My Stupid Mouth

Why do I never learn?  I know my family is crazy psycho about the fact that I'm single, but I still torture myself by giving them small details of my love life that they blow way out of proportion.

Let me rewind to this morning.

My day started off pretty normal: breakfast at the local diner, shopping trip with my mom, a facebook message from the guy I met last night.  YES. You heard me right. He facebook messaged me, which really isn't a big deal but when you get this kind of news when you're with your mother and you let it slip it becomes a HUGE deal.  Omg....a facebook message? Wow? What'd he say? He must like you.  Is he cute? Pull up a picture.  I'm not exaggerating.  Sometimes I hate my big, stupid mouth.  I tried to brush off the message while bolting into forever 21 and browsing the leather jackets. " Hey Mom, do you like this one?" while in my head thinking "please let her forget about the stupid thing I just mentioned."

Anyways, she brought it up again and basically harassed me until I showed her his picture.  Then like the mature adult I am, I said "I don't want a relationship anyway.  We'll just be friends no matter if I think he's cute or not."  I channeled me 16 year old self and said the thing that I knew would piss off my mom the most.  She can't understand why I'm not crying myself to sleep every night about the fact that I'm still single.

Sorry mom, I have a life.

The story gets better though. After I made that oh so mature comment, we tuned into some prime time talk shows including Ellen.  Fun fact: I freaking love Ellen.  I think she's perfect in every way and she is honestly my favorite talk show host at the moment (I emphasize at the moment because Katie Couric's new show is pretty amazing).  I was rambling on about Ellen, saying anything to get her mind off the god forsaken facebook messages.  Do you want to know what she does?  Makes a comment about Ellen being a lesbian.  The next words out of her mouth were "I wonder what it would be like to have a lesbian daughter......" and stares directly at me.  I just laughed and said YEP you're right. I'm a lesbian.  NO! Just because I am single, in grad school, pursuing a career, traveling, haven't found the right one, am a bitter bitch about love does NOT mean I like girls.  It means that I am SINGLE for better or for worse, for richer for pooer, for sex & the city and ice cream sundaes and whatever other single vows there are out in the world.

This isn't the first lesbian hint I've gotten from my mom.  Everytime I take a picture with a GIRL friend she raises an eyebrow.  Cool.

  My escape came just in time though; I had plans to meet up with some friends at the bar.  While at the bar the facebook messaging continued and surprisingly, he got my number and asked me out on a date. Just like that! I was pretty excited until I looked down at my phone to see a group message from my mom, sister, and my mimi.  These group texts always piss me off not only because I look down at my phone and have 47 messages in 5 minutes but because it takes anyone 20 minutes to get any sort of point across.  The message was from my sister at first, sending us pictures of my nephews and catching up on the day, which I actually enjoyed reading about.  THEN my mother does the unthinkable (looking back at the progression of the day, I don't know why I'm so surprised).  She announced via the group text that I met a guy and we were facebook messaging....oh and he's really cute yay!

Seriouslyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

I've graduated from high school, college, about to get my masters degree, won various awards, partook in community service, and my mom's proudest moment is when I meet a guy that is cute.

I'm keeping this date under wraps and telling my mom that he moved to Canada.

C