Watch out for the nice ones

I always tend to like the assholes. I don't know what is so attractive about them, but I fall for them every time. Maybe it's the thrill of the chase or the witty banter back and forth. Regardless, I am like a magnet when it comes to a douchey man.

Knowing this about myself should be the first step of recovery. My next step was trying to go for nice guys even though they make me sick.

Here comes the story:

A few months ago my roommates, our fave male guest blogger and I took a road trip to the beach and we ended up staying with a mutual friend who lives down there. We will call the friend "Lost Dog."

Lost Dog seemed nice enough, but he instantly made me sick. It's not like he is completely unattractive or was a complete dickhead. There was just something about him that I wasn't necessarily into. That night, we all got sloppy drunk and he got a little too touchy feely for my taste. That added to the sick feeling in my stomach. BUT we went to a karaoke bar, had a good time, and he was fun to be around. I passed out in a bed with my roommate and needless to say nothing happened.

Flash forward to January and my friend from home made plans to come down and visit. Naturally, I wanted to take her to the beach and texted Lost Dog to see if it was okay if we could come stay at his place. He eagerly agreed and was really sweet about being excited to see me again. This led to some consistent texting and we bonded about the fact that we were both training for a 10k race in the spring. He even made some comments about how cute I was and how he wanted to get to know me better. Blah, Blah, Blah.

So as the weekend got closer, I got a little more nervous. I didn't want to lead him on or give him the wrong impression. And then I got to thinking, why am I writing this guy off already??? He is a really nice, laid back guy who isn't trying to play games and wasn't coming off creepy. I convinced myself to go on this weekend trip with an open mind.

Blind optimism. Gets me every time.


So when we arrived on Friday night, everything was great. The five of us (my friend from home, my roommate, and her bf)went to grab some dinner and drinks at the local bar before going downtown. That part of the night went so well. He wasn't making me sick at all and I was really enjoying talking to him. He also made my friend who was visiting feel welcome and included in the conversation which I appreciated. When me and my friend went to the bathroom, I even mentioned that I should probably stop being such a picky bitch and give this guy a chance and see what happens. Even though I was still slightly sickened, I sucked it up and had an open mind.

We got to the bar downtown and started ordering shots and getting crazy on the dance floor. All of a sudden though, Lost Dog, was missing. Because he lives in that area, he obviously knew a lot of people at the bar and was mingling when we walked in. BUT because we were coming in from out of town you would think he would make an effort to hang out with us and include us in the conversation.......no.

We lost "lost dog."

He disapeared with a bunch of his friends and when 2am rolled around, we decided to get a cab back to his out without him.

Thought about toilet papering his house.....with his own toilet paper. Yes, I am mature and have mature friends. :)

We were all pretty wastey though, so we passed out. Woke up he next morning, kinda pissed that he didn't even make an effort to hang out with me. I was CONVINCING myself to give you a chance and then you ditch me???? WTF.

Here is the best part though.....


We thought we heard muffled voices in his room. Yep, Lost Dog found his way back to the pound and he brought a little lady friend. Not only did he have a sleepover, he then proceeded to SNEAK her out of his house. He didn't invite her to breakfast or introduce her to us. He simply walked by all of us in the living room and said I'll be right back and snuck her out the side door.

EW.


Even nice guys can be dicks. I was willing to give you a shot, and then you bring another girl home??? Yea, not okay. Sometimes we peg these guys as "nice" before really getting to know them.

Point of the story, don't try to be into someone if you just aren't. You can't force it and it may not even be worth the effort.


Lost Dog, you lost out on a good thing.

C

Best Quote Ever

You know, it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments in our lives while they're happening, that we grow complacent with ideas or things or people, and we take them for granted, and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you, that you realize how wrong you've been, that you realize how much you really need it, how much you love it. -One Tree Hill

Too Little Too Late

I can't sleep tonight, but it's not because of being sad anymore.

I was talking to L about how we always tend to put everyone and everything before ourselves and our own needs. I have known recently that I don't deserve what I've been getting from a lot of people in different aspects of my life- I think I've hit my breaking point.

I've realized that I can't feel any worse about myself than I do now, so I'm not scared anymore to make changes.

I've done the best that I could do with many situations, and if it's still not working, then it's out of my hands. If things are meant to happen, they will, but I'm done trying. It's like a weight off of my shoulders.

If someone wants you in your life, you'll be there. End of story.


T

Guest Blogger

Hello everyone! This is L. (C and T's most intelligent friend). This is my first blog so I hope you enjoy it!

I just got done having another crazy conversation with T. Everytime we get off the phone, I always question my life. We were talking about how when men do not answer our phone calls or texts, we automatically think they are doing one of the below:
A) Talking to another girl.
B) Fucking an exgirlfriend.
C) Fucking a random girl.
And the only one to blame for our immediate thought process to play out like that is society/our past. If Facebook had not been invented, I bet 90% of cheating would not occur. (So thanks Mark Zuckerberg for destroying our relationships, and taking stalking to a whole new level). Okay..so it is sort of naive to blame it all on him.. however he is a man, and therefore I do not trust him.

Which brings me to my next point. Our past. How ridiculous is it that one bad relationship shapes every future relationship after that? Being a woman who has been cheated on several times, I can tell you that my past has completely changed me as a person. I view the world in a completely different light. If a man asks for my number, I think it disgusting because I automatically assume he has a wife, a girlfriend, or at least someone he has been leading on. When a man looks me up and down, I want to punch him in the face. It took me years to get over hating every one who had testicles, and it took my present boyfriend a whole hell of a lot to even give him a chance.

