to kill ;)
2. Go on a walk somewhere
Disclosure: do not go into the secluded woods with some dude you do not know. Some cities/towns have really cool parks/places to walk. For example, where I currently live has a really nice, open riverwalk that is always crowded with people. It's great to go on a casual stroll and walk and talk. If you live near a beach or another cool trail this is a good way to go. But seriously, make sure it's during the day and that a lot of people are around.
3. A fun event
This is a little broad I know, but it really does depend on your interest. In cities there are always festivals going on.....maybe it's a restaurant festival, a music festival, an outdoor concert, wine tasting, beer festival.
Whatever it is, it's good to see how the guy reacts in social situations and if he's actually a fun time or not.
No offense Cosmo, but I don't really think that hummus or board games is the way to a dude's heart.....
C
I came to an interesting segment listing dates to go on with your guy. I was reading them out loud to everyone and we were cracking up. I decided to post these unrealistic dates to twitter and I got some awesome responses. We were all in consensus.....no dude would ever go on half of these dates.
To give you some insight, a two of the suggestions were "find a bar with board games and play whatever looks fun" (What bar even has board games?!?), "search for the best hummus in town (WHAT GUY LIKES HUMMUS LET ALONE WANTS TO SEARCH FOR IT???).
Apparently dudes actually submitted these to a dating site where you post date ideas. My question is, how many dudes submitted the one about hummus? 2? 3? out of 37529837502957320 men in the world.
I'm not saying that all of the suggestions sucked. One was "go to karaoke bar." I love that suggestion. I've had some of the best nights with a group of friends at a karaoke bar.
I really just don't think it's possible to give everyone a list of dates to spice things up with their significant other. Every relationship is different ad every couple has their own thing.
I DO, however, think that there could be some suggestions for "get to know you" dates. Those first few dates with someone tend to be really awkward because you don't really know what they're into yet, so you have to play it safe.
Here are some of my "get to know you" date ideas that have worked out for so far:
1. Happy hour
There is nothing better than a casual 5 or 6pm cocktail/beer with someone you are just getting to know. It's not too formal, you don't have to worry about eating in front of the dude, and if you decide your not into them, you don't have to drag it out forever. Two drinks and you can peace. Another bonus of this is that you can come straight from work which means you are probably dressed to kill ;)
2. Go on a walk somewhere
Disclosure: do not go into the secluded woods with some dude you do not know. Some cities/towns have really cool parks/places to walk. For example, where I currently live has a really nice, open riverwalk that is always crowded with people. It's great to go on a casual stroll and walk and talk. If you live near a beach or another cool trail this is a good way to go. But seriously, make sure it's during the day and that a lot of people are around.
3. A fun event
This is a little broad I know, but it really does depend on your interest. In cities there are always festivals going on.....maybe it's a restaurant festival, a music festival, an outdoor concert, wine tasting, beer festival.
Whatever it is, it's good to see how the guy reacts in social situations and if he's actually a fun time or not.
No offense Cosmo, but I don't really think that hummus or board games is the way to a dude's heart.....
C
Monday, May 14, 2012
I'm not crazy....you're just an asshole
Has an ex boyfriend, hook up, best friend, any guy in general ever called you crazy?
My guess is yes because it is the most OVERUSED and OVERRATED word that guys say on a daily basis.
The first definition that pops up for crazy is the word mad. When I looked up mad at webster.com, this is the definition I've found:
mad (adj.) - arising from, indicative of, or marked by mental disorder
I've done a lot of shit that I probably shouldn't have in my life, but I do NOT have a mental disorder. (some of my ex boyfriends probably beg to differ). I may be sensitive, emotional, care more than I should, but that does not necessarily make me crazy. Having emotions and actually giving a shit about someone is different than just being a crazy bitch.....but guys put those two things in the same category instead of two competely different ones. I've done some crazy shit and people have made me CRAZY mad, but it is just soooo overused and exaggerated by guys that it drives. me. crazy. (ha).