So to all of those cheaters out there.. even though I have a severe hate for you.. take a moment and think about yourself, your morals, and what you want in life. If it is not with your present significant other, do us all a favor and end it before we find out. I am thinking of presenting a bill to Congress that any man who cheats should be castrated. I mean its only fair. If you abuse your license, you lose your right to drive. It's only fair that if a man abuses his penis, he should lose his right to use it. Take that Rush Limbaugh.. how's that for birth control.

So ladies, to wrap this up. Society and our past is what drives us to insanity. It's what drives T to her breaking point, and it's what drives men crazy. All men need to realize that they have literally altered our brain functions, so they should really be more understanding when we flip out over simple things such as answering a damn phone.

L

Torn

Guys, I'm really sorry about these past few posts. Real life I have to pretend to be okay, but this is the only place I can vent.

I literally feel these lyrics:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV1XWJN3nJo&ob=av3n

Natalie Imbruglia- Torn

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm - he came around like
He was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know - don't seem to care
What your heart is for
No I don't know him anymore

There's nothin' where we used to lie
Conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine

I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am chained
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm cold and I am shamed and bound
And broken on the floor
And I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care
I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch

There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's what is goin' on
Nothin's right

I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

I hate myself for putting allowing this to happen to me over and over again. No one deserves to feel the way I do. I just need to feel it to get over it. Love isn't something that just comes and goes. Putting someone through something to hurt them on purpose is not love, it is spite.

I don't even know what love is anymore. I hate this society for what it does to love. I hate people for how they act, and I hate myself for making mistakes that led me to this position. Hurt is unavoidable, but I can't help but think it should't happen this often.

I'll get through it, it will just be a rough week. Again.

T

No Part Time Lovers Please

Just spent an hour depressing myself on pinterest. And then I cried. Because I suck. These are some things I found to remind me how much in love I wish I was/wish someone was with me. All the time, not this fake part-time shit. I don't need a part time lover, I need my second half. Be prepared for ultimate cute disgusting love:

This was inspired after seeing my 16 year old cousin so in love for the first time. Her and her boyfriend have the type of relationship that I haven't had in a while. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO WANT THAT WITH ME...who doesn't make me sick... (of course there's always the one person you picture who never wants it- but, I give up).

A 16 year old has a better love life than me. I hate 20s dating drama.


T

Red Flag Prevention Theory

I want to write a book about red flags when it comes to dating. I've seen so many of them....and IGNORED them...that I could probably write 15 books.

Here are some examples...Ahem:


1. Emotionally cheating on his girlfriend with me.

My first love was a sweet talker. He knew all the right things to say and I was young & stupid so I naturally fell for it. He sent me cute texts, wrote me sweet notes, told me how much he liked me. Here's the kicker: he had a girlfriend of 2 and a half years. Oh, and he had a square shaped head but that's irrelevant.

Okay, I get that things happen, feeling change, and sometimes you just can't help falling in love with someone else. However, he handled it horribly. He didn't break up with her right away. In fact, I got a text message while they were still dating saying "have a good day. I love you." That text message was not meant for me. It was meant for her.

Red. flag.

Yet, I ignored it. Did he eventually break up with her? Yes. Did we date for awhile and fall madly hopelessly in love? Yes. Did he end up cheating on me 2 years in our relationship? Yes.

I ignored the red flag and the same thing happened to me. Guess you have to learn the hard way sometimes.

2. Big Fat Liars

My most recent ex was a huge liar. I previously wrote about him on here, but incase you missed it...he lied to me about being in school, having a job, smoking weed, doing other drugs, texting girls.

He lied about everything. The first time he lied, it was about something small. Aka. texting his one "girl friend." So naturally, I forgave him. People make mistakes right?

Wrong. The lies kept happening. All huge red flags. Looking back on the 2 and half years we dated, I honestly have no idea what was a lie and what was the truth anymore.

We all tell white lies, but when it's happening more often than not, that's a red flag. You need to run. Right away. Not after 2 and a half years. As fast as you can. Across the country.

3. "I'm not really looking for a serious relationship"

This translates into: I'm looking for a hook up buddy. Maybe you will win him over with your great personality and he will end up putting in a ring on it before you know it. When a guy says those words though, he usually means it. The last guy who said this to me ending up sending me a dick pic after a week of talking to me. He really didn't want to try to get to know me to even have a not serious relationship. If you are going to bitch about no commitment a few weeks in, take what he said seriously. He doesn't want a relationship. Run.

4. When his friends don't even back him up. When I was dating N, I met a lot of his friends. All of his guy friends said...."N is a really great guy.....but" There was always a but. Half the time they were kidding...but now I'm not so sure. The biggest red flag of all was when his friends girlfriend pulled me aside and told me to "be careful" I should have listened. I wasn't careful and ended up getting hurt. When his friends/people around him can't even vouch for him, that's a huge ass red flag.

Those are just a few of the BIG red flags I've experienced. There are other little signs that I ignored throughout the way that all lead up to a big, fat, red flag.

I'd like to think that when I see a red flag now, I will acknowledge it and stop talking the guy. But we all know love is a crazy thing and sometimes you need to learn the hard way.

It would be a hell of a lot easier though if we took these things to heart and got out of a relationship (or relationshit as I like to call them) before we get hurt.


Will the red flag prevention theory ever work?? I'll keep you posted.

C