I bring this up because of something that happened to my best friend and old college roommate this weekend. Her pen name is going to be Patron (self explanatory). :)
Patron and this guy (we are going to call him Pacific....inside joke..sorry) had an on and off weird ass love connection for three years in college. First of all, Patron is beautiful, smart, fun as hell, and this guy is not cute, and a pretty huge asshole but he is the life of the party and a fun person to be around so obviously there was an attraction. Pacific and Patron went to numerous sorority functions together, had a few sleep overs, and talked constantly. They were good friends.....but it was more than that and it was obvious to EVERYONE around them.
I've mentioned my college roommates before and I think I've made the point clear that we are a very obnoxious group. We are loud, fun, and wild. Yes, Patron may have been crazy in the party sense when she stood on tables, swung from a lamp, and stole couches off people's porch, but she really wasn't pyscho about Pacific.
I could drag out the entire history of Patron and Pacific to get the whole story in there, but that deserves a whole blog or book dedicated to it, so I figure that small synopsis will do. Long story short, he out of the blue cut off all communication with her all together for no apparent reason. There was no blow out fight, no parting words, just stopped communication. We found out later on that he was back with his ex girlfriend who cheated on him numerous times.....now THAT's crazy.
So anyways, this weekend we all reunited at our college town and were actually hanging out with some of Pacific's friends. One of his friends decided to get WASTED and kissed Patron on the lips out of nowhere at the bar. This was weird because he knows everything that happened with her and his friend, patron and this guy kind of hate each other, and it was out of NOWHERE. After he kissed her, he looked at her said
"Don't read too much into that....I know how you can get."
Naturally, she was pretty pissed. He knows how she can get? That only means one thing....Pacific ran his mouth about how crazy she was.
This wasn't the first time she heard this....she got a lot of shit from all of his friends about her being "crazy."
The only thing that made her crazy was how long she put up with his shit and that she liked him at all. He never took her on a date, brought his ex gf to a function that she was attending, and was so immature. She obviously got upset when he treated her completely different around all of his fraternity brothers than he did when it was just the two of them.
I can relate to this feeling, as I'm sure many of you can. Guys EXAGGERATE EVERYTHING. Have you ever gone out with a guy and asked about his past relationship and they responded with...oh yeah my ex...she was crazy. Really? Why was she crazy? Because she got upset when you blew her off for your friends every night of the week or because you never called when you said you would...or how about the fact that you CHEATED on her. RED FLAG.
She wasn't crazy. You were a freaking scum bag.
Caring does not equal crazy. So no matter how many times your ex calls you crazy, don't use that as an excuse for him treating you like shit. Asking to be treated with respect does not mean you are crazy, it means you have standards and that you deserve better.
Boom.
C
My guess is yes because it is the most OVERUSED and OVERRATED word that guys say on a daily basis.
The first definition that pops up for crazy is the word mad. When I looked up mad at webster.com, this is the definition I've found:
mad (adj.) - arising from, indicative of, or marked by mental disorder
I've done a lot of shit that I probably shouldn't have in my life, but I do NOT have a mental disorder. (some of my ex boyfriends probably beg to differ). I may be sensitive, emotional, care more than I should, but that does not necessarily make me crazy. Having emotions and actually giving a shit about someone is different than just being a crazy bitch.....but guys put those two things in the same category instead of two competely different ones. I've done some crazy shit and people have made me CRAZY mad, but it is just soooo overused and exaggerated by guys that it drives. me. crazy. (ha).
I bring this up because of something that happened to my best friend and old college roommate this weekend. Her pen name is going to be Patron (self explanatory). :)
Patron and this guy (we are going to call him Pacific....inside joke..sorry) had an on and off weird ass love connection for three years in college. First of all, Patron is beautiful, smart, fun as hell, and this guy is not cute, and a pretty huge asshole but he is the life of the party and a fun person to be around so obviously there was an attraction. Pacific and Patron went to numerous sorority functions together, had a few sleep overs, and talked constantly. They were good friends.....but it was more than that and it was obvious to EVERYONE around them.
I've mentioned my college roommates before and I think I've made the point clear that we are a very obnoxious group. We are loud, fun, and wild. Yes, Patron may have been crazy in the party sense when she stood on tables, swung from a lamp, and stole couches off people's porch, but she really wasn't pyscho about Pacific.
I could drag out the entire history of Patron and Pacific to get the whole story in there, but that deserves a whole blog or book dedicated to it, so I figure that small synopsis will do. Long story short, he out of the blue cut off all communication with her all together for no apparent reason. There was no blow out fight, no parting words, just stopped communication. We found out later on that he was back with his ex girlfriend who cheated on him numerous times.....now THAT's crazy.
So anyways, this weekend we all reunited at our college town and were actually hanging out with some of Pacific's friends. One of his friends decided to get WASTED and kissed Patron on the lips out of nowhere at the bar. This was weird because he knows everything that happened with her and his friend, patron and this guy kind of hate each other, and it was out of NOWHERE. After he kissed her, he looked at her said
"Don't read too much into that....I know how you can get."
Naturally, she was pretty pissed. He knows how she can get? That only means one thing....Pacific ran his mouth about how crazy she was.
This wasn't the first time she heard this....she got a lot of shit from all of his friends about her being "crazy."
The only thing that made her crazy was how long she put up with his shit and that she liked him at all. He never took her on a date, brought his ex gf to a function that she was attending, and was so immature. She obviously got upset when he treated her completely different around all of his fraternity brothers than he did when it was just the two of them.
I can relate to this feeling, as I'm sure many of you can. Guys EXAGGERATE EVERYTHING. Have you ever gone out with a guy and asked about his past relationship and they responded with...oh yeah my ex...she was crazy. Really? Why was she crazy? Because she got upset when you blew her off for your friends every night of the week or because you never called when you said you would...or how about the fact that you CHEATED on her. RED FLAG.
She wasn't crazy. You were a freaking scum bag.
Caring does not equal crazy. So no matter how many times your ex calls you crazy, don't use that as an excuse for him treating you like shit. Asking to be treated with respect does not mean you are crazy, it means you have standards and that you deserve better.
Boom.
C
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Goals of Summer
Summer is the season for love, so in honor of May 1st, finals winding down, and the 90 degree weather, I have compiled a goal list for my summer of love:
1. Find a man with a boat
It's summertime, I need to get a tan, and what's hotter than a shirtless man steering a boat?
2. Go on at least 3 first dates
You can't find love if you aren't willing to take a few chances. I want to go on at least 3 first dates to get myself in the habit of putting myself out there and exploring my options.
3. Give people a chance
After these first dates that I go on, I'm not going to write people off for the superficial reasons that I usually do. I'm going to try my hardest to not be sickened by little things.
4. Make out in a bar
Do I even have to explain this one? It's a summer must.
5. Hold out on sex until I'm seriously committed with someone.
I'm sticking to my promise in a previous blog about not hooking up with someone until I'm dating them. This could be hard in the summer because flings are aplenty and guys look SUPER sexy with a tan, but I have to resist!
And in honor of the season....
If I could also find a man that looks like Justin Timberlake, that'd be pretty clutch.
Summertime and the livin' is easy,
C
1. Find a man with a boat
It's summertime, I need to get a tan, and what's hotter than a shirtless man steering a boat?
2. Go on at least 3 first dates
You can't find love if you aren't willing to take a few chances. I want to go on at least 3 first dates to get myself in the habit of putting myself out there and exploring my options.
3. Give people a chance
After these first dates that I go on, I'm not going to write people off for the superficial reasons that I usually do. I'm going to try my hardest to not be sickened by little things.
4. Make out in a bar
Do I even have to explain this one? It's a summer must.
5. Hold out on sex until I'm seriously committed with someone.
I'm sticking to my promise in a previous blog about not hooking up with someone until I'm dating them. This could be hard in the summer because flings are aplenty and guys look SUPER sexy with a tan, but I have to resist!
And in honor of the season....
If I could also find a man that looks like Justin Timberlake, that'd be pretty clutch.
Summertime and the livin' is easy,
C
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)